Chapter Twelve #2
“No, your birthday dinner.”
“It was fine.”
“It would have been so nice to have you here.”
Yet were they coming down for my birthday in a week? No. I didn’t want them to, so I didn’t mention it. They never came to visit me. I was the child, so I was supposed to come to their home. I didn’t say anything.
I thought we’d be done then, that she’d have had her fill of guilt-tripping, but she went on about the University of Illinois football team for another twenty minutes.
I tried to write as she was talking, but she’d succeeded in derailing me.
By the time she was through, frustration was simmering in my stomach.
I knew I needed to set things aside and calm down. I considered going to the dog park, but I felt like I was the one who needed to be running around. I closed up my computer, changed into workout clothes, grabbed a notebook and pen for spur-of-the-moment thoughts, and headed to the gym.
I spent a good amount of time there, especially when it was raining and I couldn’t walk Ollie.
I had a Tuesday yoga class that I went to on the weeks I didn’t have therapy and I’d done water aerobics some summers, but the gym proper was my usual haunt.
I claimed an elliptical, started some music on my earbuds, wedged my notebook between the controls, and went to work, searching for a speed that I could sustain but would still push me.
I was about half an hour in when someone came up in front of me.
At first I thought the guy wanted my machine, but the limit was sixty minutes, not thirty, and anyway, there was another one free. Then, I realized it was my friend Paulie. He’d had long hair the last time I’d seen him and he’d cut it off short and dyed it blue and orange.
Paulie and I had never been super close, but we got along well when we were together. He was sort of a fringe member of the big gay group I used to hang out with, mostly a clubber who was friends with some of the younger guys. “Oh my God, Sam! It’s been forever!”
“It has. How are you?”
“I’m fine. You know. Work and school, wash, rinse, and repeat. What have you been up to?”
“The usual. Writing and teaching.”
“Do you have something in the works?”
“I’m proofreading another thriller right now.” Then, I said it for the first time out loud. “And I’m working on a new romance.”
“Excellent. Hey, Grace is having a party this evening. Are you going?”
I gave him a small smile. “I’m not invited.”
“Oh please, it’s Grace. I’m inviting you. You know she’s okay with that. Come on! Just really low-key, fire pit and snackies.”
“Thanks. I might.”
“Well, I’ll let you get back to your workout. Good to see you!”
“You too.”
Now, I had something to obsess over. Should I go to this party?
Grace was one of the fringe friends as well; she was a tall, broad carpenter whose entire character disagreed with her name.
She had been the captain of the softball team during my ill-fated experience, but she had been super nice to me.
She was married to Kimmie, who did nails at a salon and makeup for drag shows.
It was probably going to be her good friends and a few from the drag crowd, like Paulie.
I was a little scared to show my face, but for the first time, I kind of wanted to see those guys.
Lisa wasn’t back until late that night and I didn’t have anything on my schedule and I could insert what I’d scribbled in my notebook tomorrow. Maybe I should just do it?
I hashed things over seven million times while I finished my workout, went home, showered, and had a little dinner.
What if she’s there? That was unlikely. Veronica and Grace were only friends of friends and Veronica was probably tooling around Europe or some shit on the weekends.
Anyway, if I saw her car I could just drive past. No problem.
Grace and Kimmie lived in a beautiful Queen Anne in Midtown between a house that was barely visible behind its pollinator-friendly lawn and a burned-out crack house.
I’d only been inside once before. Grace had stripped and refinished all the trim, built bookshelves that matched the original style, and redone the kitchen all by herself.
It was the nicest house I’d ever visited.
It looked like everyone was in the backyard this time, though, because the gate was open and I could hear music and laughter.
I did not see Veronica’s white BMW parked along the street. At least she didn’t say she was moving to Hawaii, I thought, or she would have had to sell that, too. I left my car in a spot down the block and crunched through the leaves in Grace’s lawn to the gate.
Paulie and Shawn were standing right inside, giggling over something. Paulie’s eyes lit up when he saw me. “Girl! I honestly didn’t think we’d see you tonight, but I’m so glad you’re here!”
“Hey, sweetness.” Shawn gave me a hug and a kiss on my cheek. “We’ve missed you. Here, have a drink.”
Before I could say yea or nay, I was holding a glass of white wine, some of which had sloshed onto my wrist. “Oh, fuck me,” Paulie muttered, setting down the bottle. “I could lick that off of you if you want.”
“Yeah, no.” I grabbed a napkin. “What’ve you guys been up to?”
I stood with Paulie and Shawn for at least twenty minutes before even looking around to see who else was there and who was sitting at the firepit.
The heat against my back was lovely and I realized just how much I missed hanging out with this crowd.
I’d barely made a dent in my wine when Paulie refilled my glass, just as badly as the first time.
We were laughing about it when I heard my name.
“Oh my God, Sam Travis! I haven’t seen you since…”
I recognized Grace’s voice and turned around.
I hoped she wasn’t upset I was there, but it really didn’t sound that way.
To the contrary, when I turned, she was waving me over to the fire pit boisterously.
I was about to agree that it had indeed been forever, but directly next to her sat Veronica Hamish.
She was staring right at me, her eyes growing by the second.
Ally McLaughlin sat on her other side, holding her hand.
Yes, here we were. I knew that we would run into one another for real at some point.
This city was too small to hide forever, and the queer scene was even smaller.
On some level, I knew that, but it felt like it had in the grocery store, only this time with a ripping, tearing feeling in my chest. It made me fucking mad.
“Since Veronica left for St. Louis.” I looked straight at her. “How is St. Louis, Veronica?”
A few people along the periphery were still laughing and talking amongst themselves, but the fire pit crowd became very quiet.
ABBA or some similar shit was playing on the speakers and I wanted to tell it to shut the fuck up.
Veronica’s lips said “oh my God” without making any noise. Ally nudged closer to her.
I took a deep drink of my wine and came a few steps closer, taking my time.
My insides burbled like a volcano and my skin prickled like Maudie’s stupid cat was climbing me.
“I didn’t hear you,” I said, my voice still calm.
“Oh wait, that’s because you’re still here.
Still here with Ally. Hi, Ally.” I hoisted my glass to her.
“Hi, Sam.” Ally gave me a terse smile.
“If you wanted to date Ally, you could have just said it,” I said. “You could have broken up with me like a normal human being. You fucking pretended to move out of state. I assume all of you guys knew this?”
“Nope,” Grace said quietly. “I just figured you guys just broke up.” A few people exchanged shifty looks, but many had wide, innocent eyes.
“Sam.” Veronica took a breath as if she was just going to straighten everything out. Always the lawyer. Even in ripped jeans and a hoodie, she reeked of class. She was absolutely gorgeous. And it made me even madder.
“Why would you spend the time and the money and the energy creating this huge fucking lie? Why?”
“Sam, you haven’t always been so stable.”
“And you thought it’d be better to do that than tell me the truth? Did you think I was going to be nice and stable when I finally did find out?”
“Well, that obviously isn’t the case,” Ally muttered.
“Shut up,” I told her. “Or did you think I’d never find out? Did you think I’m so stupid and pathetic that I would curl up in my own misery and never show my face again?”
“Look, we should go.” Veronica made a move to get up.
“No, no, don’t leave. Enjoy the party. Enjoy your goddamn lie.
I’ll go.” I clenched my glass, trying hard not to throw it into the fire, and felt it shatter in my hand.
Damn it. I could barely see straight but I fumbled in my purse until I found a twenty, tossed it in Grace’s direction, and threw what was left of the glass in the trash. “Have a good night.”
Anger and humiliation swirled into a twister around me, ears ringing, heart pumping hard.
I stalked past Paulie and Shawn, who apparently hadn’t heard our conversation because they looked puzzled.
I’d closed the gate behind myself and made my way back to the sidewalk before I noticed that my thumb was stinging.
Blood was running down my hand and there was a small glass shard sticking out near the base.
Good. I plucked it out, thriving on the pain, and tossed it into the gutter.