Ashleigh Perera and Remy Hughes 2028 Aged 66 #2
She smiled at the girl who clung to Elio, leaning on him like he was the anchor in a stormy sea. Remy caught her eye and the two shared a knowing look. There was something about the way the two youngsters held each other that was full of promise, so lovely to see.
Remy
‘You’ve actually let someone else hold him?’ Remy smiled at her sister, who sat, baby free at the kitchen table.
‘No, he’s asleep, so no one’s holding him, but I’m keeping an ear out for the monitor, so the moment he wakes . . .’
‘You’re obsessed, Ashleigh!’
‘I actually am.’ She beamed. ‘Is it like this with all of your grandchildren?’
‘No.’ Remy shook her head. ‘I only really like the first one. The novelty wears off, so I can kind of take or leave Clemmie, Topsy and the new baby. It’s all about Elio for me.’
‘Really?’
‘Of course not, you idiot! I adore them all! Each one a tiny miracle, a magnet that pulls me to them and means I can’t get enough of them.’
‘You’ve always been funny.’ Her sister laughed.
‘Funny weird,’ she quipped. ‘Pia seems very nice.’
‘They are clearly smitten!’
‘I said to Midge before we came that they’re very young and so . . .’ She let this trail.
‘Well, in my humble opinion, they might be young, but they’re not messing around. Did you see the way they looked at each other?’
‘I did.’ She beamed, happy that Elio seemed to have found someone as lovely as him. She knew Sophie approved, and she’d always been a great judge of character.
‘I notice we never sit in Dad’s chair,’ Ashleigh pointed out, as they both looked at the seat at the table that would forever be where Dennis had tucked into his toast in the morning, his sandwich for lunch and his shepherd’s pie for supper.
‘It doesn’t matter how many times I walk through that door, I still expect to hear him call hello to me.’ She wondered if this would ever cease to be, kind of hoping not, as she could hear him loud and clear whenever she arrived.
‘Me too. Mum seems to be doing okay; older, yes, but managing. I know how much you do for her.’ Her words seemed tinged with guilt that she wasn’t close enough to help more, to relieve her burden of care. Not that it was a burden to Remy, not at all.
‘She is, she’s great. And it’s just part of my routine, always has been, really. I don’t mind.’
Ashleigh drew breath, took her time; Remy got the feeling that what came next had been long cued up on her tongue. ‘Do you think – do you think he forgave me, Rem?’
‘Dad?’
‘Yes.’
‘Forgave you for what?’
‘For letting him down, lying to him. Mum said I’d made her look stupid.’
‘She said we’d made her look stupid,’ Remy clarified.
‘You’re right, but that doesn’t make me feel much better. I hate the thought that he never quite got over it, that it sat like a thing between us.’ Ashleigh’s words seemed to almost choke her as she spoke. She coughed to clear her throat.
‘He wasn’t like that. Not that kind of man. You know that,’ Remy reasoned.
‘I do. I just wish – wish that I’d apologised again, helped him understand our reasoning. I wish that I’d met Victor sooner so that he could have known Dad, and vice versa. I wish I’d given more time to Evie when she was little. So many things.’
‘We all do that, Ash. I wish I’d run a mile from Jamie Aller, but still got Soph, I wish I’d met Midge sooner, wish I’d not gone out that night with Tony, wish we’d stayed in and danced in my bedroom.
’ She looked up to the room that was overhead as her shoulder twinged on cue.
‘I wish he wasn’t sick now, wish Dad was still here.
But it’s pointless, isn’t it? It’s just another way of regretting things, trying to rewrite our lives, and that’s futile.
What’s done is done and we are where we are.
We’re far better off looking forward and accepting what we can change, what we can do. ’
‘Yep.’
‘And you know Dad would have loved Victor – we all love Victor! Married life suits you.’ It did.
Ashleigh was calmer, smilier, since she had become Mrs Perera almost two years ago now.
A quiet ceremony without guests in Sardinia, it sounded blissful.
And it had made Remy laugh; her parents had, after all, predicted the destination.
‘You’re right, of course you are, but I can’t help it. And I do love being married to Victor. He’s so nice to me!’
‘As he should be! It makes me mad that might not have always been your experience.’
‘I know that feeling. I remember being so angry that you’d settled for Jamie.’
‘Yet it didn’t put you off him entirely . . .’ she teased. It was harsh but funny.
‘Please let’s not go there!’ Her sister blushed and changed the subject. ‘I know you’ll be upset about Tony. How’s he doing?’
‘Midge spoke to Raul earlier. Not so good.’ A tear bloomed and trickled down her cheek.
‘That’s rotten, Rem.’ Her sister ran her fingers over the tabletop. ‘Do you remember the morning of the exam? Sitting here with Mum asking us questions, testing us.’
‘God, I’d forgotten that! She used to do it all the time!’ Remy laughed to be reminded of the memory; it was nice to have the mood lightened.
‘Random questions about geographical locations or our times tables!’ Ashleigh shook her head. ‘My God, the pressure!’
‘I didn’t feel it, not really,’ she admitted.
‘Well, that much I do know.’
Remy pictured the morning, eating breakfast, then their mum driving them to school so they didn’t have to get the bus because it was a special, special day.
‘Some of the happiest times in my life were when we were little and shared that tiny bedroom, I loved going to sleep and waking up knowing you were right there.’ It was true; being in close proximity to her twin had made her feel safe in a way that had been lacking until she’d met Midge.
Ashleigh took her time responding. ‘Those years when we didn’t chat much, when we were sulking’ – Remy smiled at this description of the great chasm into which they’d fallen – ‘it was awful. I never felt whole. I hated it.’
‘I hated it too,’ she admitted. ‘I’m still ashamed to think of how it had spiralled until contact was minimal and forced. But that’s behind us, Ash. I meant what I said: we’re far better off looking forward.’
‘I feel like I have a lot to look forward to, possibly for the first time ever! Victor and I are just starting out, really, and little Levi! He’s stolen my heart!’
‘You’re a good mum, Ash, and a brilliant nana.’
‘Well, coming from you, that’s the best compliment.’
Remy felt a rush of affection for her sister. ‘I’m going to stay with Bertie and Ulla when the new baby comes. Midge and I can look after the twins so they can enter their baby bubble.’
‘Ah, lovely. Have they got any names yet?’ Ashleigh asked casually, and so she tried to answer in kind, knowing her response would cause a ripple.
‘Yes, they’re going to call her Nettle.’
‘Nettle? As in stinging or tea?’ Her sister wrinkled her nose as best she was able with all that Botox.
Remy felt the smallest flare of defence at the name, which was, after all, going to be how she referred to her baby granddaughter.
‘That’s the one.’ She held her sister’s gaze. ‘And it’s not the weirdest thing. Do you remember your friend who named his baby after his dog! What was it? Ben and Ben?’
‘Yep, the Bens!’ Ashleigh laughed. ‘Ridiculous. Can I ask you a question, Rem?’
‘Course, fire away!’ She braced herself for some more name-related teasing.
‘Would you do it again? Would you make out you were me? Sit the exam?’
‘Oh.’ This was not what she had expected. ‘I’ve thought about that in the past, and the answer is yes, yes I would.’
‘Even though it caused us problems further down the line, put a rift between us, almost, made us fight?’
Remy reached out and took her sister’s hand inside her own, the same hand, one egg, split in half, miracles . . .
‘Yes, Ash, because I would only do what I thought was right at the time and I thought that was the right thing to do, because I thought it was what you wanted. Because I love you that much.’ It was her truth, would always be her truth. She would do it all again.
‘I know. I loved you that much too.’ Ashleigh’s words were hoarse, her vocal cords pulled thin with emotion.
‘Loved?’ Remy pulled a disapproving face.
‘Love. I love you that much, little dove,’ Ashleigh whispered.
‘I love you that much too, little dove . . . always have, always will.’
‘What are you two conniving about?’ Ruthie asked, pushed into the room in her wheelchair by Pia.
‘Nothing.’
‘Nothing.’
They replied in unison. It was that way with twins. In sync, in tune and always having each other’s back.