Chapter Twenty-Six
Staring down at the floor, I force myself to take a raggedy breath. Vivienne passes me a cup of coffee. I gulp mine as I watch her pour some milk and sugar into her mug. My mind is foggy. I can feel the bottle of vodka I consumed swirling in my veins still. The lights swim in my blurry vision. But somehow, when I look at Vivienne, everything is crystal clear.
I follow Vivienne from the kitchen to the living room. The estate is quiet. An illusion to make it feel like it’s just me and her here. But my brothers are around. They always are.
“Tell me about her,” Vivienne says as she sits beside me on the couch.
Sorrow cuts through the drunken static, blooming in my chest. People say time heals all wounds, but that’s a lie. Grief is the warden of time. It keeps track of our heartbreak, reminding us of it with every passing second.
I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. The words just won’t come. “I don’t even know where to start.”
Vivienne looks at me with so much empathy. An empathy I don’t deserve. I almost wish it were pity instead.
“What was her name?”
“Matilda,” I croak. “Matilda Volkov.”
Pulling my wallet out, I crack it open and grab the picture that sits inside. It’s worn. The edges are frayed and damaged from years in my wallet. Vivienne leans over to see. It’s a photo of my mother and me from my twelfth birthday. We’re both smiling, sitting around a birthday cake.
“She was beautiful.”
I smile, my eyes blurring with tears. “Yeah, she was.”
The most beautiful woman in the world. Save for one. The woman sitting next to me. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Vivienne’s hand raise. She fiddles with the charm of her necklace.
“What was she like?”
Her question unlocks a flood of memories that I’ve repressed for years. They all come barreling out as I allow myself to remember my mother. She always had a smile. Even when there were bruises on her face, I can remember her smiling at me.
“She was sweet and kind. The best mother a kid could ask for.” Vivienne rests a hand on my arm, telling me to continue. “She always smelled like cotton candy and sunshine.”
“Sounds like a lovely woman.”
Tears forge a scorching path down my face. I can’t look away from the photo in my hand. If I had known what was going to happen to her, I would’ve run away. I would’ve done anything to protect her from the darkness. From me. I’ve often wondered if she would have gone through with having me if she knew who I would grow to become. What I would grow to become.
“What happened?” She repeats the question she asked me in the hallway earlier.
My head spins, a deafening roar filling my ears. The sound of a single gunshot. A soundtrack of the worst night of my life.
“It was my father’s way of welcoming his sons to the family.”
Vivienne’s eyebrows furrow. “What?”
“The Bratva initiation requires two things; for the boy to be fifteen and for the boy to kill who he loves most. Who does a boy love more than his mother?”
Understanding dawns on Vivienne’s face. It’s replaced with anger just as fast. “He made you kill your own mother?”
I shake my head. “He put the gun in my hand, but I pulled the trigger.”
“Because you didn’t have a choice.”
“There’s always a choice.”
“No, there isn’t,” she replies.
Annoyance and bitterness fill me. “You don’t understand.”
“I understand just fine. You’re just wrong.”
“Don’t you get it? I killed my own mother,” I yell. “Me. Dmitri. I killed my mother.”
My voice breaks apart on the last word. A torrent of sadness, shame, and anger consumes me.
“You did what you had to do to survive,” Vivienne whispers.
“And yet, I was the only one to do it.”
“What do you mean?”
“Mikhail didn’t kill his mother. And I murdered my father before Kaz had to make that decision.” I get up from the couch, leaving my coffee on the table. “My father wanted me to be the boss. Do you know why?”
Vivienne shakes her head. Those fucking blue eyes of hers are filled with concern.
“Because I was the only one of his sons who was a real man.” My chest feels like it’s cracking open. “I never wanted that job. I never wanted to be like my father. But I am. I’m just like him.”
“If that were true, Dmitri, I would already be dead.”
I collapse on the couch. Placing my elbows on my knees, I let my head fall into my hands. A hollowness extends through me, leaving me raw and exposed, like the last several hours have been nothing but a cheese grater to my soul.
“It’s not that simple,” I mutter.
But she’s right. My father would’ve killed her by now. He would’ve done it back in Vegas without losing a moment of sleep.
“You killed your father.”
It’s not a question but a statement.
“Strangling him was the only act of kindness I’ve ever done.”
“I believe it,” she says with sarcasm. “You’re quite the charmer.”
There’s a bubble of heavy tension around us. I cringe at her words, still dizzy from the lingering tipsiness.
“I’ve been an asshole,” I finally say.
“You have.”
“I’m sorry.”
Vivienne shrugs like she doesn’t fully believe me. “Thanks for saying that.”
“I really am sorry I hurt your feelings.”
“You didn’t hurt my feelings,” she replies. “I would have to have some for you to do that.”
I raise my head to look at her. She’s sitting next to me. Her dark hair cascades down her shoulders. Not for the first time, I feel the urge to tug on it. To thread it between my fingers and pull. Preferably while I fuck the bad blood out from between us. But that will never happen now. I was so triggered by her presence I screwed up any chance I ever had at her love. That’s the worst tragedy of all, yet just another line in the long list of my life”s regrets.
“Friends?” I ask.
The word tastes acrid in my mouth. But I meant it when I said she doesn’t get to say goodbye to me. If that means I have to stand by and watch my brothers love her, so be it.
Vivienne looks at me. There’s no disappointment in her eyes, no indication she feels even slightly the same. I don’t know why I hoped she would. She truly wants nothing from me.
“Friends,” she confirms, chilling the last warm part of my heart. “But as your friend, I want you to answer something for me.”
“Okay.”
“Why do you call me Viper?”
I raise an eyebrow. How does she know I call her that? “What?”
“Back in Vegas, you called me Viper. Why?”
“I did?”
She gives me an annoyed look. “Yes, you did, now why?”
I swallow, unsure of what to say. Because the reasoning she’s asking for will tell her how I feel – how I truly feel.
“I don’t know,” I lie.
“Oh,” Vivienne replies. “I didn’t realize you were the type of friend to lie. Maybe I need to rethink our friendship.”
“What? No.”
“Then, tell me the truth.”
“I did tell you the truth.”
Vivienne sighs, standing from the couch. “Then, there’s nothing left to talk about, I guess.”
Panic guzzles me as she picks up her half-drunken mug and begins to leave the living room. By lying to her, I’ve brought our fragile truce to the edge of crumbling.
“Because you’re beautiful,” I blurt as she nears the edge of the room. “You’re beautiful and deadly.”
She turns, her face adorably scrunched up in confusion. “What does that have to do with a viper?”
I shake my head. She’s not understanding. Standing, I go to her. I’m coming out of my skin with the thought of losing her. Of only knowing her as my sister-in-law and not as a friend. I’ve made peace with the fact that I will never have her the way my brothers will. I don’t have a choice on that. But I have a choice here, and if I have to be honest, just to have a small piece of her, then honest is what I’ll be.
Her blue gaze captivates me as I get closer. She watches me with curiosity and hesitation. She isn’t sure if I’m going to be kind. Seeing that in her eyes kills me, but if I want to fix it, I know what I have to do.
“Because, like a viper, you’re gorgeous and deadly. Like a viper, you know who you are, and you’re happy with that. You don’t take anything that isn’t yours, and you protect those who need it while asking for nothing in return. You know your power is a birthright, and no one can take it from you. And just like a viper, you’ll do whatever you need to defend your people. You’re beautiful, strong, and regal without even trying. It’s just who you are.”
Vivienne stares at me, searching my eyes for any hint of a lie, and I let her. I show her everything because I want her to know I’m not lying. If she ever remembers anything I’ve said, I want it to be this. I want her to know how beautiful she is, how strong she is. I want her to know that I see her – the real her.
I don’t know who moves first or how our lips collide, but they do. One moment, I’m telling the woman I adore how I’m okay being her friend as long as she knows how special she is, and the next, I’m kissing her.
Kissing Vivienne McBride feels like I’ve been lost in a maze of bitterness, and she’s the light that leads me home. For the first time in my life, the world is perfect.
“What the hell is going on in here, princess?”
Vivienne slowly untangles our lips. Opening my eyes, I see Kaz and Mikhail standing at the mouth of the living room. Their faces mixed with irritation and desire.
“Nothing,” Vivienne quips. “Dmitri was just apologizing.”
“Was he?” Kaz asks.
He gives me a long look. I can see the gears turning in his head, but I don’t know where they’re pointing to.
“I think Dmitri here wants a spot.”
“A spot?” Vivienne asks.
Mikhail leans against the mantle, content to watch the scene unfold. Kaz sits in one of the chairs near the fireplace. He’s almost villainous in the way he looks at me. My stomach drops. What is he up to?
“My brother wants a spot with us. In the harem.”
“The what?”
“It’s a harem; I looked it up.”
“You googled about us?”
“Of course. I had to be prepared for every situation. I wasn’t sure what route you’d choose, but I knew I needed to be ready no matter what.”
“How is he so damn sweet and caring but out of his goddamn mind at the same time?”
I chuckle. Kaz has always had an obsessive mind. It’s stronger with Vivienne. But I think she likes it. She likes the disturbing parts of my brother.
“This is not a harem. A harem suggests a relationship.”
“Exactly. Are we not in a relationship?”
“No. Why would you think that?”
“Sweetheart, I’ve tasted your delicious pussy, and you still think you’re not mine?”
Vivienne audibly swallows. “I’m not property, Kaz.”
“I know that. I don’t intend to make you feel like that. But you will be with us.”
“For the duration of my stay, you mean.” Vivienne looks at me over her shoulder before glancing at Mikhail and Kaz. “Once you people let me go, I’m out of here. I’m not really a forever kind of girl.”
Kaz throws his head back and laughs. A full belly laugh. The air pulses around us like the warning of a hurricane. This moment we’re in feels monumental.
“You’re mistaken, princess.”
Vivienne goes on the defensive; her whole body language changes. “Enlighten me, Kaz.”
It sounds more like a threat than a request, but Kaz doesn’t back down.
“It’s cute you think you have a choice, Vivienne.”
“Fuck you, Kaz. I will kill you, and you know it.”
Kaz pounces, pulling her to his chest. He kisses her before she can say anything else. I watch them, not feeling an ounce of jealousy. They look right together. But Kaz is right. I want a spot in the harem. If there is one. He kisses her until she can’t breathe.
Vivienne pants as he pulls away.
“You once told me to earn you. Do you remember?”
She nods, looking dazed.
“So let us do that. Together. Let us earn you.”
“Kaz.”
“Please,” he interrupts.
Vivienne sighs. “This isn’t a good idea.”
“But?”
She gives him a smile. “I only live once.”
“That’s my girl. Do you have your dagger?”
“Yeah, why?”
“Can I see it?”
Vivienne slowly pulls the hem of her dress up. I suck in a breath, watching the fabric slide up over her skin until her beautiful ass is hanging out. She pulls a dagger out of the garter on her thigh. Vivienne looks nervous to hand out the knife. By the way, she holds it, I can tell it’s something precious to her.
“Don’t break it.”
“I would never, princess.”
She deposits the knife into Kaz’s waiting palm. I think we’re all holding our breath, waiting to see what he will do next. Kaz wraps his fingers around the handle, his grip tightening as he stares at the dagger. One by one, he meets our eyes. The suspense makes me choke on air.
“What are you doing, Kaz?” Mikhail asks. “Where is this going?”
Kaz smiles at our big brother. “A blood-oath. What else?”