Chapter 14
“Ladies and Gentleman , welcome to the party Mr. and Mrs. Ocampo!”
People on the lawn of the reception broke out in earth-shattering cheers as almost four hundred guests jumped to their feet. I watched Christopher lead Gabriela onto the dance floor, the two waving and cheering right along with the crowd. He dipped her, pressing a kiss to her lips, and the crowd ratcheted up even louder.
We all took our seats as they started their first dance. Gabriela glided along like an angel whose feet didn’t touch the ground. The dance became even more elaborate, perfectly choreographed with not a step out of place.
Marcus stayed close to my side, and it was becoming more obvious by the minute that we didn’t suit. We both made jokes the other didn’t get, awkwardly laughing and trying to explain before giving up and falling back into an uncomfortable silence. I found my eyes drawn to Ben’s table every time the conversation lapsed. If we were together, we may have spent the night picking at each other, but the conversation would never have been boring.
His whole table laughed at some story he was telling, and I ached to be over there. Asia rolled her eyes, cutting him off, and the two of them started arguing, laughing and pointing at each other over whatever their disagreement was. I’d never given myself a chance to consider their relationship. But watching her with him, without the pressure of keeping us from each other’s throats, I understood why she was so frustrated with me.
Asia was right. I’d crossed a line, both in implying she wasn’t a good friend and insulting someone she loved. I was confused and scared and frustrated, but that wasn’t an excuse to treat my friend like crap.
Dinner—and the mindless small talk it entailed—mercifully ended, and I was determined to make my escape from Victoria’s tragic setup.
Marcus jumped in front of me as I moved to walk away. “Why don’t we dance?”
“I was going to head to the bar for a drink.”
“Oh, let me get it for you.” He sped off without asking what I wanted, but I figured it didn’t matter as long as I was getting a drink. With his commitment to the setup, I wondered if his main goal was to keep his grandmother happy. I looked good tonight, better than I ever had before, thanks to Gabriela’s beauty team, but there was no way he was that into me with such lackluster conversation. Sometimes two interesting people don’t make an interesting pair.
“Would you like to dance?” The deep rumble of Ben’s voice sent a spike of adrenaline through me. Finally something interesting after the snoozefest of a dinner.
I turned slowly to face him. It was the first chance I had to really look; he was perfection. His suit was dark blue, clearly tailored to his body, not bought off the rack. He’d slicked his hair back—formal, but not greasy looking—and had trimmed his beard for the occasion. My mind conjured the memory of his scruff brushing against me while we kissed, and my heart broke into a gallop.
He was pure temptation, and the tug-of-war kicked back up in full force as I filtered through the versions of him I knew. Supportive best friend. Judgmental colleague. Doting father. Sarcastic smart aleck. Phenomenal kisser. But he had that teasing smirk on his face, and falling back into our old patterns while I sorted through the mess in my head was the easiest option.
“And why would I do that?” I asked with a raised brow.
“Because you love dancing with me.”
“I’ll admit I didn’t hate dancing with you before, but I was also inebriated. Ask me again after six drinks. Then again, I’m taking it easy tonight, so you may be waiting awhile. I believe your table is over there if you want to sit until then.”
His grin widened. “So you’ve been watching where I am, huh? Come on. A slow song just started. I’m sure even you can behave yourself for one innocent slow dance.”
I rewarded him with an epic eye roll. “Oh yes, because controlling myself around you is so difficult.”
“The evidence suggests…” He trailed off. The smile on his face said he saw right through my act, but I still sighed before letting him take my hand to lead me to the dance floor. A jolt rushed through me at the touch.
Once we reached the crowd, Ben pulled me toward him, maintaining eye contact as he placed one hand on my hip, keeping my other hand in his. He kept a respectable distance between us, but even so, this dance seemed far from innocent. The heat from his hand burned right through my dress to the skin beneath.
“How are you doing?”
“I’m great. The night has been great. The venue. Oh, and the food. So great.”
He chuckled and leaned down to murmur in my ear. “I’m pretty sure that was one too many greats, baby.” I reared back, glaring at him over the pet name. He laughed again before the smile faded from his face. “But this has to be tough. I’m sure it’s making you think about your husband. Are you okay?”
His uncharacteristically solemn eyes pulled the truth from me before I realized what I was doing.
“It’s made me think of him. Jason. It’s impossible not to. God, our wedding was so different from this.” I gave a little laugh. His eyes crinkled in response. “But they’re happy memories. And he would want me to have fun today, not spend it mourning him.”
“He sounds like he was an incredible man.”
“He was.”
Ben’s relaxed face shocked me, like he was completely comfortable letting me talk about my husband.
“Who’s the groomsman following you around like a puppy?” He glanced over my shoulder. “Scratch that; more of a guard dog.”
I followed his gaze to find Marcus standing at the edge of the dance floor, a drink in each hand. He was shooting daggers at Ben, and it was the exact male posturing I had always found unattractive. Such a shame.
I looked back up at Ben with a grin. “Jealous?”
“What do I have to be jealous of? You’re out here with me, not him.”
“For now.”
One corner of his mouth twitched, a spark lighting his eyes up at my provocation. “You never answered my question. Who is he?”
“He’s Gabriela’s cousin. Her lola has made it her life’s mission to marry us off.”
“Lola?”
“Her grandma.”
“And you’re okay with this?” He tried to act casual, but fear hid behind the question. I felt it in the way his hand subtly tightened on my waist.
“You don’t say no to Lola, Ben.” I feigned horror, and his smile returned. My stomach flipped at the sight, and I chastised myself.
Get ahold of yourself, Juliana. This is a mess waiting to happen, and you don’t have time to clean it up.
We swayed together in silence for a minute. I let myself pretend we were different people. Just a man and a woman who met and started falling for each other, not two people whose relationship was rife with conflict from the first meeting, with lives too interconnected to explore what could be without complications. My body relaxed on its own accord, melting into his arms as he pulled me closer to him. I fought the temptation to lay my head on his chest. He finally broke the silence.
“You could tell her you’re already interested in someone else.” His voice was soft, filled with an emotion I couldn’t—or wouldn’t—name.
“I would never lie to Lola.” I pretended to be scandalized, hoping the joke would pull us away from the dangerous direction of this conversation.
“Would it be a lie, Juliana?” His eyes were serious, searching my face as he waited for my response. The way he said my name scattered my brain cells. Every breath was a battle, and a tremor ran through my body.
We both knew the truth, but I still gave him the lie.
“Of course, it would.” I looked away, trying to distract myself with the surrounding crowd.
“God, you are the most stubborn person I have ever met.”
I huffed. “I’m not stubborn. I’m practical. I have to be. We would kill each other in a week. How would we explain that at work? Or worse, to the girls?”
“You don’t know that, because you’ve never given us a real chance,” he replied desperately. But I was just as desperate.
“Why should I risk my reputation at work, or risk hurting my kids? How could it be worth it? I barely know anything about you besides the fact that you like to argue with me!”
“Then get to know me, Juliana. It’s that simple. But you won’t let yourself. Why?”
I stayed quiet, staring off to the side of the dance floor.
Ben dropped his mouth to my ear. “I know you’re scared—”
I reared back to argue against his very legitimate assessment, and his chuckle vibrated through his chest to every point where our bodies touched. “And I know you’re going to rip into me for suggesting you’re anything but perfectly strong at all times. But I think there’s something here. Tell me I’ve got it all wrong. Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t have feelings for me, and I’ll believe you.”
It seemed easy enough. Think about all those reasons why this was a terrible idea. Force the words out even though they were a lie, and then we could go back to our status quo. Maybe even be pleasant to each other so I could be back on Asia’s good side.
But then I looked at him. One glance and I was frozen, trapped by his gaze and my desires. His eyes shined, and I knew he was telling the truth. If I said no, if I told him I felt nothing for him, he would walk away. No more flirting or teasing. No more heated glances in the office, and definitely no more kissing. My heart tightened at the thought. I wasn’t ready to close that door.
His eyes softened, a small smile gracing his lips, and he let go of my hand to bring his to my cheek, drifting closer. With each millimeter he closed between us, my heart hammered harder in my chest, and my eyes fluttered shut.
“Time for the money dance, everyone.”
I jumped out of Ben’s arms, looking around like a woman woken from a coma to find the world had kept moving forward without her. I was so wrapped up in Ben, I hadn’t realized the song had ended.
“Perfect timing, man.” Ben’s eyes never left my face.
I broke away, hurrying to the side of the dance floor where the women were lining up.
“Juliana, wait.” He grabbed my hand to pull me to a stop.
“Men line up on the other side of the stage. You’re heading the wrong way.”
“Talk to me.”
“No, thank you,” I replied primly, turning to leave. “I’m a bridesmaid. I can’t miss one of the traditions.”
“Please.”
I stopped, pulling in a deep breath, before spinning around to face him.
“Ben, I can’t right now. I have all these complications flying around in my head slamming up against whatever that was,” I said, gesturing back toward the dance floor. “I have stuff I’m supposed to be doing as a bridesmaid, and I don’t have the time to think about all of this. Let’s not argue tonight and we can deal with the drama tomorrow.”
“So, we’ll talk about it tomorrow?” he asked with a grin.
“No promises.” I turned away from him before he could see me smile.
I rushed to the end of the women’s line, already stretching far from the dance floor. Most had beaten me, waiting for their turn to dance one-on-one with the groom and pin money to his clothes to bless the couple with prosperity in their life together. The dance became a bit of a competition, with guests folding bills into elaborate garlands before the wedding to drape around the couple. Asia, Dani, and I had spent hours folding our bills into origami flowers, each of us opting for an absurd amount of one-dollar bills to be as obnoxious about it as possible.
I was so distracted by my conversation with Ben I forgot the bills at my table. I turned on my heel, rushing back over, when a hand wrapped around my biceps and pulled me into line.
“We got the bills.” Dani held them up as I settled into line with them. Asia kept her eyes away from me. “And we saw you on the dance floor.”
“Saw what?” I cleared my throat.
“Over here calling me a bad friend for bringing him and then almost kissing him on the dance floor,” Asia grumbled as she kicked at a pebble on the ground.
Dani looked between us, then turned to Rosario. “Our mommies are fighting.”
“We’re not fighting,” I said.
Asia scoffed. “She’s a hypocrite and a liar.”
I knew I was in the wrong and came over with every intention of apologizing, but her response had my hackles raising. “I guess I owe you an apology,” I said to Asia, my tone coming out more aggressive than it sounded in my head.
Why are you like this, Juliana? Just say sorry.
“You guess?” she asked incredulously.
I groaned. “No, I don’t guess. I—”
“Juliana, I love you, but I’m trying really hard not to say something that’s gonna make this worse.” She glanced at the large garland of singles we had worked on together. “Let’s do the dance and then take a beat.”
I bit my tongue as we turned away from each other. Dani and Rosario awkwardly blabbed on about this wedding drama or that. My heart was pounding in my chest from my argument with Asia and what happened on the dance floor.
I almost let him kiss me again. I wanted him to kiss me again. The warmth of his hand on my cheek and the reassuring pressure from the other on my hip seemed seared on my body. I blindly stepped forward as the line moved on, fretting about, or perhaps fantasizing about, what would have happened if the DJ had been a few seconds later.
The four of us joined Christopher on the dance floor, looping the garland around his neck. He laughed, spinning and dipping us all in turn before we slipped away to let him move on to the next person. With a wedding this large, the money dance could go all night long.
The second we finished, Asia walked away to join Ben where he waited in the men’s line.
Dani clapped me on the shoulder. “Let’s get you a drink, friend.”
We were at the bar for less than a minute when Victoria cornered me. “How are things going with Marcus?”
I forced a smile. “Oh, Lola, he’s nice, but I don’t think we are the right fit.”
“How disappointing.” Her eyes went unfocused, like she was flipping through her internal Rolodex for her next attempt. An idea dawned on her.
“Is this because of the handsome man you were with on the dance floor?”
Dani and Rosario covered their laughter with a cough behind me. I shot them a glare over my shoulder.
“No.” As the word left my mouth, I realized I was, in fact, lying to Lola. “There is nothing between Ben and me. We just know each other from work.”
“Well, that’s a shame. Is he single?”
My heart beat wildly as I pictured the long list of bachelorettes forming in her mind.
“Are you looking for a date?” I asked with a cheeky smile. Victoria’s laughter exploded through the space, drawing glances from the people around us.
“If only I was. But I think I’m too old to keep up with a man like that, all height and muscles and dark, tempting eyes.” She finished with a sigh, and I was certain she would go for Ben if she thought there was even the slightest of chances.
“To answer your question, Victoria, he is single, though I don’t think you could call him emotionally unattached.” Dani nudged me with her elbow, and I pushed her back with much less subtlety.
“Hm. Perhaps someone here can catch his eye and free up that heart of his.” Her wicked smile said Ben wouldn’t escape this wedding unscathed, either.
We watched her walk over to the bride’s money line, where Ben was a sitting duck as he waited for his turn with Gabriela. He looked at Asia and then back to Victoria, confusion etched on every line of his face as she jumped into question after question. I couldn’t help but laugh, happy to know she was splitting her attention tonight. Maybe Marcus would be the only bachelor I’d have to hide from.
My joy quickly turned to annoyance. She relentlessly pushed woman after woman in front of Ben, encouraging him to dance, talk, and flirt. Even from across the venue, I saw every woman fluffing and fretting, eager to make a good impression on the man who had become the catch of the wedding. It was like he had his own money-dance line, women stacked up around the dance floor waiting for their turn. But instead of pinning cash to his suit, they were pinning their numbers and hotel key cards. It was enough to turn my stomach.
I pretended to pay attention to the conversation I was in rather than watch Ben, when Gabriela slipped up next to me. She slid her arm through mine, greeting the rest of the group and apologizing for interrupting their conversation.
“Juliana, I need some help.” I nodded and let her lead me away from the group.
“Is everything okay?”
“Yes.” She dropped her voice low. “But I have to pee so bad, and this dress is too heavy to hold up. We’re supposed to leave soon, and if I have to wait until we get to the hotel, I’m pretty sure I’ll pee my pants in front of my new husband.”
I busted out laughing while she frowned at me. I didn’t stop through the entire ordeal, the ultimate in bridesmaid’s responsibilities. The dress was absurdly heavy, every inch covered in beading, with a beautiful bustled train.
Gabriela managed to look stunning from her glamorous seat on the toilet. “And with this moment, we are bonded for life. Our own little commitment ceremony.”
“I vow to always hold up your dress and never describe this scene in public.”
We spent a few extra minutes in the bathroom, repinning parts of her beautiful black hair and touching up her makeup for their big exit pictures. She looked perfect again within minutes, a shining bride bathed in love. I marveled at how she was so put together after hours of dancing and drinking. She went on ahead of me while I tried to fix myself up a bit, too. The effect was not nearly as successful as it was on Gabriela.
I rushed out of the bathroom, knowing it wouldn’t be too long before Gabriela and Christopher left, and slammed right into something. I teetered on my heels like a cartoon character, arms waving around, before landing with a hard thump on my ass.
“Are you okay?” Ben squatted down next to me and offered a hand, but he was fighting off a laugh. Once he was sure I wasn’t hurt, he lost the battle altogether, his laughter echoing around us. I scowled as I brushed the dirt off my ass.
“You could have caught me.”
“You surprised me.”
“Too distracted by all of your admirers?”
“Juliana Ryan, are you jealous?”
“No.” I scoffed and started off down the path. I realized I had turned the wrong direction too late, heading away from the reception rather than toward it. “I just think it’s obnoxious to dance with every single woman at the wedding.”
“Say the word, and I’ll dance with only one woman for the rest of the night.”
“Good plan. I know Lola has her eye on you.” He laughed loudly, gently grabbing my arm and turning me toward him. I found my back against the wall with him caging me in, blood boiling under my skin.
“I had someone else in mind. Do you think Lola will be too disappointed?” He trailed his fingertips up my arms.
“Wildly.” My eyes fluttered closed, and I wasn’t sure if I was referring to Lola’s disappointment or how my heart was beating. “But what makes you think she would say yes? You seem incredibly confident.”
“She’s been watching me all night.” His featherlight touch continued across my collarbone. “I haven’t been able to focus on anything but the feeling of her eyes on me.”
“Circumstantial at best.” The breathiness of my voice undermined me.
“And she is definitely jealous.” He continued his path up my neck to toy with my ear, the swaying teardrop pearl adding to the sensation. I swallowed thickly, trying to hide how badly I wanted his touch. I whimpered, the sound chased by Ben’s low chuckle. “And, most importantly, she hasn’t told me to leave.” His voice was in my ear, and I shivered when I realized how close he was, arching my body into his. “Now I’m waiting for the yes I need.”
Some voice deep in my mind reminded me I should say no, screamed that it wasn’t worth all the risks, but my body had taken over completely. I couldn’t form a single rational argument. The only thought ringing through my head was how close he was, how he had every woman at this wedding begging for time with him, but he only wanted me.
“Say yes, Juliana,” he whispered, his lips brushing the shell of my ear.
I forced my eyes open. His gaze was trained on my face, hungry and desperate. I ran my hand up his chest, marveling at the strength beneath his suit. His eyes flared at my touch, a sensuous, throaty noise escaping his mouth.
“Yes,” I whispered so quietly I wasn’t sure I spoke the word aloud, but he heard it.
“Thank god.” He leaned down to press his lips to my own. I whimpered into his mouth, our tongues dancing as we explored each other, more leisurely than the first time. His hand cupped the back of my neck, and I moaned as his fingers twined in my hair.
Another voice broke through my lust-fueled haze. “Juliana.”
I pushed Ben off of me and twirled toward the intruder.
Asia watched us with raised brows. “Gabriela and Christopher are leaving. I figured you wouldn’t want to miss it,” she said.
“Um, thanks Asia.” She wouldn’t meet my eye, but it didn’t escape my notice that she still came to find me even though she was mad at me. I truly didn’t deserve her.
I walked away without a backward glance at Ben but caught Asia mouthing Sorry in his direction before I passed her.
I fought my way into the crowd, determined to have a front-row spot to watch the couple leave, while my head spun. We had kissed twice now, and both times I had encouraged it. It was like I got close to Ben and my mind stopped working altogether.
Never one to do things in half measures, Gabriela and Christopher prepared for their exit. We were all handed little baskets of large silver sequins to throw as they walked down the pathway. I gasped when the fireworks started behind us, framing a picture of the bride and groom with reflective sequins in front and large, booming lights behind them. A smile split my face.
Christopher dipped her for a deep kiss, pulling away with her still bent backward as they both let out gleeful laughs. The perfect picture of hope and optimism, of a life promised together and a partnership. It struck me how much I’d lost. I could hear Jason’s voice in my ear whispering I love you, Mrs. Ryan as we ran through the tunnel of sparklers at the end of our wedding. I could feel his arm wrapped tightly around my waist like he couldn’t stand to let me move a step away from him.
I wasn’t supposed to feel like this tonight. I wasn’t supposed to be alone and confused. I found my person, the one who would stand next to me at weddings and reminisce about our own. Who would kiss me on the dance floor not to prove a point, but because it was what we always did when a song ended.
As my eyes drifted back from the display, I caught sight of Ben across the walkway. A small smile played at the corner of his lips, and I wondered how long he had been watching me. My heart stuttered in my chest, but I couldn’t keep looking at him. He was too tall, his hair and eyes the wrong color. His smile held a trace of hesitancy that shouldn’t have been on the face of the man I kissed tonight. There’d never been any hesitancy with Jason, because we were right.
This was wrong.
I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t face Ben and deal with his questions about what we were when I had Jason in my head. Nothing about this was how it should have been.
As soon as the happy couple was gone, I beelined it for the hotel doors, determined to get to the elevators before he could intercept me.
“Juliana, wait.” I kept moving forward as fast as my towering heels would carry me. “Please.”
That word on his lips for the second time in one night pulled me up short, my legs stopping without my brain’s consent. He rushed forward in front of me, blocking my path.
“Can we talk? I’m sure the hotel bar is still open. We could grab a drink and talk everything through.”
“No, I’m going to bed.”
“Five minutes. Let me make my case for five minutes.”
“I told you this is too complicated. You knew this was coming.”
“Yeah, before you made out with me up against a wall.”
“Nothing’s changed. I’m going upstairs.” I pushed past him. My heart was protesting in my chest, screaming at Ben not to listen, begging me to turn back to him.
“Fine. If nothing’s changed, then that’s your decision to make. I’m sorry for bothering you. No more chasing. I’m done.”
My steps faltered, my legs seemingly intent on ignoring my avoidance plan and forcing me back to his side, but I didn’t turn back. Each beat of my heart fought against my decision. But I forced myself to continue walking, not letting myself look back at him, even as I got into the elevator. I held it together until the doors slammed closed.
What had I done?