11. Mind On Fire
Mind On Fire
CASH
AUGUST
You know those days that so much happens it feels like a whole goddamn year?
Yeah, that was today.
What a fucking nightmare.
Out in the fields, it was easy to think the fire had been some sort of fluke dream, but the closer we got back to the main part of the ranch reality began to sink in.
Scorch marks marred the earth toward the west, and where the barn should be there was nothing but rubble.
Everyone moved around in a chaotic frenzy.
There were more people here now—it looked like Dad had called in reinforcements.
I recognized a few of his buddies on horse-back, leading cattle toward the eastern pasture Ollie and I had been searching.
They all waved, offering up apologies and condolences. It was like I was on auto-pilot. I nodded, I waved, hell, I think I even had a few conversations with them, but I don’t remember any of it. I just felt…cold. Hollow. Numb.
How the fuck did this happen? How was it possible for everything to go to shit so fucking quickly?
Every thought escaped me the minute I spotted Maverick, though.
Fear flooded through me as I urged my horse, Playboy, forward.
Fuck, Black Betty looked a mess. She was alive—screaming and pawing and fighting mad as always—but even from this distance, you could see the damage.
Burns, raw and angry, covered her sides and back, but the way she limped and tried not to put weight on her hind leg had me worried.
Mav held her by the leadrope as she pranced and paced, trying, and it looked like failing, to calm her down. If he couldn’t get to her, then no one could. That damn horse hated—and I mean hated—everyone but him.
“How is she?” I called out, already dismounting Playboy.
I led him by the reins as I made my way slowly toward Mav.
Betty snorted and pinned her ears at me, another squeal pealing out of her.
On any other occasion, I’d make a comment, but today I understood her anger and fear and pain.
I stopped, setting my sights on my cousin.
I hoped to God he was okay. Memories of that night almost a couple years ago flickered to life in my head.
When Chey brought him to the ranch after the fire at her trailer he’d been a fucking mess.
Understandable, but it had taken us, what, a month or so just to get him to talk again?
That couldn’t happen. I wouldn’t let it.
“She’s alright,” he said, not looking at me as he murmured something to Black Betty before continuing. “Doc thinks she bruised a bone in her hind leg, which’ll take some time to heal, but that’s the worst of it. The burns ain’t too bad. They’ll leave some scars though.”
“Oh, thank fuck.” I don’t know if I was more relieved to hear him talk or to know his hellhorse would live to see another day. If anything happened to her, Mav might lose his goddamn mind.
“What about Country Roads? How’s she?”
Maverick’s mouth drooped into an even deeper scowl than normal. “She ain’t gonna race again, that’s for sure.”
“Fuck.” I didn’t know what to say. Chey was probably a wreck. She’d won good money barrel racing with her. And the mare wasn’t even that old. At least she was alive though.
Maverick focused on Betty, reaching out a weathered hand toward the frightened horse.
She pinned her ears back, her eyes swimming with fear, a snort escaping her.
“It’s alright, girl. I gotcha. I gotcha.
” The minute his hand pressed to her neck, it’s like all the nervous energy melted right off of her.
She stilled, taking deep, heavy breaths in and out.
Mav ran his other hand over the bridge of her nose, whispering something to her I couldn’t hear.
It never ceased to amaze me how he could do that. Calm an animal with a simple touch. He was like the damn horse whisperer or something.
“What all’s goin’ on?” I asked, looking around at all the chaos.
“Goodie just got back from haulin’ some of the buckin’ horses to your parents’ place.
We’re gonna load up Country Roads, Betty, and a few of the others and get them situated in the barn.
” He blew out a breath, which earned a little snort from Betty, but he soothed her easily enough.
“Ryder’s been helpin’ with the clean up, while your dad’s got some of his buddies corrallin’ up cattle and leadin’ ‘em out to the eastern pasture. He’s tryin’ to figure out how many we lost.”
I rubbed at my temples, trying and failing to ease the headache that brewed there. This was a nightmare. “What can I do?” I asked.
“You can drink and eat somethin’, for starters.” Mama’s sharp tone forced my gaze. I whipped around, nearly smacking right into her and the plate of sausage and bacon she carried in one hand, a stainless-steel tumbler in the other.
“I ain’t hungry, Mama.” The last thing I wanted right now was to eat, but the water I’d definitely take.
“You barely touched your plate at dinner last night, and heaven knows when you’re gonna eat next. Some protein’ll do you good.”
I opened my mouth to argue, but there was a fire in Mama’s eyes I wasn’t used to seeing aimed in my direction.
One of her light eyebrows was quirked up, and a scowl marred her pretty face, she even placed a hand on her hip for emphasis.
All in all, a look that silently said, don’t try me.
Best not to provoke her when she was like that.
My throat tightened as the thought of yesterday’s family dinner sprang to life in my mind.
How she’d dropped that little bomb on us about her cancer.
Fuck, how did it feel like so much time had passed since then?
“Yes, Mama,” I mumbled, grabbing a couple pieces of bacon and the tumbler from her.
She didn’t speak, though she did watch me until I’d forced myself to eat and drink. “Good,” she finally said with a nod. “Now who’s that dark-haired girl who was with you?”
I frowned. “Ollie? Oh, shit!” I’d forgotten all about her.
In the thick of everything going on, I’d gotten completely caught up.
Which was definitely a bit shitty of me, but it’s not like I did it on purpose.
I looked beyond Mama, scanning around for her until I caught sight of the horse she’d been riding.
My dad led it towards us, still saddled.
“Hey, did you talk to Ollie?” I asked when he got within earshot.
My dad nodded. “She left with a couple of Hux’s ranch hands. Asked me to bring the horse to you.”
“Did she seem mad?” I’d been kind of a dick to her earlier, so I understood if she was. But, fuck, I was barely holding on by a thread right now. Everything felt impossible. Talking. Standing. Hell, even blinking.
Dad shrugged, but Mama pegged me with a hard stare. “That was that bartender from that charity event, wasn’t it? Why was she here? And where’s Jacie Lynn?”
Jacie Lynn. Damn. Yet another thing that felt like it happened another lifetime ago and not a few hours earlier. My chest tightened and I couldn’t meet Mama’s gaze. “I um… We, uh, we broke up.”
“You what?” The two words were more a shriek than anything else. So loud they made the horses spook. I swear, I felt the two words echo through me, all the way from the top of my head to the tips of my toes.
“Ma—”
“You broke up with her? Why on earth—”
“Mama,” I tried again, but she was hearing none of it.
“Cash Ulysses Mooney, what is the matter with you?”
Well, it’s not like I didn’t need something else to deal with this morning. I bit back a curse as I settled in for the tirade poised on her lips.
Buckle up, buttercup. Now you’re in for it.
“Darlin’.” Dad’s low tone was little more than a rumble, so opposite Mama’s. And whereas Mama’s held panic, Dad’s was calm, steady. “Darlin’,” he repeated, placing a hand to her shoulder. “Now ain’t the time.”
“But—”
Dad shook his head. And though they didn’t say a word to each other, a silent conversation played out between the two of them.
I waited, watched, in quiet awe. I don’t think I’d ever have that.
Someone who knew me enough to read me like a book and know what I was saying without words.
But it’s not like I really gave anyone a chance either.
A heartbeat passed. Two. And then, with a heavy sigh, Mama set her sights on me. “We’ll be discussin’ this later, mister.”
My head dipped toward my chest, and it’s like I wasn’t a nearly twenty-eight year old man, but a kid again. “Yes, Mama.”