Chapter 5 #2
"The conquistadors called it brujería when they tried to erase it," I said.
"My mother called it remembering, or what's always done.
The way she labeled it in itself was passed down from her ancestors as a form of hiding, of protecting a tradition from being stamped out.
After I started working on my PHD I realized that the things my mother taught me as a child have a strong comparison form of therapy.
Basically, in labeling women as witches and outlawing their practices, the invaders were trying to stamp out care and kindness, to prevent the local population from healing itself from the trauma of enslavement and cultural destruction.
With curanderisomo, the soul doesn't return until it feels safe, so the work is about creating safety, not forcing healing.
With western therapy, the similar idea is that the nervous system cannot process trauma without safety and regulation. "
He was silent for a moment, and I continued to work my way along the filaments, gently rubbing them to remove the damage I had brought in with me, the damage that would have been delivered whether I was not the one to bring it.
I gave myself that grace. Even if I hadn't boarded, he would have retrieved the data and been spiked with the infection.
At least with me, I could help him see it and remove it.
"Did you learn your mother's work?" he asked.
"I observed it," I said. "But I also knew that I had a different path than hers. Before I was abducted I was working on a funded ethnomedical study on the intersections of mesoamerican curanderisomo and modern sound healing modalities."
I worked carefully along some of the smaller filaments, and as I stroked them with the pad, they curled up around my fingers, gently entwining and releasing my hand as I worked.
"Part of me wishes I had spent more time learning my mothers practice, but I knew from a young age it didn’t quite fit for me.
People trusted my mother with their pain because of how she looked, and with me...
" I trailed off. I didn't really want to talk about the small differences in my birth that made me feel like the other, even if those details were a step towards a privilege of another type.
So I focused on the truth that mattered more to me.
"I wanted to have a larger impact, to help erase the misconceptions and help my family's traditions be recognized for what they were, rather than what history had labeled them as.
For me to do that, I had to work with the system so that I could add my voice to it, so I went into academia. "
"You assimilated into it so that you can change it," he said.
"And so that I could have a steady paycheck," I said with a smile. "It is important to have enough money to buy clean water."
“You didn’t have clean water?” Lyrien sounded shocked.
“We did if we bought it in bottles,” I said. “So I did what I had to do to make sure I could always buy it.”
"It is possible to have multiple reasons for doing something, and the more noble ones aren't erased by the self-serving ones," Lyrien said as a small filament stroked the inside of my palm.
I smiled and continued to work. The most important part of my mothers teaching was that there was a time and a place for silence. Silence could be held as a safe space for another to fill, a container for the pain they needed to process. So as I worked, I created that space.
It didn't take Lyrien long to fill it.
"My kind had just started our journey out of our originating solar system," Lyrien said.
"We had expanded throughout our originating solar system and begun harvesting resources from different planets in it.
We'd made contact with a few species and established productive trade.
I am a product of years of learning how to integrate technology into space-faring vessels.
My kind was effective at trade and travel. Then we met the Calicium."
He paused, and I waited.
Some things require space to air out.
"The Calicium owe all of their technological development to the enslavement and integration of technology to warp or control biological forms," he said.
"They are a cyborg race, fully abandoning their biological roots except where it could serve aggressive expansion and resource acquisition.
This choice to dedicate themselves to control stunted them.
Focusing on compliance acquisition, stripping their artificial intelligences of autonomy, and fixating on military efficiency over all of that slowed down their social and cultural evolution; their growth as a people was limited by their imperialism.
They were cut off from trade and technological sharing that comes from friendly relations with other species.
When they met my kind, they decided we were the solution. "
"Why?" I asked softly.
"We are able to integrate with just about any technology we encounter without having to damage or repurpose it as the Calicium does," he said.
"In enslaving us, they were able to steal the things that would have been given to them as gifts.
My people had no interest in war, and up until that point, everyone we met was more interested in fair exchange than aggression. "
"Are your people enslaved now?" I asked.
"Some, but only the unlucky few," he said.
"The Calicium can control, but not integrate us.
Their system of propagation does not work with us as it does with other smaller species.
We are systematically incompatible. Without integration, there is no long-term solution except for eventual rebellion and freedom. "
"So they can control you, but not forever?" I asked.
"My people are now strong, our territory secure, and the Calicium are reduced to hunting us when we are alone or vulnerable," Lyrien said. "Normally, they wouldn't have a chance of even finding me when I am being stealthy."
"But you've been infected," I said, scooting down to continue my work. "And this stuff allows them to track you."
"Yes, if I remain exposed so that the contaminant can respond to the vibrational charges," he said. "But don't worry. Even if they do find us, I have a robust weapons system."
"I know you'll keep me safe," I told him. I didn't fully know that. I'd only been on board for a few days, for all I knew, he could hand me over to them for his own escape, but at the same time, it didn't hurt to voice confidence in the face of potential danger.
"They see biologicals as fodder, as dross. But even in the worst scenario, if they captured me, I would still be able to hide you in a separate portion of the ship and let you off if they ever docked at a location that is safe for you. I won't let you come to harm."
"Thank you for saying that," I said, feeling a gentle relief at his proclamation. Even if it wasn't in his power, the fact that he wanted to reassure me was a kindness. But there was a problem with everything he was saying.
"If the Caliciums are so dangerous, why would the research station work with them to lay a trap?" I asked.
"The Caliciums don't attack other species outright until they are certain of extensive victory," he said.
"They go through a period of espionage and calculated infrastructure damage to weaken the civilizations they are targeting first. If the population has individuals who are greedy enough, they will often bribe them into damaging their own planetary environments, which weakens the population's resilience overall.
My people have provided ample warnings, and though those warnings are headed somewhat, civilizations that have not been hit by the Caliciums often give them the benefit of the doubt. "
"People would prefer that the victim is lying or exaggerating rather than have to believe that other people are capable of evil," I said.
"It is a common thing that happens with humans as well.
Accepting the reality of evil in others is a challenging mental step that the mentally weak are not ready for because it is more painful than ignoring it. "
I took a deep breath and let that go as I finished the last swipe. I inspected my work, moving my hand through the filaments to hunt for any more spots. "I think I'm done here. Let's find the next area."
A filament wrapped around my wrist, gentle enough that I could pull away from it, but stopping me from rising up to my feet.
"Or I could rub your back now," he said.
I was very tempted.
But there was so much work to do.
"We need to get this stuff off you," I said, my protest light.
"Won't relieving your tension make you more efficient?" he asked. "It is easier to work hard when you're taken care of properly."
"Well, I guess it is important to increase my efficiency," I said as I rolled over, pulling my shirt up higher so that most of my bare back was now pressed against the filament floor.
"Go for it," I told him.
"I'd be delighted," he purred.
I blinked as the sound of his generated voice rolled through me, a deep rumble that held an intent that just didn't make sense in my head.
I didn't have time to latch on to that thought as the floor turned into a massage bed underneath me.
The filaments rolled, hard and soft, pressing against my skin like firm palms. It didn't have the rhythm or rhyme of a professional massage, but instead felt like hundreds of hands, all touching me at once on my lower back with gentle, loving intent.
I let out a deep, guttural moan.
The motion stopped.
"No, don't stop," I begged.
"You made a pain sound," Lyrien said. "How did I hurt you? I don't want to hurt you."
"It didn't hurt," I said. "It felt really good. Do you think you could get my shoulders too?"
"I don't enjoy the feeling of the fabric," Lyrien said.