Chapter 4
Cordelia
Lorelei pats my arm as we head back towards her house. The ground is wet from where it rained earlier, but winter in Australia is beautiful; it’s when everything turns green and lush.
I follow her up onto the porch of the massive Sol house, though I guess it’s probably a mansion with how many rooms it has, but they have always just called it a house.
As I pass inside, I dump my keys in the bowl and sign the whiteboard.
And like I do every time, I check for Sebastian’s figure eight, even though I know he won’t be here.
She leads me into the kitchen and makes a bowl of ice cream, while I sit at the island and watch.
“Why did you pair me with Sebastian? It’s going to be a disaster,” I ask hesitantly.
Lorelei hums as she tastes her first spoonful. “Not this time. It’s going to work out perfectly. Trust Sully.”
“You want me to entrust my future to a seagull?” I ask incredulously.
Lorelei grins at me. “Yup.”
I want to tell her she’s crazy. I want to argue with her and shout, but none of it will do any good, and secretly, I am happy to be with him, but then, I always am.
“Sebastian and I cannot get along.” My protest is weak, even to my ears.
“Oh, I think that’s not quite the truth. You both got along during Smitten Knot Bitten. Though, I think you both argued a lot for show, but when you thought we weren’t watching, you made quite the pair.”
“We had a common enemy,” I say darkly and pick up my spoon. I look at the ice cream and want to cry. Lorelei always remembers that I like Milo on my ice cream. I don’t remember a single time my mother has.
My mother remembers things like my zodiac and where the moon was when I was born.
She remembers my birthstones, pearl and alexandrite, and what flowers are best associated with June, which are honeysuckle and roses.
My mother knows what colours suit my complexion, and she knows what gems to put under my pillow when I’m not feeling great.
But she doesn’t remember how I like my ice cream or which bill needs to be paid to keep the electricity on.
No, those responsibilities have been mine for a long time.
There were a few rough years, but since I found the answer, money has been fine.
I am okay. The bills are paid for the next six months, and I can breathe.
“What did we need to talk about?” I prompt her.
“Oh, well, it’s your birthday in three weeks.”
I wince and try to hide it.
She sees straight through me. “As evasive as always, Cordie.”
I huff. “I hate my birthday.”
“You do not, you just hate the attention of everyone who wants to love you, loving you all on one day. It’s too much for your little control freak of a heart.”
“People should focus on Asher or Felix. They are artists; they are amazing. Yolanda and Grigori. I’m just me.”
Lorelei pats my hand. “You are as special as any one of them and deserving of love, Cordie. So, this is your warning; we will be having a party.”
My heart fills my throat and tries to strangle me.
“But-”
“No buts, I want to do this for you. Every day, I see you running around helping people out, never a cross word or frustrated disposition. Let the people of Sunshine Cove show how much they care.”
I’m not going to win this; I know it. Sofia would tell me to pick my battles.
“Okay, no protests from me,” I concede.
We finish our ice cream, and I hug her goodbye before rushing home so I can avoid another run-in with Sebastian.
Mum is muttering and arranging the flowers in the room. I cock my head and watch her.
She turns as if she can feel me there and sees me, smiling in welcome. There is nothing more beautiful than my mother smiling.
“Hey, baby, do you want to help me tonight? I’m getting the flowers organised by colour so I can get them drying.”
“Are you making dyes now?”
“Yes, honey. I’m going to make soaps to go with the beads and necklaces I sell at the markets. Dye some material and make, well, I’m not sure yet, but I’ll figure it out.”
“Oh, they are so beautiful, they should do really well.” I mean it, too; my mother might not be able to commit, but she’s gifted at almost everything she tries.
My eyes drift, like they always do, to the old bond mark on her neck.
It’s taken her most of my life to heal from the abandonment she went through with my father.
My childhood was rough, and I was raised as much by Sunshine Cove as I was by my mother.
But I got to witness her pain, hold her while she sobbed in her sleep.
I will always be on her side. So, if she wants to do flower dyeing because it makes her happy, then that’s what we are doing.
Mum gives me a one-armed hug and then moves back to the flowers.
“I’ll help for a little while, then I need to go work.” My mum thinks I do freelance survey input at night. I don’t want to lie to her, but I don’t know how to tell her about what I really do.
“Okay, baby, whatever you need.” She glances at me and down at the white material she’s laying on the coffee table. “So, I heard you matched with Seb?”
I cringe and grab a bouquet of roses and separate the red from the pink.
“Yeah, I matched with Bas.”
“Maybe this is your chance. You two both have the most perfect synastry. If you both gave in and stopped fighting your connection, he could be one of your soulmates. He would be perfect for you.”
“He is my best friend’s older brother.”
“Pish posh,” my mum says, mocking me. “Good grief, when did you turn into a last-century lady?”
I gape at her, which just causes her to dissolve into giggles.
“Mum!”
“He is a very attractive alpha.”
“MUM!”
“How can you not have noticed? Look at him next time.” She turns back to her flowers. “Besides, he’s always around you,” she mutters under her breath.
“I heard that. Tell me about how to make soap.”
My mum forgets all about the problem that is Sebastian and starts telling me all about soap. After an hour, I excuse myself and go up to my room.
I sit down at my desk and reach up to pick up the picture of Gale.
For a second, I stare at him. I almost lost him; there was not enough money, and I couldn’t afford it.
With just one option left, I threw up the story I’d written to keep myself sane and became an almost overnight sensation.
Oh, not big enough to become a household name, but big enough to keep money coming in and keep a roof over our heads.
That’s all I wanted.
I set the photo down and reach behind where I keep it and pull out the two paperback novels. I run my fingers over the stunning character artwork on the front cover.
I paid too much for it, but it was worth it.
My fingers trace my name.
Lynn Marino.
My secret, the one nobody knows. I’ve poured blood, sweat, tears, my dreams, and my whole damn heart into this pen name. It’s my escape and my therapy.
Fox and Katsu have walked straight off the pages of Love Sweet Love. It’s not possible, and yet, they are here. I shiver as I remember the way he held my hand and how I wanted to lean into him, bare my throat, rub my face on him so his scent covers me.
“He was just a fantasy, he wasn’t supposed to be real.”
I set the books and the terrifying problem of the alphas to my left, put the picture of Gale back, and turn on my laptop, biting my thumbnail while I wait for everything to load. It takes an eon, but then I see it.
The email in my inbox. From him. Excitement explodes in my gut and spreads out.
“Hey, Lynn,” I read his words outloud, pretending it’s his voice and not mine.
“I had a look at what you sent. Those images were hot! I can definitely do something for you. A not-safe-for-work version and one with clothes, the PG version. The covers look amazing. Signed, Bas Sol. Solitaire Graphics. PS. You were wrong about that show. It wasn’t Tim who killed Sandra.
It’s definitely going to be Mikayla. You’re going to have to up your game, Marino.
That’s three wrong so far. I’m starting to worry about your ability to spot danger. But I can always help you there.”
Is that flirting? Is he flirting with me?
My heart pounds, and I get up and throw myself on my bed and scream into my pillow.
I roll onto my back, shaking my head, grinning broadly before I force myself to remember that this is Sebastian.
Who has no idea that I’m me, and I hired him because he said something that made me furious.
Except, this Sebastian is my friend, and I like him a lot, and the line we clearly had where we were friends on one side and enemies on the other is gone in my mind.
It was around this time, about two years ago, that we started working together.
That’s when it all changed. I began to have feelings for him, more than a crush.
The feelings you get when you work with someone and know them well, shared jokes, long emails back and forward, the kind of love that burns deep and slow but is impossible to put out.
Well, not him, but my email friend. Except, they are the same, and slowly, the two of them merged, and I found myself wanting to tease him and laugh with him in real life as Cordelia.
At times, I’m almost jealous of Lynn. She gets my Bas while I have Sebastian.
I started dreaming about him all the time. Him, them. The two sides of him.
The truth is, my revenge backfired, and I became painfully, heartbreakingly aware of just how in love with Sebastian I am.
I sit up and look through the window above my bed. I can see his bedroom from here.
Stop looking, you crazy stalker.
I get up and fling myself back into my computer chair before sending a response.
“Bas, I can’t wait to see it. You always make the hottest scenes I can imagine hotter.”
I pause, nail back in my mouth. Is that too blatant? Eh, I’ll pretend ignorance.
“I cannot wait to see what you are packing.”
I start to giggle and find myself unable to stop.
“It would be good to see what kind of gift you have for me, you know, from the drawings. Signed, Marino. PS. There’s a sequel. I’m not wrong.”
I hit send before I can think it through.
I spin the chair around before stopping. Music goes on and my headphones, and I open up my half-written manuscript and disappear into the romance between Wolf Woods and Cat Carther and their soon-to-be pack mate Bastian Sun.
I become aware of myself because I’m thirsty. A quick glance at the window shows that its somehow turned pitch black. I save my work and close it and see another little notification that I have an email.
With trepidation, I open it.
“Are you flirting with me? Because if you are, good. And if you aren’t, can you start?”
There’s just that, just two little lines, but I don’t think I will sleep tonight. I hit reply but sit there, my brain completely mushed out.
“Bas, I think it’s terrible that you can’t tell. I need to try harder. Heading off to bed now, but, uh, sleep well.”
I stare at what I just sent to him.
“What the hell was that, Cordie? Sleep well? He’s not your boyfriend. Argh!” I close the laptop and go to the bathroom. I have a quick shower and get ready for bed by getting into my white lace negligee.
I knee-walk across my bed, peering out the window, knowing that I shouldn’t. His light is on. I watch as I see his shape walk past the window. Whilst there might be a bit of yearning, it’s just nice to know he’s just an email away. That he’s happy and healthy.
“Darling?”
I shriek and flatten myself against the wall, whirling to glare at my mother.
“Don’t do that!”
“What were you distracted by?”
She sways closer and peers out the window. I peek out and see Sebastian at the window, looking back. I hit the wall hard, my heart beating fast.
“Mum! Stop it.”
She yanks open the window, making it screech. “Goodnight, Seb!”
“Goodnight, Ms Lake!”
I break out in an icy chill. “Mum, close my window and stop it, right now.”
“We’ll see you for breakfast tomorrow.”
“We’ll what?” I hiss.
The email is burning a hole in my mind. What if he knows just by looking at me? Calm down, Cordelia, there’s no way he can know. Lynn Marino is a ghost. No one is looking for her.
“I would love that, Ms Lake.”
I whip my head towards Mum, then peek out so I can see him. Oh, my, he’s wet and shirtless, and the light is making him twinkle. I am so dazzled I lean into view, unable to look away.
I can’t decide if this is a punishment or a curse.
“Have a good sleep, Ms Lake, and give Cordie a kiss for me.”
My scowl snaps into place, and I shove up and glance at him. “You can take your kiss and shove it up your-”
“Cordelia,” my mum whispers with a laugh.
I close my eyes.
“Nice pajamas.”
To my credit, I don’t run and hide; I just open my eyes, refusing to let the majesty of this moment affect me, and cock my hip to the side, planting my hand on it, like it’s all intentional.
“Thank you, Sebastian. I’ll get you a set next time I go out of town. You’ll look so cute in frilly-”
“See through-”
“Lace.”
My brain registers his words. “WHAT?” I shriek and dive for the wall again.
He cracks up. “Good night, Cordelia.”
When I peek out, he’s gone, and a moment later, his light switches off. I whip around to Mum.
“It’s not see through. I mean, it’s a shame because you could use some loosening up, and I think being half naked in front of Sebastian might rattle you stupid, but, no, it hides you completely. He was teasing.”
I breathe easier and, without meaning to, look down and check for myself.
Covered. Damn him.
Mum pauses in my doorway. “Goodnight, darling, see you at breakfast.”
I scowl as she flicks off the light, leaving me in darkness and the cold winter chill that’s seeping through the window.
I set my alarm for five am. I think I’ll go for a run.