Chapter 17
Lara
You can design your bookshop however you like—but remember:
Your customers prefer different genres. For your selection, consider what audience you want to appeal to.
There’s nothing I can do to stop the burning feeling behind my eyes. A tear comes loose and rolls down my cheek from all the wistfulness, pride, yearning, and envy fighting in my chest.
I suppress a sniffle and wipe my face on the baggy sleeve of my dark-green jumper as Lupita Nyong’o, elegant as anything, accepts an Oscar for her performance in 12 Years a Slave.
Aria has stopped handing me tissues since Angelina Jolie’s speech, and now she’s sitting at the table across from me, engrossed in her book.
It’s cheesy, but watching actresses’ thank-you speeches is my guilty pleasure.
It’s the perfect mixture of motivation and self-punishment, of What if I could do that?
and I’d never be able to do that—two states that summarize my current mood quite well.
“Nat, you done soon?” Aria calls out so loudly, she makes me jump. “There are others waiting to use the bathroom, you know!”
Nataly enters the kitchen, her right eyelashes covered in pitch-black mascara, her left lashes still pale blond.
“Come on in, then, I just need to finish my makeup. I have a date tonight. With Jack, that guy we met at the roller disco!” She beams at us, and I’m overcome by more mixed feelings: genuine happiness and longing, because the word date immediately makes me think of Luca.
I can finally fully admit to myself what I’ve pushed away for so long: I want to see him again.
“Oh? Where are you going?”
“Just a little pub in Brixton.”
“Brixton?” Aria asks, confused. “That’s halfway around the world from here.”
“Yeah, but . . .” Nat hesitates. “He’s quite well known, so he’d be more likely to run into fans downtown.”
Now Nat has my attention too, and I pause my YouTube video. “Well known? Don’t tell me you’ve managed to snag a celebrity.”
Nat gives a dismissive wave. “Nah, he’s in esports.”
Aria frowns. “What, you can’t go out in Soho anymore these days if you’re in esports?”
“Guess not.” Nat shrugs.
“Who is he? The Cristiano Ronaldo of gaming?”
“Whatever,” Nat says. “I’m going to get ready now. Come in or leave me alone.”
Aria sticks out her tongue at Nat, but she follows her. Not without pausing next to me, though. “And you, message him already.”
“Eh?” I ask, putting on my most innocent expression, but I’m well aware of what Aria’s talking about.
After all, I pestered her all evening yesterday, speculating whether Luca had gotten through to the next round or not.
There was nothing about that in the email, and Sophia hadn’t gotten any more information either.
According to her, all finalists will be listed once they’ve given their written confirmation that they’re participating.
But no matter how often I refresh the website—crickets. It’s driving me bonkers.
Aria interrupts my musings by leaning over my laptop, starting a new tab, and opening Instagram. “Write him. Now.”
I make a grumbling noise, and Aria pokes my arm before disappearing into the bathroom with Nat.
My eyes are drawn to the screen, where there’s a reel playing about Stardew Valley.
Aria’s right: I should message him. One way or another, my thoughts constantly revolve around him and his words.
No matter how hard I try, I get sucked in by the memories.
Superficially, it was just a conversation.
No more than that. Nothing happened, and yet everything happened.
I made a complete and utter fool of myself in front of him—for the second time—and he stayed.
Again. And not just that: He shared his darkest moment with me.
And I know how painful those trips into the past can be.
My fingers drum nervously on my keyboard as I open my DMs. Before I can change my mind, I enter Luca’s Instagram handle. We’re following each other, but this is our first message. How do you start this sort of thing? No clue. Hey, how are you doing? It’s too trite, all of it.
After starting and deleting about ten messages, I finally decide on going short but sweet.
Lara: We’re through to the next round! I can’t believe it, we’ve made it to round two! Did you get your results yet?
Luca must have his Instagram notifications turned on, because my message is marked as read only a few seconds later, and he starts typing.
Luca: CONGRATULATIONS!
Luca: That’s brilliant! I’m so happy for you.
Luca: That means I was right, and you did much better than you thought?
Lara: I wouldn’t go that far, but I’m excited too.
Luca: I hope you had a proper celebration?
Lara: We’ll catch up on that on the weekend. Are you through to the next round then?
Luca: Yeah, Maleek and I heard yesterday.
My heart’s thumping hard in my chest. I’m elated. I’m going to see Luca again. Only one of us can win, I realize that, but still, the endorphins bounce around my body, and my lips stretch into a wide grin. I feel like a teenager.
“Weww?” Aria comes back into the kitchen with a toothbrush dangling from her mouth and gives me an inquiring look. I scoot my chair back so she can read our message exchange.
“OhbyGob,” she mumbles around her toothbrush, and I can hardly understand what she’s saying. “Sho coot!”
“I beg your pardon?”
Aria runs to the bathroom, I hear running water, and then she returns shortly after. “He just said he was happy for you and didn’t even lead with the fact that he’s through to the next round too. Green flag!”
Nataly, who seems to be finished with her makeup, comes over and leans over my laptop as well. “OK, that really is adorable.” She puts her hands on my shoulders and makes a squealing noise. “I can’t believe this, Lara!”
“What?” I ask and look up at their beaming faces.
“Well, that someone’s finally managed to catch your attention!” Nat says, waggling her eyebrows at me.
“I never said that!” I protest, which gets me a snort from Aria and an eye roll from Nat.
That shuts me up, unfortunately, because they’re right: Luca has caught my attention.
So much so that I want to see him again.
I want to talk to him. Ask him questions about himself, his work, his ideas—everything.
Last night, I even listened to a podcast featuring him, where he talked about video game development.
Not that I’d ever admit that to my friends; they’d never let me live that down.
But I had trouble falling asleep. My fear of round two, my thoughts about the video, and my worry that something like that might happen again—it was all too much.
Luca’s voice had already driven those worries from my mind once, so after hours of sleepless tossing and turning, I searched for an interview with him.
And he helped me again this time around.
The way he told the podcast host about his troubles developing Desolate Dread helped me relax.
It probably doesn’t even matter what he talks about; Luca himself has this calming effect on my nerves.
Which in turn means that Nat and Aria are right.
“Fine, maybe a little bit,” I admit sullenly.
“You have our blessing,” Nataly says and gives me a quick shake before removing her hands from my shoulders and dashing back to the bathroom.
“I don’t need your blessing; there’s nothing going on!” I call after.
Aria raises her perfectly plucked brown eyebrows at me and gives me a skeptical look.
“Honest!” I insist. “And that’s a good thing too, because we’re both through to the next round. Last time, I was sure I was out; that was different. Now we’re both still in the running, and it would just complicate things.”
“Oh no,” Aria retorts sarcastically. “Star-crossed lovers, how original.”
“Go back to the bathroom and bother Nat! She’s much further along with her darling Jack, and we haven’t even met him yet.”
“Not true, I did. You refused to come roller skating with us.”
“I had work to do! Besides, we need to get going.”
Aria sighs. “Fine, don’t talk about it then. I just need to put on some sunblock; give me a minute.”
Aria leaves the kitchen, and I finish up my tea, close my laptop, and pack up my things. But I do so with a smile on my face, now that there’s no one there to see me. Because, much as I’m looking forward to my pending work—I’m looking forward to seeing Luca again at least as much.
When we enter the office, it’s already pure chaos.
Kamal and Ramon are sitting on the floor in the creative corner surrounded by countless tiny bits and bobs.
Sophia is on the phone, pacing around, and every free desk surface is piled high with antique-looking books—except for Nat’s, which is already so utterly buried in chaos that you couldn’t fit a single book on there.
We’re planning to go over the details for our trade-fair appearance, and it looks like preparations are already in full swing.
“What’s going on here?” Aria asks, glancing around the room as well. The place looks like it’s been hit by a bomb.
“Thank you! Yes, brilliant!” Sophia waves at us and nods like the person on the other end of the line can see her.
“Let’s do it that way, then. You have a nice day too, and thank you!
I know this is short notice.” She hangs up and hops up and down, phone still in hand and shoulder-length hair flying. “We have merch!”
“Ah, no!” Nat pouts. “Did you start without us?”
“Early bird gets the worm!” Ramon replies unhelpfully, which earns him a shove from Kamal.
“Don’t listen to him.” Sophia waves her hand dismissively. “I just wanted to get something out of the way early: Plushies of the game’s animals!”
“We’re getting capybaras?” Aria’s eyes grow huge, and Nat gives her a smirk.