39. Reed
Chapter thirty-nine
Reed
One Week Later
Iscrub myself in the ER sink behind the nurse’s station; the suds washing over the red inked into my wrist—one of the last reminders everything was real.
The only memory left behind that’s tangible of what Thalia and I shared.
I’m supposed to be sterilizing myself before my next round of patients, yet all I can do is stare at it as the soap passes repeatedly.
It passes over my missing finger, yet another reminder, and I’m utterly haunted.
Why did she do it?
Did she not feel the same as me?
Was this not consuming her day and night?
I feel like I’m going insane.
My eyes screw shut as I slap the handle roughly, ending the stream before my skin begins to bleed. My chest is one, gaping cavity, but no one here has any clue.
“Hey, did you see the news about that guy who used to own a hospital?” One of the nurses asks from behind me.
I release my breath as my hands squeeze the sides of the sink. I listen to them, hanging my head.
“Oh, yeah,” another nurse chimes in. “Wasn’t his name like Bernie?
Burton? Whatever. Apparently someone leaked some files that proved he was laundering money for some underground network.
No one knows what it was, but they brought him into custody yesterday.
He ended up having a mental breakdown and screaming about assassins. ”
They laugh, completely unaware of the relief their story has just brought me.
“Burton,” I say quietly. “His name was Burton Langford. I…I used to work for him.”
Everything goes silent—the laughter dying down awkwardly.
Way to bring the mood down, Reed.
“We’re sorry to hear that,” someone says.
“Don’t be,” I close my eyes, knowing there’s some peace in him being locked up where he can’t reach my girl.
Because even after all of this, she’s still mine.
She could rip my heart out a million times and stomp on it and I would still be this—the desperate fucker pining for her attention because she’s the only person who ever made me feel so alive.
Is that pathetic? Maybe. But I’m pathetic for her. Her smile, her laugh, her.
Even if she doesn’t want me…
I’m forever trapped—remaining right where she left me. Loyal until the very end. Even though every text and call goes unanswered, I’m still here, forever waiting for the day she realizes…
My phone buzzes in my pocket and I reach for it before I can stop myself. My heart trips until I see a new email about a healthcare convention that’s two hours away from here. I close my eyes, stilling my pulse before I flick open my messages to Thalia.
Thalia, please answer me.
Don’t do this.
At least let me know you’re okay!
I can’t stop thinking about you. I hope everything went well.
Did you block me? None of my calls will go through.
Fuck, I miss you so much…
Heels click across the floor in my direction, and I don’t bother looking up at Taryn. Not even when her movements seem frantic and quick-paced.
“Reed—”
I hold up a hand as I pocket my phone. “Please, I told you I need time.”
“Just listen to me,” she begs as she looms over me.
“I’m not in the mood to talk—”
She takes my cheeks in her hands, forcing me to lock eyes with her. There’s something pleasing and urgent in her gaze that makes me go on high alert.
“ICU. There’s a new transfer.” She intones.
One beat.
“What?” I whisper.
She gets close, staring me dead in the eyes. “ICU. There’s a new transfer, Reed.”
My heart trips. Breathing becomes impossible as I abandon everything. I fly out of the ER, throwing the emergency doors open before b-lining for the elevators. One second, I’m walking. Next, I’m in a full sprint before I slap the buttons on the elevator’s panel for the ICU.
When it doesn’t come fast enough, I shove my hands through my hair before retreating to the stairs. I take them two at a time, my lungs burning as I push past floor after floor in a panic.
Is it her?
How badly is she hurt?
What happened?
Why did they bring her to a trauma hospital that’s three hours away?
None of this makes any sense!
I’m spiraling as I burst through the doors onto the sixth floor. In my frenzy, it’s hard to focus on anything else other than her, but I keep pushing. As I round the nurses’ station, staff call after me, but it’s all lost on me as I throw open each door in search of Thalia.
Long raven hair.
Stunning pale blue eyes.
A smile that makes the whole room light up.
Anything but what I’m thinking.
Another door only to reveal an elderly man hooked up to machines as his chest rises and falls rhythmically. I stagger back out of the room, curling my hand into my hair before a door across from me catches my eye.
“Dr. Bellamy?” A nurse asks with obvious confusion. “Are you okay?”
I push past her, not answering as I swallow. Beyond the glass of the door, Connor stands, his arms folded over his chest as he talks to someone. He hasn’t noticed me yet, but that doesn’t stop my pulse from bottoming out.
Every beat is painful. Every step could make me fall to my knees.
I push the door open, expecting to see something that could make or break me, only to blink in confusion at the scene.
Alana sits next to the bed, her legs crossed as she smiles. “Hey, Reed.”
“H-hi?” I mutter in more in a question than a statement.
In the hospital bed isn’t the woman I love, but Brooks. His right arm and shoulder are gone, with thick bandages covering his missing parts. There are severe burns across his chest and face, and it’s surprising that he’s even still alive. Especially with the damage.
“What?” I shake my head. “What’s going on?”
Connor pushes off the wall. “I’ll give you two a moment to chat.” He closes the door behind him, leaving Alana and I.
The intel expert gives me a soft look, her bottom lip quivering as she tangles her fingers together in front of her.
“Thalia has always been my best friend. Which is how I know she’s completely and utterly selfless.
She tends to give to others without thinking of herself.
” She gives a watery laugh before her eyes become distant.
“She doesn’t think she deserves happiness, Reed.
” Alana swallows hard, blinking rapidly as if she can keep the tears from falling. “She never has.”
The words hang between us as I stare at her, my chest tightening. “What do you mean?”
Alana looks down at her hands. “You know how she is. Everyone sees the strong version of Thalia—the woman who walks into a room and takes charge, the one who always knows what to do, the one who would throw herself in front of a bullet for someone she loves.” Her voice cracks.
“But nobody sees what happens afterward.”
A lump forms in my throat. “Alana—”
“No,” she says firmly. “You’re listening to me, okay?”
“Okay.”
“She carries everything,” Alana continues softly. “Every loss and mistake. Every person she couldn’t save.” Her eyes lift to mine. “And every time something good comes into her life, she finds a reason she doesn’t deserve it.”
The room suddenly feels too small. Every emotion I’ve experienced over the last few days seems to melt together inside of me.
“She did what she thought she had to do to save you,” Alana’s tears finally escape, trailing down her cheeks. “She thinks loving someone means protecting them. Even from herself.”
My heart gives a painful thud as I look down at the ink in my skin. Every memory floods back to me in full force, taking my breath away.
“She was terrified of losing you,” Alana says. “But for once, she needs someone to choose her—show her that no matter what, they aren’t going anywhere. And I think that person is you, Reed.”
My eyes snap to hers as it all comes to a head—every night spent together, every smile, every laugh, meeting her beautiful family…
“What am I doing?” I whisper.
Why am I still here?
Alana smiles past her tears before looking over at Brooks’s still form. “First, we need to handle him.”
A chill crawls down my spine as my eyelids lower. The very reason this all happened is lying right here.
“Connor can give him a one-way ticket to the primordial soup.” The intel expert shrugs.
“No.”
She double-takes at me. “What?”
My fists clench as my teeth grind. “I’ll handle him and make it home before dinner.”
She blinks before nodding. “Well, okay then.” She heads for the door before stopping. “Want to have a double date at Dale’s tomorrow night? I’m sure you and Thalia will be busy once you get back.”
I offer her a crooked smile. “Of course. See you then.”
She winks before closing the door and leaving us. I stare at the man connected to machines, his whole life in the hands of the staff that preoccupy this floor. Except for right now.
No. His life is in my hands as of this very second, and I’m not feeling generous.
My hand slides into my coat pocket, and I retrieve the smelling salts I usually carry. I break the plastic tube before stalking closer and shoving it under his nose.
His reaction isn’t as instant as it should be, giving away his deteriorating state as he languidly blinks his bloodshot eyes open and tries to move his head away from the rancid smell. Refocusing is a bitch for him as he groans and his monitor spikes.
I slap a hand over his cheek sharply, jolting him. “Rise and shine, fuckface.”
His eyes snap to me, widening. “What…you’re—”
His voice is as rough as sandpaper before I cut him off. “Thalia’s boyfriend.”
He blinks a few times before turning away from me in dismissal. “Don’t…” He takes a ragged breath, “care…”
“Oh, you will,” I murmur as I observe his vitals and the meds being pumped through his IV. “Do you know what Lactated Ringer’s is?”
He’s still ignoring my presence as he stares out the window. “Don’t…care.”
“It’s what’s keeping your vital signs normal.”
His eyes shift to me, wide and alert. “What…are you…doing?”
I reach down, unplugging his monitor and then shutting his IV down. “Just some housekeeping.”
Before anyone at the nurses’ station can become curious, I duck my head out the door with a smile. “Just trying to check his vitals manually. Don’t mind me.”
A nurse gives me a thumbs-up before I shut the door and my faux mood dies.
“T-turn…it back…on,” Brooks begs, and I can see the pain in his eyes. “Please.”
I tuck my hands into my coat pockets as I rest my shoulders back against the door.
“I don’t think I will. You tried to hurt the woman I love.
You’re part of the reason she doesn’t believe she deserves happiness.
” I push up, slowly stalking closer to him.
His breathing is labored and deep as the pain consumes him and can do nothing more than lay there and take it.
“I’m not doing this as a mercy to you. I’m doing this because no one fucks with the people I love.
If Thalia wants security, I will tie up every loose end. Starting with you.”
“No…” he begs, a single tear welling in his eye. “I…can—”
I lean down. “I don’t want your pathetic fucking promises. I want you dead.”
My hand curls into one of the free pillows before I shove it over his face and press down as hard as I can.
His body jolts and something that sounds like a poor excuse of a scream is muffled by the fabric as he thrashes jerkily.
I keep holding, making sure my hands are covering his mouth and nose so he can’t breathe.
The five minutes it takes feels like a lifetime. When he’s completely still, no more signs of a struggle or even brain activity, I ease off of him. I remove the pillow before lifting my finger under his nose and waiting.
No breathing.
Just to make sure, I check the pulse in his neck, confirming that he’s gone. I step back, taking everything in as I come to terms with the fact that I just killed someone.
But I did it for her.
There’s no guilt or even shame. I feel…accomplished. A little hungry, too.
“I gotta get the fuck out of here,” I mutter before leaving the room and never looking back.
As I walk the halls, I discard parts of my uniform—my cufflinks, my coat, and my stethoscope. I don’t care about the odd looks I’m receiving as I make it down to the ER and pull Taryn aside.
“What’s going on?” She asks.
“Get your shit together,” I command. “We’re leaving.”
Her eyes widen. “What?”
“We’re leaving,” I say slowly. “Go back to your apartment, grab Emma, pack your shit, and meet me in Columbus.”
She blinks in shock before nodding. “Okay, okay, let me grab my stuff.”
“I have to go,” I say as I backpedal out of the ER. “I have an assassin I have to woo.”
She smiles. “Go get her, Casanova!”
She doesn’t have to tell me twice.
I run out to the parking lot, my eyes scanning until they land on a man kicking his leg over a motorcycle.
Fuck it. What’s adding grand theft auto to my list of charges?
“Hey, can I borrow this?” I ask loudly as the man revs the engine.
“Huh?” he hums, the sound muffled by his helmet.
“Sorry,” I wince before slapping my hands over his shoulders and plucking him off the vehicle. He tries to fight, but I snatch his helmet and get on.
“HEY!” he shouts after me, but I’m already pulling out of the parking lot.