CHAPTER TEN
Lucy
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It had only been three days since Max left, but Lucy felt his absence acutely.
It was like one of her limbs was missing, and no matter how hard she tried to adapt to the absence of it, she simply couldn’t.
Her heart ached with the longing she felt for him.
Every spot at the Inn reminded her of Max.
The Christmas decorations they had hung together, the kitchen where they had baked together, and, of course, her bedroom where they had a number of hours making love or lying together as they shared ideas about the future, all held memories of the man she loved.
She had even avoided changing her sheets until the last possible moment because they smelled like him, like oranges and nutmeg mixed with other Christmas spices, a smell that she would forever associate with the baker from America.
Then there was the fireplace and the rug in front of it that Lucy couldn’t help but blush at any time she passed through the family room.
The memories of the first time they made love taunted her at night, causing her to lose sleep she sorely needed if she was going to make it through today.
Christmas Eve had arrived at last, and soon she would be welcoming the whole of Upper MiddleWood into her Inn as well as any other travelers who happened to pass by and wanted to partake in the town’s tradition.
It was her family tradition as well, and she was finding the idea of facing it alone didn’t scare her nearly as much as it had a week ago.
Beyond his company, his care, and his attention, Max had given her the sense that she could keep the ginger biscuit decorating going for as long as she remained at Blackthorn Inn.
He told her she wouldn’t be alone, and while that might have been something she knew in the back of her mind from the beginning, his reminding her of that in his calm, steady voice had brought it to the forefront.
As she baked the biscuits her mother had made and her grandmother before her the day prior, Lucy could feel their presence there with her the whole time, along with that of her grandfather.
Max was there too, of course. He had given her the greatest Christmas present she had ever gotten, a sense of love and peacefulness that had eluded her, kept her world dark.
Now there was light again, and there was no way he wouldn’t be there with her in thought and in spirit every year from now on.
As Lucy placed bags of royal icing and toppings for the biscuits on different tables that Brent had helped her set up the day before, a heavy sigh escaped her lungs.
There was one thing she regretted about her time with Max, and that was her not telling him exactly how she felt.
He had given her so much, but she had been unable to give him a vocal expression of her love in return.
He was leaving, so she hadn’t seen the point, and while he tried to talk about coming back to England, maybe trying to make things work between them, she couldn’t handle another disappointment this year.
She thought it was better to keep their time together as some magical occurrence, much like the one her mother had with her father, but she was wrong.
From the moment she watched Max hop into the back of Brent’s van and head off toward the train station, his eyes holding a hopeful look despite the fact they were most likely seeing each other for the last time, Lucy wished she could’ve run after him and told him how much their time together had meant to her, how much she had wanted that time to never end, and just how very much she loved him.
Perhaps she could have called Brent back or chased Max to the train station where she would make some grand declaration on the platform in front of dozens of strangers, but something held her back.
Lucy knew more than anyone life was short, you should leave nothing unsaid to those you adored, yet she had.
Maybe she had needed him to say it first, but more than that, she needed to know he was going to stay.
Max had healed her heart in ways she hadn’t thought possible, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t still fragile, still capable of being bruised should he not return her feelings or not want to be with her forever.
The way they had made love that last morning indicated he did, but without him voicing it and with no solid plan for them to move forward as a couple, she couldn’t be sure.
It had been so much sweeter, so much more emotional than the other times they had slept together.
Max had explored her body slowly, his hands lightly caressing her skin as if they were mapping it, memorizing each dip and curve as he went.
When she had all but begged him to end his ministrations and come to her, he entered her slowly, staring into her eyes the whole time.
Lucy saw so many things behind those pools of jade, so many feelings that she felt as well.
Love, gratitude, and a bit of sadness that it would be the last time they were able to be together.
Max had wanted to make her promises of more, but she knew better than to count on that.
He was a successful pastry chef, and even if he did move back to England, there would be little opportunities for him in the tiny town too far north of London, and Lucy couldn’t stand the thought of him giving up his passion, his livelihood, to while away in the country with her.
Blinking away the moisture that threatened to fall, Lucy made one last trip into the kitchen to gather as many biscuits as she could as well as the gingerbread cottage replica she had finished the night before.
As she carried the miniature Inn over to the reception area where it would stand in pride of place for all those who entered to admire, she tried to focus on all the good that had come of Max’s visit.
He had helped her decorate and bake some biscuits, but more than that he had helped her realize the people who loved her that had passed would always be a part of the tradition because they were a part of her.
Lucy was a product of the love given to her by her mother, her grandparents, and now Max.
No matter how empty the house might be at times, it would always feel like a house filled with love because the spirit of those people would remain with her for the rest of her life.
After depositing the ginger cottage on the front desk and placing trays piled high with biscuits on the various tables scattered around the main floor of the Inn, Lucy went upstairs to prepare herself for the day’s event.
As it was Christmas, she put on her favorite forest green velvet dress to reflect one of the colors of the season.
The other would be present in her strawberry hair she left down and styled into loose waves.
After putting on just a smattering of make-up, she headed back downstairs just in time to greet the first attendees for the biscuit decorating.
“Happy Christmas Eve,” Brent exclaimed as he entered. He was arm in arm with his fiancé, his senior parents trailing behind them. “Are we the first to arrive?”
Lucy smiled at her long-time friend and greeted each of the guests with a welcoming hug.
“You know you’re the first. You always are,” she reminded him.
Brent was a wonderful friend, and while she may have retreated into her grief a bit over the last year, he remained one, always offering his silent support and never leaving her alone for too long.
Lucy pulled back from their hug and smiled at him. “Thank you.”
Brent raised one dark eyebrow, his expression confused. “What are you thanking me for?”
Lucy shrugged before stepping aside and letting him hang up his coat. “For being a good friend.” Friends weren’t always easy to come by, and she would remember to thank him more often.
“You’re very welcome,” he said, his expression morphing into a knowing smirk. “But I thought you might be thanking me for bringing a certain traveler to your Inn about a week ago.”
Lucy grabbed his hand and pulled him over to one of the tables set up for decorating. “That, too,” she said, her eyes trying to convey just how much she meant it. Max had been the best holiday surprise she didn’t think to ask for.
After helping the four get settled in with their supplies, she turned to make her way into the kitchen to start some tea brewing, but a hand on her arm stopped her. When she turned back, she saw a sad smile on Brent’s face. “I wish I could have kept him here longer for you.”
Lucy nodded, thoughts of Max’s leaving still a bit raw, but there were so many good memories mixed in there too, that she felt a smile coming over her face.
“Same.” With a pat on his hand, she disappeared into the kitchen.
It was the room in the house that held her fondest memories, and now she had more to add to the pile.
While she might miss Max terribly, as long as she remembered their time together, he would always be there with her.
***
Hours later, most of the townspeople had made their way through the Inn as had other travelers looking for a Christmas activity to do while they toured the area.
The biscuit decorating was good word-of-mouth advertising for her business, but, unfortunately, she still hadn’t received any reservations for the next few days.
Lucy had hoped there would be at least a few people in need of last-minute accommodation, but it seemed as though everyone was on top of things this year, so she would be spending Christmas alone.
Brent extended an invitation to his parent’s house for Christmas Eve dinner, which she had graciously accepted, but the day of would be hers and hers alone.
It wouldn’t be all bad. Perhaps she would sit in front of the fire and reminisce about her time with Max to pass the time.
She had certainly been thinking of him a lot that day.