Chapter 13
“Idon’t accept that.” In our thirties, in our twenties, in our teens, it’s all the same. There will always be an undeniable need for me to protect Sol, and she’ll always try to push me away, even when we both know she wants to pull me close.
“What?”
“I said, I don’t accept that.” Taking her hands in mine, I bring them to my lips.
“You’re mine, Sol. For as long as I can remember.
This is not your burden to bear alone. What hurts you, hurts me.
” I pick her up and set her on the counter because I can’t stand to see the tension of pain in her features a second longer. “What threatens you, threatens me.”
“You’re so fucking stubborn.”
“Stubborn? Maybe. Determined? Absolutely. I love you, Sol. But beyond everything he’s done to you—which I fully intend to make him pay for—he came for me, too.
This is personal.” There’s a stray tear trailing down her cheek, her deep well of emotion overflowing despite her best efforts.
I catch it on the side of my finger, allowing that tangible evidence of her suffering to soak into my skin, to become part of me.
The feeling and the reality aligning. “But he got more than he bargained for, and that’ll be his undoing, I’m sure of it. ”
“What’s that supposed to mean? Stop being so damn cryptic and—”
We both fall still and silent when the front door opens. The quiet tread of sneakers is the only sound as anticipation charges the air between us.
I know who’s coming, but what I don’t know is how she’s going to take his arrival.
“What the hell happened in here?” Jayden says through a whistle, eyes going wide as he takes in the utter chaos that’s erupted in my usually pristine kitchen.
“I’ll give you one guess,” I sigh.
“Damn, you really pissed this one off, didn’t you?”
“Umm, hello? Jayden?” Sol blanches with disbelief as she slides down from the counter and shuffles a step back, and I realize how much of a mistake I’ve made. “What are you doing here?” What would otherwise be an innocent question is sharp with the edge of betrayal in her voice.
“You didn’t tell her yet?” He lets out a heavy sigh. “You were supposed to tell her for this exact reason.”
I don’t have time to explain the destruction right now because the need to soothe Sol’s unease is the only thing that matters. “Jayden’s been living here with me.”
“Of course he has.” The words are clipped as she directs daggers in my best friend’s direction. Her eyes widen when they catch on the matching tattoo we have. Now’s not the time to explain that every member of Veiled Coast has the same one.
“As a friend, Sol,” I clarify eagerly. “Just as a friend.”
“Then why didn’t you tell me?” She turns toward me, the depth of her hurt staggering. I thought we’d all overcome this years ago, but I guess old wounds split open easily when they’re not well tended to.
“Since the second you got here, all I’ve been able to think about is how I’ll keep you here. It honestly didn’t cross my mind.” I reach for her, but she takes a step back, bumping into the counter behind her.
“There’s nothing going on, never was,” Jayden says as if he means to reassure her, but his tone is all wrong, something brittle cracking beneath the weight of the tense history between the three of us.
“Jayden is my best friend, nothing more. He’s been here helping me, doing all of this”—I gesture to the remodeled kitchen currently in disarray around us—“running our business, keeping me company.”
Her eyes sharpen at that. “So, what? You two have been here? Playing house?” She leans on the counter, all of her attention focusing on Jayden. “Tell me that it meant nothing more than friendship to you, and I’ll believe you.”
A long pause passes between them, compounding my confusion.
Not only is the jealousy and suspicion misplaced, but I thought they’d moved past this years ago when I explained to them both that I could never choose between them, the two most important people in my life.
Jayden, my first boyfriend who became my closest friend.
Sol, my soulmate, who changed everything for me when she came into my life.
As much as I loved Jayden once, we weren’t right for each other; he wasn’t ready for me, and that was okay.
But in the space he left between us, she came into my life and filled it.
Now I find myself in the same place, caught in between, desperately clinging to them both because without them, my life is incomplete.
“There’s nothing more than friendship between us, Sol. There never could be. I’m well aware of that,” Jayden says as he stands. “I came by to grab some of my stuff. Ozzie said it’s fine if I move in with him, by the way.”
“You don’t have to do that.” The connection between us hums with uncertainty. “You always have a home here.”
“I know, but it’s time.” He looks from me to Sol. “You two have a lot of catching up to do. I don’t intend to get in the way of that.”
Lips pursed, Sol nods, but none of the tension leaves her shoulders. She moves woodenly as she starts to gather up the broken glassware.
“I’m going to go grab a few things. I’ll give you two a minute.” Jayden backs out of the room awkwardly, heading down the hall to the guest bedroom.
I nod, knowing that my priority needs to be an honest conversation with Sol if she’ll have it. I wait until I hear the bedroom door close behind him to approach her. As I get closer, I can just barely hear the broken shards rattle in the dustpan as she tries to maintain her composure.
“Sol, I wasn’t trying to hurt you by not telling you. I promise, I wasn’t. I just wanted time with you, time for you to remember how good we could be together. Time for you to adjust.”
“I call bullshit. You and I both know why you didn’t tell me. It’s because he’s still in love with you.”
“You heard him. There was nothing going on between us.”
“I want to hear it from you.” Small pieces of a plate go flying out of the dustpan with the erratic movements of her hands.
“Easy. There’s been nothing but friendship between us. You and I both know that chapter closed a long time ago.”
“For you, maybe.” She drops the dustpan and flees the kitchen. I follow.
“He’s my best friend. That’s it. That’s all we’ll ever be.”
“I see the way he looks at you, Thorne.” She looks back at me over her shoulder as we ascend the stairs. “Whether you choose to acknowledge it or not, he’s never stopped hoping that one day it could be the two of you.”
“What he wants is for me to be happy. We all know that there is no one else for me but you.”
“I want to believe that. I do.” The sigh she releases sags in the air like it weighs a hundred pounds.
“This is all just too fucking much.” She steps into the bedroom, using the half-open door as a barrier between us.
It might as well be a brick wall, the way it nearly knocks me over with the fear of losing her again.
“I need a minute.” There’s an apology in her eyes as she closes it, and I’m left on the other side.
There’s no doubt in my mind that she’ll come around, but that doesn’t mean waiting for her to see my reasoning isn’t an excruciating test of my patience. If there’s one thing that I know about Sol, it’s her limits, and this has pushed her past them. When she says she needs space, she means it.
I start for the guest room when I get back downstairs, but Jayden passes me in a hurry toward the front door.
“Wait, Jayden, we should talk.”
He walks right past me, uncharacteristically ignoring me. The glimpse I catch of his face looks off—his expression flat, blue eyes emotionless, his notorious smile nowhere to be seen. “Jay,” I call after him. “Wait!”
This time, he casts a glance over his shoulder, adjusting the duffle bag awkwardly. “I have to go.”
Perplexed by the complicated interception of my two most important relationships, I watch him leave with a dozen emotions competing inside of me. When the door closes with a resounding thud, I decide to take a walk to clear my head.
The balance between the three of us has always been precarious. At some times, more so than others. Before Sol left, we’d all gotten to a good place—maybe that’s why this is even harder than I anticipated. Their places in my life were turned inside out and upside down over the last few years.
One thing I’ve always been able to count on is my twenty-plus-year friendship with Jayden. He might have been taken aback by Sol’s reaction to him, but I have to believe that’s all it is. That I’ll get a text from him soon, apologizing for leaving so abruptly. That he had other shit on his mind.
I hope it’s that and not something more. And if there is, I have to believe that we can get through it like we have everything else that’s been thrown our way.
Sol, unfortunately, has become a less predictable aspect of my life. The moment I question it, I rethink it.
As close as we’ve been, as well as I know her—without a doubt better than anyone else—I would be lying if I acted like some pieces of her haven’t always remained just out of reach for me.
Even though her running off while I was sleeping created a deep wound in me—one that festered with doubt and desperation—it wasn’t the first time she vanished in the middle of the night. That night, I can remember clear as day.
2007
“Sol?” Silence is the only response, but there’s something more to it. It’s as if there’s something waiting for a reaction. Like the start of a fencing match, when an opponent stands in position across from you, itching to advance but making the smart decision to study you first.