15
I have been here anotherweek and have not heard from Stephen or my parents. I am starting to think I will never hear from them again. Not hearing from Stephen or Courtney, fine. I do not wish to hear from them. My parents, though? I assumed they cared more than this. Especially Dad.
Molly’s colt is growing stronger every day and Megan thinks he will be a big Blue Roan once he finally changes his color. Maggie and her mama are out in the pasture with the other calves and their mamas. It is so cute to watch them take off running and bucking, from time to time.
Logan and I still have not spoken much, other than about chores or the farm in general. I am not even sure what I want to tell him. My heart has been through so much, and parts of me feel like I need to focus on myself, for the first time. I scoop a pile of horse poop and throw it into the wheelbarrow. I swear, I thought over time this smell would get better. Yet, every day I feel like my nose is going to fall off.
The summer heat in Georgia has finally gotten to a miserable temperature and humidity combo, and I feel like this tank top is not enough relief. I need to be in a pool- a cold pool.
“Almost done?” Megan asks me, walking into the barn with a saddle hanging on her hips. She puts it down in the tack room and walks over to the stall I am mucking.
“This is the last one!” I say, proud of the hard work as I look around.
“Meet me in my bedroom when you’re done,” she walks off and then turns back around, “We are going swimming!”
There is not a pool around here, so I wonder where we are going. I also hope she has a bathing suit that will fit me.
I watch her walk out of the barn and I get a sudden burst of energy hearing those words. I fill my last wheelbarrow with manure and dump it in the pile out back, at record speed. I then put the wheelbarrow back in the tack room along with the shovel. Dusting off my hands, Tiny sticks his head out of his stall. I see his hair from his mane floating in the wind. All the horses have fans in their stalls blowing on them when the temperatures rise.
“No ride today, buddy,” I rub his forehead, “Stay cool.” I kiss him on the nose. Tiny and I have taken evening strolls a lot this past week. Mainly us, but sometimes Megan joins. It has felt freeing, and healed parts of me at the same time. I never knew I could love the life I am living now as much as I do.
Making my way into Megan’s room, I stop with wide eyes and notice she is standing in front of a mirror in a bathing suit. “Megan,” I start walking over to her, “My ass is bigger than yours. Nothing you have is going to cover me.” I say looking nervous.
She waves me off, “Stop your fussing. It will just be us girls anyway.” She smiles, throwing me a few suits to try on.
I hurry to the bathroom and shut the door, locking it. I have not made the mistake again of leaving it unlocked, since the Collin incident. Trying on the first hot pink bathing suit, it pretty much fits my ass like a thong. I roll my eyes, the next one looks like it will fit the same.
I grab the black suit and put it on. To my surprise, it fits well. A little snug on the bottom but not as bad as the thong I had on a moment ago. At least this one covers some of my ass.
I throw my tank top and a pair of shorts I bought from the store over me, and walk back into her room. I toss her the suits I did not choose
“So, one did fit you!” She smirks, and I roll my eyes.
“Where exactly are we going?” I ask her.
She grabs her sunglasses and a bag with towels in it. “There’s a pond on the side pasture. My uncle built a dock on it before we were born.” She grabs my hand and leads me out and down the stairs.
“We can drive the truck out there,” she says. “Bye, Grandma,” she says as she bends and gives her a kiss. “We are going swimming. How are you feeling?” she asks her.
“Didn’t sleep well last night,” Margaret answers and kisses her back, “But you girls have fun and don’t worry about me. I’m going to go visit your grandfather in a little while.” She smiles at both of us and continues writing in her book.
Megan and I pile into the farm truck. Megan’s bag sits between us, and I notice she brought speakers for her phone to connect to for music. More importantly, she packed snacks.
The dogs stand with wagging tails as we drive away, and I could not feel more at peace than I do now. This place, the house, the farm. It is everything I wish I had growing up. I wish I had never grown up in the city with the strict parents that I did. I wish I had never met Stephen at my dad’s law firm, and that I had met someone whose dream was for us to build a life together. I think about Margaret and Jefferey, the life experiences they must have gone through together, and things they have overcome. Losing their children in a terrible accident, raising their grandchildren, working a farm, and not to mention, the time he was in the military and how hard that must have been for Mrs. Margaret while he was gone. I want the kind of love that can walk through the deepest depths of hell and still come out of the flames on the other side holding hands. A love that can overcome anything as long as we are together.
I notice we are in a different pasture than I am used to being in. This pasture does not have a single animal on it. There is large pond in the middle with a dock that goes out close to halfway and another Magnolia tree. A smaller one than the one at the house. Megan pulls up right by the dock and we jump out. I grab her bag and meet her on the end of the dock. “Wow.” I say, “This place is gorgeous. Why are there no animals here?” I ask her and she shrugs.
“All Grandma says is this is my uncle”s land. He requested in his will that the pond remain, and the land stays clear of animals. We have honored his wishes.” She smiles, remembering him.
“Were y’all close?” I ask her. “You and your uncle?”
She wipes a tear from her eye and her lips turn up into a small smile, “I was young, but yeah. He was like a second dad from what I can remember. There’s pictures of him somewhere. Grandma put them all up a few years ago, which I’m not sure why. The memory must have been too much.”
I smile and nod but stay silent. This family has been through so much it breaks my heart. I wish I could do something for them, but I can hope my presence here is healing more than just me.
I look around at the pond and land, “That would be a beautiful place for a farmhouse.” I say, pointing to the far back pasture. The pond would be directly to the right of it and the sun would set directly across the water from the house. That would be a perfect view.
Megan agrees and she walks on to the dock, nearly to the end. I follow her, taking out towels once I get to where she is. I place one on the dock for me to sit on.
I drop the bag and start to sit down, “Oh, no ma’am,” Megan says, walking back to the magnolia tree, grabbing a rope I must have missed when I walked past it. “We came to swim!” She walks towards me with the homemade swing with a handle tied to the end of it. She hands it out to me, and I raise an eyebrow.
Standing up, I grab the handle from her hand, and I yank on it a few times to make sure it is secure enough to not break. “How deep is this pond?” I ask her and she smirks, “Deep enough for your skinny ass.” She jokes and I stick my tongue out at her. I start running towards the water and let the swing take me out into the air above the pond and let go. Dropping quickly in the cool water, it is refreshing as my head goes completely under. The pond is deep enough that I do not even touch the bottom. I swim back to the surface, laughing.
“Now this is what I needed after mucking stalls. Why are you just now taking me here?” I ask and she laughs, swinging into the pond at the same time with a splash.
When she emerges to the surface, we both float around on our backs and enjoy the cool of the water and the blue sky above us.
“Where was our invite?” We hear Collin’s voice from the dock. It startles us so badly that we jump. Logan and Collin walk down the dock towards us. Megan and I look up, and Collin is pulling his shirt over his head and does a cannon ball into the water. I squeal when I realize how close he was to hitting me.
He emerges up from the water and laughs. He starts floating around us and before I know it, he goes under the water and I’m being picked up. As he emerges from the water, I come up with him. Somehow, he is standing flat footed on the bottom and I’m on his shoulders.
“Collin, put me down!” I scream as I hold on to the top of his head.
“Damn, Ivy. Don’t pull my hair out!” He laughs and drops me down backwards into the water before I realize what is going on.
I come up from the water and splash him, “Jokes on you, I peed on your shoulders.”
Megan and I giggle, and the blood rushed from his face. “You did not!” his face changing to a shade of green now at the realization.
I shrug my shoulders, “Be careful who you mess with!” I wink at him, and he splashes me.
“Come on, Logan!” Megan says, “Join the fun.” Megan splashes around and I look up, forgetting that Logan had been standing there this whole time. He looks pissed.
“Nah,” he says, turning his back, “I think I’ll just go back to the barn and check on everyone.” He starts walking away in the direction he came from.
Megan and Collin give me a sad smile and shrug.
“I’m going to check on him.” I say to them. I climb up the ladder on the side of the dock and put my shorts back on over my bathing suit bottoms and grab my towel.
Running off the dock to the trucks I scream, “Logan! Wait up!”
He does not turn away but I grab his arm as I reach him. “Are you trying to ignore me?” I say a little bitchier than I had intended.
He huffs and turns to me, “You have been ignoring me all week, Ivy.” He turns away from me again, and stomps back towards the barn.
“Don’t you dare turn this on me!” I say, matching him step for step even though the tall grass is making my legs itch and I’m in my flip flops instead of boots.
He does not say a single word or answer me as I try to talk to him. Instead, his breathing gets heavier, and his nostrils start to flare. He turns, heading to the back of the barn. I stop in my tracks. I have never been back here before. Is this where he lives? I think to myself. I had never given a thought to where he lived, for some reason.
He turns up a flight of stairs and I follow him. “Go away, Ivy.” He says sternly, but I do not listen.
He gets to the top, stops at the door, and turns to me, “You are infuriating me!” he says with a dark glare. My breath hitches because I have seen his eyes this way before. I feel like I can see into his soul.
His breathing is rigid, and I look down and notice his hand is on my waist. I realize I am still wet from the water I was just swimming in. He steps closer to me, and I am frozen where I stand.
His eyes go to my lips and then to my neck followed by my breast and then I feel him undressing me.
The sound of a horse kicking a stall in the barn knocks me out of my trance and I step back. His hand falls from my waist. “We need to talk about all of this.” I say to him, my voice almost a whisper.
He nods but does not say anything. He just opens the door and gestures for me to step inside.
I shake my head no. “We can’t talk here.” I say and start walking back down the steps. “We both need to cool down first,”
I grab his hand. He looks at the touch, then back at me with hopeful eyes. “I’ve been through a lot, Logan. I need to think about my heart.” I give him a smile, letting go of his hand. I turn and walk back down the stairs to gain as much distance as I can, before I make a mistake and regret it.