23. Liar #2
“I already got a kitchen,” I said slowly, glancing up at Nix through my lashes. He took a second to wink at me before he took a large bite of noodles. “Nix, what was the whole deal with your mother? Why would you agree to do something you hate so much? What exactly did you get out of it?”
He glanced at Trix with brows raised. “This is good, Trix. You’ve been holding out on me. Would your mother agree to join the team?”
Trix rolled her eyes. “She asked you a question. That reminds me, my mom would like a signed photograph of you bare- chested, with the smile that has the most dimples. She thinks he has the cutest dimples.”
He turned his attention back on me, but he was still smiling slightly.
“I agreed for the autonomy. My mother signed a statement assuring me that if I date a woman from her alma mater for six months, she won’t interfere with my business in any way forever.
She’s got a lot of sway with government bodies, so for awhile there she was making it difficult for me to run my business at all. ”
“That’s it? You just wanted her to leave you alone? What about money? Position? Power?”
He shrugged and stabbed his noodles a few times. “I’ve got my own money, position, and power. I don’t want hers. I don’t like the way she messes with other people’s lives. That’s not my method.”
“And I was the lucky one you picked because you saw how much I needed saving? Huh.” That’s it?
He just wanted to be free to live his own life?
And also, he’d spent his own hard-earned money that he made with his fists, charisma, and killer business sense to buy me a kitchen and an art studio?
Was I going to cry? Maybe. Also, Horse was on drugs if he thought Nix wasn’t the best person in the world.
He’d taken what he’d been taught in his childhood and made his own life, using what he knew, his violence, to protect instead of hurt.
Other than the fighters who chose to be in the ring with him, of course. They were screwed.
“Hopefully at the end of the six months, you’ll be up to saving yourself,” he said with another flash of his dimple.
“And that’s the full truth?”
“There are always more details, such as what exactly my mother’s business is that I don’t like, but that’s the gist of it. I wouldn’t want to turn your stomach when we’ve got Trixie’s mother’s meatballs on the table.”
I gripped my fork and stared at my dinner while my stomach churned.
He was determined to keep our agreement no matter what I said.
“So, in the interest of full disclosure, you should probably know that I might not be able to do a full six months.” I could do honesty.
Right? Maybe. I wasn’t a pathological liar.
I could be honest if it was important. Coming clean was the only thing that made sense, and might make him finally see sense.
“Why’s that? Do you have a job or internship lined up? Are you planning on going abroad? I can come with you.”
“I’d rather you didn’t come with me.”
His smile disappeared, and his eyes looked hurt.
“And before then, it might get uncomfortable for you to be around me. You aren’t a home health specialist, however good you feel. I’m not saying this well. I don’t talk about it, ever, because, well, I just don’t. I’m sick. No, I’m not sick. I’m dying.”
Nix stared at me for a beat too long and then took a big bite of noodles and meatballs. Okay then. I took a shaky breath, loaded up my fork, and took another bite. I’d never had my death confession greeted with so much silence and hunger. It was the best reaction yet.
“What are you dying from?” he asked once he’d finished his bite, but he said it politely, like what did I think about the weather?
“It’s a genetic disease. Actually, it’s about twelve diseases, half of them fatal, that combine in a truly special cocktail.”
“And your timeline? You might not make the full six months?”
“Six months to a year, more or less. You’re taking this really well. Must be the way you’re always spitting in the face of death, the Hobbes as it were.”
“Right. And you’re a stoic because you suffer in silence. You couldn’t complain about how you felt because that wouldn’t be silent enough.”
I squinted at him. “Are you making fun of me?”
“And the other part, Sen’s Capability Approach, that’s where you take all the pain, because there must be heaps of pain or you wouldn’t have so much morphine in your medical aid kit, and try to minimize it in others around you.
People like me, those who enjoy the pain, multiply the pain, spread it around and profit off it, they’re filling the world with more of what you hate and have to deal with every day.
That’s why you hate what I do, because it gets in the way of your empathy.
You care about the pain of others because of how much pain you have to deal with. ”
I opened my mouth and closed it. He was surprisingly on target. “I don’t have that much morphine.”
He gave me a half-smile. “You had enough of that morphine cocktail to knock me out for two days. I’m so glad we figured out the roots of our philosophical approaches. I was definitely puzzling over it.”
“Well, I’m so glad that you’ve got the pieces of your puzzle.” I frowned at him. “You’re supposed to express a sense of regret when you hear about my impending doom.”
He smiled and leaned back in his chair. “I apologize for my lack of sensitivity, but you’re a stoic. You don’t want sympathy, you want to suffer in silence.”
I wrinkled my nose at him. “And your philosophy, life’s short, and brutal goes along perfectly with it. You’d be fine with a death sentence.”
“Naturally. Any other issues we need to air out?”
I looked at Trix who gave me a closed-mouth smile because her face was full of spaghetti, then looked back at Nix. “I can’t think of any.”
He raised a hand. “Actually, I’d like to know your real motives for going through with all of this. If you’re dying, would you be truly motivated by fear of your stalker?”
“I really don’t want my last months to be spent in a box getting pieces of me chopped off.”
“But what do you want? That’s all just avoidance. There are definitely other methods to deal with your stalker, and you are adept at disappearing.”
I probably owed him as much truth as I could admit to myself, but this would be awkward. “I wanted to try it, the whole relationship thing. Beastie tried to set me up with all of his friends, but it never worked out.”
“Because they didn’t let you suffer in silence?”
“Because when they touched me, it hurt. You’ve never hurt me.
I can’t tell you how rare that is. I like not hurting.
Actually, I like the way you touch me quite a lot more than I thought was possible.
So, I thought I’d see how far we could go, and experience as much pleasure as I could.
” Was I blushing? I took a big bite and didn’t look at Nix for a long time.
“Nix, you always were good at moderating your force depending on your target. He’s really good at knowing just how much pressure to apply,” Trix said, pointing her fork at Nix and nodding approvingly.
I took a deep breath and nodded. “I guess the fighting had a positive side-effect after all.”
“My cousin, Daniel, he’s hurt you?” Nix asked with a casual smile that I didn’t quite trust.
“Not intentionally, of course. He doesn’t touch me, so that helps.”
“Oh, did I hurt you?” Trix asked, frowning in concern for the first time. “Sorry about that. I’m just a big brute of a dragon sometimes.”
“No, it’s fine,” I said waving my hands to shoo away her concern.
“Of course she’s fine. She’s suffering in silence. Okay, Sugar, do you mind if I call you Sugar?”
“I don’t mind Kitten. I thought I might, but I don’t. Kittens are cute, and I’m adorable.”
“Fact,” Nix said soberly. “Now then, Kitten, what do you want to do during your last days? No one wants to spend their final moments in Las Vegas.”
“But you can’t quit.”
“Obviously,” he said, glancing at Trix. “But taking a break, that’s good for everyone now and then. I’m not a quitter. So, where do you want to go?”
“I don’t. I like my kitchen, and my art studio. And I like your bed. I especially like the pools on the roof.”
“Pools?”
“Sure. I’ve only tried one, but it was really nice, quiet, like a spa.”
“And there is a very good spa in the hotel.”
“And a hospital bed.”
“What?” Nix asked, frowning.
“Eventually I might need a hospital bed.” Ahem. I wasn’t going into the Horse thing.
“And your aunt. We should move her into the hotel with us, in her own apartment, of course.”
I hesitated. “I don’t know. I kind of like not having a doctor hovering over me all the time, reminding me to take my meds, and to not overdo it at the skate park. She’s a worrier.”
“What about Switzerland?”
“I’m not really a skier. Also, I’ve spent a lot of time there, you know, for treatment.”
“So, you want to stay in Las Vegas.”
“Yes, and I want you to keep brutalizing your opposition.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Yes, I do,” I frowned at him sternly. “If you’re sure you don’t want to find another debutante…
” I reached across the table and covered his hand with mine.
“If I don’t last the whole six months, don’t you think the marriage will make the deal with your mother count? That’s why I made it part of the deal.”
He studied my hand for a long time before he nodded.
“I like you touching me. It makes me feel like you’re really here, that I didn’t entirely fail to protect you from the monsters that want to devour you.
It will count. Don’t worry about that. She’s tickled at the thought of me getting married. No one would have bet on that.”
“Yeah, it’s pretty illogical. The whole thing is actually incredibly unreasonable. You’re just too stubborn to try again with someone else?”
“Yep. Stubborn is a good word for me.”
Trix put in, “If he wasn’t so stubborn, the games wouldn’t exist. All those people would be out of a job if Nix didn’t keep them going. Insurance. Politics. Dealing with unstable danger junkies. He makes it look easy, but it’s nothing close to that.”
“Sunshine, you’re tired. Can I take you home or do you need more spaghetti?”
I stared at Nix and then down at my empty plate. How had I eaten all of that? No idea. “I’d like you to take me home. Does that mean you’ll carry me?”
He raised a brow and looked slightly scandalized. “You want me to carry you? I thought women liked to stand on their own two feet.”
“I broke the heel off one of my shoes. I could walk in my bare feet, but wouldn’t it be better if you carried me? I love it.”
He smiled at me and then stood, walking around the table, slow, but intractable. “If you want me to carry you, then I’ll carry you. Everywhere. All day. Every day. Forever.”
“Even after I’m dead?”
“Why not? We could put it in the show, the corpse bride.”
I laughed. This was way better than getting Beastie’s zombie emoji’s. “That’s not creepy at all.” I gasped as he swung me up into his strong arms then I put my hands around his neck and hung on although I knew that he’d never drop me. “Thanks, Trix,” I called back at her as he carried me away.
“Don’t mention it,” Trix said with a flash of a grin.
“Oh, that reminds me, you won’t mention the death thing to anyone, will you? It’s not common knowledge.”
“Because you want to suffer in silence,” Nix whispered, warm breath tickling my ear.
“I don’t gossip,” Trix said with a glint of determination in her eyes that I didn’t doubt.
“Thanks.” When we were in the hall, I tugged on his nose. It was in much better shape than Beastie’s after his fight. “You’ve definitely internalized that suffering in silence bit. You’re going to say that at least once a day, aren’t you?”
“At least.” Nix marching along like he had somewhere to go and that my weight was nothing.
I relaxed against him, my whole body slumping against him as the happy carbs hit me. “Trixie is so great.”
“She’s okay.”
“You could have married her.”
“No, because she didn’t want to marry me any more than I wanted to marry her.”
“Oh. I guess that wouldn’t work then.”
“You sound utterly exhausted.”
“Of course. Swimming this morning, watching you fight this afternoon, then a kidnapping this evening. Do you think you could bring me my pills sometimes when I’m too lazy to get them?
Never mind. You’ll be busy at work. You are working.
” I frowned at him for a moment before I snuggled back under his chin.
It was a relief to know that I didn’t have to try and walk away from him, that he could adapt easily to the new timeline without any effort.
“I’ll get you your pills, Kitten. I’ll even stab you with morphine or whatever.”
I pulled away so I could beam at him. “Wow. So brutal. I love it.”
“That’s good. Life should be full of things to love, or it’s just not worth it.”
“Mm.” I snuggled back against his chest and let all the stress leach out of me. I felt more safe than anywhere else when I was in his arms. Whatever kept me there was absolutely worth it.