Chapter 37
LIBBY
I can’t spend the whole evening by myself at my apartment without Jordan. If I do, I’ll keep thinking about kissing him and trying to figure out what’s next. I decide to work from my office at the arena that afternoon, using a change of scenery to distract me.
A text from Tessie asking about tomorrow reminds me that the crew is going to be in the owner’s box with us.
Tessie has it lined up as the main hook for the third episode.
Hiring the coach will be the storyline for episode two.
How am I going to explain Jordan missing the season opening and being in Houston?
I can tell them he’s working on business for the Redhaven Foundation, but it’s still going to look weird that my husband, former hockey pro and the guy who’s supposed to be advising me about my hockey team, is missing the first game of the season and already spending time away from me.
I huff and push the thoughts from my mind. I can’t control everything.
I head over to Ellie’s after work, because going home to an empty apartment sounds like the worst.
“Libby!” Kat cries excitedly when I walk into their family room.
Emmeline jumps up from where she’s playing with some dolls and runs to me, slamming into my legs and then holding up her hands for me to pick her up.
I oblige, of course. Emmeline is adorable.
She immediately lays her head on my shoulder, and it’s exactly what I need.
Well, what I really need is to see Jordan, but this will do for now.
“Where’s Uncle Jordan?” Kat asks, grabbing on to my hand to drag me farther into the room. My heart does a cartwheel at her calling him that.
I miss him so much, and it’s only been a few hours since he left.
Ellie looks up from where she was playing with the girls on the floor, noting for the first time that he’s not with me.
She raises her eyebrows in concern. Would it be so weird if I came over to hang out without my husband for one night?
Couples do that. They’re not always together all the time the way Jordan and I have been since we got married.
I guess, given what she knows, it’s normal to question every turn of events.
“He’s in Houston for a night or two.” Hopefully not more.
I hate the heaviness in my stomach that thinking about being without him longer than that brings.
Does not being able to live without him mean that I’m ready to fully trust him?
Ellie’s eyes widen, and I hold up my hands.
“It’s fine. Well, it’s not fine, but we’re fine.
” More than fine, actually. Am I blushing?
Will Ellie be able to tell that my husband and I thoroughly made out right before he left?
Ellie scowls. “Kat, take Emmeline and go help Daddy get dinner ready.”
Kat hangs her head like Ellie has sentenced her to death. “Mom. Libby just got here. Can’t we help Daddy later? I want to play.”
“She’ll be here for a while, Kat,” Ellie says patiently, gathering up doll items to put away in a bin. “Go help Daddy and you can play with Libby later. I want to talk to her.”
Kat sighs loudly. “Fine. Come on, Emm.”
I set Emmeline down, and Kat takes her hand, leading her from the room.
“What’s up?” Ellie asks after they’re gone. She’s still kneeling on the floor to clean up after the girls, so I sit down next to her to help.
I quickly explain about the blackmail and what Caleb found out.
Ellie scowls and reaches for my hand. “None of us will let this creep take Jordan’s sister down with him.”
I put my hand over hers and smile at her gratefully. “I know. He called earlier and gave me a quick rundown, and he says the FBI agent Caleb knows who’s on the case seems to believe that Bryce set her up. Let’s pray Caleb can work some magic and find proof.”
“Caleb can always work magic,” Ellie says warmly. She will forever be Caleb’s biggest fan for the role he played in helping my family find me in Mexico.
“Yeah.”
Ellie squints at me and sits, resting her back against the side of the couch. “So what else is bugging you?”
I wave a hand at her face. “What is this? Mom-sense or something? How do you know something else is going on? I could just be preoccupied with the fact that Jordan is in Houston dealing with this when I was counting on him to be here for the first game tomorrow.”
She chuckles, ignoring my attempt to wave it off. “What’s bugging you, Libs?”
“We kissed.” I sigh and look at the carpet, running my fingers through it and not looking up at Ellie. “I mean, like, really kissed. It was … incredible.” Thinking about it now makes heat swoop through my stomach. I resist the urge to touch my lips, like I can feel the kisses he left there.
Ellie keeps her face impassive. She would be a therapist in another life, seriously.
I know her ability to handle any situation with complete chill and not give away her true feelings comes from a life lived in the spotlight.
It also comes from reading every book imaginable, taking classes, and doing anything she could think of to support me.
Also living with Will. Their relationship was rocky at the beginning, because the man’s resting face is very intimidating and Ellie is a firecracker.
I’ve come to know the much softer side of Will the last ten years, but he and Ellie are super careful about communication now.
They can basically read each other’s minds.
It probably helps that, as they near their forties, they’re both mellowing out.
“Is that good?” she asks in a tone that strongly implies, And how does that make you feel?
“Yes,” I breathe. I think about how gentle his hands were as he held me, how he treated me like I was the most precious thing. How I felt utterly and completely safe with him. How that didn’t come from just that one kiss, but from weeks of him showing me he’s safe.
“So…” Ellie says, drawing out the word. “What’s bugging you, then?”
“I want all of it with him. Marriage. Forever. Kids. A life.”
She raises an eyebrow at this, indicating she doesn’t get it. Go on, that eyebrow says.
“I haven’t known him very long. Not nearly as long as I thought I would need to know someone to trust them with everything. He could be hiding something, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t get rid of those thoughts. He deserves so much more than that.”
Ellie reaches over and puts an arm around my shoulders, pulling me to her for a hug.
“To be fair, you’ve been with him a lot since you got married, so it almost counts as longer.
You guys are hardly ever apart. And judging by the way that man looks at you, he doesn’t care what you think he deserves.
He wants you.” She pauses. “He loves you,” she says, her voice tight with emotion.
The knowing wells inside my chest as I think about a thousand tender looks he’s given me since we met, hundreds of gentle touches, more than a few heated gazes.
He loves me.
I think about the picture Ellie showed me of Grayson. It epitomizes everything he wanted from me—not love, certainly. Fame, vindication, sex. It was about power.
I trust Jordan enough today. I will trust him enough tomorrow. And I will trust that we both love each other enough to have forever together. It won’t happen magically, like a fairy tale. I just have to believe that it will happen.
Ellie goes on softly. “The partner I want for you, Libby, is one who understands the trauma in your past and walks beside you through every aspect of healing you have to go through. I see that partner in Jordan. You don’t have to be perfect for him, Libby.
The same way you don’t expect him to be perfect for you. ”
I lean my head on her shoulder, and we sit there in silence until Will comes in to tell us dinner is ready. I stand first, then reach a hand down to my sister to pull her up.
“Thanks, El,” I say, leaning into her as we walk to the kitchen.
She bumps me softly with her hip. “You’re the one who married him. Thank yourself. It was very smart.” With that, she wiggles her eyebrows and leads the way to the dining table.
I think about that kiss. Well done, Libby Bennet. Well done.