17
It’s been over twenty-four hours since Megan called me with an update from the hospital. They will not be coming home today like originally planned. Collin came by earlier and got a bag of clothes for them and Margaret but did not stay long. He did tell me Megan would not leave Margaret’s bedside and she is just thankful she does not have to worry about the farm.
Logan went out to check fences this morning and I came back inside after doing mid-morning chores to clean up in the house and fix some lunch for us. The house has been so quiet since it is just the two of us here. Logan and I stayed in the main house and watched a movie last night. He slept in Collin’s room and let me have my own room, understanding it may take some time before I am ready for that next step for us.
I stand at the kitchen sink, slicing tomatoes for sandwiches, when I look out the window really taking in the view. I never noticed it until now, but looking out I can see the pond that we have been swimming in, in the distance. I smile at the daydream I have of how beautiful it would be to put a home there; with kids running around, dogs and horses too.
Ouch. A pain hits my finger and I look down and quickly snap out of my trance. I put the knife down and hold pressure over my finger. I neglected to pay attention to what I was doing and sliced my finger. I grab a paper towel to put over the cut to stop it from bleeding and start opening drawers looking for a Band-Aid.
I finally find one in the last drawer I open. It is next to the pantry cabinet across the kitchen. I grab a bandage out of the box and wrap it around my finger. I start closing the drawer, but I stop. Margaret’s notebook she handed me was sitting on top. I had forgotten about it. It must have been in the stuff I cleared off the table when I was cleaning. Taking it out carefully, I walk over to the table and sit down. Opening the pages, I notice they are all handwritten letters.
Starting on the first page, I notice how recently they have been written by the date at the top.
––––––––
My precious Magnolia,
How I miss you. Somedays I wonder how you look now. You are well into your woman years now and I wish I knew you. Your father had so many plans for you and so many things I hope you are able to experience some day still. Your grandfather asks about you often. I wish I could tell him you made it home to us...but we will continue to pray you do. I don’t know why terrible things happen to us sometimes, but I have to believe something better is coming. Life is funny that way, sometimes it throws us curve balls and we have to learn to dodge them. Sometimes we get hit in the process of dodging, but we just limp on towards that next base as fast as we can.
I wish you knew your cousins, Megan and Collin. They would love you so and I daydream about days of you all running this farm together. I know I will never get that dream as a reality, but it gives me comfort.
There are days I wish I had Alzheimer’s like your grandfather, then maybe my mind would get me out of the hell of losing your father and your aunt and uncle. I would only remember the younger days and the better days.
I still try to write to you every day...some entries are shorter than others, my hand is failing on me and some days I can’t write as much.
I hope wherever you are in this world, you are doing important things that I always said you were capable of. I hope you know how loved you are, and you always have a home here in Maple. I leave the front porch light on every night hoping you find your way back to us.
I love you, Maggie.
-Nana