8 Library
USUALLY, LENNIE AND I TOOK our time after school, talking everything over.
We talked about teachers, about other kids, about what we were going to watch on movie night.
Today, though, we were all hanging out at the diner after last period.
I’d just swallowed my pride and apologized to the whole group about how I’d treated them.
Lennie sat beside me in support as I explained the whole identity crisis/London/Theo thing, but all Krista and Avery wanted to know was whether Theo was a good kisser. And I could barely put that into words.
“Oh my God, if I were you I would have just ditched English and run to the library,” Avery said. “I can’t believe you’re having sexy hookups there. So unfair. The hottest thing Wyatt did this week was hold my backpack while I went to the bathroom.” She made a face.
“That’s sweet, though,” I said. I didn’t think I’d ever fully understand their relationship.
“I was hoping you’d tell us today because we were talking about you at dinner last night,” added Krista as if this was casual information.
“What do you mean?” My heart was in my throat.
“Well, not you exactly,” Krista continued.
“Melissa said she saw this hot guy with glasses at the library … Obviously I was like yeah right, Melissa, you weren’t at the library.
But turned out she was, because my mom backed her up.
And then Mom was all ‘Is that the Carmichael boy? The one going out with Willa?’ “
“Your mom knew?” I closed my eyes and felt my face flush.
“Will, my mom knows everything. She even picked up on the Lennie-Sara chemistry at Harvest Festival.”
“It’s a kind of witchcraft,” Lennie said.
“So, yeah, don’t worry. She doesn’t gossip, just takes in all the secrets and puts them in that really expensive handbag she won’t let me have.”
I laughed at that. “Okay. I’ll take your word for it. Maybe it doesn’t have to be a secret?” I thought out loud.
“I mean, it’s not anymore,” Krista reminded me.
“Yeah, why would it be a secret? If I was going out with a hot guy in his twenties I’d be shouting it from the rooft—oh, hi, Wyatt babe …” Avery kissed Wyatt’s cheek as he joined the group, looking confused.
“Go, Willa, before they follow you,” Lennie hissed in my ear. “Get to your hottie.”
“See you later, guys. And thanks—you know, for being so great.” I hugged them all and walked off in the direction of the library, a spring in my step.
That afternoon, Theo and I genuinely helped each other. Like it wasn’t just him showing me things about London, or telling me little anecdotes, but he was showing me his work again, and I shared mine too.
He spread out his sketchbook on the table, and I gazed in admiration at the pages filled with these amazing, detailed drawings of houses and buildings.
All clean lines and careful shading. “Another one for my portfolio,” he said, showing me a modern house with huge windows.
“For when I can actually apply to school. Whenever that is …”
I noticed a change in his tone. Quieter. Frustrated. “What do you mean?”
He sighed and flipped to another page of his sketchbook.
“I was supposed to apply from home this year, to the college in Boston. It was all planned out. But then my gran got sick and my parents decided now was the perfect time to get divorced. So they dumped me here with Alfie while they sort their shit out … Even though I’m twenty.
Almost twenty-one actually. I don’t need a babysitter.
But anyway, still trying to figure out when I can move forward with my life … ” He sighed.
“I’m really sorry, that sucks.”
“Yeah.” He nodded, his jaw tight. “But it is what it is.”
But it shouldn’t have been just “what it is.” Something in my chest ached for him. Stuck in a place he didn’t want to be, waiting for permission to start his life. At least I had a choice. An exam to take, a path forward.
I traced my fingers gently over his drawings. “Can you show me more?”
“Thanks.” He looked almost shy. “Here, look at this kitchen,” he said, pointing to another sketch. “It opens to the living room. I like when spaces flow together instead of being boxed off.”
I watched his face as he talked, the way his whole expression changed. How excited he looked.
He looked around our space, then started to sketch something else. “The library’s actually brilliant. See these alcoves between the stacks? They’re not just for books. They’re for people to hide. To have a moment alone.”
I replayed our stolen kisses.
“Is that what you love about architecture?” I asked quietly. “The way buildings have so many different parts to them? And purposes?”
He looked up at me. “Yeah. Exactly that. Like people.”
And for a second we just looked at each other as something unspoken passed between us.
Then we worked quietly side by side, on our own work. Every so often I’d steal glances at him, watch him push up his glasses or frown at a page. And during one of those glances he caught my eye.
“What are you working on?” he asked.
I looked at my screen, then angled it so he could see.
“I’ve been reading all these travel essays, and you know what I noticed?”
“What?” His eyes were intense. Interested.
“The good ones are never really about the place.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean … like all of them describe what it’s like in Paris or Tokyo or Timbuktu, but the best ones are the ones that get across how the writer felt in these places. Who they became there.”
I clicked to a different tab. “In this one, the writer is in Barcelona, and all the descriptions are so detailed, but the part that kept me interested was when she got lost and had to talk to locals even though she was scared to do it. And it ended up being the best part of her trip.” I glanced up at Theo.
There was that look again. The one that made me feel seen.
“And I guess that’s kind of what you’re saying about the alcoves? It’s not really about the space, it’s about what happens there?”
“You got it, Doc.”
“Yeah, I think I do.” I smiled at him, but the smile was really for myself. It was like the point of my essay had just been revealed to me.
“Are you hungry?” Theo asked, breaking the spell. “Want to grab some pizza at that place in the square?”
Pizza in the square? Where everyone would see us? My heart raced, but my mind went back to what Avery had said … If I was going out with a hot guy in his twenties I’d be shouting it from the rooftops …
I mean I definitely wasn’t going to be running around shouting, but maybe it didn’t have to be quite so private. Maybe people would just be … happy for me?
“Pepe’s?” I asked, surprising myself with how steady my voice sounded. “Pizza sounds good.”
“Is that the one that’s half a pizza place and half Chinese food?” Theo made a face.
“Well, what’s the point of having two separate restaurants when you can just gather them all together under one small-town roof?” I teased. “And yes, I do want pizza. And some fortune cookies.”
We packed up our things and headed into the square. It felt different, walking into town with Theo on a Monday afternoon.
“Are you okay? Are you nervous, Doc? Do I make you nervous?” Theo squeezed my hand.
My heart was racing. My hand was clammy in his, and he must have felt it. On the other side of the street, Mrs. Porter did a double take.
My instinct was to drop his hand, to walk farther apart. But I took a deep breath and held on tighter instead. This was fine. It was good. I liked Theo and didn’t need to hide it. The fact that I hadn’t told Pop about it was at the back of my mind, but I would deal with that later.
“No. I mean, it’s just a little weird since I know everyone around here. For instance, Mrs. Henderson will be delighted that there’s some new town gossip.” I nodded toward the General Store as we walked past. As if on cue, Mrs. Henderson walked out the door and onto the sidewalk in front of us.
“Well, if it isn’t Willa Taylor. And who’s this fine young man you’re with?” Mrs. Henderson asked. She glanced toward our hands, and I slid mine free.
“Oh, hi there, Mrs. H, this is Theo, Alfie Carmichael’s brother.”
“Enchanted.” Theo smiled and held out his hand.
Mrs. Henderson took it. “Of course—my memory isn’t what it used to be. I’ve heard all about you, honey. Fixed up that window in the library real well, Jo said.”
“I wish we could stay and chat, but we’ve been working so hard that we forgot to eat and pizza is all we can think about.”
Mrs. Henderson waved us off. “Well, you two enjoy your meal now.”
When we were a few feet down the street, Theo took my hand again. “See, that wasn’t so bad.”
“How come you weren’t so polite when we first met? Enchanted?!“ I gave Theo a side-eye and nudged him with my shoulder.
“Well, I was going through some stuff, wasn’t I? And you were just there all … peppy. Which was absolutely not how I was feeling.” Theo smiled at me, and it was contagious.
When we turned the corner, though, there was a line outside Pepe’s.
“Ugh. There never used to be a wait here,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Not until that influencer made Oak Falls famous.”
“Hmm,” mused Theo. “All these people coming to Oak Falls and you’re trying to leave.”
“Well, you weren’t exactly stoked to be here either.” I pushed him playfully.
“True. True. But I’ve actually started to kind of like this place …” He leaned in toward my ear and whispered so low that the feeling of his breath on my neck made me shiver. “Well, the people …”
We opted for takeout after a long wait, and Theo didn’t forget my request for fortune cookies.
I cracked mine open. “Adventure awaits in distant lands. Oh, spooky!” I nudged Theo knowingly.
Distant lands. London. Like the universe was reminding me: You could be leaving. Soon.
“What does yours say?”
Theo opened his with a sigh: “What you seek is closer than you think.”
He looked right at me, and I didn’t even need to ask the question … What do you seek, Theo? My heart swelled as his blue eyes found mine.