36. Georgie #3
Sure, I know what to look for. I know what the signs are of HS.
I would be able to get them the medical interventions they would need to keep them at an early stage for as long as we can.
I know all this and then some, but it doesn't make the 50/50 odds look any better.
As I look around the waiting room, I see there are a few families who, like us, are waiting to hear if the latest member of their family has arrived.
It dawns on me then, that this is my family.
Sienna's parents are sitting just a few chairs over from us, chittering to themselves and to Ricardo's parents, who sit across from them.
They don't look like they ever had an issue with each other, despite knowing otherwise.
They look like two hopeful sets of grandparents, preparing to become the backbones for their children who are welcoming their own child into this world.
Near them, Noah and I sit, but off in our own little bubble.
I realize the meaning behind Noah's words.
One day, Ricardo and Sienna will be the ones in our shoes, and his parents will be over there chatting with my mom and Franny.
I can see it like a page ripped from the book that tells our story. I want it all to be true.
"I want children. Yes. But I am terrified that they will inherit this disease from me, and I could never begin to forgive myself if I let a child come into this world and they end up suffering the way I have. But I want that. For us. I want that future; I see it. Even if it’s not cookie-cutter perfect. I hope that can be enough for you."
"Georgie, a future with you is more than enough.
A child would be a blessing. But I understand the cause for concern and hesitancy.
We're far from that happening anyway, but I agree on considering all the options too.
You know, technology has really advanced, I'm sure there's genetic testing we could try so we know—"
"You would do that?" I give his hand a squeeze, like the feeling in my chest from hearing him say all these wonderful things.
Noah laughs to himself, bringing our entwined hands up to his lips so he can kiss the back of my hand, pulling away with a smile, "I don't think you realize I'd do anything for you, Georgie."
"I'm beginning to—"
"It's a girl!" Ricardo shouts into the waiting room, arms above his head and a slightly crazed 'I'm a dad' look on his face. He flinches when he's shushed, but we all jump up in excitement as he comes over to us to tell us the news.
"It's a girl," he says again incredulously, "Ten fingers, ten toes, button nose, beautiful eyes. Sienna is a fucking superwoman, she's beautiful and healthy and nursing right now and…I'm a papa."
There is a string of hugs, a chorus of laughter, and Noah never lets go of my hand.
"Wait!" I say, and everyone turns to look at me. I smile, "What's her name?"
"Oh." Ricardo grins, rubbing the back of his neck, "Her name is Aelia Rose Garcia."
Aelia. Ay-lee-uh. It's beautiful, especially the way Ricardo says it with his accent. It rolls off his tongue effortlessly, like they've known all along who this little one was going to be.
"What does it mean?" Susan, Noah and Sienna's mother, is the one to ask this.
"We had two names picked. The moment they handed her to Sienna, she looked up at me like she just knew, and she said, 'she's a little ray of sunshine, Ricardo.' So Aelia, for the sun, Rose for Sienna's grandmother."
"Can we meet her?" This comes from Carla, Ricardo's mother.
"Of course."
I look at Noah as he watches his parents follow Ricardo down the hall to the room, and he doesn't move. I give him a nudge.
"You ready to meet her, Uncle?"
"What if she doesn't like me?"
I giggle. "She's a baby, Noah. How could she possibly not like you?"
"I don't know. What if I give off a bad vibe or…" He shuts up, and sighs into my kiss. I pull back with a smile. He takes a deep breath, nodding to himself in understanding.
"I think you're great. She'll love you like we all do. But especially me."
He looks toward the door again, then sets his face, determined. "I'm ready."
We enter Sienna's room to see her holding the baby against her skin, grinning up at us all in pure bliss.
Aelia is precious, so tiny and almost too cute to be real.
But she makes small noises and blinks up at the lights and the sounds of the world around her, and she really does look like a little ray of sunlight in the room.
We're all drawn to her warmth and the love we all share for her, and the moment she's passed from person to person, the more we love her.
She reaches Noah, who sits beside his sister, holding her hand until the baby is offered by his father to him.
He takes her so gently, cradling her neck and he stares at her in wonder.
There's a silent conversation between the two of them, and I lock eyes with Sienna.
She holds out a hand for me to take, and I do.
My heart hammers hard at the picture of Noah holding a baby like that, and it makes me want so many things I need to remind myself it is too soon to want... right?
"Not to say I told you so... But I totally told you so." She laughs, and I echo that laugh.
"You did."
"I'm glad you got your head out of your ass," she says quietly, watching Noah hold her daughter. "You're good for each other."
"I have to agree." Because who am I to deny that Noah and I just fit in every possible way like we were always meant to find each other? I can't.
"Okay, Georgie's turn," Sienna says softly, giving me a squeeze and urging me to sit in the chair beside me.
I gape, unsure how to respond. Of course, I'd love to hold her, but there were others in the room too, and I could wait. "Are you sure?"
"Of course," Noah says, waiting for me to sit before handing the sweet little swaddled baby to me to snuggle.
Aelia looks up at me with the sweetest face, her pink lips pursed, her little blue eyes blinking up at me, and I can't help but tear up at the fact that this little girl is finally here to be loved by so many people.
"Hi, sweet girl," I say softly to her. She coos, and I glance up to see Sienna watching me, no. Not watching me. Her eyes are trained beside me, where Noah watches on as I hold his niece. He's grinning like he can't quite believe it's real.
"Should we give them her gift?" Noah reminds me softly, and I grin. Then I gasp.
"What? Why that reaction?" Sienna looks excited and curious.
"Georgie, tell her the story before she opens it," Noah says, handing her sister the gift bag I nearly forgot on our way to the hospital today. It's white with white roses swirling around it. Sienna looks like she wants to open it right this second.
"Well, we didn't know what you were having, and I had a few gifts lined up in case the baby didn't come before Halloween, but since she's here..."
Sienna pulls out the first Halloween costume I crocheted while in this very hospital weeks ago.
Originally, these were going to go to the hospital for some of the NICU babies who would be in for Halloween that were full size, not preemie.
But something told me I needed to hang on to a few for safe keeping, and now I know why.
The first costume, a tiny bear costume, was gender-neutral.
I loved its soft material, a cotton yarn I often used for baby blankets.
It was thick and fluffy and perfect for a fuzzy little brown bear one piece, complete with hood and bear ears.
Sienna is in awe as she looks at it, her fingers brushing that material absentmindedly "I thought baby's first Halloween costume... "
"Georgie,"
"There's more, though. Because something just told me I needed to keep the second one in the bag. I didn't know why, because again, we didn't know Aelia was Aelia yet. But she's here, and she's beautiful, and she's your little ray of sunshine..."
Sienna pulls the second costume, the costume that caused my reaction in the first place. She gasps, looking at me in shock. "How?"
"I don't know. Honestly. Something just told me it belonged to you.
To her." I look down at the baby in my arms, rocking her gently.
In Sienna's hands is the Halloween costume I had made but couldn't part with for the longest time.
Every time I tried to put it in the hospital pile, something told me to take it back.
The yellow petals of a sunflower hat stand bright and tall and stark against the brown center base they're sewn to.
Under that is a green baby sleep sac made of the softest velour yarn I could work with, and the drawstrings to that sac became the petals to the little flower pod the baby would wear.
I can't stand it any longer, I help Sienna put Aelia in the costume so we can all take photos.
"Georgie, it's perfect," Sienna says, tears in her eyes.
I have to agree. Aelia has been patient and willing to let us move her this way and that, even tolerates the hat like a true champ.
She's precious and perfect, and everyone snaps a million photos before I take her back in my arms, Noah leaning over my shoulder.
"Happy Halloween, little one." I coo with a smile.
Noah kisses my cheek. "You share an amazing birthday with your favourite Auntie, Aelia. You're going to be best buddies forever, and you don't even know it yet."
There it is again. The promise of forever.
The promise of family. Of a life with these people in it, with Sienna and Ricardo and Aelia, even their parents.
They all smile as they look on, a look of well wishes for that future that Noah and I get to plan if we want it.
And I want it. I want that with Noah; I want it all.
I have never wanted something so desperately in all my life.
I look at Noah, and I see that smile, I know that smile. It's the same one on my face right now.
Nothing has ever felt this right.