Run #2
More tears and hugs accompanied my words, until there was nothing left to say other than goodbye.
“Well,” I said, turning to face them where they’d all congregated before the hallway leading to the front door.
I adjusted the strap of my bag and held tight to the box my hat was safely stored in. “I’ll see you guys around. I promise.”
I was already falling apart as I turned for the door. Holding it open, I remembered one final present. I’d been contemplating whether or not to leave it…but some little whisper in my thoughts begged me to.
I turned back to the group and retreated a couple steps. “Oh, will you, um, give this to Cash when you see him next?” I asked, trying to open up my bag.
“Give me what?” That whiskey-smooth voice sent my heart fluttering in my chest like a million butterfly wings.
Fuck, I hadn’t even heard the front door open. I’d been trying to avoid this. Guilt welled in me as I turned to face him, tears already hanging in my lashes once more.
He looked good, but then again, he always did. His green and brown flannel highlighted the green in his hazel eyes, reminding me of trees in a forest with golden streams of light running through, and he’d tidied up his mustache—probably for dinner at his parents’ tonight.
His gaze flicked from my face, to my bag, and then back to me again. “You’re leavin’,” he breathed. Two words. Two small, simple words. But they might as well have been daggers to the chest. The sadness in those two words cracked my heart. Shattered it into a million pieces.
Only the one who’d done the breaking wasn’t the cocky, golden-eyed cowboy.
It was me.
I couldn’t look at him. Couldn’t take the complete and utter devastation shining in his eyes. “I’ve gotta go.”
He caught me as I tried to barrel past him, whirling me back around in his arms. “Ollie. What’s goin’ on? You’ve been ignorin’ me. My texts, my calls.”
A flood of anger surged to life within me, my defensive walls rising with the tide. Not at him. The anger, the hatred, the loathing was aimed at myself.
“Let me go, Cash.” I ripped my arm out of his grip and stormed out of the house, toward the barn. I’d planned to say goodbye to Nesta before leaving, so I’d put my bike over there after my early morning chores.
The scuff of his boots echoed behind me. No surprise there. I’d hoped he would just let it go, but he was just as stubborn as I was. “Ollie,” he called.
I continued toward the barn, passing the arena and the round pen. Dropping my bag next to my bike, I carefully situated my hat box atop the little storage area I had. All the while, I ignored him.
“Olina.” His tone was brusque, unrelenting, just like his grip as he whirled me to face him.
God, why did he have to be so fucking attractive? Devastatingly so. The lines of his face were etched with resolve, his eyes burning with determination and his mouth turned down into a rare scowl.
“Let me go,” I repeated, my voice cracking as I added, “Please?” I didn’t have the energy or willpower to argue with him. Not when guilt raged through me like a stormy sea.
“No. You can’t keep runnin’ away,” he growled with a ferocity I’d never really seen before. He was never desperate, he was rarely even angry. “I’m tired of these games. I’m tired of you wantin’ me one minute, then pushin’ me away the next.”
I crossed my arms over my chest, my eyes narrowing to slits. He had every right to be angry with me, but it didn’t stop the defensive part of me from acting on instinct. “You should be used to it by now,” I snapped.
“Goddamn it, Ollie. I don’t want to be used to it!” His voice softened a fraction. “Why won’t you just let me in?”
“Why do you want me so much?” I summoned every ounce of venom I possessed into my words. “What is so great about me? Why do you keep trying to break down my walls?” Tears hung in my eyes, threatening to spill over.
God, I hated crying. Yet it seemed all I could do today. This was all my own fault though. I had no one to blame but myself.
Cash ran a hand through his unkempt hair before fisting it at his side.
Anger all but vibrated from him. From his rigid stance, his wild, furious gaze, the harsh set of his jaw.
So at odds with his usual calm, cool, and care-free nature.
“Because—” he gritted out. “Because, you think you’re so unworthy of love or savin’ that you’re willin’ to leave the only family you’ve ever known, and I’m not okay with that.
” He took a deep, deep breath before letting it out slowly.
“Because, I want to be the one who makes you see that you’re worthy.
I wanna be the one who makes you realize what love is.
Because I… Fuck…” Cash’s words died away as he raised his arms and fisted his hands, a flicker of fury rippling through him.
For a minute I thought he might punch something, but in the next breath, he dropped his hands at his sides.
“Because as much as I tried not to, I’m in love with you, Ollie…
And all I want is to be there for you, take care of you, make you happy. ”
I’m in love with you.
The breath whooshed from my lungs, my knees nearly buckling at the admission. I knew that’s the road he was heading down the other night, but hearing it out loud did something to me.
It completely fucking wrecked me.
The angry walls of my defense crumbled away, and it hurt to breathe.
“What did you say?” I whispered, even though he and I both knew fully well exactly what he just said.
“I wanna make you happy,” he admitted once more.
I shook my head and frowned. “No, not that.”
Cash met my gaze. Raw vulnerability like I’d never seen before blazed back at me as he said with a quiet confidence, “I’m in love with you.”
I rocked back at the resolve in his tone, my voice breathless as I whispered, “You don’t even know me.”
“Don’t even know you?” he huffed, moving closer. A part of me—a ridiculously big part of me—longed for him to close the distance between us. To grab me and hold me close. But he stayed where he was, right out of reach.
“Sugar, I’ve had months to get to know you, and I’ve never been more sure or certain of somethin’ in my damn life.” He lifted a hesitant hand to my cheek, so opposite of his sure words.
I fought the urge to place a hand over his own. But I didn’t want to give him false hope. The flighty, stubborn part of me was one second from running still.