Chapter Thirty-Five
Linden
“Mommy! Mommy!” Avery’s panicked cries hurtle me out of a dead sleep, and I spring up from where my head was lying on the other seat.
“What’s wrong?” My hands pat her sweat-covered face in her car seat.
“Mommy!” She cries again, thrashing her arms wildly.
“She was fast asleep. She must’ve had a nightmare,” Jack says from the front, and I feel the truck changing lanes to exit the highway.
“Oh, baby. You’re okay. Mommy is right here. We’re with Jack.” I hold her head against mine because it’s as close as I can be while she’s in her car seat.
“Mr. Jack?” She whimpers, but her voice sounds more in control, and I exhale in relief.
“Right here, Avery.” He turns in his seat to smile gently at her, and hell, I soak it in too. “We’ve been driving a while. We can take a break.”
We’re at a nicer rest stop surrounded by woods, but I’m not sure what state we’re even in. I can’t seem to remember to be worried when I’m with Jack. Despite everything, he makes me feel safe.
That thought is such a relief to admit to myself that I have a hard time moving from my seat even after he gets her unbuckled.
My body has been in overdrive for so long; finally having a chance to rest has completely depleted me.
“Do you need a minute?” He asks softly.
“No, I’m fine.” I pull myself together just in time for him to help me out of the truck. Avery skips ahead of us along the longest winding path to the bathrooms that I’ve ever seen while I refuse to lean on him for support.
“I could carry you, but I don’t think you want me to,” he murmurs.
I glance at his strong, capable arms, tempted to fall right into them, but I hold myself back by the thinnest amount of willpower.
“Avery will worry if she doesn’t see me trying to walk,” I say breathlessly, as my eyes involuntarily drift back to his very sturdy biceps.
He grunts in frustration, and a squeal escapes me as he scoops me up in one arm and then does the same to Avery. “What are you doing?”
“Royal treatment for the princess and the queen,” he says to Avery, as she smiles and claps, because now she thinks it’s a game, and not because mommy is in pain.
And when he lowers her to the ground in front of the family bathroom, she even curtsies with her princess skirt. “Thank you, Mr. Jack.”
Jack lowers me down slowly so I don’t land on my bad foot, but that means every inch of my body slides down his as he does. I’m just not quite sure if he did that on purpose.
His big hand flattens against my back, pulling me in until his lips are near my ear. “When you go in, lock the deadbolt, and don’t unlock it until I come back for you guys.”
“Okay,” I squeak, but when he pulls back, I realize my fingers are tangled in his shirt. His gaze drops to them, and I watch his eyes darken.
And not in the scary way.
In the way that makes me want to fall into him and never let go. And like he might want to hold on just as tight…
I rip them away, clearing my throat. “Thanks for the lift,” I rasp awkwardly as he opens the door for us and very clearly scans the inside of the single stall room to ensure it’s empty before closing us inside.
Even though I can’t see him… I know he doesn’t move until the deadbolt locks with a click.
Avery takes advantage of the acoustics and doesn’t stop singing the entire time we’re in the bathroom. She’s behaving so normally now that I don’t have the heart to bring up her bad dream… I have no idea how to broach what we went through last night.
I don’t even have a phone. I don’t know how many hours it’s been since we left home, or how long we have left on the road… But I have a feeling that she’ll be awake for the long haul now, and I won’t have a chance to get any more answers out of Jack for a while.
Eventually, I’ll have to tell Avery about her dad and grandparents. As in, she’s never going to see them again, and they were bad people, but in an age-appropriate way.
I’m definitely not looking forward to that conversation.
“Chariot’s here,” Jack says through the door, but I’m suddenly feeling heavy with the burden of what the future holds.
How am I going to get Avery through this unscathed?
I open the door, and Avery darts at him, full of energy.
“Would you mind playing with her for a minute so she can stretch her legs? I’m afraid she’s going to get stir crazy if we get right back in the truck.”
“Sure. Want me to take you back first?”
“No, I can walk.” Slowly.
He looks unsure, but I give him a tight smile because it’s all I have to offer in front of Avery.
I take my time down the sidewalk as Avery climbs boulders and pretends to be an airplane up and down the small grassy slopes.
By the time I get to the truck, I’m exhausted and in pain, but even worse, I can’t keep the tears at bay. Guilt is eating me alive, and the events of last night can’t be shoved to the back of my mind any longer.
I almost died. I almost lost Avery. A deep heaving sob rips through me, and I hide my face in my hands against the side of the truck.
I’m crying so hard that I can’t catch my breath, and each ragged inhale burns down my throat.
But when I hear Avery giggle merrily from behind me, I suck all of it back and shove it down deep inside of me because I can’t let her see me fall apart.
No, I can’t let her see how indescribably broken I already am.
By the time Jack is putting her back in her car seat, I’m wiping the moisture from my face, and he’s glancing at me cautiously.
“Are you in pain?” He asks, coming to meet me on my side.
“Not the physical kind… Well, my ankle really fucking hurts, but that’s not why I’m crying.” I shake my head, barely keeping the dam from bursting again. “Everything is so screwed up. How could I have put my daughter through this? God, I feel like I can’t breathe,” I heave hoarsely.
“None of this is your fault. You are doing what is right for her.”
“You say that so confidently.” I scoff, wiping my eyes with the backs of my hands. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t even know where we’re going.”
“I know you’re terrified, but I’m taking care of everything.”
“Why? Why have you always been so willing to help us?”
He steps closer, wiping a rogue tear away. “It never felt like I had a choice. I met you and Avery, and I stopped caring about everything else.”
“But you were lying to us. How do I know you aren’t lying now?” His face is just above mine, giving me unrestrained access to the pain my question brings him.
“It killed me to lie, Linden,” he admits softly.
“You were never supposed to become important to me. I’ve gone my entire career not letting anything get under my skin, but you cracked me wide open within days.
I didn’t want to tell you the truth about what I was doing because I didn’t want you to be involved in the dark part of my life.
I wanted to be in the light, where you were. ”
“Jack,” I murmur, staring at his usual seriousness, but now it seems so much more transparent. He’s not hiding anymore.
“I only want what’s best for you and her,” he whispers. “Please, believe that.” His eyes plead with me as desperately as his voice.
“I want to, but I’m so scared.”
He nods gently, but our faces are so close; his nose traces mine. “I understand.”
Maybe I’m not as scared as I think because right now all I can think about is him kissing me. The distance keeping his lips from mine seems like nothing at all, and when he tilts his head, my eyes flutter in preparation to close… undeterred to receive his affection.
Instead, he takes his hat off, setting it on my head. “This will keep Avery from looking too close. It’s easy to hide behind.”
“So you can stay mysterious?” I guess as he opens my door for me, swallowing my disappointment about the non-kiss.
“So people don’t know you actually care.” He looks at me so openly, and honestly, for the briefest moment, I’m awestruck to be the one he’s sharing his truth with. As if I can see the darkness that used to surround him dissipate the longer he’s around Avery and me.
But when he shuts the door, severing our connection, and returns behind the wheel, his mask of seriousness is back on, reminding me of the man in the mask I swore I’d never be able to figure out.
And that our nightmare isn’t over yet.
* * *
I haven’t been home in years, but I know we’ve been driving north for ages and passing a lot of familiar road signs. He won’t tell me exactly where we’re going because he says it’s safer that way, but I’ve been running with my suspicions.
He could be taking us to Canada. He admitted last night to his ghost team that he already had our passports ready to go, real and fake. At that moment, I didn’t have the time to really dwell on that, but I’ve had plenty of time while we’ve been in this truck.
Just before he takes the interchange that would lead us towards Albany, I feel anxiety twist in my gut. “My parents don’t have the space or money to take us in and deal with my problems,” I tell him bluntly.
My emotions are too raw today to focus on how much that stings.
My life would have probably turned out differently if I had the option to go home. If I wasn’t forced to handle everything on my own.
“I’m not taking you there. That’d be too obvious to anyone looking for you.” He takes the interchange that will take us East, and I stare at him in the rearview mirror. “We have about two more hours.”
I look out the window at the new signs along the highway.
“Boston?” Where he grew up.
His eyes flash to mine. “There’s a place that I know will be safe, and I think you guys will be more comfortable than in some random safe house in the middle of nowhere.”
“I didn’t think you had any connections to your past.”
“This one is a… distant connection. Project Obsidian recruits operators without next of kin for their high-level ops. The danger associated with the job is too risky to have a family waiting for you at home. That’s who you saw in my house, other guys like me.
The ones you saw patrolling outside are different.
They are qualified in tactics but don’t have the flexibility to disappear on the ops like the full-time operators.
They have too many strings to be invisible.
So they’re essentially on call, and show up when needed if we’re close by. ”
“Disappear?”
“My name isn’t in any database. Jack O’Connor doesn’t exist anywhere besides on my birth certificate, but even that’s buried deep. If anyone runs the plates on this truck, it will come back to Jack Smith. A nobody from nowhere.”
That’s why Jack said he was no one… He really is a ghost.
“Why did you tell me your real name?”
“I slipped up.” He glances at me in the mirror. “The first time in my entire career that’s ever happened… Even when I was a SEAL.”
“You really had no intention of telling me who you really were?”
“Not at that time. Not until it physically hurt to lie to you.”
“The lies that were meant to protect me…”
“Project Obsidian is highly classified because it’s incredibly dangerous, Linden. I was trying to protect you.”
“Project Obsidian,” I ponder that name out loud. It rings no bells, but I guess that’s the point. “How many other Ghosts did they recruit?”
“I have no idea. I’d guess there are hundreds of operators at different levels all over the country.”
“Why do it if it’s so dangerous?”
“I was used to danger. My only skill was eliminating threats. When I was honorably discharged from the SEALS, I needed a place to land.”
“Why were you discharged?”
He shakes his head and glances at Avery. She’s awake but watching all the scenery go by out the window.
“It wasn’t my choice… I’ll say that for now.”
“Okay.” I sigh.
“I hate that you got mixed up in all of this,” he admits, regretfully.
“Did you know who I was when we moved in next door?”
“No, not until I ran your license plate after I went inside. I couldn’t believe it. I thought the entire op was busted, but I realized quickly how innocent you two were in all of it. It made it really hard to stay level-headed and do my job.”
“It’s really hard for me not to ask more questions right now.”
“It’s really hard for me not to tell you.”
Understanding passes between us. Acceptance that he never hid things from me to hurt me, and once we’re alone… I’ll finally get the truth.
But being alone with Jack feels scary too, and not because I don’t trust him.
I do trust him, but I’m afraid that it’s leading me towards more heartbreak. How naive can I be to fall in love with a man who isn’t supposed to be connected to anyone?