10. August
10
AUGUST
Why did this man have such a gift for asking the hard, pointy questions?
“It only became an option recently, so no, I haven’t mentioned it to her.” That was the truth, as far as it went.
He lowered his head until his chin was under the water. “Is that all it is? An option?”
The question shouldn’t have been difficult to answer.
“It’s a likely one,” I made myself admit, “for too many reasons to count. Take this house, for example.”
Take this house.
“Wait. It just occurred to me that you’re looking for a house and I’m thinking of selling mine. You wouldn’t want to…?”
“Sorry.” He shook his head after less than a moment of thought. “It’s too much space for one man.”
“Exactly!” I emphasized the word with another splash of water, unwilling to analyze why I felt relief at his answer. If he’d said yes, it would have solved all my problems. “It’s too big a house for one person and it needs work. More so after tonight. Not to mention the fact that nothing good has happened since I moved in, so it might be a black pit in disguise. The place where everything I love goes to die.”
Mom. My health. My career. My social life. Merlin soon, if the vet was right.
Such a ray of sunshine. “Sorry, that got really dark, didn’t it?”
“Is it how you honestly feel?”
I shrugged. “Only some days. It isn’t the house’s fault that I’m having issues. It’s not like its sentient.”
He looked intrigued. “That would be cool.”
“No one says cool anymore.”
“I’m old enough to say whatever I want. A sentient house would make a cool story. I’d read it.”
“You can,” I told him with a smirk. “It’s been written about so often it’s practically its own genre now. There’s a husband-and-wife team who’ve perfected it with an Innkeeper series that sets the bar way too high for the rest of us. They have the coolest audiobooks too.”
“I’ll have to look them up. And no one says coolest anymore.”
I grinned as I let the water run through my fingers again. “Anyway, my best friend offered me a place with him in San Diego and it felt nice, you know? To be asked. To be wanted and have choices again.”
“This would be Chick, right?”
I stared at him. “How do you know his name?”
“I told you I read the newsletters.”
He must have. Mom had included several of the house parties he liked to throw in my Adventure Corner . “Yes, um. Chick. He’s got a beach house now with a lot of room. I could stay there until I decided what comes next.”
He was staring at me in silence. I couldn’t read his expression, but something about it tightened my throat. Was he judging me for abandoning the permanence here for temporary somewhere else?
Not that Chick would ever kick me out, but I knew before I said yes to him that it would only be a stopping point. He’d eventually find someone he wanted to share his life with. There was no doubt in my mind. The last thing I wanted to be was someone’s third wheel.
“Your turn again,” I told him, needing to break the tension. “Let’s go back to all the big changes you’re making. Thinking about leaving the team and buying a new house. Why now? And why didn’t you pull the trigger years ago?”
He winced. It was subtle, but I could see it. “I did, back when I was married for nine months. I turned it around and sold it when we separated and they moved away. It was too far from work and my family.”
Oh right. The ex-wife no one ever talked about. I’d fallen into a tub of ice cream for a month when I heard he’d gotten married. I’d also practiced all the fictional hexes I’d created on her. If she currently had facial warts or hemorrhoids? That was probably my doing. “They?”
He slid toward the deeper water, the shadows hiding his face. “She had a kid when we met. Cody. His school was why I bought the house where I did, about an hour from here. He’s a doctor in Arizona now. A good one, from what I hear.”
“You had a stepson?” How was it possible that I didn’t know something like that? Mom would have told me.
Wade looked pained. “He was ten at the time. Crazy smart, but really shy with new people, so she didn’t bring him around much. In the end, it was for the best. No one got too attached.”
Except for Wade.
“I was shocked when I heard about the divorce,” I said carefully. “You were never one for rushing into things. Or giving up on them.”
I’d always wondered what happened.
“If we’re being honest ,” he said after a moment, “I ignored the warning signs. I wanted a family of my own and I thought, here’s this beautiful woman I get along with, with a kid who looks at me like I’m a superhero. It felt easy. Simple. Ready-made. I thought the rest would work itself out with time.”
The rest? Meaning love?
I held my tongue, but he heard me as if I’d spoken out loud. “There’s nothing you could say I haven’t told myself a hundred times. It was a shit reason to get married. It was a disservice to all of us. I suppose that’s why her falling for someone else wasn’t that shocking.”
Been there, done that. “I really hate cheaters.”
“I’m not a fan either, but she didn’t cheat,” he corrected swiftly. “Not physically, anyway. She was upfront about it. He was a friend from work and her feelings were unexpected. I couldn’t be angry when the only thing that bothered me was that she was moving out of state and didn’t want me to stay in contact with Cody. She didn’t want to confuse him, she said. Which was her right as his mother,” he finished quickly, looking down with a fierce scowl.
He hadn’t twisted the story to make himself look like the hero or the victim. He’d promised honesty, and he was giving as good as he got. The sky should be lit up from all the truth bombs exploding around us like fireworks.
How many people did I know over the years who’d gotten married because “it seemed like the thing to do?”
Too many.
It was why I’d stayed in my last relationship long after any hint of a thrill was gone. I’d been a successful woman in my thirties, but there was a voice in the back of my head that thought, I should be married by now . I should have children before it’s too late.
I didn’t think I was parent material because I could barely take care of myself and one moody dog, but I could easily see Wade in the role. He’d make a fantastic father, all gruffly protective and loving. He’d helped raise Phoebe and she adored him.
I could write him as a father. The hardened warrior in my series, the stoic fixer of broken things, who was based on Wade? He would absolutely change his life and burn the world down to protect a child.
Hold the phone.
Jumbled bits of ideas and storylines that had never quite meshed started reorganizing themselves in my head, like a puzzle I was close to solving. Was that the element I’d been missing? The Mandalorian key to my book’s salvation? My fingers started flexing as if they were typing on a keyboard made of water before I stopped myself.
Here he is, baring his soul, finally sharing himself with you after years of pretending you had the plague, and you’re using it as a writing prompt. What is wrong with you?
Wade’s need for comforting words totally eclipsed my muse’s bad timing. “There’s no rule that says you can’t get in touch with him now, is there? It’s been years, and he’s not a kid anymore. A doctor doesn’t need permission from his mother to take a phone call or answer an online message.”
His expression said it hadn’t occurred to him. “You think he’d remember me?”
“You’ll never know unless you take a chance.” I smiled wryly. How many times had the same advice been aimed in my direction? “But you’re not that easy to forget, Wade Hudson.”
I’d never been able to.
He gave me a long look that made my heart beat faster. “I could say the same about you, August Retta.”
“Well, sure.” Huffing and scuffing my toe on the bottom of the pool, I took a step back. “Because I’m such an insightful ray of sunshine. Which is why we’re best friends and we’ve been talking like this for years.”
“You really don’t know why I’ve kept my distance?” He was circling me slowly now. For a big man, he was very graceful in the water.
“Because you didn’t like my brand of soap?” I joked weakly.
“No, because—” Thunder echoed around us and I looked up, frowning at the still-clear sky.
“I think our reprieve is about to end,” I said, thankful for the distraction. I didn’t want to hear why he’d stayed away from me. Not tonight. I already felt too raw and vulnerable after sharing so much with him.
He accepted the subject change easily. “I think you’re right.”
Still studying the stars, I said, “Morgan and Gene are in Athens now.”
I knew the schedule by heart. Lesa. Athens. Mykonos. Malta. Sicily. A whirlwind tour of the Mediterranean.
“I can picture it,” he said, his voice deeper. Closer now. “Gene sticking out in his lime green shirt next to your fashionista sister. They’re taking selfies at the ruins while complaining about the heat.”
A giggle escaped me unexpectedly. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d made that particular noise. “Way to take the romance out of it.”
“Is it a lie?”
It wasn’t, but in a way, we’d been doing the same thing here, hadn’t we? Taking pictures of my “ruined” roof and complaining about the heat. I started to let him in on the joke, but the words died when I opened my eyes and realized our mouths were only a breath apart.
When had that happened?
He was close enough that I could see the crow’s feet around his eyes and the small curved scar on his forehead.
“I bet it’s hotter here,” I said inanely, my voice breathless.
“I think you’re right. A better view too. ”
The intensity of his gaze sent my train of thought careening off track. He might have a polite way of doing chores, opening doors and crawling through attics, but there was something about him that made me think Wade Hudson might be a beast in the bedroom. If I were the tiniest bit more self-confident, I might try to find out for myself.
Excuses, excuses.
His hands closed around my hips and the water swirled around us, pushing our bodies apart and pulling them back together.
You didn’t realize how loud the world was until the power was suddenly gone. When the soft whirring and humming and buzzing of the appliances and creature comforts we barely noticed was yanked away, the quiet left behind could be a shock to the system.
Without light or sound, all I could do was feel the heat coming off of him, piercing the heavy air around us. His chest hair brushed against the skin above my clinging shirt, and I put my hands on his strong, slippery shoulders.
Because in the dark, I could.
The flex of his fingers told me he agreed, but he didn’t pull me closer or lean in to erase what was left of the distance between us.
I let my legs part to slide against his outer thighs. It was a subtle invitation, but enough to make his breath hitch and grow ragged along with mine.
My thighs floated up to graze his hips and I held my breath. It was slow torture, waiting for that moment when the water would finally press us against each other. But neither one of us seemed willing to end the suspense.
I was afraid to break the spell of this seven-minutes-in-heaven seduction. The risky, forbidden nature of it was too alluring. I’d say I felt like a teenager again, but even when I was more hormones than brain cells, I hadn’t needed like this.
He was the first to give in. The proof of his erection nudged me at the same time his fingers slipped under the hem of my shirt and up, his palms feathering over my ribs until he cupped my breast through my sports bra.
I exhaled sharply and he grunted in response, hand tightening to hold me in place while he lightly traced the peak of my hard nipple through the fabric. Too lightly.
My hips bucked restlessly in reaction, silently begging for more pressure. More contact.
“What are we doing?” I whispered, unable to help myself.
“Finally being honest about why I’ve kept my distance,” he rasped, throwing me completely off kilter.
Was he saying what I thought he was?
Our panting breaths mingled and our eyes met, each of us waiting for the other to pull away. To look away. To stop whatever it was that was happening between us, or take that last step and finally give in.
My gaze lowered to his lips and he groaned softly. He was going to kiss me. I wanted him to kiss me. I wanted all of him right now.
As long as we were being honest.
The barking inside the house came on suddenly, pitched high enough to startle us both. Wade dropped his hands and I turned my head in time to see a lantern bobbing through the back gate, followed by a familiar ginger beard. “Howdy, campers.”
“ Lucy ?”
He took in the two of us for a long, speaking moment before glancing over his shoulder at the house. “There’s a tree on your roof, little sister. When I couldn’t get either one of you on the phone, I decided to add you to my rounds. Rick’s on Bernie and Pheebs, by the way.”
Wade, who’d fixed my shirt and put a discreet distance between us faster than my scrambled brain could have, ran a hand through his wet hair, looking relieved. “They’re okay? ”
“Lost power, like everybody else in the neighborhood. But that house generator you decided on is really paying off. Good call.”
“What are you doing here?” I asked, hoping I sounded more pleasantly surprised than sexually frustrated.
Lucy smirked as if he knew exactly what we’d been up to. “Straight to business, I see. Okay then. Ho ho ho, who wants a few cans of gas, a generator and a window unit from Santa?”
I immediately forgave the interruption and raised my hand, because I had priorities and icy-cold air was very near the top. “I do.”
Lucy chuckled and gave us one more interested glance drenched in innuendo, then headed back to what I assumed was his sleigh full of toys.
“He has hurricane rounds?” I asked, slightly mystified.
Wade was half a pool away from me now, avoiding eye contact and looking tense. “What? Uh…yeah. He was part of a city emergency unit when he lived in Louisiana. Now he freelances around his tech support job. His garage is full of radios, batteries and air conditioning units ready to go at a moment’s notice. If someone’s in danger, Rick will usually come along, but other than that, Lucy says he can handle ‘his people’ himself.”
“I guess it’s a good thing you’re staying here then.”
He stopped halfway up the stairs and looked back over his shoulder to stare at me. “He came to check on you , Gus. He would have, whether I was here or not.”
If you say so.
When I stepped out of the pool and he tossed me a towel, his expression was definitely aggravated. There was no time to ask him why because Lucy was striding by again.
“Radioed Rick and gave him the skinny about that fat tree. He’ll be over to see us in the morning.”
To see us ?
I moved to follow up, but Wade stopped me before I took two steps. “We need to talk about that,” he said, tipping his head at the pool.
“Do we though?” I went for sophisticated and casual but my heart was pounding painfully. “I’d rather discuss why Lucy has a sleeping bag over his shoulder, and why he’s taking it and the generator to the apartment instead of my house.”
Wade studied my lips until I licked them nervously. “Our conversation isn’t over.”
I hoped not, but I wasn’t going to hold him to it. He might have implied he’d kept his distance because he wanted me, but in the light of day and outside of the honesty pool, he’d probably remember all the reasons he’d thought it was a good idea in the first place.
And I’d be right back where I started. Wanting someone I couldn’t have.