Chapter Fourteen
Linden
Every day I stand at the sink washing dishes, and every day I let my eyes stay glued to my neighbor’s house. Whatever clashed between us two weeks ago when my car broke down for the second time has kept him far away from me.
I know I shouldn’t take it personally, but I do. It’s just the way that I’m wired. My emotions ooze out of me and surround anyone that I let close. I let Jack closer than I should have.
If he didn’t make me feel so important every time he shows up to save the day, it would have been easier to avoid the man with all of his secrets. But one look in his eyes and I am sucked into him, because I want to know all of them.
I haven’t been able to stop thinking about the 17-year-old boy who lost his parents and had to listen to his mother take her final breaths. Or the man so reluctant to be close to anyone, but incapable of not helping when I’m in need.
I definitely can’t stop interchanging the man in the mask for the man in the baseball hat. I have no proof that it’s him, but when I think of one, I think of the other. Both of which make me feel tingly inside for different reasons.
My ex stole my ability to feel safe around men, but I feel safe with Jack, and for some reason, the man who hides in the shadows at my in-laws’ mansion.
I could have asked anyone about the man I saw, but I couldn’t bring myself to. I couldn’t shake the feeling that he was an outsider like me.
Suds splash in the sink after I drop my mug into the water by accident. Ugh, I’m delusional.
I’m practically crushing on an unidentified stranger, and definitely crushing on the man next door who apparently wants nothing to do with me.
“Mommy?”
I wipe the soap off my cheek with the back of my hand. “Yes, baby.”
“Can I go play outside?” It’s nearly lunchtime, but it’s a beautiful day, and I can’t stand to tell her no.
I glance out to the backyard, and then over to Jack’s, just in time to see him walk out his back door carrying a tray of raw steak.
“Sure, but stay right in the back. I’ll be out in a minute.”
“Otay!”
She skips out the back door and straight to her bubble station, but only picks up her wand and runs to the fence line. I watch her talk animatedly to Jack as he grills, and I smile as his mouth upticks in soft amusement.
He looks like he just showered. He’s not wearing his dirty hat, and his hair is slightly damp. His shirt looks nearly clean, and his jeans are barely worn.
He’s exposed like this, with his shoulders back and his head held high, looking over the fence at Avery. He looks serene and untroubled.
He doesn’t look like a lonely mechanic when he’s like this, and not hiding behind his truck.
I dry my hands and walk out the door just as Avery carries a plate back with a giant cooked steak. “Dinosaur food for lunch!” She yells, bringing it to me.
“Wow, did you say thank you?”
“Thank you, Mr. Jack!” She screeches across the yards.
Our eyes meet, but all I get is a gentle nod before he turns his back and walks back inside.
He never comes back out.
I stew all afternoon about his cold shoulder, and decide to take Avery into town to get takeout for dinner to distract myself.
My life would be significantly easier if I could continue to expand her palate and increase her list of safe foods, so tonight I dare to offer her a cheese pizza.
I call ahead to the only pizza place in town, and we walk the mile from our house, taking turns skipping and spinning on the broken and cracked sidewalk.
Days like this, when the weather is nice and we’re not being bothered by toxic people, it feels like everything will truly be okay. All we need is each other, and we’ll get through anything that comes at us.
I point her to the door we need, and she insists that she wants to open it, so I let her try for a few seconds before gently helping her pull. Smitty’s Bar is the only takeout spot available, but when we walk in, the graying crabby bartender barks at us.
“No kids.”
“We just have a pickup order.”
“You can come to the bar. She has to stay outside.”
“She’s not a dog. I can’t leave her outside alone.” I glance around the dark, nearly empty room, and scoff when I see the familiar set of shoulders at the far end of the bar.
Jack is here. I didn’t know he ever left his house.
One other person is sitting a few seats away from him with his hood up, looking nearly asleep, and someone else at one of the tables with his back to us, playing solitaire. Everyone can hear the bartender chirping, but no one speaks up for me.
Men are leaders, my ass.
I pick Avery up, and her arms cling to my neck. She’s old enough to understand the bartender’s words. She knows how it feels to be unwanted, even if she doesn’t understand the legality of being in a bar under age.
I just wanted a damn pizza.
I don’t bother arguing. I don’t have the will after fighting so many battles in my life already. Some things just aren’t worth your breath.
“You still owe me for the pizza,” the bartender yells just before we’re out the door.
My eyes snap towards him angrily, but they connect with the hard stare that’s reflected in the mirror behind the liquor bottles.
“Screw you.”
Those dark eyes drop to the bar as I fling the door open and carry Avery nearly halfway home before the confrontation really catches up to me.
My sinuses start to burn, and I take long, deep breaths to try to calm myself down. Fuck that bartender and fuck all those men in there. Fuck, Jack.
He didn’t even act like he knew who we were.
That’s exactly what I needed to get over my silly crush. I am never going to let a man treat me like I’m nothing. Never again.
“Mommy.”
“Yes,” I speak to the sky as I regain control of my breathing.
She tugs on my hand until I look at her, but she’s looking behind me. Jack’s getting out of his truck, holding a pizza.
“No.” I start walking.
“Linden.”
I cover Avery’s ears. “Fuck off, Jack.”
A deep scoff escapes his mouth as he covers the distance between us easily. “Take the pizza.”
“No, I don’t want it.”
“Linden–”
“Don’t. You didn’t have the decency to turn around and acknowledge me in there; you don’t get a second of my time now.”
“That’s not what that was. I–”
“I don’t care. I don’t need your pity, and I don’t need your help. You can stop rescuing me. Eat the pizza. I don’t want it.” I tug Avery along, and she waves obliviously happy at Jack as we flee from him.
I hear him get back in his truck, and I ignore him as he drives past us. But by the time we get there, he’s parked and inside his house, and the pizza is sitting on my front porch.
“Mommy, I have some?” Avery asks innocently, and I exhale in submission.
“Yeah, baby. Let’s go put it on a plate.”
* * *
“No, I’m sorry, I don’t think I’m ready to look into colleges for Avery yet. She hasn’t even started preschool.” I excuse myself as kindly as I can from an older gentleman who Edmund sprung on me at tonight’s get-together.
Being around these people is exhausting. I snag a glass of champagne and take one big drink before putting it on another tray. I won’t drink more than that, but I need a little liquid courage to survive this night.
Especially when I keep scanning the shadows around the garden for a particular reason.
I’m losing my grip on reality.
Avery’s eating cake at a table next to Merrill, so I wander inside to stop my masked delusions.
I have no business being curious about another man when I already got carried away thinking about my neighbor.
Jack doesn’t care about us. Not the way we’re able to care about him.
Avery and I are just heart-wide-open type people, and that leaves us susceptible to being hurt.
No matter how many times Turner has let her down, she’s been so eager to have his attention. Yet, I can’t even recall the last time she embraced him as her father… I don’t ever hear her call him dad. She probably doesn’t even understand what it means.
But I do. A little girl can only be heartbroken so many times.
My fingers trail across the marble counter in the kitchen, marveling at the splendor of it all. A place so beautiful and only the staff adorn it. Edmund and Merrill wouldn’t be caught dead cooking for themselves.
I walk past the dark hallway, and a light flickering on catches my attention. I didn’t think anyone was inside.
It pulls me in, though, and I take hesitant steps further into the house. I don’t normally snoop when I’m here. I stick to the well-populated areas to avoid being cornered by a disgruntled in-law. But tonight, I can’t stop my inquiring mind.
The lone lit room is an empty-ish rec room of sorts. There are shelves along the walls that look barren without books, and a toy rocking horse in the center. The carpet is a pale yellow, unique to this room that I’ve never seen anywhere else in the house.
There’s an open door across the room, and as I’m looking at it, a light from above turns on, illuminating a wrought-iron spiral staircase.
I don’t dare go higher than the first step, but the light at the top beckons me forward. Where the hell does this go?
My heels clink on each step as I climb higher, and when I reach the landing, the door in front of me is already open.
A room meant for a princess is in front of me. A brightly lit crystal chandelier hangs from the ceiling, and old-fashioned crystal sconces line each wall. Sheer curtains surround the bed, and every wall is filled with toys.
Why haven’t they ever mentioned this room in all the times we’ve been here? All the nights that Avery has ambled around bored to tears because my in-laws never wanted to be bothered by the clutter of toys.
I spin in a slow circle, taking in my surroundings, but stop dead when I see the portrait.
What the hell?
Whoever unknowingly led me to this room has to know what this is all about. I sprint into the dark hallway, but there’s not a soul in sight.
I think it’s time to go.