29. Noah #2
I know that I want a love like Ricardo and Sienna.
The kind of love that knows no bounds, the one that withstands any storm, and you make it through together because you put in the work.
The kind of love that looks and probably feels as effortless as breathing.
But I think that in wanting that so much, I push it on the people I am with.
I want a partner who can handle the anxiety brain that plagues me most days, who can see past the insecurity of it all and still love me anyway.
I know that I need to talk to Georgie, and I think about how to tell her, the best way to get her to understand the way I am and why that is, but she still hasn’t said anything to me.
Sienna's two best girlfriends from culinary school arrive early.
They both bring additional food for the tables, and cupcakes that would put store-bought cupcakes to shame.
I hug them both, and they help me set up the final pieces of decorations, a sign I had created online and printed at the local print shop just yesterday.
The same colour palette as the decor, Sienna's name is written in a soft cream colour on a pink background, and the words Baby Sprinkle sparkles under her name in glittering gold lettering.
When Franny walks into the backyard, she gasps.
Her hair is curled and shining blond, the galaxy mix of colours fading out at the ends. She carries a party favour in a floral gift bag with gold accents, another nod to the party. I greet her with a hug, smiling at Bennie who sits at her feet, the dapper gentleman wearing a bowtie on his collar.
"This place looks beautiful. You really pulled it off, considering your lack of time.
" She's teasing, I know. Winking at me to nod at her help in pulling all this together.
She deserved every gold star for helping me the way she had.
She looked around at the few people mingling as others trickled in, and her eyebrows narrowed. "Is George not here yet?"
"No. She's been..." I rubbed the back of my neck, unable to find the words to explain.
Franny nods, giving me an expression of understanding, "I get it. She told me she was still coming when I talked to her this morning,"
That was promising. Last night walking away from her had left me far from confident that she would be here.
I wanted to believe her then, and want to believe that now too, but given the anxious twist in my stomach that stops me from tasting any of the amazing food Sienna’s friends brought in, I have no idea how this is going to play out.
More and more guests come into the backyard through the gates, her friends from her local mommy group that she'd joined, Ricardo's work friends and some that I didn't know personally but knew were on Sienna's list of people to attend.
Even my parents grace us with their presence, my father in his suit and mother decked out in her Sunday best, even her pearls.
Georgie must be next; she must be because she's the last person on the RSVP list before the people of honour arrive.
But when the gate swings open next, it's not Georgie.
Sienna's short hair is curled and pulled back off her face in butterfly pins, her baby bump leading the way as she holds onto Ricardo's arm for some support.
Her dress is long and flowing, cinched at her waist just above the bump, effortlessly light and blowing in the breeze in ruffles of pink chiffon.
She looks beautiful, and I knew that the mommy spa package I'd convinced Ricardo to get her had been put to good use.
"Noah!" Sienna nearly shrieks my name, covering her mouth in awe.
I grin when she hobbles her way over to me, tippy toes to throw her arms around me, and she gives me a bone-crushing squeeze.
She's sniffling into my dress shirt; I realize I've made her cry.
When she pulls away to blot her eyes, she gives me a mock stern expression, "You don't make a pregnant lady feel all these emotions!
All her hormones out of whack make for crying, and I'm gonna ruin my makeup and—oh my god is that a chocolate fountain? "
Best ten dollars I've ever spent at a thrift store.
Ever. Everyone laughs when Sienna excuses herself to go eat the waterfall of perfectly tempered chocolate, dipping strawberries and other pregnancy-safe fruits into the ever-flowing fountain of deliciousness.
The party gets started; soft piano covers of pop songs play in the background on the speakers I hid in the bushes.
Everything came together so perfectly, it's hard to imagine how this could possibly go wrong.
But my heart is not here. I glance around and feel the pit of disappointment in my gut as I realize that Georgie is not here.
Franny is giving me an unsure look, glancing to the gate then back at me with a shrug and an expression that says, 'I'm sorry, I don't know what's happening. ' Neither do I.
I swallow the feelings down, down, down.
This is Sienna's day, and it's my duty as her brother to make sure everything goes perfectly.
I busy myself with greeting everyone, mingling and doing anything to make myself look busy.
I ignore the shaking in my hands, try to calm the feelings inside.
But the longer it goes on, the longer I repress it, the longer I stare at that gate, willing her to show up, the angrier I feel.
I don't want to feel anger, I hate the idea of feeling anything other than happiness about Georgie.
But she promised. And I'd be fine if she just messaged me and told me that she wasn't going to be here, if she said something come up or it was a bad HS or mental health day.
Something, anything to tell me why she would push me away, but promise to be here, and then not be here.
But there's nothing. No matter how much I glance between the gate, my phone, Franny's expressions that keep growing less and less confident as time goes on, Georgie is not here, and I don't know that she will show at all.
It breaks my heart, but I push through with a smile on my face for Sienna.
"Noah, this is really perfect." Sienna comes up to me and gives me a big lip stick staining kiss to the cheek, ruffles my hair and the tightest squeeze she can muster. When she pulls away, she glances around, "Where's Georgie? I haven't met her yet,"
I open my mouth to tell her she's not coming, when I hear Franny over my shoulder say, "Look, there she is!"
I turn around to see Georgie entering the backyard and I stop dead in my tracks.
She's a fucking vision. She's wearing a forest green dress with short puff sleeves, with tiny white flowers lining the edges of the fabric.
It flows around her gently as she walks, falling at her knee in a tea length.
She's done her makeup in a soft natural eye with her gorgeous lashes she loves to flutter at me.
I always joke that she'll take off if she goes too fast, just to make her flash me that gorgeous smile that's perfectly lined and coloured a soft mauve pink.
Her cheeks are coloured a soft peach, and her hair is straightened and pinned back.
She carries a small white and gold polka dotted paper wrapped gift, and when her eyes meet mine, I lose every possible thought in my mind other than I love you so much.
"Georgie!" Sienna squeals, stepping around me to throw open her arms and walk toward Georgie with full intention of holding her as tight as she can.
Georgie laughs during the embrace at whatever Sienna has just said, her hand finding the small of Sienna's back, and she lets Sienna chat her up about something I can't hear now from the distance.
The thing is, Georgie looks absolutely stunning, but her smile is halfhearted.
It doesn't touch her eyes, doesn't crinkle her laugh lines at the corners like I love.
I think Franny can sense it too, glancing at me warily and letting Bennie walk over to Georgie slowly off leash.
Birdie is waiting patiently for him to come over and boop her nose as a hello, and he sits beside her in a full-on wiggle.
"Surreal, isn't it?" The voice rumbles, startling me out of my thoughts. I turn to see Ricardo standing beside me, arms crossed and grinning at his wife and my... Georgie.
"What is?”
"In a month, you're going to be an uncle. I'm going to be a dad." He lets out a soft chuckle, like he doesn't quite believe the words leaving his mouth. He shakes his head and scratches at his dark black beard absentmindedly, his eyes never leaving my sister. "She's going to be an amazing mother."
"She really is." But I only have eyes for Georgie. His words fill my heart with more feelings, the ideas of that future with Georgie, if she wants that too. She glances my way, and I have to choke down the I LOVE YOU that bubbles up.
"Hi," I say softly when Georgie approaches me. In the corner of my eye, I see Sienna let herself be taken into Ricardo's arms, his lips pressing a kiss to her temple.
"Hi." Georgie smiles. "Sorry I'm late."
"You're here. That's what matters,' I reply. "Can I hug you? Or kiss you?"
"You may."
So I do, with explicit permission to do so; I slip my arm around her waist and pull her in and give her the faintest squeeze, kissing her gently, then her forehead, then her nose. Just because I can.
"Is it weird that I missed you?" She says softly, a smile creeping onto her face.
I breathe a sigh of relief, "God, no. I've thought of nothing but you all night."
"I'm sorry, there's... it's been..."
"You don't have to explain yourself to me. But can we maybe talk in a bit?" I suggest.
"Sure. But let's not ruin Sienna's day. She's positively radiant." Georgie notes, watching as Sienna floats around the room, greeting each person like her sole purpose in life is to make them feel welcome.
"You're beautiful," I tell her, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear.