Chapter Five #2
Yeah, I’m not really sure how to come back from that.
This dinner was a mistake, and I should have refused.
I realized it was much too late for that as Jack turned into the cul-de-sac on which I’d spent the first 18 years of my life.
My old basketball hoop was still attached to the garage, and I’d be willing to bet my handprints were still pressed into the cement by the back garden wall.
Oh, man…
“Yay! Nana’s house!” Lindsey exclaimed as Jack parked in the driveway.
“I know! Your favorite place in the world, huh, princess?”
I couldn’t help the smile at seeing the excitement on her face. She squirmed with excited energy until Jenna loosed her from her car seat and let her out the back door.
“You comin’?”
I met Jack’s eyes in the reflection of the rearview mirror. “Actually, I thought it would be better if I just hung out in the car. I could watch it and make sure no one steals it.”
Jack snorted. “You have to see her sooner or later.”
“Do I?”
“JR…”
“Jack…” I replied, matching his tone. But, after a moment of silent protest, I unbuckled my seatbelt and opened the door. “Do they still keep the hunting rifle mounted above the fireplace?” I asked as I followed them up the drive.
“No. Mom took it down after Dad died.”
“Damn… there goes my easy way out then.”
Jack laughed, but covered his mouth with his hand when Jenna shot a dirty look at him.
“I’d appreciate it if you didn’t joke about suicide in front of my toddler, please.”
“Sorry.”
I wanted to retort that there was no way the three-year-old knew what I was talking about, or was even paying attention, but whatever. Jenna had made it abundantly clear how she felt about having me around, and I didn’t want to aggravate the situation.
I guess I understood. Why would she want an ex-con living in her house with her family just because I was her husband’s brother?
It was clear the situation was a means to an end, and I was already trying to figure out other arrangements.
I was making better money than I had anticipated working with Jack at the shop, so I was hoping it wouldn’t be long until I could get an apartment of my own.
The shop was thriving and busy, and I was proud of my brother for having taken the initiative to run the place after Dad’s death.
He had done a great job of maintaining everything, and from what I could tell, the place was making good money.
There was always something to do, and the guys that worked there were all solid dudes. Jack was clearly running a tight ship.
When we reached the front door, Jenna walked right in, hand-in-hand with little Lindsey. I was the last through the threshold, and closed the door behind me.
The house still smelled exactly the same as I remembered. Fresh Linen scented carpet powder with a hint of spice from the cinnamon candles Mom liked to burn year-round.
I hung my coat on the hook as I heard Lindsey squeal. “Na-na!”
When I turned the corner from the entryway, my mother had just bent down to fold Lindsey into a hug. She blinked a few times as she looked up over Lindsey’s shoulder at me.
“Hi, Mom.”
Everything seemed to go quiet for a moment as she got back to her feet and stared at me.
Then she took a few steps forward and softly spoke: “Welcome home, James.” At first, I thought she was going to give me a hug, but she didn’t.
Instead, she just turned around and asked Jenna if she could help finish setting the table.
I turned my head and quickly swiped at my traitorous eyes. I didn’t know what to expect, but I guess welcome home, James was better than get the fuck out, James. I still felt like shit.
I needed to figure out how to not fucking cry in public, immediately.
I took a seat at the table next to Jack as Jenna came out of the kitchen with a stack of plates in one hand and a long-neck in the other. She set the plates down and handed Jack the beer.
He thanked her as he twisted the top off, and she disappeared again. I looked over at my brother, and he grimaced. “Look, bro… it’s just gonna take some time for everyone to get used to having you back. That’s all.”
I heaved a deep breath and looked away from him.
There was so much unspoken shit between us, I didn’t even know where to begin.
I resisted the urge to go into the kitchen and grab myself a beer, since I hadn’t been offered one.
I would rather cannonball into a vat of corrosive acid than step into that kitchen with my mother and Jenna.
I should never have agreed to this!
Mom came out to the table carrying a large platter of pasta and meatballs, Jenna right behind her with thick slices of garlic toast piled high on a serving tray.
Once Lindsey was propped up in her booster seat between Jack and Jenna, my mother said grace and then began taking plates to fill them with pasta.
“Guess what, Nana?”
“What, baby?” she replied as I handed her my plate.
“Mommy says I’m goin’ to preschool next year!”
“I know! You are such a big girl, I can’t even believe it!”
I thanked her as she handed my plate back full of spaghetti and toast. She nodded and then turned her attention to Jenna. “Have you decided which school you are gonna go with?”
“We narrowed it down to Brown Elementary or Westpeak. Both have gifted and accelerated programs and seem like they would be a great fit for Lindsey. We already know she’s ahead of her years with phonics and math just from the workbooks we do at home.”
“Oh, yes. She is so smart, I’m glad you are looking into programs that will nurture that.
They are both excellent schools, but keep in mind that Brown is only two blocks from the church.
They have a ton of after-school programs in the afternoons and evenings.
” She paused long enough to eat a forkful of spaghetti before turning to me.
“Father McKinley is looking forward to seeing you on Sunday, James.”
I hesitated for a moment, trying to make sure she was actually speaking to me despite her having said my name. I wiped the corners of my mouth on a paper towel, “That’s very nice of him, Mom. But I have plans on Sunday. I promised someone I would help them with their car.”
Mom’s lips tightened into a small line like they had every time she ever got upset about something, but didn’t want to say so.
“Oh?” Jack interrupted, “Is this someone the same someone you rushed out to see this afternoon? Marty said that you were hoggin’ up the bathroom for a half hour getting all fresh before you ran out the door.”
“I’ll have to thank Marty for his discretion.”
Jack laughed, “Come on… what’s her name?”
I cleared my throat and set my napkin down on the table next to my plate.
Now’s as good a time as any, I suppose….
“His name is Avery,” I replied. “I left early to meet a guy.” It took every bit of nerve I had inside of me to look my brother in the face after I said it.
He laughed and then blinked a few times as if he were waiting for me to declare it was all a joke.
The room went cemetery-silent as Jack and I stared at each other.
Jack chuckled again, and then his face completely changed and his eyes widened.
He sat up straighter in his seat and leaned forward towards me.
“JR, are you saying…”
“I’m gay, Jack.”
My mother gasped and Jenna let out a surprised oh, shit simultaneously.
Jack looked away for what felt like an eternity, but it was probably no more than five or six seconds before he reached up, clasped my shoulder, and looked me square in the eye. “I love you, JR. You’re my brother no matter what, you understand?”
I was shocked. I’m not sure my brother had actually ever told me that he loved me before. I had imagined this conversation a thousand times, but it never went this well in my head.
“Really? You’re not mad or anything?”
Jack shook his head. "Absolutely not. There’s nothing to be mad about. I’m sorry if I said anything messed up to you when we were growing up or made you feel like you couldn’t tell me before.”
My mother huffed and stood up from the table. She was almost out of the room when she turned around with tears in her eyes and said, “Haven’t you embarrassed this family enough?”
“Mom!” Jack exclaimed, shocked. “Are you serious right now? That was a horrible thing to say!”
Lindsey began to fuss at all the arguing, and seeing my mother cry, so Jenna picked her up and carried her off into the kitchen, soothing her as she went. My mother turned and disappeared into the other room.
I reached over, picked Jack’s beer up off the table, and chugged the remaining two-thirds of cold, foamy liquid.
I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and got to my feet.
“I think I’ll take the train home, I announced to the nearly-empty room.
” I grabbed a piece of garlic toast off the plate and beat feet for the front door.