Chapter 27 Marsh
Marsh
As I straighten my tie and feel the polyester between my fingers, I think of an alternate timeline. One where maybe things worked out the way they weren’t supposed to.
I’d be straightening my two-hundred-and-fifty-dollar silk tie, preparing for today’s wedding.
A wedding where Julia is the bride and I’m the groom.
In this world, I mustered up the courage to buy a ring.
I prepared a heartwarming speech because I am, after all, good with words.
Expressing just how much I love Julia comes naturally to me, and not like a blank page that makes me feel claustrophobic.
I finally booked that Ireland trip she always wanted to go on for our honeymoon.
I hold her hand when we go on long drives.
I laugh at her jokes because I find them genuinely funny.
I seriously consider her proposal of trying again and having a family. I look at her and feel something.
In this timeline, my reality, I’m pulling at the decent, but at this point borderline vintage, tie that’s been sitting in my closet for the past ten years.
I’m preparing for my ex to get married to a man I haven’t exchanged more than fifty words with.
There’s a different woman in my life. She’s on the other side of the bathroom door playing an eighties rock playlist on her phone and she makes me feel alive.
All I want to do is be in her company. I want to make her laugh so hard that a tear comes out of her left eye, give her every oat milk latte in Los Angeles, and find a topic she’s so passionate about she has to sit cross-legged to make her point.
Up until a month ago, I was positive I knew what the rest of my life would be.
There was frankly nothing new to discover.
I would go through the motions: laugh, cry, feel anger, stress, make love if I’m lucky.
But I knew what was coming. Now I have no idea what to expect and I’m realizing that’s the point in living.
Looking at my reflection, I like what I see. Not just physically, but the person who I’ve become. Someone who’s hopefully empathic and caring, and someone who’s capable of love. Someone who wants to give love.
The bathroom door swings open and out emerges Lucy.
I swear to god she can so easily take my breath away every damn time I see her; I don’t think it’s normal.
Her hair is perfectly curled, waves cascading down her back.
Her skin shimmers against the sunlight, and her dress that we picked out when we went shopping looks better than I remember.
Almost like it was sewn onto her body, custom made just for Lucy.
I’m surprised that a person was built so perfectly.
I can tell she’s wearing more makeup than usual, but she doesn’t need it.
Her face breaks out into a contagious smile, and I put my hand to my heart.
“Whadd’ya think?” She turns around, waiting for my reaction.
“I think that you’re in the wrong line of work,” I say.
“Oh?” She laughs, amused. “And what line of work would I be best suited for?”
“Modeling.”
She lets out a candid laugh. “I’m sure being five three helps.”
“Who cares,” I say, because I certainly don’t.
“But you, Mr. Oakley, clean up pretty good.” She walks toward me.
“I was just about to put in my contacts—”
“No, don’t!” She grabs my arm.
“Really?”
“Yeah, really.” She wraps her arms underneath my suit jacket. “I told you; the glasses are sexy.”
“Yeah?”
“Oh yeah.” She nods.
“Okay, I’ll keep them on one condition.”
“Anything,” she says.
“You call me Mr. Oakley when we get back here tonight.” I squeeze her ass.
“Yes, Mr. Oakley,” she says through her lashes. I lean down to kiss her, and she places a fingertip to my lips. “You’ll mess up my lipstick.”
“I know what will mess up your lipstick, and it’s not a kiss.” I press my lips to the crook of her neck and she lets out a squeal.
“Behave!” She pushes me away and goes to slip on her heels.
“The ceremony starts in thirty minutes.” I look at my watch. “Since it’s downstairs, do you want to leave in fifteen? I’m really not wanting to do the whole small talk thing.”
“Yeah, that’s perfect. And I don’t think it’s going to be too hot today, thankfully,” Lucy says, making me feel relieved. Palm Springs September feels like LA July. “How are you feeling?” she asks. “Are you sure you want to go?”
This is probably the thirtieth time that Lucy has asked me that since the rehearsal dinner.
There was a part of me that did want to go back to LA after hearing Julia and Chad’s speech.
To just forget the whole thing and leave.
Truthfully, maybe the Marsh from before meeting Lucy would have.
But this Marsh is okay. I thought I already had closure, that I was past everything that happened last year.
But hearing the fact that Julia and Chad are having a baby…
it obviously wasn’t easy, but I think it’s what I needed to hear.
“I promise I’m okay.” I tuck a piece of hair behind her ear. “I just want to put all of this behind us.”
“Okay.” She squeezes my hand. “But before we head downstairs, I need to tell you something.”
“What’s up?”
Lucy takes a breath, like she’s nervous to say whatever she’s about to say next. “I saw Julia last night.”
“That makes sense.”
“No.” She rolls her eyes. “I ran into her in the bathroom and we…exchanged some words.”
“Okay…” I say slowly. “What kind of words?”
“We talked about you…and her, and me, and everything. I don’t know.
It was horrible and maybe I shouldn’t have said anything, but I was just so mad, Marsh.
” She throws her arms out to her sides. “I just don’t understand why she would want you and your family here to begin with and then to just make that announcement about her baby in front of you?
! After everything that happened with Clementine…
I just, I don’t know, I needed to say something.
And I know you said last night you didn’t want to talk about it…
but are you okay? Really? Because I just felt sick to my stomach and I don’t want you to feel like you’re alone. ”
“Hey.” I start rubbing the sides of her arms. I can tell she’s upset, and there’s a heavy comfort pressed in my chest. Like she really has my back, and that’s a new feeling. “Hey, it’s okay.”
“You’re not upset with me?” Her eyebrows lift. “Maybe it was out of line…It probably was out of line, but she crossed that line first!”
“No, I am not upset with you,” I say. “I’m honored, actually.”
Lucy wraps her arms around my waist, squeezing me tight. “I don’t want her to keep hurting you, Marsh.”
I forgot what it felt like to have someone care about you. To know if you’re sick someone might order you some soup, or if you had a bad day, someone might want you to tell them about it. I rub Lucy’s back and give her a kiss on top of her head. Her hair has a velvety, rich-rose scent.
“She can’t hurt me,” I say. “She doesn’t have the power to do that anymore.”
What I don’t tell Lucy is that she’s now the only person who can.
The wedding is nothing short of posh and beautiful. It screams money and I think that was the goal. Seeing Julia’s parents and closest friends and family last night makes today a lot easier. I wasn’t sure how it would feel, but I can confirm I don’t miss having these people in my life.
Before meeting Lucy, I was worried about how it would look and feel if I showed up on my own. Whispers and looks of pity. I’m still getting the whispers, but now that Lucy’s on my arm, I’m getting dirty looks. I can’t win and I don’t care anymore.
We eventually find Oliver and Quinn in the crowd. Quinn and Lucy immediately link arms and walk across the patio, finding us a spot. My mom walks up to me, placing a hand on my back.
“Marshall,” she says.
I lean down and give her a kiss on the cheek. “Hey, Mom, you look beautiful.” She has on a simple lavender dress with blocky heels.
“Thank you.” She rubs my back. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m great,” I say. “Never better.”
She shoots me a look. “You don’t need to be sarcastic.”
“I’m not being sarcastic,” I say. “I’m serious. I’m happy for Julia.”
“You know that could’ve been you.” She looks up at me.
I frown. “What could’ve been me?”
“To have a family,” she says. “I know she wanted to keep trying—”
“Jesus, Mom,” I huff. “Enough! Stop this. It’s her wedding day and you still don’t understand.”
“I just don’t get how you could be with someone all those years and then suddenly change your mind. The two of you make sense together. And don’t pretend like you don’t care, Marshall. I’m your mother, I know these things. Otherwise, why would you even be here today?”
“To be supportive? To be a bigger person?” I say, knowing that my words mean nothing. My mother may never understand.
“Well, I think it’s cruel for you to show up after breaking her heart.”
“Oh yeah, I broke her heart. Is that what she told you?”
“She didn’t have to tell me, Marshall,” my mom sneers. “I can tell just by talking to her that she misses you. She misses us.”
“What I don’t understand is why you’re taking her side instead of your own son’s? Listen to yourself.”
“You think I don’t care about you?” She gapes. “I only care about you. Look at your brother who has a wife and a family. I want all those same things for you, and you can have that with Julia.”
“I don’t want those things right now. I don’t have to do everything Oliver did.”
“I know that but—”
“Mom,” I start to say something I’ve never said before. “Do you know how much it hurts that you think only Julia can bring me happiness? I have a job people would kill for and I have my own house—in Los Angeles, I might add…Why does being married and having kids equal success?”
“Do any of those things even mean anything if you don’t have someone to share it with?” she asks. “I just want you to be happy, Marsh. I don’t remember the last time you were happy.”