Chapter 32 #2
Sweat percolates on my skin, and I reach a shaking hand in the darkness to feel for my cigarettes and Zippo on the nightstand. Fuck opening the window…she’s not here…
She’s…not…here…
The door creeks on its hinges as I light up and take a cautious, shallow drag from the cigarette. I crack open an eye to see who is disrupting my internal meltdown.
“Oh, good, you’re awake,” Axel says, stepping all the way into the room. The now familiar aroma of Vanna’s pastina soup permeates the air from the bowl he’s holding. “I heated some soup up for you. Vanna left it. I’ve got a little more in the mini fridge in my room, so Viking can’t get to it.”
She thought to leave me food… The tightness in my chest eases, but I still don’t feel much like conversing. Axel flicks on the dim lamp and places the bowl and spoon on the night table beside me.
“You might want to give this a minute to cool off,” he rubs his hands on his jeans as he takes a step back. “How are you feeling today?”
I’m mildly surprised by the genuine tone in his words. My eyes are still fairly swollen. If I were to narrow my gaze at him, I might as well close them. I pull another leisurely drag and exhale. At least the young Road Captain is a distraction from my spiraling thoughts.
Axel reaches into the inner pocket of his cut and removes a joint. “I thought maybe you could use some, for the pain, you know,” he says, placing it on the bedside table as well.
“Still alive,” I reply, wondering if the joint is laced with something and young Axel is attempting to pull a Stanley on me. Though it is doubtful. Axel is acutely aware that if I go down, he goes with me.
He takes a seat in the chair against the wall near the foot of the bed, dragging a hand through his hair as he does so. “Yeah, good thing for the both of us,” he scoffs, but it’s without malice. “Would it change anything if I said I was sorry I burned down your old clubhouse?”
“I knew it was a matter of time before something happened to that shithole.” I was banking on it being the Saviors, but any one of the crews we were stringing along could have lost sight of the bigger picture, faux as it had been, along with their already wavering patience.
“There was only one thing I was invested in.”
“Killing Dean.”
“Initially.”
“Do you have any regrets?”
“A few.”
He hesitates for a moment, then asks, “Did your cabin really get blown up?”
I nod.
He tilts his head slightly as he appraises me. “You don’t seem bothered by it.”
“I’m a bit of a minimalist,” I subtly joke, flicking my cigarette in the ashtray on the edge of the night table. “But I do miss the view.”
A sly smirk pulls at the corner of his lips. “The hard copies of the leverage you’re holding over me didn’t happen to go up in flames, too, did it?”
I grin at the way Axel attempts to disguise his hope within the humor of his inquiry. Pulling another leisurely drag, I let him sweat it out before confessing on a cloud of smoke, “You know, for a brief moment that night… you were one of my prime suspects.”
Axel manages to keep the smile stitched on, but his honest eyes betray his worry. I slowly shake my head as his shoulders sag ever so slightly. “It’s nothing personal, kid… It never was with you.”
“Not even when you had that junkie stab me at my first fight?”
“No. Just a means to an end. For whatever it’s worth, what I have on you is just an insurance policy. As soon as I work out a better one, you’ll be off the hook.”
He arches a quizzical brow. “A better one?”
“I can assure you, I’ve been dedicating my full and unwavering attention to the matter.”
He seems to stare more intently at me, his gaze unguarded, and I wonder if his innocence will hinder his ability to grasp my meaning. Keegan, in his paranoia— granted, it is warranted —would have already deciphered my meaning.
At Axel’s age, I was already well on my way to becoming a hardened criminal.
Axel still thinks the world operates on a clear right and wrong basis.
He’s been alive long enough to know better, though.
I fault Keegan and the Saviors for the young man’s naivety, how they’ve managed to safeguard him, keeping him practically unblemished by the wickedness of the world, despite his rough start in life.
“You mean Vanna,” he finally says.
“Perhaps I owe you more credit.”
He tenses, disturbed by the confirmation, I imagine. Despite his unease, he goes on to press, “I’ll take an honest answer in exchange.”
“Well…you did save my life, I suppose …” I reply, willing to entertain his emboldened request out of sheer curiosity. There’s a bit more to the young Road Captain than I originally thought.
He straightens in his seat, squaring his shoulders. “What you said to Cherry… Was any of it true?” His vibrant blue eyes narrow, emphasizing the seriousness of his inquiry. “Did you really not know she was locked down in that basement?”
The cigarette between my fingers warms as I pull another long drag.
The ember glows brighter in the dim light.
The weight of his question renders us both silent enough to hear the crackling of the burning paper.
I exhale the smoke on a sigh as Axel’s unwavering blue stare bores into me with a skepticism I’ve admittedly earned.
It’s akin to the smoke drifting between us, thick and difficult to see through.
I know my words alone may not ever convince him, but perhaps the steady calm behind them might.
“I never knew.”
“But you always seem to know everything.”
“Do I?” I chuckle, pulling one last drag as he slowly nods, studying me. I carefully move to extinguish the cigarette in the ashtray and exhale a smoky sigh. “Blind trust comes cloaked in the illusion of loyalty… A painful lesson I learned the hard way.”