Chapter 2
Mondays hadn’t held meaning for me in years. When your sole job is to take care of your children, Mondays are no different from any other day of the week. The routine is the same: get them up, get them fed, entertain them, teach them, feed them some more, put them to bed, and pray they stay asleep.
I’d forgotten how quickly the weekend went when you had somewhere to be on Monday. But here I was, bright and early, frantically trying to make breakfast for Clara and Sophie before running to work.
I stood at the stove, pushing the eggs around the pan on autopilot. Standing still for the first time all morning allowed my mind to drift to the life that used to fill this house. Love, laughter, and all the other words on cheesy signs I used to make fun of that seemed much less cheesy now that he wasn’t here.
Jason’s hands slipped around my waist, pulling me against him as he kissed my neck. I tried to swat his hands away.
“I have to get this done before the girls get up from their naps,” I said, and he laughed at my mock sternness.
“I’m not doing anything.” His voice was pure innocence. “I’m just saying hi.”
“You are a liar and we both know it.” I arched into his body as his touch continued down.
“Mommy, breakfast is burning.” I jolted out of the daydream to find that the scrambled eggs were almost completely brown.
“I am so sorry, sweetie.” Thank god Clara showed up before I burned our house down. “I’ll throw some waffles into the toaster instead.”
My eyes closed as I walked to the freezer, trying to keep myself together in front of my daughter. I was exhausted—not to mention heartbroken, lonely, and so fucking angry—but breaking down right now wouldn’t help any of us. Lord knew I didn’t have the time for it.
These all-encompassing fantasies had to stop. I was getting the panic attacks under control, minus my first-day-of-work fiasco, but dreaming about what my life could have been was dangerous. I felt like a disgruntled reader, shaking my fist at the author of my life and aggressively typing out fan fiction of how the story should have gone rather than accepting the ending and moving on to the next book.
The front door closed a few seconds before my mom rounded the corner, her face scrunched. “Oh god, what is that smell?”
I grimaced. “I got a little distracted while making breakfast.”
She started to laugh, then spotted the tears I’d been trying so hard to keep at bay. I spun away before her sympathetic gaze pulled them out and down my cheeks.
She walked up behind me, wrapping her arms around my waist and laying her cheek against my back. “You’re doing it. It may not be pretty some days, but you’re still doing it. Getting out of bed and making a life for your girls, and I’m so proud of your strength.”
I turned to face her, blinking up at the ceiling. She always had a way of pushing me over the edge when I was hurting. What was cathartic most days was a damn inconvenience right now.
“Stop, please,” I said with a little laugh. “I don’t have time to redo my makeup.”
She chuckled, then sent a dubious look at the eggs. “Go ahead to work. Get yourself a cup of coffee and enjoy your five extra minutes. I can get the girls fed and out the door.”
A squeal echoed from my younger daughter’s room before she yelled down the hall, “Mama! I found my tap shoes. They go perfect with my outfit today!”
“Fu—” I started to swear, but my eldest’s far too observant eyes stopped the curse in its tracks. “—udge? I thought I hid Sophie’s tap shoes better than that.”
My mom had the gall to laugh at the mayhem that was my life. “I can handle Sophie. You get out of here.”
My eyes burned as I hugged her. I sent up a prayer of thanks to have parents so close, especially now that I was doing this alone. After Jason’s death, my dad pushed off his own retirement so my mom could retire early and help with the girls. It was the only way I could start working again without spending most of my paycheck on childcare.
After one last kiss for each of the girls, I sprinted out of the door.
My first meeting was with one of the interior-design-department hiring managers. Asia Taylor was young and enthusiastic, with a style teetering the line between quirky and professional. She wore bold colors and patterns, the bright yellows and blues complementing her dark skin and hair, which she kept in a natural cropped style that let the beauty of her face take center stage.
My stomach churned as I slid a peace offering in the form of coffee across the desk, praying she wasn’t upset about the canceled meeting. “Thank you for squeezing me in this morning. I’m so sorry about last week. There was an emergency with my daughter that I had to take care of.”
Her wide smile made her brown eyes twinkle, and I felt a wave of relief. “Don’t worry about it. Life happens. This is just a chance for us to get to know each other.”
I eyed her office. Greenery and soft, neutral colors surrounded natural wood furniture. The sole pop of color was a beautiful African textile dominating one wall of her office, an interlocking pattern of bright colors that became more interesting with every second spent looking at it. “That’s stunning.”
“I know, right? I found it at the Mwenge Market in Tanzania when I studied abroad there. It’s the only item that’s survived my redecorating over the years.”
I leaned forward. “You studied in Tanzania? My husband and I spent our honeymoon there! We only spent a couple of days in Dar es Salaam, but it was incredible.”
“I studied in a few places, but Dar es Salaam was my absolute favorite.” Her eyes lit up. “It’s amazing.”
We traded travel stories for longer than we probably should have, but once we got started, it was like neither of us could stop. Her eyes flicked down to my left hand whenever I mentioned Jason, like she was wondering why I wasn’t wearing a ring when I talked about my husband like we were still together. I smiled to cut the bite of my next words.
“I can see the questions in your eyes. My husband passed away nine months ago.”
“I’m so sorry, Juliana.” She reached across the table to grip my hand. “Do you want to talk about it?”
There was genuine heartbreak on her face, free of the usual discomfort I got from people when discussing Jason’s death, and I knew we could be real friends. “There’s not much to tell. Someone looked at a new text instead of where they were driving, and Jason was the one to pay the price.”
She squeezed my hand. “I know there’s nothing I can do to make you feel better, but if you ever want to talk about him, I’d be happy to listen.”
My heart tightened at her words. No one ever wanted to talk about him. Most people were too uncomfortable with the pain to sit in it with me.
“Thank you. I can’t tell you how much that means to me.”
We finally settled into what we needed to go over, flying through the information about her team. She invited me to lunch later in the week, and I walked away with a bounce in my step.
I had one hiring manager left to meet, and from the people I had seen so far, Ben Thomas had to be the brown-eyed man. My heart raced with each step toward his office. Who would I get today—the charming man who brushed off my faux pas, or the critical coworker who made me feel like an ant for making the right choice for my family?
I tried to ignore the fact that I’d put more effort into my appearance today. I told myself I did it because it made me feel confident—armor for the potential battle to come.
Just like I did before Asia’s meeting, I stopped by the coffee cart downstairs to grab something for each of us as an apology for canceling our other meeting at the last minute. I would be extremely overcaffeinated by the end of the day, but I always found people were more likely to accept apologies when plied with gifts.
Voices drifted down the hallway from inside Ben’s office. I slowed, figuring he was finishing up with another meeting before ours. After all, I was a few minutes early to show how reliable I was, despite last week’s fiasco.
“It’s ridiculous. If she’s not ready to do the work, then she should let the job go to someone who is. Do we even know she can do the job? She said she hasn’t worked in years.”
“Do you hear yourself? You sound like an ass and haven’t even met her.” I recognized Asia’s voice.
“You’re right. I haven’t met her yet. Because she canceled a meeting with me less than five minutes before it was supposed to start.” I could hear the anger in his voice, and I realized they were discussing me. Heat rose in my cheeks, and I wondered if I should walk away.
“Ben—”
His tirade cut her off. “I know, I know. She had an emergency with her kids. And before you go in on me, I know her husband died, and her kids are going through some stuff. But you know what? We all have shit going on. I had to stay late to meet with a client to squeeze her into my schedule, and then she didn’t even show up. It is not my job to accommodate her kids. No one’s doing—”
I knocked to announce my presence, and both heads snapped to the doorway. “It’s time for our meeting.” The fire in my eyes undermined the sweetness of my tone. “I wouldn’t want to start late and inconvenience your schedule.”
Ben grimaced as his cheeks turned pink. At least he had the decency to look ashamed. Asia gave him a pointed look. She mouthed be nice before leaving his office with a small wave in my direction. I gave her a weak smile.
Ben straightened his tie as I sat down across from him. “Look, Ms. Ryan, about what you heard before—”
“Juliana, please.” I lifted a hand as I cut him off. “Eduardo said he doesn’t like formalities in the office, and I’d like to make a good impression on at least some people here.”
He ran a hand through his dark hair. “I didn’t mean you gave a bad impress—”
“Truthfully, I don’t want an explanation. I’m not interested in the story you’ll spin to make yourself feel better.” For a moment, he seemed upset, brows drawn together, but it must have been my imagination. A heartbeat later, his brown eyes hardened. “Luckily for both of us, our interactions will be limited. Your architectural team has no openings, and from what I’ve heard from Christina, your people are quite happy in their roles.”
“You’ve done your research.” His tone implied he was shocked I could do my job, and I clenched the notebook in my lap to keep from throwing it at his head.
“I don’t go into meetings blindly. The KMG family will find I am exceptionally capable, despite what you seem to believe. Now, please, walk me through your team. Don’t worry, I’ll keep extensive notes so we can do everything via email when a role opens up under you.”
My traitorous mind flashed an image of me under him, my overactive imagination filling in the flexing muscles that his button-down barely kept contained as he moved over me. Damn libido. This was by far the longest I’d gone without sex since I met my husband at eighteen. My stomach roiled at the idea of sharing that with anyone but him, but my hormones were feeling more desperate. I needed to invest in some new toys.
A blush crept down my neck and over my chest as I tried to wipe the image away. Ben’s eyes tracked the progression, only to raise his eyes to mine with a smirk, like he could see into my mind and explore every dirty thought. He held my gaze for a few seconds without speaking.
“For someone so offended by a canceled meeting, you seem to have no problem wasting my time.” I crossed my arms, pleased with my quip as I tried to regain some control.
“I didn’t realize I was allowed to speak.” His casual condescension made my blood boil.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“Exactly what I said. Between you running into me in the break room, canceling our meeting, and practically every moment since you entered my office, you’ve barely let me finish a sentence. I figured I would save myself the effort and wait until I had your permission.”
I sputtered, furious at the accusation. He smirked back.
“I apologize for cutting you off before,” I spat out with forced civility. “Please, give me the rundown of your team so we can move on from this pleasant interaction.”
“Is that for me?”
My brow crinkled as I tried to catch up. “Is what for you?”
He jerked his head toward the coffee.
I looked down at his apology coffee, weighing my options. Then I lifted it over the small trash can at the end of his desk, maintaining eye contact before I let it drop, the thud echoing through the office.
“Guess not.” His eyes sparked with a challenge.
His mouth kicked up a smidge, like in the staff meeting, and I found my gaze locked on the motion. When I looked back at his eyes, a self-satisfied gleam turned them predatory. I cleared my throat and turned back to my notebook, ready to get this damn meeting over with.
Ben ran through the information I needed with an efficiency I would have respected from anyone else. He might have been an ass, but at least he was good at his job. And passionate. That smile from the break room came back in full force as he talked through each person on his team and what they’d accomplished.
His commitment to his team made me wonder if I should clear the air before leaving. To make peace and start this new job—this new life, really—without any conflict. My fingertips played over the door handle as I considered what I’d say.
“Juliana,” he called, as I hesitated.
When I turned to look at him, I thought there was a flash of regret in his eyes, but a second later, all that remained was his scrutinizing gaze.
“Close the door behind you,” he barked, turning back to his computer.
I straightened my spine, glaring at the side of his head, even though he didn’t seem to notice. “The word you were looking for is ‘please.’ Even my five-year-old knows that.”
I slammed his door behind me and shot down the hallway. I forced myself to round the corner as my breaths came quicker. Once I was out of view of his office, I let my head fall back against the wall, tears pricking my eyes. Ben’s words hit on every insecurity I had in returning to the workforce. I was too out of touch from my time at home. I was going to be a bad employee or a bad mother or, worst case, both.
After a one-minute pity party, I pushed myself away from the wall with a new determination to prove him and myself wrong.
And god willing, I wouldn’t have to work with that man for a long time.