Chapter 9 #2
Today, I felt like getting some fresh air, so after washing my face and brushing my teeth, I put my hair in a bun on the top of my head, dressed in workout clothes, grabbed my phone, headphones, fanny pack, and a bottle of water and headed out.
I’d been listening to an audiobook by Monica Walters called Rounds, so I pressed play before doing a few stretches. Dr. Israel had my attention from the first chapter because he was a nasty nigga, and I loved every bit of it.
A few minutes later, I started the timer on my watch and began walking briskly.
Although I lived in a safe neighborhood, I was always aware of my surroundings as I followed my route, which I changed every few weeks, nodding at my neighbors who had the same idea this morning, and waving at those who were already headed to work.
As I approached a house that had recently been occupied, the garage door opened, and a car began backing out. I stopped in front of the house to wait for the car, and it seemed the driver stopped in the driveway to let me walk by. When I realized it, I trotted past quickly, then continued my walk.
Seconds later, I felt a hand on my shoulder, startling me and causing me to turn around, swinging. When I saw who it was, I snatched my headphones off with one hand and covered my chest with the other.
“Nigga, are you crazy!” I shouted.
“My bad, baby. I didn’t mean to scare you, but you didn’t hear me calling you.”
“Duh! I’m wearing headphones. What do you want?”
I hated how attracted I was to him, so I tried to hide it with attitude. I was pretty sure he saw right through my act, or he would’ve left me alone by now. I folded my arms over my chest because my nipples had betrayed me once again.
“I just wanted to say good morning.”
I smacked my lips and rolled my eyes before saying, “Good morning. I didn’t know you lived over here.”
“Now that you know, will you come visit me?”
“Kilo, please.”
“I checked the National Association of College Sports rules, and I didn’t see anything that prohibits us from dating.”
“You probably didn’t do a thorough job, but not dating has more to do with my son than NACS rules.”
“I’m sure if we talked to—”
“I already told you, I don’t need Nyeem’s permission. If we date and things don’t work out, I don’t want you taking it out on my son on the field.”
“I wouldn’t do that.”
“You’re saying that now, but when feelings are involved, things happen.”
He looked at me for too long, with an intensity that made my pussy throb, and neither of us said a word. I wanted to look away, but his eyes held mine hostage. Finally, he spoke in a voice so low, I almost didn’t hear him.
“I’ve imagined myself loving you in so many ways.”
Before I could think about it, I asked, “How many?”
He stepped into my space, forcing me to lift my head ever so slightly.
“There’s only one way for you to find out.”
He pressed his lips against mine before I could protest, not that I would have. Like every other time our lips had touched, I wanted more of him. As his tongue dipped in, out, and around my mouth, chills traveled through me. There was no denying how much I wanted this man.
When I heard myself moan, I knew we were getting carried away, and I tore my mouth from his. My breathing was labored from just a kiss, and that shouldn’t have been the case.
“I have to go,” I said.
“There you go running again.”
“I’m not running. I have to go to work.”
“Give me your number, track star.”
I looked at him suspiciously because calling me track star could mean a couple of things. Instead of asking him to clarify, I took my phone from my fanny pack and unlocked it. He called his phone, letting it ring once before ending the call and returning my phone to my hand.
“Don’t block me, and don’t ignore me when I call you.”
“I’ll think about it.”
I put my headphones on and walked away before he could respond. Our interaction played back in my mind for the rest of my walk, so I’d have to listen to the last chapter of the audiobook again.
I wanted Kilo in the worst way, but I didn’t think starting a relationship with my son’s coach was a good idea. We could always sneak around and keep things on the low, but I had a feeling Kilo wasn’t the kind of man who’d agree to being my sneaky link if he wanted more.
I arrived home and did a few stretches on my porch before going inside. When I entered the house, Nyeem was waiting in the living room.
“You okay?” I asked because his expression concerned me.
“I think I made a mistake.”
“What happened? Are you hurt? Did you hurt someone?”
“Nah, Ma. Nothing like that. I think I made a mistake agreeing to play football.”
“Why? What’s changed since last night?”
He sighed. “Coach Kilo hired him.”
“Hired who?”
“Ambrose.”
My stomach hit the floor, and I suddenly felt nauseous. I inhaled a few times before confirming what I’d heard.
“Did you say Ambrose?”
“Yeah. He hired Ambrose as the DB coach.”
“Ambrose Ward.”
“Yeah, Ma. He hired that piece of shit nigga as my position coach. I’m sorry. Excuse my language, but I’m pissed.”
“It’s okay, Son. I feel the same way. I need . . . umm . . . give me a minute to process.”
“You can take all the time you need. I’m about to call Coach Kilo and tell him I changed my mind.”
“Are you planning to say why?”
He shook his head. “I have a right to change my mind. He doesn’t need to know why.”
He lifted his phone, which had been in his hand this whole time, and swiped on the screen. As much as I would prefer for him to focus solely on track, I knew he’d be happiest doing both.
“Hold on, Nyeem. Let’s talk to Robby and GP before you talk to Coach Kilo.”
“No, Ma! No! I don’t need them to tell me what I don’t want!” he shouted with tears filling his eyes.
I pulled him into my arms, and he let his head fall onto my shoulders, wrapping his arms around my torso. His body shook as he released tears he’d probably been holding in for years, causing me to do the same.
“It’s okay, baby. I hear you.”
“Ambrose Ward is trash, and I don’t want him in my life. Coaching me is a privilege I don’t want him to have. He doesn’t get to just pop up and get credit for all my hard work. I don’t want to be anywhere near him.”
“I understand, Son. You do what you think is best. I’ll always support you.”
He lifted his head and looked directly into my eyes.
“I hate him, Ma. I hate him with everything in me.”
“You have a right to feel that way, baby, but I don’t want you harboring hate in your heart for anyone, not even him. He’s not worth the energy it takes to hate him.”
“I can’t help it. How do you have a child out in the world and never see about them? He’s a millionaire and never checked to see if I had what I needed. He takes care of his other kids, but he didn’t give a damn about if I had what I needed.”
“I don’t have any answers for you, because I used to wonder the same thing. All you need to know is I love you, and you’ve blessed my life in ways I will never be able to explain.”
“I know, Ma. I just needed to get that out. I’m about to go and cool off. Once I get my head together, I’ll go tell Coach Kilo in person. I owe him that much.”
“Good idea. Do you want me to go with you?”
He smiled. “I got it, but thank you.”
We embraced again, and he kissed my cheek before going to his room. I entered my room with a heavy heart, and when I stepped into the shower, I cried like a baby. Nyeem was a strong kid, and he didn’t allow many things to bring him down.
His father's absence hurt him, especially when he found out Ambrose had a whole family. I knew that Nyeem’s high-achieving personality was connected to his need to prove to his absent father that he didn’t need him, because it was addressed in therapy years ago.
I cried because, as hard as I tried to fill the void, there was an ache in my baby boy’s heart I could never ease, because it wasn’t for me to do. I had no choice but to live with that.