Chapter 9 #2
Lara’s pupils are wide in the room’s half-light. Her gaze travels over my features like she’s looking for an answer in them. But I’m good at bottling up my emotions when I have to. She won’t find her answer. Instead, I pull out my phone and type a message to Elsa.
Luca: I have a terrible headache, so I had to leave. I’m really sorry! Lara just went to get some medication for me, that’s why she’s gone too.
Elsa: Oh my, what a shame! Let me know if there’s anything at all I can do. Get well soon!
“Hello?” Lara’s waving her hand in front of my face, and when I look up, she’s suddenly very close to me. Dangerously close.
“Scoot over” is all I say.
“Nope. Still waiting for an answer. And you get out your phone? Didn’t your parents teach you any manners?”
“Course they did. Which is why I’ve just officially excused myself, before they report us both missing.”
“You haven’t told them we’re . . .” She stops at the shake of my head.
“I have a terrible headache, and you’re holding my hair over the loo and getting me medication. Just in case they ask you tomorrow.”
“Thank you.” As our banter’s gone on, Lara’s sobbing has stopped, and my heart feels a little lighter. “But I’ll be making a break for it before they can see me anyway. I really don’t want to meet that Shane tosser again or look at Elsa’s pitying face.”
“Your game’s brilliant, Lara. This isn’t the end.”
“Yes, it is. I’m never getting through to the next round after that performance.
And there’s not that much funding to go around in our industry.
My studio has already scoured the other few options that are out there.
This was our one chance. I’ve bodged it.
” She turns her mobile over in her hand.
“The video has 24,000 views now. No one’s going to take me seriously .
. .” Her voice starts to shake again, and she wipes her eyes impatiently, as though she’s angry at herself.
“Here.” She holds her phone out for me to see.
TikTok is open, and the video’s running with the sound muted.
“Lara . . .” I start, but she interrupts me by tossing the phone down in my lap.
“Look at it.”
“How long have you been watching this?”
“What do you think?”
I sigh. “Then about 20,000 of those views must be from you alone.”
Again, my attempt to cheer her up falls flat.
Instead, Lara nods at the phone. So I rewatch the scene I just saw.
But after only a second or two, I’m distracted by the comments flying across the bottom of the screen.
Each one is nastier than the last. When they’re not insulting Lara for her gaffe, it’s her voice, her supposed thunder thighs, or the fact that she’s a woman.
I lock the screen and put her phone down.
“None of that is true.”
She shrugs like she doesn’t care, but I can see the pain in her eyes. She’s clenching her jaw, and she’s still so close to me that I can see a tear roll down her cheek. I raise my hand to wipe it away, but I manage to stop myself in time.
“But what if it is?” Her voice breaks. “I’m obviously not cut out for this sort of thing. What if they’re right? I should’ve known. I should never have come here for Sophia.”
Lara lets out another sob, and in that moment, I think, Fuck it all.
Fuck Hank’s warnings, fuck caution, fuck the fact that she’s gotten closer to me than anyone has been in a long time, and fuck the fact that we barely know each other.
I pull her into my arms, and the second my hand touches her hair, she starts sobbing harder.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper. “I wish I could make it all go away. But those people don’t define you.
They’re just people behind a screen, judging you without even knowing you.
People glued to their phones, while you’ve coded a proper game you can present to the world.
Half of them were probably on the loo while they typed their comments, pressing send and scrolling on to the next video to leave their verbal diarrhea there too. Every shitshow passes.”
I let go of Lara so I can look her in the eyes.
Her cheeks are still wet, and this time, I do move my hand to brush away her tears with my thumb.
I wish I could take away all the doubt and the pain.
Her body is no longer trembling. Instead, she looks at me in puzzlement from underneath her damp lashes. Why? her eyes are asking.
I swallow hard against the dry feeling in my throat and take a deep breath in and out. “Because I know that feeling, when it’s like everything’s about to fall apart and your head is filled with a storm of what-ifs.”
“What?” Lara blinks. There are even more questions behind her eyes now. “How does that relate to what you said before?”
“You asked me before why I’m here with you.
That’s why. It’s because I’ve been through my own personal hell, and I’ve come out the other end, thanks to the people who were there for me.
” My parents. Maleek. I don’t tell her that none of that has helped, that I still get nightmares, that I wake up in a cold sweat, that my head is still filled with what-ifs whenever I get a moment of peace.
“You’ll make it out of there too. This is just a snapshot; it doesn’t define the rest of your career, all right? ”
Lara simply gazes at me. There’s still an inquiring look in her eye, like my answer has only raised more questions for her, but then she nods. “Thank you.”
This is when one of us should break eye contact.
One of us should make a funny quip to lighten things up.
One of us should turn away. But none of that happens.
Lara keeps looking at me with that strange gaze, almost expectantly, a gaze that touches the very core of my being.
She must be stirring up something in there, because that’s the only explanation I have for what happens next.
I lean forward. Slowly. Giving her enough time to push me away, to dodge me, to stop it all, the way I should be doing.
Then my lips brush hers.
It’s a short kiss. Fleeting, almost.
More of an impulse than something I’ve thought about.
The moment is over so quickly—too quickly.
And yet, it manages to scramble up everything inside me.
Lara’s breath mingles with mine as I pull away from her.
Her lips tremble slightly like she’s about to say something, but instead, her gaze locks on mine.
I’m about to apologize, but before I can, she digs her fingers into my hair and pulls me close again.
Her soft lips part my own, and the world around us disappears.
It’s the stupidest thing I’ve done in a good long while, but it’s also the best feeling in—forever.
All of the tension from the last few days falls from my shoulders.
As cautious as my own kiss may have been, Lara’s response is the complete opposite.
Her kiss is fierce, urgent, passionate—or maybe it’s just a distraction and an attempt to forget.
Whatever it may be, it seems to be helping, because when my hands brush her face, there are no more tears. Only red-hot skin.