29. Chapter 29
The bed was crumpled, the sheets tangled and hanging off the side of the bed. Lucy lay sleeping face down, her hands cradling her face, a crumpled sheet across her legs. Jack sat on the edge of the bed and gazed at the smooth skin he had run his hands over just a few hours ago, at her slender fingers that had held onto him so tightly.
He stood and gently pulled the sheet up over her shoulders to stop her from being disturbed by the cooler dawn air. He bent and pressed his lips to her cheek, then slipped quietly from the room, holding his breath as the door clicked shut.
Outside, the air was still, and the gardens were silent. A delicious hour of peace, when all the partyers had finally gone to bed and before the hotel began to stir with preparations for breakfast and new guests. Jack strolled along the terrace, grateful for the early morning calm, taking deep breaths to steady himself.
His mind pulled him back to the events of the night. He couldn’t remember feeling like that with any woman before. Running a hand roughly over his face, he felt a strange hollowness in the pit of his stomach at the thought of not seeing Lucy all the time. No Saturday brunches, no late-night chats, no mid-week catch-ups after work. No dropping in on her at home at the end of a tough week. No Christmas at Dulcetcoombe. He remembered Lucy now, as he had seen her that night. Tired from long days, hair twisted up on her head, shadows under her eyes, but radiant at seeing everyone enjoying the fruits of her hard work. Breaking into a huge grin every time she heard a child say, ‘Look! There’s Father Christmas!’ or saw families walk in, mouths agape. He shook his head, trying to dislodge the thoughts.
Life seemed to suddenly have become muddy. The clarity he had felt around the New York proposal just a week or two before had evaporated. He felt irritable and unsettled as he traipsed around the gardens and shivered as the cool, damp air made the hairs on his arms stand up.
He dragged out his phone and scrolled through his emails. There was a new one, sent the previous evening from his lawyers handling the sale of the business.
Hi Jack,
Just checking in.
Casston lawyers have been in touch to say they haven’t had the signed agreement back yet. I appreciate the official contract deadline is Monday, but I wanted to check in and make sure everything is okay? I understood we had everything pinned down. If you have any final queries before signing, please get in touch.
Kind regards,
Steven
Jack read the email twice and then shoved his phone down in his pocket. Well, that was that, wasn’t it? Months of negotiations were over, paperwork was finalised and issued. It was done. Everyone was waiting on him to sign on the dotted line. He thought of his new app project, held in stasis until he could devote the time and resources it needed. A great idea with nowhere to go—until the sale was completed.
A year in New York—a couple of weeks ago, when the idea was first proposed, it had been exciting. Big city, new people, a whole new adventure. A chance to learn from people at the top of their field, see how a bigger business was run and make new contacts. Now, the thought of leaving left him feeling heavy and numb. But he needed the company sale to go through. He sighed as he went round and round in circles in his mind.
Need to sell, but selling means leaving. Not sure I want to leave, but then if I don’t, the sale might be pulled, and I don’t want that because I need to sell….
He slumped down on a bench, feeling the dew from the wooden seat seep through his trousers and not caring. A pair of rabbits grazed down by the tree line, watching him. He tipped his head back and stared at the sky, his eyes going in and out of focus as the light slowly changed. He felt tired and wired at the same time, his body keen to rest, his brain jumping from one thought to another.
‘Hello there.’
A voice sounded behind him, and he turned to see James strolling across the lawns. Jack shifted in his seat and sat up straight.
‘Another early riser, I see.’ James smiled as he approached and indicated the bench. ‘Mind if I join you?’
‘Please do,’ Jack slid along the bench.
‘Valerie snores when she’s had a bit to drink,’ James said, with a wry smile. ‘But I don’t have the heart to tell her. So, on occasion, after a big night,’ he eased himself down onto the seat, ‘I find myself up rather early without much to do until the world wakes.’ He smiled, and Jack was struck by how much Lucy’s smile was like her father’s.
‘What brings you out so early? Does Lucy snore?’
Jack smiled and thought of Lucy sound asleep in their room. ‘No, nothing like that.’ He scratched at his head. ‘Just a lot on my mind at the moment.’
James nodded, and they sat in silence for a moment. Jack stared at the rabbits, three of them now.
‘Might it help to talk about it? Feel free to tell me to mind my own business if not.’
James held his hands up.
Jack rubbed at a knot in his neck. There were moments like this one when he keenly felt the loneliness of running a business. Making all the tough decisions alone, putting on a brave face with staff during the bad times when he didn’t know how he’d cover staff salaries and pay the bills. Going to meetings with clients and praying the pitch went well and combing over every last detail when they didn’t get the job. Of not having anyone who understood how he had weighed every decision over the years and no one whose ear he could bend time and again to talk through the next steps.
He had received plenty of support for the sale of the business––but it was legal and business advice. He hadn’t really talked to anyone about how it felt to let go of something he had grown himself from scratch. A business he started while sitting on a lumpy sofa in a noisy shared flat straight out of university, a battered second-hand laptop balanced on his knee, living off instant noodles and powdered coffee. And now, on the outside, he was a great success. He’d created a successful business that was doing so well other people wanted to buy what he’d built.
He instinctively started to reply, ‘Oh, that’s very kind, but it’s okay.’
Then he glanced at James’s kindly face, his expression patient and curious. Jack let out a shaky breath.
‘Well,’ he began, ‘I run my own business, BrandFriendsSocial. We specialise in helping companies build relatable profiles online and get customers relating to them as friends and people, rather than faceless corporations.’ James was watching him. Jack added, ‘It’s a form of marketing, of awareness and brand building.’ James nodded.
‘I started the business over ten years ago, straight out of university. It was a slog at times in the early years, and a couple of times I nearly gave up, but it’s grown and become a recognised competitor in this field. Over the last year or so I started getting interest from a couple of companies wanting to buy me out. Things got serious a few months ago, and we were finalising plans for me to sell the company to an American firm. I’ve spent years building the business and, if I’m honest, I’ve probably taken it as far as I can on my own. As far as I want to, I think. I have another project I have been working on, something I’m really excited about and I think it can be really successful too—and I need to sell so I can make it happen. But even though it feels right to sell, it’s still hard. And then,’ he avoided James’s gaze, ‘late in the final negotiations, they asked me if I would go to New York for a year to support the integration into the new company.’ His mouth felt dry, and he cleared his throat. ‘It seemed like a fantastic opportunity in many ways, a new adventure…’ He stopped, unsure what his next words were.
Beside him, James said, ‘And…?’
Jack stared at the lightening sky.
‘And now…I am not so sure.’
‘Because?’
Jack thought of Lucy asleep in the room. He wondered if she’d woken and wondered where he was.
‘It’s complicated.’
He was aware that James would probably assume that complicated referred to his relationship with Lucy—which James no doubt believed to be a real fledging partnership—and the prospect of a year apart. Truth be told, it would probably be simpler if it was a real relationship, not a fake one. If it was real, he imagined they’d talk about this, discuss what they’d do. He wouldn’t be sitting in a hotel garden before sun up, with a damp bottom and wet feet, telling his fake girlfriend’s dad his troubles.
James nodded. ‘I understand it might seem that way.’
Jack turned to look at him, but James was gazing straight ahead.
‘Seem that way?’ Jack repeated.
James nodded, still staring forward.
‘Most decisions are surprisingly simple. We usually know what we want. We just don’t want to deal with the consequences of facing up to those decisions. The tricky conversations we might need to have, for example, or accepting the changes we need to make.’
James swiveled to face Jack.
‘This decision isn’t about selling the business or spending a year in New York. It’s about getting clear on what’s really important for you. What kind of life you want to live. That’s the only question we ever really need to answer.’
Jack grimaced.
‘This doesn’t feel simple. I feel I’ve got no idea what to do.’
‘Perhaps it’s an invitation, then. In my experience,’ James said, stretching and yawning with a groan, which startled the rabbits back into the bushes, ‘life sometimes offers these crossroads for just that reason.’
Jack managed a nod, only half understanding.
‘What would you do?’
Laughing, James held his hands up.
‘I’ve no idea. There’s no doubt selling the company to focus on what you really want and spending a year in New York is a great opportunity and would be an exciting experience.’
James shook his head, smiling.
‘What does Lucy think?’
Jack suppressed a shudder as he thought of how he still needed to tell Lucy.
‘Uh, we’ve not talked at length,’ he stalled. ‘The bit about me going to New York for a year came late in negotiations on the sale, so we haven’t…we still need to talk about it. Properly.’
Jack realised he had no idea how she would feel about him going. Or about how he felt about not seeing her for a year. Too much was happening all at once.
In fact, he had no idea how she would feel about their night together. Maybe she would wake up and be embarrassed, and they’d suffer through a largely silent journey home, neither knowing what to say. Or perhaps she’d laugh off the whole night as a prosecco-fuelled mistake, and they’d grin and hug a little awkwardly and say, ‘ah well, what happens at the wedding stays at the wedding.’
Then he’d pack up and move to the US, and she’d giggle with Cassie over coffee one day in months to come about her silly drunken tumble with Jack. ‘But it’s not too embarrassing,’ she’d say to Cassie, with a shrug. ‘He’s in New York now.’
He rubbed at his eyes, hoping to see things more clearly.
‘Hmm, always hard when these things come up when a relationship is still new,’ James said.
‘I just…’ Jack hesitated.
The quiet of the dawn, the strange privacy of this conversation in the middle of the gardens was lulling him into sharing. James waited.
‘I had made peace with selling the company and walking away. I have the other business idea I want to develop, and then…this year abroad came up. It seemed like a great way to make sure the company and the team would be okay, and maybe make new contacts, too. But now…a year feels like it could be a long time to be away from….’ He trailed off. ‘I don’t know…’
James nodded and said nothing. They sat in companionable silence as the sky turned from grey to soft blue. Jack was about to make his excuses and head back to the room when James spoke.
‘Truth is,’ he stretched and smiled, ‘I don’t know what you should do. You’ve certainly got some decisions to make, and that’s both exciting and scary. I know that. And I’m not sure what’s going on between you and my daughter.’
Jack blanched as he wondered if James suspected the relationship was less than it was supposed to be.
Then James continued, ‘I know you haven’t been together long, and I’m sure this is a conundrum neither of you were expecting. But there is one thing I can share from my own experience…’
Jack listened as James talked, as crisp early morning sunlight crept across the lawns.