Chapter 26 The Return
The Return
Berlin
Derek did not drive directly back to Berlin, fearing the Gestapo would go straight to their house looking for Alice. Helene
thought it best for them to head to Saarland, a region the German army had recently repossessed. Alice had an aunt who lived
near Saarbrücken, the small capital.
They spent that afternoon and evening driving, only stopping to feed Alexander or change his diaper. Helene and Alice were
astonished at the foods Derek had brought. They took slow, small bites but were insatiable. It had been eight months since
Helene—and even longer for Alice—had tasted most of those flavors. It both pleased Derek and broke his heart to witness the
pleasure on their faces as they ate what to him was mundane fare.
Derek parked at the front door of the farmhouse where Alice’s relatives lived.
It was late at night, but Alice was impatient to see them, and Helene and Derek were eager to head back to their house.
The risk they had taken was heavy on them all.
If they had been stopped at any of the checkpoints along the way, they could have all ended up in concentration camps.
Helene and Alice had changed out of their prisoner uniforms, but their nearly shaved heads and emaciated frames were a billboard announcing where they had just left.
Alice knocked for a long time before they heard anyone stirring in the house. Surely the couple had been asleep. Eventually
the door opened, and a man and a woman in their forties stepped out beneath the silent, starry sky and stared at the group
before them.
Finally, the woman said, “A-Alice? Is that you? What in the world . . . ?” She pulled her robe tighter. It was still summer,
but the nights were cool.
“They released me,” she lied.
Her aunt Gemma looked at her dubiously.
“It’s not safe here,” her uncle Josef said. “There are soldiers and SS guards all over. The Nazis are afraid the French will
try to reclaim the region.” His gruff tone explained exactly how he felt about the sudden appearance of his niece.
Alice dropped her head. “I don’t have anywhere else to go.” She had not expected this reaction from her favorite relatives.
Gemma was struggling to fully wake up and make sense of the situation. “The border is closed, or else Josef would take you
to France or Belgium.”
The five of them stood in silence at the door, unsure what to do next.
“Well, come inside, anyhow. You should at least get some rest,” Gemma said.
She led them to the kitchen and offered them soup and bread left over from supper. She made a pallet of blankets for Alice on an armchair in the living room, and she and Josef gave their bed to Helene, Derek, and Alexander, opting to sleep in the smaller bedroom themselves.
The cock’s crow woke them in the morning. At first, Helene and Alice could not make out where they were. Every morning at
Moringen, they woke from dreams to discover they were still prisoners. But here, they woke to find their dream had come true.
They all sat together in the kitchen for breakfast. Gemma’s fingers played with Alexander’s the entire meal, his hands grasping
and releasing her in a game that fascinated him.
“We lost our two boys a few years ago. It’s a wound that never heals. God wanted to teach us patience, but it’s a bitter lesson,”
she said, delighting in Alexander’s gurgles and tugs. A few tears trickled down her cheeks.
“I’m so sorry,” Helene answered sincerely. She was very new to motherhood, but already the thought of losing Alexander was
unbearable.
“Well,” Josef said after a while, “what are we going to do, Gemma?”
They looked at Alice with pained expressions.
Gemma sighed. “The Gestapo might come looking for you here, dear. But if we bring you to Josef’s cousin Sara, I think you’ll
be safe. She doesn’t live far, just a few miles.”
Alice hugged her aunt. She would have rather stayed there at the farm, but she did not want to cause any more trouble.
“I’m just sorry that we’re all so afraid that our fear makes us doubt whether we should do the right thing,” Gemma said, wincing
at the bones she felt protruding from her niece’s skin as she rubbed Alice’s back.
Derek cleared his throat. “Thank you very much for your hospitality last night and for breakfast. We should be heading back to Berlin. We’ve got a long drive ahead of us.” He stood, and Helene handed Alexander to him. She gave Alice a tight hug.
“It won’t always be this way. Just stay strong. I hope we see each other again someday.”
Alice started to cry. Helene had been like a mother to her. She had taught her how to read and write and love books, and had
shown her the strength she had inside.
“Thank you, Helene,” Alice whispered between her tears.
Alice, Josef, and Gemma walked the young family to the car. It was a hot morning, and storm clouds gathered against the distant
mountains. Helene looked out the back window as the Mercedes left the dusty driveway of the farm.
“I hope things turn out all right for her,” she said, resting her hand on Derek’s leg.
“You’ve done all you could do. Well, a lot more, actually. We’ve all got to follow our destiny. God brings us together for
a time, we try to do good for one another, then we go our separate ways.”
Helene wept softly. She would never have imagined that anything good could come out of the camp at Moringen. But she’d met
Ruth, and Anna, and Alice, and many other women. In such an inhospitable place as the world was, crossing paths with a kindred
spirit was like finding a gushing fountain in the middle of the desert.
Berlin had not changed as much as Helene had.
The city was concentrated on preparations for the Olympics the following year.
The Nazis had emptied out the poorest neighborhoods, were building the Olympic Village, and, along the way, were trying to clean up their public image.
The newspapers no longer featured long diatribes against Jews, the inflammatory posters had been removed from public spaces, and everyone seemed intent on surviving in the new order.
Helene got the feeling that the populace was trying to build something new on top of the cataclysmic ruins of all that had come before.
After her happy reunion with Kaiser, Helene had hunkered down for several weeks. She had not wanted to see anyone, not even
her family, especially after hearing the news about her grandmother’s death.
Alexander and Derek were the center of her universe, the only things that mattered. Everything else about the world seemed
mean, tainted, and dangerous. She was not even interested in books. Helene wondered if her vocation as a librarian was lost
to her forever.
One morning when Derek was at work, there was a knock at the door. Helene peered through the peephole and saw Lena. She hesitated.
“Helene, I know you’re in there. Open up, you dunce!”
Helene’s heart skipped a beat. She had hidden away not only because of her appearance, but also because of the internal devastation
she felt. After the initial euphoria at being released from Moringen, she started to feel the weight of everything the Nazis
had taken from her. Only shards of her dignity remained, and she did not have the strength to piece them back together.
After a long pause, she opened the door just a crack. Kaiser peeked his head out and Lena poked hers in. Her eyes grew wide, and she was speechless when she first beheld Helene. Her friend was a shadow of the strong woman Lena had always followed.
Helene dropped her eyes, and Lena entered the apartment slowly, fearful that a sudden move would scare Helene away for good.
She shut the door gently, then held out her open hands. Helene took them, then they embraced and wept together.
“I’m so, so sorry,” Lena whispered into the thin hair that was now about an inch long. How Lena wished she had been the one
taken instead of Helene.
“C’est la vie. But I brought home a beautiful baby from Moringen, and, ironically, the camp helped me discover what I’m made of.”
They went to the kitchen to make tea, just like in the old days. The scents of pastries and a strong brew filled the air.
They sat at the window looking out on the Pariser Platz, and it felt like no time at all had passed.
Helene broke the peaceful silence. “How’s marriage treating you?”
Lena held out her ring finger. “I always thought my life would be one hundred percent books, but now it’s split between books
and a snoring, stinky-footed hunk who always tries to solve my problems before hearing what I’m actually saying,” Lena said,
and they both started laughing. Just then Alexander started to cry.
Lena clapped her hand over her mouth. “Oh, I’m so sorry. It’s my fault he woke up.”
“No, it’s fine. He’s already slept a long time.”
Helene went to the bedroom and returned with Alexander in her arms. Her face notably lit up next to his. Lena got to her feet
and stroked his plump cheeks.
“Helene, wow, he’s gorgeous. He looks just like you!”
“Oh, you can’t still be against Derek after all this time!” Helene joked.
“At least the Prussian knows how to do one thing right. Can I hold him?”
“Of course! Come on, Alexander, it’s time to go to Auntie Lena.”
Helene held out the child, and Lena nestled him against her bosom. She was silent in rapt awe as she studied him.
“He’s happy with you,” said Helene. “You and Gabor ought to have one of your own.”
Lena rolled her eyes. “In this crazy world? No way. Plus, I’ve got no time left after the two libraries.”
Helene did not keep that thread of the conversation going.
After a while, they moved back to their mugs by the window, Lena learning how to balance both a baby and a beverage.
“So you don’t want to be part of the action anymore?” Lena asked gently.
Helene shook her head. She thought back to one of her first conversations with Derek after they drove away from Saarland.
It had pained him, but Derek had explained Heydrich’s conditions for her release. She could never work with books again. It
was the price to be paid for the sin of her Jewish blood.
“I . . . I’m a mother now.”
Lena looked around. She had never seen Helene’s apartment so tidy.
“Of course. But, eventually, you know, he’ll grow up.”
“It’s a long time from now.”
Lena leaned back and looked down at Alexander again.
“I can only imagine what it must be like for you. Just hear me out. We’ve got to keep fighting. The books need you. The Secret
Library has grown a lot since you’ve been gone. They watch me pretty closely now, but who would suspect an ideal Aryan mother
like you?”
“I’ll think it over, but I’m not making any promises.”
In tacit agreement, they changed the subject. They loved each other too much to let their differences come between them.
Lena understood that Helene’s world had been turned upside down. But once books become part of people’s lives, the words seep
into their flesh and blood and do not leave.