Liberating Zach

1. Zach

Falling in love with a coworker is almost never a good idea. Sure, you get the occasional fairy tale ending, but mostly it’s just awkward and shitty, and someone ends up having to quit.

Zach knew this as well as the next person.

Didn’t stop him from pining after Mason St. John for years. He managed to half-fool himself into believing it might magically work out someday—right up until Mason fell in love with someone else.

Lack of fairy tale ending? Check.

Awkward and shitty? Double check.

Now if only he could figure out what the fuck to do about it.

“Hello, Earth to Zach.”

Zach’s head snapped up, and he found Jonathan smirking at him across the reception desk. “Shit, I’m sorry.” He gave his boss a sheepish smile. “Guess I zoned out there for a second.”

“Don’t worry about it. Can we have that meeting really quick? I’m flying out for my dad’s seventieth birthday party this weekend, so I need to leave for the airport in twenty.”

Meeting? He didn’t remember Jonathan scheduling any meetings for today. Zach wondered for a moment if he could surreptitiously check his calendar on his laptop. But he apparently got lost in his thoughts long enough that the screen was black. No way could he get away with it.

“Yeah, sure. Lead the way.” Zach was an expert bullshitter. Chances were high he’d get through this mystery meeting without an issue.

Standing, he straightened his vest—one of his favorites. The dark gray wool of the Ralph Lauren Glen plaid twill looked fabulous on him, and he damn well knew it. Even with his excellent salary, buying this suit had been a stretch. But the moment he saw himself in the tri-fold mirror at the store, any semblance of choice went out the window.

Then when he paired it with a deep plum bow tie? Forget it. He’d be buried in this fucking thing.

Zach followed Jonathan across the lobby and down the long back hallway. He expected his boss to turn into the study. Jonathan tended to like the formality of sitting behind the enormous antique desk while Zach perched on one of the chairs facing it. His eyebrows shot up when Jonathan continued down the hallway to the parlor instead.

By the time Jonathan turned in the parlor doorway, waiting to close the door behind them, Zach had settled his features into a mask of polite interest. He waited until Jonathan sat on the antique sofa before settling back against the blue velvet upholstery of a matching chair.

“So,” Jonathan said, folding his hands placidly on his thighs. “You’ve officially been here five years. How time flies.”

Once again, Zach’s brows shot up. He had no control over them this time. “Wait,” he said, doing some mental calculations. “Is it already June?”

Jonathan’s eyes crinkled at the corners. “You sure you only zoned out for a second earlier?”

“It’s like you said.” Zach lifted his lips into a rueful half-smile. “How time flies.”

Okay, so this was his annual review. He vaguely remembered Jonathan mentioning something about that earlier in the week, but he didn’t realize it would happen so soon. For someone who organized the calendars for every person in the Manor, that revelation was startling. What else had he been too distracted to notice?

“Let’s keep this short and sweet,” Jonathan said. “Your work continues to be exemplary. I’ve discussed it with the other partners, and we’ve decided to give you a ten percent raise this year, plus a fourth week of annual leave.”

Zach’s heart leapt in his chest. That was a nice chunk of change. “Thank you.” He did his best to sound modest and grateful, not like a shopping cart was already filling up in his mind.

“It’s genuinely our pleasure. The Manor literally couldn’t function without you, and we all want you to know that we’re well aware of it.”

Resisting the urge to preen under the praise, Zach said, “I’m glad everyone is happy with my work.”

“We are indeed. Which leads me to the only other matter I wish to discuss today.” Jonathan looked him right in the eye and said bluntly, “Are you happy?”

Several seconds ticked by on the old carriage clock on the mantle. Zach blinked, and when no words occurred to him, he blinked again. “Huh?” he said at last.

“It’s not a trick question,” Jonathan said with a small, reassuring smile. “And there’s no wrong answer.”

Zach was very much not reassured. Eyes narrowing against his will, he demanded, “Why are you asking? Did a guest complain? Because I promise you, I’ve been nothing but perfectly kind and polite to every guest, but Elana Bradford just wanted to be upset about something, no matter what I?—”

“Zach.” Jonathan’s voice remained soft and low, but somehow held more power than if he’d shouted. How in the fuck did Doms do that?

“Sorry,” Zach said, wishing he didn’t blush so easily.

The Manor’s head Dom watched him for several seconds, those piercing brown eyes seeming to look right through him. “Something’s wrong,” he said at last. “It’s been wrong for about six months now. I want you to tell me what it is so I can fix it.”

Zach resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He knew Jonathan generally used logic—and everyone’s tendency to follow his commands—to work his way out of any problem. But it wasn’t as if he could wave a magic wand. No one would miraculously make Mason realize he was not only gay, but madly in love with Zach.

“Thanks, boss.” He did his best to give his usual dazzling smile. “But there’s nothing to fix. I’m right as rain.”

Jonathan’s mouth tightened. “Don’t lie to me, Zachary Potter. You might be able to fool the rest of them, but you can’t fool me. Now tell me what’s going on.”

Zach squirmed in his seat, unable to help himself. Nothing was yummier than a Dom using his full name in that school principal, you’ve-been-very-naughty-and-now-you’re-in-trouble voice.

Shit, had it really been so long that he was lusting after Jonathan now? Wasn’t dreaming about one of the Manor’s Doms enough?

“Is it because Rafe and Nell are moving at the end of the summer?” Jonathan asked. “Rafe told me she told you their plans before anyone else, and how you did all that research for her while she was picking a school.”

Zach gave his boss a genuine look of surprise. When his friend Nell—the girlfriend of one of the other Manor Doms—announced her plans to go to grad school and become a therapist, he hadn’t been sad at all. As much as he loved and would miss her, he couldn’t be prouder of his friend. Besides, he managed to convince her to go to the University of Vermont in Burlington, so Nell and Rafe would only be moving an hour and a half away.

“No, it’s not that. It’s...a personal matter. One I don’t feel comfortable discussing.” His voice sounded too cold to his own ears. Far too defensive. He tried to soften it as he finished with, “I didn’t realize it was affecting my work. I’ll make sure it doesn’t continue to do so.”

Slumping against the back of the sofa, Jonathan let loose a long sigh. “I don’t give a fuck about it affecting your work,” he said, a muscle in his jaw ticking. “Though, for the record, it’s not. I already said your work this last year was exemplary.”

“Then what?—”

“I’m worried about you.” Jonathan over-enunciated each word, as if it should have been obvious.

Some detached part of Zach’s mind was intrigued that the idea never occurred to him. Wouldn’t that be an interesting thing to dissect in therapy next week. “Don’t be.” As soon as the words left his mouth, he knew they were a waste of time. He hurried to add, “I’m not planning to leave, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Now why the hell did that feel like a lie? Sure, he thought about quitting when Addison showed up at the Manor and swiftly stole Mason’s heart. Moving across the country to nurse his broken heart while he pined for what could never be, et cetera. It had all seemed beautifully dramatic and romantic swirling around in his mind, but he never took the daydream seriously.

“I’m not worried you’re going to quit,” Jonathan snapped. “I’m worried about you as a human being.”

Zach wiped the shock from his face as soon as he realized it was there. He didn’t want to be rude. But seriously, what the fuck was going on?

“You know, for someone who picks up on the tiniest emotions in others and helps pretty much every time guests or staff get upset—including me, I might add—you’re being surprisingly obtuse about this.” Jonathan’s small smile was kind, not mocking. “I’ve known you for five years for Christ’s sake. I think that’s long enough for me to care when I notice you’re unhappy.”

Zach was used to managing the emotional turmoil of those who passed within the Manor’s walls. His role as part therapist, part confidant, part shoulder to cry on made him the one who told people what they needed to hear at the moment they most needed it.

He wasn’t used to anyone doing the same for him, especially not about this. The only person he ever told about his feelings for Mason was Addison. He felt he owed her an explanation for why he’d been so cold toward her since she arrived at the Manor.

But it wasn’t as if he could run to her when he needed to drown his sorrows. He liked Addison quite a lot on the occasions when he successfully locked the jealousy away. Not only was she a genuinely good person, but Mason was happier than Zach had ever seen him. Mason deserved that happiness.

But even if he wanted to talk to her, what was he supposed to say? Oh hey girl, remember how I’m madly in love with your boyfriend? Want to comfort me and give me advice on how to make it all better?

Fuck that. He’d rather swallow glass.

“Thank you. That really means a lot to me.” Zach spoke slowly, picking his words carefully. “You’re right that something has been bothering me for a while. But talking about it...” He closed his eyes and imagined the fallout if suddenly everyone knew his secret.

It would be the end of his time at the Manor. And maybe that’s how it should be. He’d already tortured himself for five years. When was enough enough? When was it time to move on and start the next chapter of his life?

But fuck, these people were his family. The thought of leaving them hurt almost as much as knowing Mason would never be his.

Could he survive his heart breaking twice?

“If I may make a suggestion?” Jonathan said gently.

Zach opened his eyes, motioning for his boss to continue.

“Perhaps a break would help. Give you some time to figure things out.” Concern still lingered in his eyes. “You’ve got a hell of a lot of vacation time saved up, plus you just got that extra week. Why not use some of it?”

The idea tumbled around in Zach’s mind for a few seconds. Jonathan was right about the vacation time. He hadn’t taken more than the occasional long weekend in three years. And despite his love of designer clothes, his savings account was nothing to sneer at.

“A short sabbatical might be just what I need,” he said at last. Getting away from Mason for a while would help get his head on straight. At the very least, relaxing somewhere beautiful with no responsibilities was always good for the soul.

The question was, how long should this break be?

How long does it take to get over a broken heart and figure out a plan for the rest of your life?

“Think you can keep this place from falling apart if I leave for two weeks?”