Chapter 16 #2
I sit there wondering what he’s doing as he heads to the trunk. He comes back and opens up a blanket, laying it on the hood of his car before coming to my door and opening it.
“The hood is still hot, but it’s a little chilly, so the heat will help. Just don’t touch the metal.” He laughs, holding his hand out.
Stunned, not sure what's going on, I undo my belt and let him help me out of the car.
I feel like I’m in the middle of a sappy romance movie I’d make fun of my mom and sister for crying over.
I’m a nervous wreck. I’ve never felt so happy and terrified all at once.
With a thundering heart and a stomach full of knots, I climb onto the hood of the car. Cooper goes back into the car and grabs our drinks.
“Thanks.” I take mine from him.
He winks, then hops up to sit next to me.
“I come here a lot,” Cooper says, looking up at the sky.
“The first time was after my mom passed away. I was thirteen and angry. I got on my bike and just rode for hours before I ended up here. My dad got so worried he called the cops. They found me here and brought me home. Before they found me though, I was able to lie in the grass and watch the stars. It helped, you know? It felt like she was up there watching over me that night, telling me everything was going to be alright.”
My heart breaks for him, but I know what he means.
“After my dad passed, I’d sit on my back deck for hours thinking the same thing. Just wrapped up in a blanket and zoned out, watching the stars. I felt like he was watching over me too.”
He smiles over at me. “I miss her all the time.”
“I miss him too.” We both look up, the sky brighter without the light pollution. So much prettier than what I’m used to. “I like it here.”
“Good.” He laughs softly. “We’ll come here often.”
We’re quiet for a while, just enjoying the silence and each other's company.
“Here.” Cooper hands me his phone. “It’s hooked up to the car speakers. Pick a song.”
He lays back as I scroll through his playlists.
My heart skips a beat when I see one called Blake’s songs.
Clicking on it, I smile when I see the whole Across The Universe soundtrack.
Bitting my lower lip, my thumb hovers over a song. Swallowing hard, I click on it and lay back next to Cooper, heart racing so fast I think I might pass out.
I’m not good with words, that much has been proven. I don’t know how to tell him I’m all in too. That I want everything he’s willing to give me and more.
I’m so obsessed with this man, to the point I’m afraid I’ll scare him away with how needy I feel around him.
How it’s never close enough, never enough.
I want to be near him all the time, touch him, taste him, feel him.
I want him to be a part of me. And maybe that's unhealthy, maybe that's crazy and too much. But it’s how I feel. It’s what I want.
I know he’s going to handle me with kid gloves, thinking that it’s what I need, that if he goes too fast he’s going to run me off.
I might be a virgin and this may be new to me, but I don’t want to go slow. I don’t want to take our time. I want to dive head first into everything with him.
The thought of him kissing me, touching me and even more, it doesn’t send me into a panic, it has my blood boiling and my cock aching.
Rylee said this is what happened with her. When she first realized she had feelings for her girlfriend, she went from never having sexual feelings, to going at it like bunnies.
I thought that was crazy, because how could you go from never wanting someone to sexually touch you to wanting that all the time?
The more I looked into it, though, the more I’ve seen that every demi-sexual person's relationships are different.
There’s no rules for when or how hard you fall for someone. When you connect to someone, find your person, the one who makes you feel all the feelings in the world, it’s intense and thrilling and amazing.
I see that now. I know what Rylee means. I didn’t think it would be the case with me. But boy, was I wrong.
As the song plays through the speakers, I have to focus on steadying my breathing so I don’t pass the hell out.
We lay there and listen to the lyrics. When it gets to the part where it says ‘please say to me, you’ll let me be your man,’ I can feel Cooper turning his head to the side to look at me.
My heartbeat kicks up a notch, and my palms start to sweat.
I become painfully aware of how close our hands are. I can almost feel the heat of his.
It’s crazy for me to be so worked up, so shy, like the virgin I am. We already made out and it was amazing, mind blowing and pretty steamy, I’d say. I think. Maybe? I don’t know. Still, this moment is the moment after the kiss. Where do we take that next step? Or, where do we go from here?
It’s nerve-wracking and I have no idea how to go about it. I’m hoping the guy takes pity on me and makes the first move. This song is the best I’ve got right now, but I mean every word of it.
When it says, ‘now let me hold your hand,’ Cooper’s fingers graze against mine, sending jolts of pleasure through every cell inside me.
My breathing picks up, heart hammering against my rib cage.
His hand slips under mine, twining our fingers together. A wave of heat floods me and I want to smile.
Cooper starts to sing the next line. It’s low and soft, but I just about melt into a damn puddle.
“And when I touch you, I feel happy inside.”
The song amps up and I feel him scooting closer to me. He reaches over and cups my cheek, turning my face towards him. He rolls onto his side and leans over. I suck in a breath and then his lips are on mine.
I whimper softly, everything inside me coming to life.
When he touches me, I feel parts of me I didn’t know existed, feelings I didn’t know were possible.
We shift our bodies, so that we can comfortably lay there together, just kissing. It’s slow and sensual, emotional and soul consuming.
For the first time in my life, I let myself be happy, to be wanted.
For the first time in my life, I feel like I deserve something good.
For the first time in my life, I fall in love and pray that this will be the only time, because at this moment, there will never be anyone else for me but Cooper. I want him to be it for me. To be my forever.