25. August
25
AUGUST
“Gus?”
“One minute,” I called, my stomach fluttering as I checked my reflection in the bathroom mirror one last time.
My hair was still on point—the curls were maintaining their magically defined and frizz-free bounce and, more importantly, they were soft to the touch. I didn’t mean to obsess about it, but getting my hair in this condition usually required enough gel to give it a decidedly untouchable hard-candy coating.
Tony was my hero.
I ran a hand down my new periwinkle top. Chick and Bernie had made me buy a few new outfits, along with separate tops for everyday wear because “only college students and IT professionals have closets full of T-shirts with nerdy sayings on them.”
While I thought that was a rude bit of stereotyping, I did like my new options. The colorful vee and sweetheart necklines, along with two brand-new bras, hinted at the glory days of cleavages past and brought out what Chick called my peaches-and-cream complexion .
The shirts were feminine and fun, and when I wore them, I felt feminine and fun as well.
Which only affirmed the wisdom those two sages of sex appeal had laid on me: The shopping wasn’t for Wade. It was for me.
“When you look good, you feel good. And why wouldn’t you want to feel good?”
I stepped into my bedroom, barefoot and wearing black yoga pants with my new shirt. Still comfortable. Still me. But there was an extra swing to my hips that only today’s activities could account for.
Lunch and shopping with friends. It was the kind of normal I’d been craving—the kind that left me energized instead of exhausted. I was topped up with romantic advice and gossip and laughter, and it was helping to balance out the ball of nervous panic that kept hopping from my belly to my throat when I thought about what came next.
A small whine had me looking down at my latest guest.
“You don’t need a makeover,” I told her. “You were born gorgeous.”
Wanda wagged her deep-red tail, her cute wrinkly face pressed against the side of the crate as she struggled to get to Merlin, who’d refused to move an inch from her side since I brought her home. She had no idea she was part of my master plan to show Wade I wanted more than just a renter and a bed warmer. She was too busy being adorable.
“I bet that’s what my sister thought when she brought Tilly home,” I said in a gently soothing tone. “‘Oh, what a sweet little ball of fur. I bet she won’t give me any trouble at all, especially if I get her a brother.’”
Merlin gave me a chiding glance before returning his adoring gaze to Wanda. I’d been sure he wouldn’t like her, but this was definitely a case of love at first sight.
Wade is waiting.
My stomach contracted again as the little voice in the back of my head told me Bernie and Chick were wrong, that they’d misread the signals and he wasn’t looking for some kind of commitment from me, but a way out instead.
I shoved that voice into a mental closet and slammed the door, wishing for a key to lock it so I didn’t have to work so hard to hold it shut.
But I was doing this. One way or the other, I’d have my answer tonight.
“Now behave,” I told Wanda, “so I can dazzle your dad before he finds out you’re here.”
She might not understand me yet, but Merlin did. He stuck his nose into the crate and let the puppy dive-bomb it as a distraction.
Wow. “I owe you one, old man.”
When I walked into the living room, I found Wade looking around in confusion at the flickering candles I’d set out in lieu of turning on the overhead lights.
“Did the power go out again?” he wondered out loud.
“I’m glad you could make it.”
He did a half turn, his eyes flaring with interest when he noticed my new shirt.
He’s noticing your cleavage. The bra does great things for your boobs.
That was acceptable. At least he was still looking.
“Your text said you needed my help. Is it the lights?”
I shrugged. “I was in the mood for candles. Call it hurricane nostalgia.”
“Set the stage. He’s been put out at having to share you these last few weeks. Let him know right away something’s changed.”
He sniffed the air tentatively. “Did Chick get dinner? It smells good.”
“Chick had other plans for the evening, but I made chicken korma. I think it’s going to be too much for me to eat alone. ”
“You made chicken korma?”
I smiled wryly. “Don’t sound so surprised.”
Bernie had been shocked when I only ordered one small sample from Wade’s favorite Indian restaurant. I’d wanted to know if the recipe differed too much from mine and, since it didn’t, we stopped at the store so I could get what I needed to fix it myself. According to her, he’d ordered it once a month from the same place, and it was a favorite.
“I felt like celebrating.” I took a breath and let it out slowly, still getting a charge from saying this out loud. “I sent the book to my publisher today.”
In an instant the big man was in front of me, lifting me off my feet and hugging me tightly while I laughed in delight. “August, that’s fantastic news. You’re amazing. I can’t wait to buy it and add it to my collection.”
I burrowed my face into his neck, inhaling the scent of him and soaking in the feel of his strong arms around me. His praise. This was what I’d been looking forward to all day. Sharing my news with him .
He put me down too soon for my liking and took a step back, his smile still in place. “Why would Chick make other plans tonight? You should call Bernie and your sister and join him. Pop open some champagne with your friends and celebrate.”
He didn’t include himself on the guest list. Another clue that something was off.
“We already had lunch,” I told him. “And went shopping, with a detour to a hair salon. It was a whole day.”
“You do look good.” He gave me another shiver-inducing once-over. “Too good to be stuck in the house.”
With me. He hadn’t said it out loud, but I heard it anyway.
“I wanted to have dinner with you, Wade. I want to celebrate with you.”
For a moment, I was afraid he was going to come up with an excuse. Some emergency back at the garage or another dinner with Kingston, whom I’d heard he was spending most of his time with lately.
Wade rubbed his palms down his jeans and nodded. “I do love korma. And I wouldn’t want you celebrating alone.”
Thank you, Bernie.
“I feel like I should have brought flowers or something.” He looked down at himself and grimaced. “Or maybe changed for the occasion.”
I hadn’t wanted to give him a chance to say no. “You already got me a Congratulations balloon back in August, so you’re ahead of the game. You look great, and it’s just dinner at home.”
Why were we so awkward again?
He followed me into the kitchen, and I felt his gaze like a brand on my back. “You look better than great. Your hair is… What’s going on in here?”
I’d set out plates, flowers and more candles in the breakfast nook. “I thought it might be better than eating in the living room.”
“Oh.”
I took a calming breath. I was going all out and it was obvious. Subtlety was not my jam.
“You put a lot of work into this.”
I took the naan out of the warming tray, set them on their own platter and took them to the table. Then I snagged the oven mitts and carried the bowls of korma and basmati rice over as well. “Only a bit. This naan is from the store because I didn’t want to make a mess. But the rest? I thought some effort might be nice for a change. We haven’t spent much time together when we weren’t both exhausted lately. And when we eat together, it’s always casual. A pizza or a burger on the go. I wanted to change that.”
I wanted to change more than that. If he did.
“Well, you’ve done it, because this feels like we’re at a restaurant. You’re going to spoil me. ”
“He’s used to taking care of people. It’s all he ever does. It throws him off when you turn the tables on him, but it’s good for him. He deserves to be pampered once in a while.”
He’d been doing for me since he rented the apartment. All the work on the house, the yard and the car. The job. Looking after me when I was tipsy. I’d soaked it all up like a sponge, because in my previous relationships, caretaking was my job. So far, he’d only seen me when I could barely take care of myself. Things were different now.
He slid into the curved seat, looking so uncertain I almost smiled. “Beer, soda or water?”
“Whatever you’re having is fine.”
I grabbed two beer bottles and a water like the pro server I now was and set them on the table as I sat across from him. “Let’s toast.”
He immediately lifted his bottle and tipped it toward mine. “To finishing your book.”
“Both my books.” When his eyes widened, I nodded. “Yup. It looks like I’m picking a new pen name and self-publishing the other.”
“The book you let me read?” Was he blushing? “With Cade the mechanic?”
“That’s the one. It’s scary, trying new things at my age, but sometimes it can be worth it.”
I kept my eyes firmly on his, because I wasn’t only talking about the book.
“Sometimes it is,” he agreed, his voice coming out in a rasp that he quickly soothed with a sip of beer before digging into his food.
His blissful moan at the first bite was gratifying. “You really made this?”
“I did. You know how my mother could burn water and hated sweets in a way that made us occasionally wonder if she was from another planet? ”
Amusement lit his beautiful eyes. “That does ring a bell. Your sister doesn’t like to cook either.”
“I know. My rebellion was taking cooking and baking lessons when I was a senior in high school, so I could survive on more than takeout and salads.”
Loving chocolate was just me being a normal human being.
He pointed at his plate with his fork. “If anyone knew you could do this, family dinners would become your permanent job.”
I laughed between bites. “Keep it to yourself and I’ll bake you a pie.”
He glanced at the water bottle sitting in the center of the table, then back to me. “Is that what I think it is?”
Smart man.
I nodded. “I thought it might help move the dinner conversation along. If we had a lull.”
He carefully put down his fork and wrapped his wide fingers around the makeshift honesty flask, holding my gaze with his. “This feels like a date. Like the romance you said you weren’t interested in.”
My heart skipped a couple of beats. “Good. That’s what I was going for. And maybe some things have changed on that score.”
When he tensed, I sighed and tore my piece of naan into smaller pieces to keep my hands busy. “Or it could just be dinner.”
I had to give him an out. I didn’t want to make it any more awkward for him than it had to be.
“But you want it to be a date?”
“Why not?” I said lightly, wishing this were going better. “We already sleep together and everyone knows it.”
“August.”
Merlin started yodeling from the other room and Wade jolted the table as he tried to stand. It really was too small for either one of us. “What the hell was that? ”
“It can’t be good.” I slid out of my seat before he could and raced toward the bedroom. “Hold on, Merlin, I’m coming.”
The reason for his mournful attempt at howling became apparent when I looked into Wanda’s crate.
Oh shit. Literally.
“How did all of that come from you? You’re so tiny .”
I had already grabbed a towel and was trying not to gag as I wrapped up the squirming, poo-caked pup when I felt Wade behind me.
“This was your after-dinner surprise,” I told him when Wanda saw him and started yipping indignantly in my arms. “Bernie told me she’s weaned and her mother’s gone, and that’s why you started bringing her to their place at night. The good news is, we have lots of room here and Merlin is already in love with her. The bad news is, she just exploded.”
He let me talk, following me into the bathroom without a word. The clicking of claws on the tile told me Merlin was bringing up the rear.
“She should be with you, don’t you think?” I asked. “Since you made up the whole same-bed rule and you’re here most of the time, it makes logical sense to have her here too.”
I almost gagged again when Wanda’s paw reached up to bat at my breast, leaving a distinctive smear on my lovely new shirt.
I’ll admit, it threw me off a little. But I was on a mission and I couldn’t be distracted.
“And before you bring up a pet deposit, the other thing I wanted to tell you tonight was that, between my tips and the final installment of my advance that should be coming my way now that the publishers have the full manuscript, I don’t really need a paying renter anymore. And with Chick still seeing his Lyft driver and already tossing around hints about needing more privacy?—”
“That’s what all this is about? You want me to move out?” he asked incredulously. Then he noticed my poo-smudged shirt. “ Fuck. She needs a shower. I’ll take her in. Did Bernie give you the body wash I bought for her?”
“By her crate.” Along with her bed, toys, leash and collar. Wade had obviously done a shopping montage of his own.
I held the bottle he handed me in my free hand while he angrily kicked off everything but his boxer shorts and started the shower.
Then he held out his arms for the stinky angel. “I’ve got her. Stay here and keep talking.”
Had he noticed me backing up toward the door? “This might not be the right time to have this conversation, Wade.”
There were too many things distracting me. His back muscles. The way his boxers clung wetly to his ass. The tenderness he was showing to the tiny ginger puppy as he cleaned her off. My ovaries might have passed their use-by date, but they were still in danger of exploding. The only thing that stopped them was the poop on my boobs. It would wash out, but it had ruined the romantic ambience I’d been going for.
“You were saying you wanted me to move out?”
“No! That’s the opposite of what I’m saying.” I turned so I was facing the door instead of ogling his body and reached down to scratch the overly alert Merlin behind his ears. “I’m so glad you never did anything like that.”
“What?”
I raised my voice so Wade could hear me over the water. “I’m saying I don’t want to be your landlady anymore, but I’d still like you to stay here. Live here. You and Wanda. Until you find the right place,” I added at the end, like a coward. “Chick said he’d love to move into the apartment, as long as you agreed and we put his bed in there.”
Even when he was trying to be helpful, he was persnickety.
When Wade turned off the shower, I held out two towels without thinking, one for him and the other for the puppy. He snagged one and dried Wanda off first, still all but naked and dripping on the mat. Then he looked at me.
“Take off your shirt.”
What? “Now really doesn’t seem like the time?—"
“I want you to hold her, but you’ve got something on your shirt.”
“Oh. Right. Of course.”
I whipped off my top and he groaned, making me glance down at my new bra. It did look amazing on me. At some point in my hermitting, a genius had invented a comfortable bra for my size that also looked feminine and sexy. Lace, sheer fabric and sturdy support? Sign me up for life.
Judging from Wade’s expression, I’d need to buy them in assorted colors for every occasion.
I held out the other towel and he growled under his breath before handing her over and taking it. “Don’t move, August. I’ll be back as fast as I can.”
Drying off quickly, he wrapped the towel around his waist and picked my shirt up off the floor. “Can I squirt some stain remover on this before I drop it in the washer?”
There he was, taking care of things again. Why was that so sexy? “Sure.”
He tucked it under his arm and went to the crate to pull out the mat, blanket and toys. “I’ll put these outside and hose them off later.”
“Are you sure you don’t need any help?”
“Just keep ahold of her, and stay where you are.”
When he left the bedroom, I rocked Wanda in my arms. She was shivering a little, but she licked my chin and stared at me as if I were the most important person in the world.
“You’re such a good girl. I’m not even mad that you pooped on me.” I was baby-talking. That’s what she’d reduced me to. “How did you know I needed a boost of confidence right now?”
I saw the fresh mat on top of the bag Bernie had sent along and decided to help out. Luckily, the crate itself had gotten off poop-free, so I slipped in the new mat and a small extra blanket, then lowered her back inside.
Wanda shook herself off, nearly falling over on her cute little legs and sending Merlin’s tail into a wild frenzy of pure joy.
“He really does like her, doesn’t he?”
I turned to see Wade standing in the doorway.
“I think he was lonely.” There was a tug on my heartstrings as I thought about how long he’d been mourning his person.
Wade walked over and took my hand, guiding me back toward the bathroom. “I believe we were in the middle of a conversation.”
He turned the shower back on without letting go of me.
“You want to have this conversation in the shower?” I asked.
“We both need to get clean. And water seems to work for us.”
I huffed out a laugh. “What about dinner?”
I’d had a plan for tonight and nothing was going the way I thought it would.
“Dinner will keep. Right now, you need to get naked so we can talk.”
“That’s not how things usually work between us.”
But when he shucked his wet shorts, the sight of his cock at half-mast had me stumbling in my haste to get rid of the clingy yoga pants and my confidence-boosting bra anyway. I joined him in my walk-in shower and the hot water instantly soaked my new hairdo. I was secretly glad Chick had snuck in a picture earlier. It might never look that perfect again.
Wade made quick work of washing himself off, his attention never leaving me. Then he took my pink mesh loofah, added body wash—the human kind—and turned me around so he could scrub my back.
“Not that I’m complaining,” I said, my eyes closed at the blissful sensation. “But I thought you wanted to talk. ”
He gently turned me around and started washing the rest of me. Slow caresses that were as arousing as they were cleansing. My legs. My hips.
“I don’t want to assume.” His voice was rough as he watched the loofah slide over my breasts. “So, I’m going to clarify a few things first, Gus. You want us to live together?”
“You don’t have to propose to the man, but you’re well beyond Mrs. Roper territory now and he deserves to know you’re ready for more. Be clear about what you want. Men occasionally need these things spelled out for them. And by occasionally, I mean always.”
“I like this. What we’ve been doing.” I stopped the movement of his hands with mine so he would meet my gaze. “Not the distance you’ve been putting between us the last few weeks, but all the rest of it. Remember how I told you I’ve been working on living in the moment instead of spiraling about the future?”
He dipped his chin, regarding me with hooded eyes, and my mind went blank for a second.
Damn it, I should have written this down first.
I took a deep breath and focused. “So far, all my moments with you are better than anything I’ve ever had before. I know when we started I said I wouldn’t be that girl, and it’s not like I had the best luck the last time I did the living-together thing, but I want to try it anyway. I want the dinners and dogs and, well, whatever comes next. I know neither of us can say what we’ll be doing or even where we’ll be in the future. Until and unless, right? But until and unless, can we give this a shot? Will you stay here? With me?”
He was quiet and unmoving for long enough that I started to worry I’d gone too far. It sounded too much like a commitment, didn’t it? He was going to say thanks but no thanks and pack his bags.
Shit.
“Does that include being seen together as a couple in public? Doing things that don’t relate to Lemons or either of our families? ”
He isn’t saying no. “I’m okay with that if you are.”
He dropped the loofah to the floor and slid his bare hands up my rib cage to massage my breasts. “And how would you feel if some romance was involved? You’ve already caved on the puppy and flowers, so I’m just covering my bases here.”
“I don’t need flowers and puppies or soul mates and magic.”
He remembered.
“You’re making it very difficult to concentrate,” I moaned. Not that I wanted him to stop. Ever. “Don’t stop.”
He moved closer, wrapping one strong arm around my back for support while he continued to tease me. “This would be more than sleeping in your bed. It means bringing my things over. Mixing my laundry with yours and letting Wanda chew on your couch. Are you up for that?”
That sounded fine to me. “Yes.”
“It means no one else, for either of us.”
“I thought that was already a given. As long as we’re together, we’re exclusive.”
I was completely breathless now. Desperate to touch him. “You haven’t said yes yet.”
“I’m still clarifying. You want us to live together until one or both of us lose interest, I find a house I’m willing to purchase, or you decide to leave. In that respect, nothing has changed apart from me not paying rent? Is that what you’re saying?”
I tensed a little in his arms, but I wanted to make sure he didn’t feel obligated. And I wasn’t in the right place to demand promises. Today was all that mattered. “Exactly.”
“I can’t agree to that.”
I blinked up at him in shock. “What? Why not?”
His jaw took on a stubborn slant. “You don’t want to be my landlady? I don’t want to be a guest. If we’re living together, no matter how long or short that turns out to be, I pay half of the bills. We’re here on equal footing. ”
I gasped when his hand slid down my belly until it was between my legs.
“Can we talk about the details later?” I begged, sliding my hands up his chest and over his shoulders. “I’m a little busy trying to make a big romantic statement so you’ll know I’m invested and say yes, and you’re ruining the moment.”
“Yes.”
“Really?”
He expanded on his answer with a kiss that had me groaning in gratitude and melting against him. It felt like a claim, possessive and commanding.
My back hit the tile and his body followed, his tongue between my lips and hand between my legs. The shower steam enveloped us, making it feel like we were the only two people on earth.
He was smiling against my mouth and I held him tighter. That was what I’d been missing. He hadn’t held back his body these last few weeks, but he hadn’t been all in either.
He was now.
“So, did you have any other surprises lined up for tonight’s romantic seduction?” he asked as his fingers found that spot that always made my toes curl.
“No,” I panted. “A new bra, food and a puppy. That was my big plan. And look, it worked. Even though it got gross there for a minute.”
He chuckled deep, his fingers disappearing and the head of his cock nudging against my sex as he grabbed one thigh and lifted it over his hip. “Are you saying I’m easy?”
“I’m saying you’re lucky because I am.” I tightened my leg around him. “Are we sure we can do this in here? We haven’t tried the shower before and it’s kind of a tight fit.”
“I’ll add it to our project list,” he growled into my mouth with his first thrust. “ This is a tight fit.”
I cried out, trying to adjust to his size and the new position. I dug my fingers into his slick arms and held on for all I was worth as he started pumping into me.
“I’ll never get enough of this,” he muttered, looking down as our bodies slapped together. “Why the hell did I think I could when it gets better every time?”
I was thinking the same thing. Every time he touched me, the idea of leaving him behind drifted a little farther away. The thrill and safety of a fresh start couldn’t hold a candle to the way I felt when I caught him watching me like I was something precious. Like I was someone he needed.
My heart was in danger, but I couldn’t regret taking this step with him. Not when I climaxed at the sound of my hoarsely shouted name echoing off the shower tiles as he came. Not when he was kissing my neck, his hand cupping my breast while he mumbled praise and promises against my skin. And not when he turned the water off and bundled me up in one of my giant fuzzy towels.
“Let’s get you into bed. I’ll let the dogs out while you catch your breath and get ready for round two.”
“Round two?”
“Maybe I’ll bring a plate up. You’ll need your energy. We’ve got a lot to celebrate tonight.”
I had to remember to thank my entourage tomorrow. They gave excellent advice.