2. Mika #2
I knew how he could be, and I grimaced at the idea of our leader figuring out there was something significant going on under his nose.
He could be a hardass, but despite his frequent, usually loud complaints about the ‘idiots’ he had to deal with, he was deceptively permissive of the quirks and idiosyncrasies of his crew.
That said, he would never tolerate the idea that interpersonal drama from a former romantic relationship was a problem.
In truth, he would probably string me up by my balls if he thought I was acting differently because my ex-boyfriend had shown up out of the blue.
There was comfort because he had been just as floored on seeing me as I had at seeing him. It was a small and cold one, but at least I knew it was the universe conspiring against me, and not him.
“I will be fine,” I told him, and while it probably sounded like a lie, or denial, it wasn’t.
I would figure out how to make it work, not just for my sake, or even the team’s…
but for Aidan’s. I wasn’t saying he was wrong for being upset with me, but I also wasn’t going to pretend I didn’t have a reason I had done things the way I had years ago.
Of course, the reasons didn’t justify it, but…
well, I would figure out a way. “It was just a surprise, and you know I don’t deal well with surprises. ”
“Tell me about it,” he chuckled as he put his samples away in the temperature-controlled storage. “But I—”
There was a heavy knock from the front of the building that made us both stop and look at one another in confusion.
The building wasn’t private. Sure, there was a room upstairs that we, mostly me, slept in when we didn’t want to be in the main house; the rest of the building didn’t require knocking to enter.
“If that’s someone official, you need to answer the door,” he told me with a shake of his head. “The last time I talked to a suit, I thought we were going to see our funding gutted.”
“To your credit,” I said as I got to my feet. “You were off duty, not on call, and had got quite drunk with Jake and didn’t realize you were dealing with an inspector. At least he had a sense of humor.”
“I told him he had shiny eyes and his suit looked like it had been painted on.”
“Not your finest moment,” I said with a chuckle as I opened the door and froze. “Oh. Hi.”
“Hi,” Aidan said, and I couldn’t help but look him over, if only to avoid the flash of surprise and…
something else in his eyes. There was still a head or so difference in height between us, and it was still just as difficult as ever to tell if he was getting much sleep or if he had just got less than usual last night.
He looked…bigger, but not a whole lot, just filled out more, and yet his face was thinner.
“Jake told me to drop this off, apparently he was, uh…being held hostage.”
“I see Trevor didn’t enjoy being interrupted,” I said as I took the folder from his hands. “He usually doesn’t.”
“I think it was the interruptor that was the problem, not the interruption itself,” he said, and I felt a squeeze in my chest at his tone.
It was painfully familiar in the wry amusement, the voice of a man all too familiar with what it was like to be intentionally antagonistic, but accepted the punishment for being a pain in the ass with the same amusement.
Or at least, that’s how it had always sounded to me.
“Pretty sure Jake said he was a hostage to make Trevor sigh.”
“You used to know a thing or two about that,” I said, and then the awkwardness I was feeling was suddenly reflected on his face, and I regretted the slip.
“Yeah, still not ready for you to remind me you know me,” he said with a shrug and a little laugh.
Him and laughter were as close as Reno and I were.
He’d once told me there were times in life where you had two choices: lose your shit, or laugh, and he preferred to laugh.
“Let’s stick to pretending we barely know one another, ignore that it feels weird as fuck, and privately handle our shit. ”
Huh, gone were the days when he would insist on talking about what was hanging between us, or promising me that one day soon we were going to talk about things.
The fiery temper he had sometimes barely contained was gone, and in its place was a man with an awkward smile, eyes that were trying to not meet mine, and between us, was not just the awkwardness of knowing one another but also the years we’d spent apart.
“That’s probably for the best,” I told him, holding up the folder. “Thank you for this.”
“Sure,” he shrugged. “Not really a lot for me to do right now. Xander gets this look in his eyes whenever I talk about what’s supposed to be my job. The look that tells me I should shut up and walk away. So I’ve been coming up with stuff and mostly hanging out with Cait. She’s…a delight.”
“Somehow I’m not surprised you two get along,” I said, and then realized I had just violated our agreement. “Right, so—”
“Yeah,” he said. “I’m on dinner duty tonight, so I should probably go see what I have to work with.”
“See you at dinner then,” I said, and he nodded, looked as though he was going to say something, and then, turning on his heel, he walked away.
“Right,” I said quietly and closed the door, shaking my head and looking over the log sheets. They weren’t in order, because of course they weren’t; Trevor had his own system and only ‘translated’ them when he had to submit them officially. “Reno? I’m going up.”
I didn’t wait for his response as I walked to the utility room at the back of the building and yanked down the ladder to the roof’s hatch and pushed it open.
I was struck by a beam of sunlight, reaching onto the ledge beside the ladder to grab the toolbox before stepping out onto the roof to make my way over to the sensors.
I had just opened the panel on one of them before the inevitable happened.
The hatch opened, Reno’s head poked up, and he leaned his arms on the roof. “So, uh, what the ever-living shit did you do to that man?”
“You can see I’m busy, right?” I asked him as I inspected the panel.
“Busy trying to avoid what just happened, sure. Because you totally don’t like to throw yourself into work when something is bugging you. And don’t you dare say the only thing bugging you right now is me; that’s not going to work.”
“No, this is bugging me too,” I said as I examined the circuits with an annoyed click of my tongue.
“You didn’t tell him about me,” Reno said, and I closed my eyes as guilt bubbled up in my chest.
“Don’t turn this into me being ashamed of you,” I warned him with a grunt.
“Wasn’t going to,” he said. “Mostly. I’m guessing this was when you were on the other side of the country in Port Dale?”
I twitched. “Yes. We were nineteen.”
“Until?”
“Almost twenty-one. He was anyway.”
“Two years?”
“Just about.”
Reno gave a whistle. “And it was serious?”
I frowned. “I’m not shy about sleeping with people when I want to get off, but you know damn well that when it comes to relationships, I don’t ‘casually’ date anyone. Especially for that long.”
“So you were serious for two years and never told him about me?” he asked in confusion. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, Mika, I know you can be a closed book, especially back then, but that’s crazy. He didn’t even know we were identical!”
“I know,” I said with a sigh.
“Now I have to wonder how you could even call that relationship serious when he didn’t know a basic fact like that,” he said, and I heard him climbing onto the roof to join me.
“And you know what? I am a little offended that you decided not to tell him about me. Jesus, Mika, I’m your fucking brother, your twin brother. That’s just wrong.”
It was said lightly, but I knew he was serious, and I rubbed my temple. “I know. We met…right after Mom, and I just—”
I just what? I was the product of a father who had taken off when Reno and I had been six, and occasionally came back when he felt he wanted to play family man for a while before he realized it wasn’t as fun as being single and childless.
And a mother who had struggled financially, mentally, and emotionally.
Our mom had loved us; we had known that, but she…
well, she hadn’t been the best of mothers.
Too many times it felt like we weren’t her children, but her best friends; or her emotional punching bags, the reason her life had gone to hell, and then her only reason for living.
Maybe one day we might have been able to find some sort of equilibrium with her, maybe even nudge her toward getting the help she needed.
Except, the minute I had the chance, I’d left home, eager to be something other than what she had made us, eager to be something that was completely mine.
Reno had left, though with more reluctance than I had; him to the west coast, me to the east coast, and our mother, left alone in the Midwest.
“I wanted to…not be who I was,” I said with a sigh. “Eighteen years of—”
“Mom,” Reno said lightly. We’d been gone from home for just shy of a year before the accident took away the chance for us to have a relationship with her as adults, to make things work. He had been hit the hardest, and I wondered how much still lingered in his head. “Just…all Mom.”
“Yeah,” I said, because as much as he hated leaving her behind, still feeling the strong tugs of obligation I had vehemently fought against, he too had left.
He understood that our childhood had been nowhere near normal.
That for all the love she had, there had been too many times that her demons had proven stronger.
“I didn’t want to be that kid anymore. I didn’t want to be her son.
And I guess…I dunno. It’s easier to explain why you’re on the other side of the country from your brother than it is to explain why when it’s your twin brother. ”