Chapter 5
Tony
What just happened?
Probably the most exciting thing that’s ever existed in the fucking world. I feel as if there was a chance for me to grab some kind of brass ring. Like a lottery ticket that was one number off. Or a stock that took a dive before I had a chance to call my broker.
Julia offered me something incredible, but when I reached for it, it wasn’t there. My hand would be empty if I had a hand, but I don’t even have that.
Really though, it was incredible. I’m still the luckiest level around.
I’m strangely satisfied. As if the act was enough and finishing was optional.
One thing I did figure out during my adventure with Julia is that we’re on a boat. That explains the rocking. And also, Caspian’s got his body back. That’s two things I figured out.
Julia gets off me and throws on clothes. She kisses Caspian. I can think it’s sweet and still want to be kissed. But she doesn’t kiss me before she leaves the room.
It’s fine. It’s not like I have lips anyway.
Now I’m on the bed, totally askew. Half up, one third down. Bubbles cockeyed. On sheet, over blanket.
I feel okay. Julia’s gone, but she left me glazed with her. It’s so nice. Comforting.
Caspian puts on his pants. No underwear.
No shirt. I still can’t believe he has arms and legs and a mouth.
I envy the fact that he has a body, not that he’s using it to be intimate with Julia.
He’s my brother. It sounds strange even when I say it to myself, but him being with her is a good thing.
It doesn’t arouse any kind of bad feeling.
Unless he’s an asshole to her. Then I’m going to tilt his world.
But he wouldn’t. I just know it. He’s not perfect, but I know he wouldn’t betray her.
Caspian picks me up. “You all right?”
He asks me as if I can answer, but doesn’t wait for me to say anything. Which is good. I’d worry about his sanity if he did. He puts me in his back pocket.
We don’t go far.
He goes into a tiny bathroom and latches the door. He takes a whizz and washes his hands. Then I’m removed from his pocket and put on the vanity.
“I know this has got to be bugging you.” He crouches to look in the cabinet under the sink. “But don’t worry. I’m not going to leave you like this.”
He finds an old toothbrush that looks as if it’s been used to clean corners where the floor and wall meet, a small bottle of bleach, a rag.
What’s he going to do with all that?
“I don’t know where you’re at,” he says as he pours bleach onto the toothbrush.
“I can’t ask you and I can’t read your fucking mind.
But here’s the deal. Julia needs you, and you’ve got to help her.
I don’t know shit about how you feel, but I know…
I know you care about her. Don’t ask me how I know.
” He rinses the bleach off the brush. “But I do. So, what happened back there, you couldn’t say yes to it. ”
I did. I did say yes. I just don’t have a mouth.
“And now, you’re a mess.”
I’m not a mess!
He pumps hand soap onto the toothbrush.
“But you’re gonna have to do it again. The only way to break the curse is to love her.”
What? I already love her. But he said something about breaking a curse, and that sticks in me like a thorn. Something about it hurts where it shouldn’t. Like an old wound, I’ve gotten used to the pain.
No. Stop. I have to focus on hope.
Is he saying I can have arms and legs and a mouth again?
To hold her and kiss her? I can’t process it.
Right now, everything is the swick-swick-swick of toothbrush bristles.
I can’t tell what he’s saying over the scrubbing on my surface.
Like the way my brain used to scream louder and louder that I have to wash hands Wash Hands WASHHANDS, the sound of the bristles is loud as fuck, but not in the ears.
But also… wait.
Does he realize he’s taking her off me?
He needs to stop. Julia’s juices had dried and yeah, they were crusty and yes, Tony with arms and legs would have needed to get it off, but I don’t have arms or legs or a mouth to tell him to fucking stop. I want it there. I want her there. But he keeps scrubbing and talking.
“…open the accounts. She needs money and you have…”
swick-swick-swick
I try to hold on to the bits of her love that fell into my deepest creases, but Caspian’s being really thorough. He’s never been this methodical cleaning anything.
“…I’ll swear I’ll keep you fucking spotless…”
swick-swick-swick
“… you gotta do…”
swick-swick-swick
“… her off…”
swick-swick-swick
He even gets into the groove where the glass tube meets the metal.
“… come like she…”
swick-swick-swick
He rinses me. There’s nothing of her left. I’m as clean as the day I was made. I’m a little pissed about it. No. I’m really pissed about it. He just washed off the only good thing that’s happened to me in I don’t know how long.
“No pressure.” He dries me. “And it’s not like you have to get it up.”
Fuck you, Cas. I never had a problem with that.
“Look. How it happened for me was, she was using my handle side. You know what I’m talking about. She came, and when she did, it was like I exploded back into myself. Maybe it’ll be the same for you, except she won’t think she’s being assaulted. That sucked.”
He kinda half-laughs, but not in a funny way. It’s as if he has regrets.
“She knows what to expect this time. But she gets this look on her face whenever I put you near her. I don’t blame her. You’re all edge, buddy. Fucking isn’t that exact, you know? So you need to just do the job without being level.”
What does he think? I was rubbing against her worrying about the placement of my bubbles? Nothing could have been further from my mind. Mostly.
Actually, being level is my literal job. Maybe I was a little preoccupied.
“I’m saying, maybe you don’t get to have exact control over the situation. I’ve been where you are. You have your own thoughts in your head. You can hear me in a way. You want to talk, but you can’t. Try to keep it together. For her. She needs you, and she’s worth it.”
Right. I’m glad he knows what I know. We’re on the same team.
“You got it?” Caspian says when he’s done drying me.
I got it. I’ve never gotten anything the way I got this.
If Caspian’s going to keep scrubbing me because he thinks it’s what I want, I’m going to have to keep getting her juices all over me all over again until I turn into a man with a mouth.
First thing I’m going to do is tell him I don’t need to be this fucking clean.
The boat sounds as if it’s coughing. The other man is with us. His name is Dan. He’s standing at the control panel with his hand on the wheel, driving the boat. I’m in Caspian’s back pocket, smashed between his ass and the captain’s chair.
“The way it works,” Dan shouts over the wind, “is there are private docks. They cost a fortune and there are waiting lists that… forget it. Years long. So forget that. Some are for rent. Also expensive and you need a rezz.”
“We used to just park and if someone tried to give us a problem, we’d take care of them.”
Caspian’s acting as if this happened more than once, which it didn’t.
Otherwise he’s absolutely correct. It did happen.
We came into possession of a fifteen-footer we needed to unload.
Giancarlo took Caspian to sell it. They were going to get into the Newport Club with a couple of dates.
Cas knew a dealer to chat up. They parked the boat.
Some dipshit had something to say. They took care of him and left the boat there the three hours it took them to sell it.
They were good about it. They put cash in his pocket for the medical bills and even paid a guy to scrub the blood off the pier.
“You took care of it how?”
Caspian shrugs. “It wasn’t that bad.”
“Dude. You’re starting to make me uncomfortable.”
“He coulda kept his hands to himself. And if he couldn’t, he coulda laid them on me or Giancarlo. But he touched one of our girls.”
“Ah. Right. That makes sense,” Dan says.
Damn right, it does.
“If you’re saying there are private docks,” Caspian says, “that means there are public docks.”
“Yeah. Some docks are first come, first served. There’s a line out to the fucking ocean. Other ones, if you know someone, they can hold a space for you.”
“Which one are we doing?”
“We’re doing option three.”
“Don’t hold out on me.” Caspian pushes Dan’s ass with his foot. “What’s option three?”
“Get lucky.”
If I had a mouth, I’d tell Dan that luck is a finite resource.
You have to leave the table before it runs out.