Chapter 19 Marsh #3
“I wasn’t always like this, though,” I say softly.
“It started after…after the miscarriage.” I look over at Lucy and she’s listening intently.
“Looking back now I guess you could say that was the beginning of the end. After we lost Clementine, I just couldn’t handle it.
I was heartbroken and I couldn’t bear the thought of going through it again.
So, I got the vasectomy, and at first Julia understood.
We were on the same page until one day we weren’t.
She moved past it when I couldn’t. She wanted to try again, and I used work as an excuse.
I kept telling her I was busy with deadlines and assignments to distract myself, until one day it was my reality, and work was all I cared about. ”
For a moment we sit in silence. Nothing but the sound of far-off chatter around us, Top 40 music playing from speakers near the ice-cream shop, and the rippling of water in the distance.
“Your family doesn’t know what happened, do they?” Lucy says.
My eyes spot Alcatraz, and I feel a strange connection to the prison floating in the middle of the water. A lonely island full of regret and sorrow surrounded by a world of laughter.
“No, none of it.” My voice rasps. “Call it pride, but I didn’t want them knowing she cheated on me. I asked Julia to keep it to herself, and she was so ashamed too that she also didn’t want anyone to know. So, we agreed to not say anything.”
“Even Oliver?” Lucy asks, and my silence is enough of an answer. “Then what do they think happened?”
“We just said it wasn’t working out. Along the way the narrative was that I ended it and somehow broke Julia’s heart…leading her into the arms of Chad.” I rub the bridge of my nose.
“God,” Lucy groans. “Well, now I get why you wanted a date to her wedding. It’s just easier for people to think you’ve both moved on.”
“Yeah,” I say quietly, fully aware of what a shit show this whole thing has become. “Just let her get married, show everyone I’m happy, put all of this to rest.”
“Are you mad at her?” she asks.
“At first I was mad because I thought she found a new me—a better version of me,” I say. “But I realized she’s not out there reliving our relationship with a different person…She needed a new relationship with someone else.”
Lucy gapes. “Yeah, but Marsh, that’s almost ten years.”
“I remember hearing somewhere that nobody should have the power to ruin your life by breaking up with you. If they do, something is wrong,” I say. “But I do think it should hurt. Not just a little, but a lot.”
“It didn’t hurt?” Lucy frowns, and I hang my head low, shaking it. “Maybe that’s a good thing,” she says softly. “Maybe that’s how you know it wasn’t supposed to work out.”
“Yeah,” I say and let that sit.
Lucy looks at me consolingly, but she doesn’t feel sorry for me. If she felt sorry for me, I don’t think I’d be able to handle that. Instead, she just smiles. She smiles that goddamn smile of hers that makes me feel like things are actually okay for some reason.
“Thank you for trusting me with that,” she says.
I look down for a second, finding the words I want to say because there’s no sense in not being honest now. Hiding what I’m feeling would only be backpedaling from everything that’s happened today. “You’re easy to trust. A lot of things feel easier with you, Lucy.”
We pull into an intimate, waterfront hotel in Sausalito, just along the San Francisco Bay. It’s a place that Quinn recommended and said that it’s the perfect relaxing getaway. When we enter the lobby, there’s a man behind the desk who smiles when we come closer.
“Good evening, welcome to the Inn Above Tide.”
“Hi.” I pull out my ID. “Reservation under Oakley.”
The man starts typing on his computer. “Yes, I have you here for just one night, correct?”
“Correct.”
“Great, and I have here one standard bedroom with two beds.” The desk clerk keeps his focus on his screen.
Lucy and I awkwardly look at each other. When we made the plans to stay here overnight, we talked about separate bedrooms. But we agreed we’re both adults and that nothing would happen. We’re mature and responsible enough to at least stay in the same room in separate beds.
“Correct,” I say.
The man continues clicking on his keyboard. The corners of his mouth turn down and his brows lift. “So, we have one of our master suites available for tonight if you’re interested. It’s only a fifty-dollar upgrade.”
“What’s the difference between the room we have and the suite?” Lucy asks.
The man starts reading from his screen. “It’s about a hundred and twenty feet bigger, a private, furnished deck overlooking the bay, a Whirlpool Jacuzzi, and a wood-burning fireplace.”
“Oh.” Lucy’s eyes slice to mine. “That sounds nice.”
“Yeah, for only fifty dollars more,” I say.
“I mean, a private deck overlooking the bay?” Lucy says desperately, and I know she really wants to upgrade.
“Let’s do it,” I say.
“Amazing,” the desk clerk says. “I’ll be honest, this is a really good deal. We usually can’t offer these but because you’re checking in so late it worked out.” He starts typing again. “I’ll just need a card on file for any incidentals.”
I pass him my credit card, and before we know it, I have two key cards in hand.
We make our way to the end of the corridor and find ourselves at the door on the farthest end of the hallway.
When we enter, we’re met with a stunning suite with floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the bay and beyond to the city skyline of San Francisco.
There’s a white stone fireplace, a gigantic marble bathroom with a double sink… and a single king-size bed.