Chapter 14
Adora
There’s a numbness spreading through me like ink in water. Fast, final and dark. I didn’t even get the chance to process it before it swallowed me whole.
Staring down the barrel of his gun… it should’ve terrified me, but it didn’t. It felt like closure. Like justice. If anyone was meant to end me, it was always him. But he couldn’t do it, and maybe that should matter, but it doesn’t. Not anymore.
Whatever light he reignited in me — the warmth, the laughter, the little moments of peace — it’s gone. Snuffed out like a candle left in the rain.
The sun’s gone, for good this time.
So this was his revenge all along. Make me feel safe again, loved and wanted. Let me dream, and then rip it all away in one breath. One bullet that never fired.
And the worst part? I’m not even angry. I have no right. I broke him and poisoned everything we had. It’s only fair that he wanted to destroy me in return.
I got too comfortable after the five-month mark. I thought maybe we were building something new. That the past had stopped bleeding into our present.
Stupid girl. I should’ve known better. I always do this — reach for something bright just as it turns into ash.
There’s pressure on the soles of my bare feet. The sting of something sharp. Gravel? Glass?
I don’t know and I don’t care.
The pain doesn’t reach me.
I’m already somewhere else, halfway gone.
The wind brushes against my skin, but I feel nothing. Cold doesn’t register. I move on instinct, one foot in front of the other.
The trees flanking the road rise like tombstones, tall and ancient, watching me pass. A silent funeral march. They don’t mourn, they’re just here to witness.
I have no one left. No one to call, no one to ask for help. Just a sister somewhere far away, who’s better off without my mess in her life.
I thought I had him. I wished I had him. Someone just for me, to hold me at night, to kiss me in the mornings, to smile at my stupid jokes and whisper softly in my ear when my mind drifts away.
I was so desperate. I wanted him to love me so badly that I forgot what I did — how I destroyed him. How could I ever believe he could love me again? That he could be my safe space after everything I did?
How could he ever love someone as rotten as me?
I don’t know how long I walk. Time isn’t real anymore. There’s just shadows whispering lullabies inside my head. Promising to take away this sorrow.
There’s finally silence in my mind when I see it — the bridge.
I remember crossing it last night, nerves coiled tight in my chest. I had a bad feeling. An itch beneath my skin. But then he held me, pulled me into his lap, and whispered something soft in my ear. Kissed me. And everything felt safe again. Familiar.
Loved. I felt loved.
He was right, though. I am stupid. I am all the things he said. A fool dressed in hope, begging for scraps of affection.
But at least I gave him what he wanted. I gave him his revenge. Maybe it’s the only good thing I’ve done in this lifetime.
I don’t pause. Don’t hesitate.
The water below is black and waiting.
I climb over the railing.
And jump.
The river doesn’t welcome me. It punishes me with a violent hug made of knives. My lungs seize, and I gasp. Icy water fills me, freezing my insides. But I don’t fight it, I let go. I embrace it.
Let the weight of me disappear. Let silence bloom.
As I sink, my last thought isn’t of anger or pain.
It’s of him.
I see his smile. The real one, from before. From back then. The one he gave me when we first met. When I thought maybe — I hoped maybe — he was my miracle.
But he wasn’t.
I killed that boy. And today, the monster I created killed me.