Chapter 22
Cordelia
Istare at the screen, my heart pounding hard. Should I be doing this? I shouldn’t be procrastinating. I need to get it uploaded.
But.
And it comes down to those three letters. I keep playing out different scenarios trying to imagine the consequences. I need to do this but.
If I don’t do this, they will be happy, but…
I keep going back and forth, forth and back.
For the past two hours, I have been holed up here in my bedroom, staring at the submit button. Knowing I have to upload this book to make sure I earn enough to keep paying the bills. Knowing that if I do, I risk ruining everything with Pack Blizzard.
“They are going to hate me, anyway. But I need to keep the roof over our heads. Sometimes dreams and responsibilities can’t coexist.” The words are hollow now, and a tiny voice in my head is whispering that maybe I’m running.
Maybe I’m doing what my dad did to my mum, maybe I’m sabotaging things before it’s even begun. No, it’s different. My dad had a bond and a child. He left after giving promises and building a life. This is a different situation.
I throw my head back and groan. “What am I doing? This is survival. It has to be. What’s one more book?”
I press the button and open the email from Sebastian that I have been avoiding. He sent it yesterday on my birthday. He must have known I wouldn’t check until today.
“I just wanted to say that this friendship with you has been the most important of my life. Forever yours, Bas.”
Tears well in my eyes, and I have to blink them back furiously.
I stare at the email for an hour, letting those words, those precious, precious words heal something inside me.
It’s only when I’m about to close it that I notice the attachment.
I open it and lean back in the chair, the breath inside me whooshing out.
Fox, Katsu, and I. Not Cat or Wolf, my creations, but the real deal, staring back at me from a construct of Sebastian’s talented hand and eyes.
I’m staring at Fox, laughing; he’s telling a story while Katsu stands behind me, protecting us and staring at me with a fondness on his face that I have never noticed.
Just staring at it makes me all jittery. I can’t wait to see them. I know I shouldn’t be getting in deep while I’m being so deceptive, but I can’t help myself.
I stand up and pull on Sebastian’s hoodie and jog down the stairs. It takes me only a minute to get to their house, but the minute feels too long.
“You had to have known!” Fox shouts.
I knock on the door, but when no one comes, I push it open and slip inside.
“I didn’t know. How could I have known? I’ve been here with you.” Sebastian growls. “Look, Fox, just calm down a bit. Your father was wrong. That whole phone call was wrong, he doesn’t understand. You’re letting him get in your head-”
“Don’t talk about my family, Sebastian. You wouldn’t understand, with your big mansion and your happy nests and people who love each other, siblings who care instead of seeing each other as competition.
We have to be perfect, we have to have no dirt, nothing that can be used against us.
You wouldn’t understand what that’s like.
” Fox wipes his eyes, his face mottled red.
“I know you’re lying to us. You know who she is, I can feel it through the bond! ” Fox shouts.
I jerk my gaze to Bas. “You have a bond?” The pain is right there in my voice, I couldn’t hide it if I wanted to.
They had to have done it after I left this morning. I can’t hide the hurt. It feels like a betrayal.
They all jump, so preoccupied with their argument that they didn’t even sense me. Fox stares at Sebastian, his jaw ticking, while Sebastian looks absolutely shattered.
“I was going to tell you.”
“Ah, so it’s a habit of yours?” Fox growls and pulls on his hair.
“Shut up, Fox!” Sebastian snaps, losing his cool.
I tuck my arms around myself, feeling really stupid and small. A tiny voice that I haven’t been able to silence says, ‘see, I told you that you weren’t enough’.
“That’s not fair, Fox,” Sebastian snarls. “I am not going to be your punching bag because your family are imbeciles. And you don’t get to hurt Cordie because you are worried about what Daddy is going to say.”
Katsu is sitting in the armchair, his chin on his fist, staring into space.
“What happened?” I ask nervously. I move into the room, stepping between the alphas, but Katsu notices that and grabs my wrist, dragging me out of the way.
“We talked about you stepping between alphas, beautiful omega,” he says, but there’s a warmth that is missing. It’s lacking. Unease builds in me.
“You should have warned us!”
“I didn’t know, Fox,” Sebastian growls back.
Fox rolls his eyes. He’s really worked up and really, really upset.
“What happened?” I say loudly.
Fox turns a bitter look on Sebastian. “Ask her best friend.” He storms out of the room.
“She has uploaded a new preorder. There’s going to be another book,” Katsu says.
My whole body breaks out into cold chills. I stand there and feel my world tip sideways.
“This is over the book? Over the author?” I whisper. I knew they’d be upset, but not this upset.
Sebastian folds his arms over his chest and glares at Katsu.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
“No!” Sebastian cuts in. “You don’t be sorry. Not ever. They are behaving like idiots. Come with me.”
“He’s right, this has nothing to do with you,” Katsu says gently, massaging my hand where he’s holding it.
I glance between them, but ultimately, I pull away from Katsu, taking a step towards Sebastian and all my secrets. Tell them, tell them now before it’s too late.
“I’m-”
“It’s okay. I will go and calm Fox down. Perhaps we all just need a day of space.” The words hit hard, making me feel like it’s an ‘us and them’ situation. I don’t want that, I want to stop it. Fix it. An unhappy whine slides out of me.
He’s leaving me.
Katsu stalks towards me and cups my cheek. “You have nothing to worry about, Omega. Everything will be fine.”
My heart aches painfully, but Sebastian glowers at our alpha and then tows me out of the house.
He leads us to the Sol house and goes into the kitchen, packing a bag of snacks and food. Then he grabs the beer and whiskey.
“Make the call,” he says tersely.
“What?” I say, startled. Shocked. To make the call is to summon Sunshine Cove. Are we there? I would never consider it for myself, but for Sebastian? I can do it.
“Make the call, Cordelia.”
I step out onto the porch and call Sofia. She answers on the first ring.
“Sup, bestie?”
“The sky’s on fire.” The code phrase slips out of me, and instantly, my body breaks out into goosebumps.
“I’ll meet you on the beach,” she says seriously. “Boys, get lost for a couple of hours. I’m busy.”
In half an hour, I’m huddled up in Sebastian’s truck as he drives us out to the lighthouse. He parks the car, pulls out a massive coat, and puts it on my shoulders.
“Sebastian,” I grab his hand, and he whirls on me, cupping my face.
“It’s not you. You are not at fault. I know why you’re doing this; I understand it. I have never once faulted you, and I will always be on your side.”
“They don’t know; they don’t understand.”
“I don’t care. I will ALWAYS be on your side.”
I grab his jumper and lean up into him. The words are there, in my heart, my soul, and finally, I can say them. “I love you.”
His mouth crushes against mine, and it’s home, it’s him, it’s safe, it’s everything I dreamed of, wild and huge, and this love will live in the stars, I know it.
He pulls back. “And you, Cordie, are the reason I am everything I am. I have and will always be yours.”
I choke on a sob, but he captures me in a massive hug and holds me until I get myself under control.
“I’m going to lose them.”
“Possibly. But you will have me.”
“Losing your bond mates is going to hurt you.”
“But I’ll have you. And that’s all I need.”
We walk down to the beach, hand in hand. The bonfire is going, burning into the sky, sending sparks flying. Asher turns when she sees us and brings me a bottle of beer.
“All right. The skies are on fire.”
I snort a laugh. “I didn’t mean for it to be so literal. Who made this?”
“Devon and Mack were worried I’d get sick, so they built it,” Sofia says with a small sigh of pure contentment.
“They don’t have to stay away; they are part of this now,” I say with an amused smile.
“Oh, good. They are hiding behind the rocks over there.” Sofia waves her hands towards the lighthouse. “Boys, you can stop hiding now.”
“How did you know that?” Devon grumbles as he comes over.
“Um, bonds?” Sofia laughs and flicks him in the forehead.
He grabs her from behind and cuddles into her.
I stare at my friends, the Sunshine omega group that is growing and changing, and I know what I have to do. I have to change, too; trust is hard to give, but I know they will help me.
“I lied by omission, and then I lied to you all.” I say quietly. No one speaks. “Things got tight financially, and I couldn’t get work. It’s hard to get paid for what you normally do for free, and I spent so long helping everyone.”
Sebastian doesn’t let go of my hand; his thumb strokes soft circles that fill my heart with courage.
“It was desperation. I was going to have to re-home Gale,” I say, trying to explain.
“You could have asked us,” Sofia says.
“Like you told us about how life was for you?” I say honestly.
Sofia flinches.
“We all have our pride and our secrets.” I take a deep breath. This is for the best. “Mine is that I’m Lynn Marino.”
There is silence before Asher approaches. “You’re serious? You’re the author everyone is looking for?”
I nod my head miserably.
She whistles and whips around.
“Did anyone guess Cordelia?”
No one speaks, I don’t know if I’m proud or offended.
“I don’t want to be famous. I just wanted to pay the bills. It never occurred to me that anyone would like these stories I write. And them, Katsu and Fox. I didn’t meet them; it's all just a wild coincidence. I swear, I never knew them.”