Chapter 45
Lara
Write love letters in the library—the quality of your words has an effect on recipients’ reactions.
I’ve never been a patient person, but that impatience rises to an impossible pitch as I watch Luca put on a condom.
His shorts are on the floor beside my underwear, and though I was nervous before, being naked with him feels completely natural.
There’s no embarrassment, no shame—in fact, I curiously devour him with my eyes.
Of course he’s outrageously perfect naked too.
How could he not be? There’s some muscle definition on him, but he’s not ridiculously buff, and as my gaze follows the fine line of dark hair from his stomach to his groin, I swallow inadvertently.
I’m incredibly wet, and seeing him stark-naked in front of me isn’t helping my self-control at all.
I pull him back down on top of me—a bit too hard, apparently, because Luca nearly stumbles and lets out a quiet little laugh.
He positions himself above me, and weird though the whole mirror thing was in the beginning, I’m endlessly grateful for Luca’s idea now.
I’ll never forget the image before my eyes in that moment.
I raise my hips, moving to meet him, and I gasp as he finally slides inside me.
Luca gives a little moan, and it takes me a second to get used to the feel of him.
He stops, giving me an inquiring look, waiting for me to set the pace.
My legs wrap around his hips without so much as a conscious thought, pulling him deeper inside me.
We find a rhythm, and I meet every one of his thrusts with my own.
“You’re perfect.” I’m not sure what it is; maybe it’s his rough voice or our image in the mirror, but a shiver runs down my entire body.
Seeing us like this turns me on so goddamn much—but it’s the look in his eyes that does it for me.
His pupils are wide, making his eyes look almost black, and the expression in them is pure lust, pure desire. It’s what I always wanted.
I want you to see yourself the same way I see you.
Meeting his dark gaze in the mirror, I’m finally starting to see myself through his eyes. This is something he’s been trying to show me from the beginning. And suddenly, my need to show him all of me, to trust him completely, takes over, drowning out my fear.
The chaise longue creaks slightly under our ever more frenzied movements, but I hardly notice. All I can feel is Luca—his hands sliding along my body, his lips caressing my neck, his hot breath against my skin. The tension in my body builds, every thrust bringing me closer to the edge.
“Luca,” I gasp, unable to say more, but he understands. His hand slides in between our bodies, finding the exact right spot. It only takes him a few seconds, a purposeful touch, and I come with his name on my lips.
Meanwhile, Luca’s movements keep getting more frantic.
I feel him shiver, and the next moment, he comes with a strangled sound.
For a moment, we both lie there, breathless.
I can feel his heart beating against my chest, just as fast as mine.
My entire body tingles, and I suppress the urge to laugh out loud, because this is just as unexpected as it is surreal.
Once we’ve caught our breath a little, Luca rolls down off me and gets rid of the condom.
I seize the opportunity to pull on his T-shirt before he snuggles up to me again on the narrow chaise longue—nearly pushing me off in the process.
His arm saves me from tumbling to the floor at the last second, and I can’t hold back my laughter anymore.
He gives me a big kiss on the shoulder, and we stay there, wrapped in a tight embrace.
His fingers trace gentle patterns on my skin, and I’m having a hard time keeping my eyes open.
Every single muscle in my body is more relaxed than it’s been in ages.
And not just because of the sex. Luca has managed to coax me out of my head little by little, patiently dismantling the walls of fear, and now I feel beautiful.
All of me. Not just my face, not just my slender fingers or my tattoo—all of me feels beautiful.
In my body, my thoughts, my entire being.
In my skin, which didn’t feel like my own for so long.
Careful not to tumble to the floor, I turn around to face him.
“Thank you,” I say quietly.
“The pleasure was mine.” He kisses my forehead, and I sigh quietly when a door slams somewhere outside.
“I think we should get going.”
Now it’s Luca’s turn to sigh. “I really, really don’t want to leave this room.”
“You’ll miss breakfast though.”
Luca lets his hand wander the length of my waist, up and down, until it comes to rest on my bum. He gives it a gentle squeeze. “There’s more than one kind of breakfast. And some kinds are overrated.”
I laugh quietly, and Luca gives me a gentle kiss.
Then he gets to his feet, and I watch him in the mirror as he walks over to the bedside table.
He grabs my cup, disappearing into the bathroom.
I roll my eyes when I hear the running faucet.
I roll my eyes again as he stands in front of me, the filled cup in his hand.
“Drink.”
“I liked you better when you were giving me different orders.”
Luca lets out a quiet laugh. “Wow, OK. Duly noted.”
While I try not to drink too greedily—I’m afraid Luca’s right, and I really am in bad need of liquids—he rubs his temples with a sigh. “Today is going to be a weird day. I’ll try to catch Hank and talk to him.”
I raise my eyebrows in surprise. “What about?”
“Common sense. No idea how well that’ll go down if he’s still on his crusade, but maybe I can achieve something. He might decide to sort things out after GameChanger is over. Legally. Not . . . like this.”
I take another sip before putting down my cup. “I love your hope, but even if you do manage to convince him, Mr. Crow has got to make a decision, and there are still rumors floating around. I don’t think he’ll put us through to the final, at the risk of a public scandal.”
Luca sighs. “I know. But I want to try, at least.”
I give him a smile, but I can already feel it slipping.
Today isn’t just going to be weird; it’s going to be hard.
I may be stepping into not just our booth but Novel Haven for the last time soon.
If Sophia hasn’t found a solution yet—and I honestly have no idea what that solution might look like—it’ll be goodbye for us.
But how do you say goodbye to a part of your soul?
“Hey, it’s not over yet,” Luca says. He’s obviously psychic or something. He strokes my arm.
“I mean . . . it is, sort of. It’s like I said, they’re not going to take the risk. Imagine the headlines if Hank can deliver proof and Mr. Crow and the others get exposed for promoting a stolen game. And that’s ignoring the accusations themselves.” I sigh. “I’m OK with it.”
That’s a lie. But what good will it do if Luca feels bad for me too? It is what it is.
“Lara . . .”
“It really is OK.” I force myself to smile. “I’ll be happy for you if you win.”
That much, at least, is true. Luca deserves to win. Would I be happy for his studio? No way. But at least he’ll be able to make his big vision come true, and that’s got to be worth something.
“Hey,” Luca says, gently stroking my cheek with his thumb. “This isn’t the end yet, all right? Look at how far you’ve come already. We’ll figure it out; I promise.”
His gaze is so warm, his voice so confident. I want to believe him. I want to snuggle up to him, to breathe in his comfort. I want to listen to him and absorb every single word of his until it becomes certainty, but I’m afraid I know better than that.
“We should get ready,” I say, “or we’ll miss breakfast. Besides, I want to know what Sophia talked about with her solicitor. They’re announcing the top three at twelve.”
Luca is about to say something, but I kiss him on the lips and crawl off the chaise longue.
It’s only once my feet touch the fluffy rug that I realize I’m wearing nothing but his T-shirt, and that my arms and legs are exposed.
And I realize that I don’t care. Smiling, I observe myself in the mirror, the images from earlier still fresh in my mind.
I don’t try to convince myself that Luca’s magically healed me, that all my issues are gone now—they’re not.
If I haven’t managed to get a handle on them with all those years of work, Luca won’t be able to in the span of a few days.
But it’s a start. One more person in my inner circle, who I can be myself around.
“We could order breakfast in bed,” Luca suggests. “I think you should make good use of your pity card. Besides, they told you to get some rest.”
“I’m doing great. And d’you honestly think I’d be able to get a moment’s peace in here?”
Luca grimaces, and then he gets up from the sofa too with an agonized groan.
Since I’m wearing his T-shirt, I get the chance to thoroughly stare at him a bit longer while he stretches.
I watch the ripple of his muscles, and I’m this close to giving in and ordering room service after all.
But my need to speak to Sophia and Nataly wins, and so I grab some clean clothes from my suitcase and disappear into the bathroom.
Luca has already said goodbye so he can go and talk to Hank as soon as possible.
Meanwhile, I put on a dash of makeup and secure my hair with a clip at the back of my head.
I stare at myself in the mirror, trying to plaster on something resembling an optimistic expression, but I fail spectacularly.
The calm and rest I got from Luca’s presence is slowly trickling from my body again.
How do you act when you know you’re walking to your doom?
Chin up and confident? Or do you cower, hoping against hope the blow won’t come?
I wish I were version number one, but the person staring at me from the mirror looks gloomy, and her shoulders droop with each new breath.
I avert my eyes, pack up my bag, and then leave the room.
I haven’t even closed the door behind me when I hear a quiet, low laugh.
I know that laugh. It takes me back to my catastrophic performance at the prelims and raises the little hairs on the nape of my neck in discomfort.
Shane. He’s leaning on the wall a few feet away next to a gray stone bust.
Cool as you please, he uncrosses his arms and saunters over to me. There’s something predatory about him, slow and ready to pounce.
“Do you think sleeping with someone from Bytes & Bits will make them drop their allegations?” He gives a malicious laugh.
“I was on my way down to breakfast, but then I saw Luca leaving a room that can’t be his, because his is next to Hank’s room.
So I thought it might be worth waiting a moment.
” His voice drips with relish, like this conversation is making him happier than the entire convention ever could.
“You’re done here. Save yourself the humiliation today and just leave already. ”
Shane looks convinced he’s already won. Like his words mean it’s game over for me. Like I haven’t been through hell already and come out safe and sound on the other side. Like his words could still hurt me, when in reality, Novel Haven and my entire future are at stake.
I’m so proud of you. Luca’s words echo in my mind. I want to be able to say that about myself too, finally. I don’t want to keep hiding behind my colleagues any longer.
When I return Shane’s smile, his smug mask starts to crack.
“I’m afraid that won’t be possible.”
“That . . . What won’t be possible?” Shane laughs again, but he sounds unnerved.
“All that leaving business. I have something to take care of first.” I give him another syrupy smile, and he mutters something that sounds like an insult. I’m sure he’d have something far worse to say if he had any idea what it is I have to take care of first.
Without so much as another glance at Shane, I descend the stairs to the breakfast room.
Luca is already in there, and his smile falters when he sees my determined expression.
Nat and Sophia wave at me, but I don’t join them, giving them a hasty wave back instead and marching over to Elsa.
She’s sitting at a table with Benji and another member of the jury, sipping on a cup of tea.
“Lara! How are you?” She leaps up, hugging me. “We were all really worried. I’m so glad you’re all right under the circumstances.”
“Yeah, I was lucky. Can we talk for a second?”
“Yes, of course.” Elsa places a hand between my shoulder blades, steering me away from the table so we can talk in private. I can see Nat and Sophia’s confused expressions in my peripheral vision, but I tune them out.
I was wondering earlier how I was supposed to act in the face of doom. Looks like I’m the version of myself with her head held high after all, because I won’t be silenced any longer. I tell Elsa everything.