Chapter Twenty
There honestly wasn’t much to do on Saturday or Sunday. We had an appointment at the funeral home on Monday morning, but nothing until then. Fortunately, we woke up Saturday to fluffy snowflakes falling, so I made Dad breakfast and sat at the kitchen table to watch it snow.
“You don’t have to do all this, you know. I can make breakfast.”
“I know it, but Mary Margaret said the other day that French toast was delectable. And it made me smile.”
“Well, it is quite good.”
“Thank you. I don’t cook often.”
“You don’t cook for your girlfriend?”
I shrugged. “Sometimes. We don’t live together.”
“How come?”
“We’ve only been together for a few months. Anyway, we each own our own houses.”
“Oh,” Dad said. The word was long and drawn-out. “I assumed you’d been together for years.”
“Yeah, no. That was Veronica.”
“No, no, I’m talking about Lisa. That’s her name, right? Kevin told me her name.”
I nodded.
“When you told your mother you had someone you could bring to our anniversary, I thought you’d been together for a long time.” Dad realized what he’d said, and we both stared at one another, then at our toast. “Delectable,” he said softly.
We all took Kevin’s kids to the skating rink in the next town over for several hours.
Missy circled around flawlessly with the big kids and Kevin helped Rebecca and Rachel on their tiny, double-runner skates.
I sat with Dad and Jeremiah, taking pictures, but as soon as the baby fell asleep, Dad poked me and said I should rent a pair.
Well, the gauntlet had been thrown. It must have been almost thirty years since I’d been ice skating, but I’d gone roller skating a few times with the big gay crowd in the interim.
That didn’t matter; apparently it was harder to balance on one blade than four wheels.
Of course, once I entered the rink, the kids all glommed onto me until they realized I could barely move.
Then, Mary Margaret made me her personal project.
I spent the next hour on shaky ankles, my left hand holding onto a finessed six-year-old, the other clutched to the wall.
Missy asked if she could do anything, so apparently I looked as stupid as I felt, but I told her that I had plenty of help and Mary Margaret beamed.
Kevin asked me if I wanted to skate backwards with Rachel.
I flipped him off even though there were about seventy kids circling around.
Seth snickered when he skated past, but Asher stopped by to tell me I was doing a very good job.
By the time the kids tired, I was exhausted and everything hurt from the million times I’d fallen on my ass.
Kevin said it was a miracle I didn’t concuss myself, then we stared at one another and pretended he hadn’t said anything.
When Dad and I made our way home, he smirked at me. “I have that on video in case you want to send it to Lisa.”
“Shut up. At least I was brave enough to do it.”
He patted his leg. “Can’t do it with the artificial knee.”
“Excuses.” My phone buzzed. “It’s Lisa. Want to say hi?”
Dad’s eyebrows jumped. “Well, sure.”
I set my coat in the kitchen and answered. “Hey. My dad wants to say hi.”
Lisa sounded both surprised and pleased. “Okay.”
I handed Dad the phone. “Hi, Lisa, how are you? Nope, call me John…Thank you, that’s very kind of you.” To my horror, he took the phone into the living room, leaving me there in the kitchen. “We went out with Kevin’s kids today and…I’ll have to send photos…”
My dad had never spoken with any of my other girlfriends.
Mom had always done the talking, had always been the one to call and answer, and she’d had no interest in acknowledging them.
It made me nervous for a second, so I took a moment to distract myself by starting some coffee.
Then, I realized it’d been a long time and got nervous again.
“Um, Dad? Can I please speak with my girlfriend?”
He was busy talking a mile a minute about how we used to skate at the lake when it was cold enough for it to freeze. “I guess so. Well, nice to talk to you.” He handed off the phone. “Did you put on coffee?”
“Yep. Hey.” I headed down the hallway to my old bedroom. “Sorry about that.”
Lisa laughed. “No, he’s a really nice guy. He had a lot to say. Is he doing okay, or is he masking?”
“Some of both.” I lay back on my bed. “He is a nice guy and he is very pleasant to talk with, but I think he’s babbling a little to fill space. My mom was the talker and it’s kind of quiet here now.”
“I bet. Hey, before I forget, I couldn’t get Ollie boarded until the twenty-sixth…I’m so sorry.”
“It’s absolutely fine. Just let him out a couple times a day and throw him some kibble. I’ll give you some people’s numbers if you don’t have time.”
“Oh, if it’s okay, I thought I could just move in…I mean, while you’re gone.”
“God, of course you’re welcome to!” I had to smile about how she’d felt she needed to qualify that. “I didn’t want to ask, but…”
“Do you know when the funeral is going to be?”
“We’ll know Monday, but no earlier than Thursday.”
“That’s the day I can board Ollie. Do you want me to come up?”
I paused. “You don’t have to do that. I mean—”
“I know I don’t have to, but I want to be there for you if you’re comfortable with it.”
“Of course I’m comfortable, I just…I mean, I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”
“I want to be there for you. Ollie will be taken care of and I don’t have to be anywhere until after New Year’s.”
I hesitated. “We’re decorated for Christmas.”
I heard a little laugh. “I figured. It’ll be okay.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure.”
“It’s going to be at my old church.”
“Of course. Your mother worked there.”
“Okay. I just wanted to warn you.”
“It’s okay, Sam. I realize we haven’t been together all that long, but your dad likes me, right?”
I closed my eyes, feeling the smile on her face. “I want you to come. Thank you.”
“Of course. You’re welcome. You sound okay. Are you really okay?”
“Yeah, I think so. I think we’re all okay.”
“I’m glad. Oh, just so you know, your dad is sending me a video.”
By Sunday, there was enough snow on the ground to enjoy it.
I started the day by shoveling the walk and the driveway, trying my best not to think about what had happened there.
I mostly just didn’t want someone else to slip.
Missy and I took the older kids sledding on the big hill behind the high school and Kevin stayed with Jeremiah, then Kevin got called in for a work emergency and the rest of us built snow people on their lawn.
Missy had her hands full, so I offered to make hot chocolate and order pizza for dinner, so we gathered with Dad at our house.
The girls were out cold and Seth was trying to teach my father some game on his tablet when I caught Asher sitting at the kitchen table, pretending to play on his computer but spending most of the time looking out the window.
I sat next to him. “I need to put some more birdseed out.”
“I’ll do it.” He jumped up. “Do you know where Grandma—”
We looked at one another. “Yeah. I’ll give you a scoop of it.” I found a cup from the pizza place in a Home Depot bucket full of seed. “Here you go.”
Asher had his boots on by then, but no coat or gloves.
I watched him work his way out through the snowbank in front of the window and carefully pour the seed into the feeder.
He was almost as tall as I was, and barely had to reach.
His hair was normally spiky, but it was lying down thanks to wearing his winter hat earlier.
While Seth looked like a little Kevin, Asher favored Missy with his dark hair and dark eyes.
He kicked off his boots and returned to the table.
“You want more cocoa?”
He shook his head. “I’m good.”
“What’re you playing?”
“Nothing. Just looking at TikTok mostly, but it’s boring.”
“How’re you doing?”
I expected him to say he was fine, but he shrugged. “Those guys are too young to get it.”
I nodded. “My grandmother died when I was about your age. It sucks because you get treated like a kid but you’re feeling everything like an adult.”
He watched his hands. “Grandma’s mother or Grandpa’s?”
“Grandpa’s. She moved here from Minnesota when she got cancer.”
“Was she nice?”
I felt my jaw tighten. “She was extraordinary. She was loving and thoughtful and also a total badass.”
“Grandma was a bitch to you,” Asher blurted.
I wondered if Missy let him use that language, but I guessed I’d just said badass. “Sometimes. She wasn’t too happy about some things in my life, but she still wanted to spend time with me.” Well, until I fucked that up, too.
“It pissed me off to watch it. I mean, I loved her, but I love you too.”
“Glad I’m your favorite aunt.” I was his only aunt. “I appreciate that. It pissed me off too, but she did do some really good things for me.”
“She didn’t support your job and she didn’t support your girlfriends.”
“True, but she did somehow manage to raise me to have the tools to deal with that.”
“Mom says she’s going to set up therapy for me.”
“That’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
“I know. My best friend has been in therapy since she was six. I just don’t know whether to miss her or not, you know?”
God. “She loved you very, very much, and was so proud of you,” I said. “Every time we would talk on the phone she would tell me what you were up to.”
“She was proud of Seth for his sports.”
“She was proud of you for your science fair and math club and everything else. Anyway, weren’t you the one on the team that took first in the region?”
Asher grinned at the tabletop. “Yes. Yes, I was.”
“You were her first grandbaby. That’s always extra special.”
“I don’t give a shit about being special,” he said. “I just…It’s like, can I love someone if I’m not sure she would love me back?”
Yeah, either he was gay or on drugs or some shit. “She loved you fiercely and I’m sure she would have no matter what. She and I just had a very…complicated…relationship. Sometimes it’s easier for people to accept things in their grandchildren than in their children.”