TWENTY-SEVEN
WILLOW
When I’ve made it to my room, Killian helps me onto the bed, and I rest with my back on the headboard.
I want to sleep so badly, but I doubt it’ll happen in this place. My stomach is still weak, and now I have a headache.
“I’ll have one of our servants bring you some tea,” Arie says, then he takes off before either Killian or I can protest.
Killian paces the room. “As much as I hate giving them any credit, I don’t think they tampered with the food. Perhaps being in this castle is getting to you, not to mention you aren’t with your mate so that could be causing an issue. Don’t you two get sick or weak or something when you’re apart for too long?”
“There’s an ache sometimes, yeah.” I sigh as I rub the center of my chest. “My whole body wants to be next to him. My heart feels like it’s beating slower without him.”
“That bloody Tether,” Killian rasps. “Can’t imagine having to deal with that. Being attached to someone else and feeling everything they feel, smelling what they smell, hearing all their thoughts. No secrets whatsoever.”
I huff a laugh. “It does sound pretty crazy when you lay it out like that.”
There’s a gentle knock at the door moments later, and Sylvie appears with a chrome tray in her hands. “Tea for the Lady Monarch of Blackwater?”
I smile and sit up a bit as she enters the room and places the tray on the stand next to my bed. She pours two cups of steaming tea before stepping back. “I melted Luxor ice and used it for the water. It has properties that calm the body and settle the stomach. There is also a hint of verdeberry for flavor.”
Hearing her say verdeberry immediately reminds me of Decius…well, back when he was Manx and Alexi was simply a barman under his spell.
So much has changed since then. It’s insane how quickly life happens here.
“Thank you, Sylvie,” I murmur.
“Of course. And in case you want a treat, I slipped some cream biscuits beneath the napkin.”
I smile, raising the napkin and spotting the round biscuits.
“You’re way too nice to be working in a terrible place like this.”
“I keep my head down and my words limited.” She smiles back. “Besides, if I didn’t work here, I never would’ve met such an inspirational woman like you. It’s my pleasure to serve you.”
With a quick bow, she leaves the room, shutting the door behind her.
I pick up my tea, taking in the familiar flavor of the verdeberry. Killian eyes me before picking up the extra cup and taking hefty sips.
“Speaking of being attached to someone else,” I say, cupping the teacup in my hand. “On Armistice Night I saw you running off with Hannie Keery. Last I checked, you two hated each other.”
Killian pauses as he brings the rim of the cup to his mouth. “We’re not supposed to like each other.”
I don’t know how to interpret that, and judging by the way he diverts his gaze and takes bigger sips, it’s clear he doesn’t want to speak on this subject.
I wave a hand. “We don’t have to talk about it.”
The room falls silent, both of us sipping, the flames on the floating candles crackling.
“As crazy as what you and Caz have, sometimes I envy it,” Killian says after some time.
“Why?” I ask, a little surprised.
“Because there is no competition to be had. No need to worry about finding the right one. It’s instant, what you two have. You’re bound by history and fate. You knew each other before even meeting one another.” Killian runs a hand over his bald head, his frown slowly slipping away. “Ordinary people in Vakeeli can bond and mate too. Not sure if you’re aware of that.”
“Yeah. I believe I’ve heard that before.”
“It’s not as powerful as a Tether. We can’t feel each other from a distance, or hear each other’s thoughts, but we can feel the connection. The moment we find our mate, a bond is created and there’s this feeling I can’t quite explain. It’s like the heart swells, your blood pumps faster, and all you want is to claim that person. To hold them and keep them close. To…be inside them all the fucking time .”
I can’t help giggling, even as Killian blushes and purposely avoids my eyes. “Is that what you feel with Hannie?”
He nods, cutting a glance at me. “As soon as I saw her, I knew it. She was the one for me. And she knew it too. I could tell she felt it when we were in that club. The way she sized me up and made her little jokes was merely her deflecting what she felt when we locked eyes.”
“Why would she do that?”
“Because women like Hannie don’t like to be bound. Women like her live freely, especially when they possess the kind of power she does.”
“Oh.”
“What we have—well, what we had …it’s complicated. Doesn’t matter how much I want her or how much she wants me, we can’t be together. She’s been born into a family that’s like royalty, you get it? And with a status like that, the heirs don’t get to decide their futures.
“After that party where Juniper took it upon herself to start a fucking blood bath with the Rippies in Iron Class, Hannie’s and Tomán’s family started feuding. Both families are Gilded, and the Gilded are rare, so in order to end the feud, they made an agreement.” Killian sighs, placing his teacup on the tray with a gentle clink.
“What was the agreement?” I ask.
“She and Tomán will have to marry each other. It was arranged by their families. In order to gain more power and to protect the Gilded bloodlines and their rare abilities, they must come together. The wedding is in a few months.”
“What?” I gasp. “Well, you have to say something, Killian. Try to stop it, at least. If she’s your soulmate, you have to fight for that.”
Killian doesn’t say anything. He looks out the open wall at the snowcapped mountains instead.
“What did Hannie say?”
“She’s torn. We were sneaking around, even after the arrangement was made, but Hannie’s mother found out. She told her to put an end to it before Tomán’s people came after me. She didn’t right away, of course, but with the wedding getting closer, she’s been with her family preparing so I’ve seen less and less of her.”
“Oh. I see.”
“I can tell she doesn’t want this marriage to happen, Willow.” He looks at me again, eyes saddening. “She doesn’t want to be with him , but she loves her family, so she’ll do it. She knows this will continue the Gilded bloodline, and they carry that like a badge of honor, so she’s willing to sacrifice her happiness and freedom for it. And believe me, I’m sure she doesn’t care about cheating on the bastard, but even if we did work something out in secret…I can’t be with her and know she’ll only run back to him. I can’t see her become pregnant one day with his child—the child that should be mine .”
He drops his chin, clenching a fist.
“But I have no right,” he murmurs. “This is what she’s dedicated to, and if it makes her happy, I won’t interfere.”
I grab his hand, and he looks down at it before raising his eyes. “You should fight for her,” I tell him.
“Fighting won’t be enough.”
“Do you love her?”
He falters. “Yeah. I do.”
“So fight for her. Look, once we’re out of this mess, you can’t just let her slip away. Just like you said about me and Caz being bonded by fate, it’s the same for you and Hannie. Doesn’t matter if a Tether isn’t involved. She’s yours and clearly she’s been yours for centuries.”
Killian is quiet for a while as he contemplates that.
Then something rare happens.
He smiles.
“You’re always so optimistic,” he chuckles.
I laugh. “Wow. It’s nice to know you can actually smile.”
He chuckles again. Silence fills the room. Calm. Comforting.
“Even if you and Caz weren’t mates, he’d be a fool not to hold on to you,” Killian says after a few seconds. “Before you, he walked through a path of darkness and refused to veer off and find the light. You’re his light, Willow. I’m glad he has you—that we have you.”
My eyes sting, and my throat thickens with emotion. I lean forward and wrap my arms around him, surprised I can close them around his large body.
“That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me, Killian.”
He huffs a laugh, patting my back. “Yeah, yeah. I know.”
I pull away, laughing as he rises to his feet. “You should get some rest. Hopefully by tomorrow we’ll be freed from this shitty place.”
“Yeah.” I nod. “Hopefully.”
Killian lingers for a second, peering through the open wall. Then he bobs his head at me, turns away, and leaves the room.
Now that I’m alone, I close my eyes and search for Caz. His heartbeat. Emotions. I search for anything I can cling too.
There are only flickers of him.
His heart is still beating rapidly.
His breathing is stifled.
He’s still alive, and right now, that’s more than enough for me.