Chapter 23
Fox
Ihaven’t seen them since yesterday.
“I don’t even know why I reacted that way.
Yes, I do. It’s all my past, my family. Imagining them seeing me in photos, seeing me tagged on social media.
Having to hear my father’s derision and listen to him pick my life apart.
Even if I chose not to answer the call, I can hear what he’d say in my head.
” I mutter the words to myself, rehearsing my apology to them for the millionth time.
I can’t lose them because my dad got in my head. I can’t.
Katsu had to stop me several times from trying to track them down. He told me I needed to give them space and center myself.
I cried.
I’m not ashamed to admit it. I’m embarrassed, and I’m hurt, and I shouldn’t have lashed out at them.
They have nothing to do with this Lynn Marino.
Seb is just an employee. Not a confidant.
My accusations came from a place of deep hurt and pain that had nothing to do with them or Lynn and everything to do with my family.
Coming to that conclusion just made everything worse and the thought of seeing them harder but more urgent.
My hands sweat as I wait for them to appear. There’s a hesitation and a thick pressure tonight. Something in the crowd makes my skin crawl. It’s like everyone is watching us. The sky is full of thick clouds, and it’s not as cold, but it feels like a storm is coming.
“Welcome to Light Knot Night and the third date. The last date will be the day before the Winter Solstice, and at sunset on the day, you will make your choices on the path of light. I hope everyone is taking this seriously and thinking about their futures? But tonight isn’t about what comes next; it’s how you feel now. ”
“I feel constipated.”
“Clint! I am going to call your mother.”
The crowd bursts into laughter, and then I see her. She’s staring at me; Sebastian is, too. They are too far away; we can’t get to them, but I want to go to her. So badly. To him. I need to apologise. I need to make this right.
“Tonight’s date is all about trust. You have submitted your worst fears, and now you are going to have to rely on your match to help you with it. Tonight is about growing as a couple, learning to communicate and rely on each other.”
Asher glowers at Zaire, who doesn’t even look at her, but I’m impressed he’s shown up. They were talking that he wouldn’t return.
Felix is alone, though.
I reach into my pocket, where I keep the cute little painted stone. I need to feel it tonight because even though this wasn’t meant to be something, it’s turned into everything, and it’s worth fighting for.
“Each one of you will get an electronic map with the places you have to go tonight. There will be safety personnel at each marker, making sure nothing happens. You will all be safe. Let me underscore that three times. Now, have fun, and trust your matches. Oh, and Clint, you won the prize last week.”
“YEEHAW!”
Lorelei drops her head into her hand and sighs in aggravation.
“I want food.”
“Give him his gift basket before I murder him and end up doing a matchmaking Time Knot Time event from a prison cell!” Lorelei snaps.
“Holly, if we’re doing a trust fall and you drop me, that’s it. We’re over.”
Holly cackles. “Guess we’re breaking up, big boy. I’m not breaking my nails.”
“You heathen!” Clint exclaims. “Oh, that gift basket looks fancy, Mrs S. Cheers, me and ma belly thank you most kindly.”
They disappear, and I move towards Sebastian and Cordie, fighting my way through the crowd, ignoring everyone but them.
I hug her first, and the relief I feel at having her in my arms tells me everything about myself that I was pretending not to know.
“I’m sorry, so sorry.”
I need to fix this. I need to sort it, and I need to get over my past. First thing I’ll do when we get home is ask Katsu to find a therapist to help me as soon as possible.
She pulls back and goes to Katsu, while I approach Seb.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper and reach out, putting my hand on his chest. “I was an idiot. A moron. I don’t deserve you.”
Sebastian looks confused. “I thought you’d still be mad at me.”
I let out a sob and throw myself at him. “How can I be mad at you? I love you.”
I can feel his shock and pleasure through the bond. But more than that, I can feel how much he loves me, too. He hugs me back, and it feels so right.
“We don’t know each other well yet, but we’ll figure it out,” Katsu says gently. “Fights and disagreements are bound to happen, it’s how we make up from them that counts.”
“Come on, get moving,” Harry says, bustling around in a massive black coat. He looks like he’s dressed for a Siberian winter. “We’re all freezing tonight, and the sooner you beat your fears, the sooner we can all get home.”
“Oops, sorry,” I say, smiling widely at the old man.
“Shoo!”
Seb pulls out his phone and looks at Cordelia. His expression is grim.
She huffs. “It’s the freaking pool, isn’t it?”
“Afraid so.”
“Don’t let me drown.”
We go to the rec center and enter, finding two teens that Cordie introduces us to as Moses and Johnny, who are lifeguards in training.
She stares at the water.
“I remember that feeling of being dragged under the waves, staring up at the white water, unable to punch through. The tumble of my body, not knowing which way is up and which is down. My lungs aching. The panic. Finally breaking through and catching my breath, only to have my feet swept out from under me again.”
Her voice trails off. She’s white and shaking, and I want more than anything to take it away from her.
“And then I remember Sebastian and his panic, the fear in his eyes as he cursed me out. We never talked about the way he cried when I came back or how tightly he held me when the paramedics tried to get him to let go.”
“You can do this, Cordie,” Sebastian says gently. “We will be here, but if you don’t want to, I will fight them all.”
“What does she have to do?” I ask Moses.
“You have to get in, swim to the deep end, dunk your head under, and then it’s over.”
“I don’t have swim gear,” Cordie says hesitantly.
Moses points to a bag. She curses out her family and this whole town, snatches it up, and walks to the change rooms. In minutes, she has reappeared in a crimson bikini and is staring at the pool like it’s the ghost of something terrible.
“Avert your eyes boys,” Sebastian says gruffly.
Sebastian pulls off his clothes. Oh, that is good. Yep. I yank my clothes off, making sure they are in the dry section. Katsu does the same. We ignore our nakedness as they wait for her to approach.
She grips Katsu’s forearm and holds on tight enough that I’m sure he’s going to be bleeding.
“We’re right here,” I remind her.
“You get in and swim to the deep end. Submerge your head and come back!” Johnny says. “You can do this, Cordie!”
“This is ridiculous. You aren’t certified therapists!” I snarl and glower, then decide to make this as easy for her as possible. I wade into the pool. “Look only at me.”
It’s easy when she can focus on us. She does it quickly. I am so proud of every jerky move she makes.
When it comes to dunking her head, I do it with her. Holding her gaze underwater. She bursts out again. Sebastian catches her and, with a powerful kick off the wall, sends them back to the shallow end before I can think.
I scramble out of the pool and watch as she rushes to the change rooms. I get dressed, irritated beyond description with this town and its stupidity.
We get out of the building and away from the scent of chlorine as fast as we can. I stop, breathing hard, before I grab her and lift her up. She wraps her legs around me.
“I am so proud of you,” I whisper in absolute adoration.
She smiles, it’s slow and cute. But she’s got wet hair, I note unhappily. I set her down, but Katsu, as if he read my mind, has a towel and wraps it around her hair, gently folding it over so it stays on its own.
“Where are we going for the next one?” I ask in resignation.
“It looks like it’s in a carpark of Ed’s Grocer,” Sebastian says tightly.
We walk down there and find that they’ve had shipping containers delivered. There are three lined up, and someone is leaning against the side of one in the shadows. I can’t tell who it is.
“I am afraid of being alone,” Katsu says, and I know it was hard for him to admit. “My parents worked a lot, and they hired a babysitter, and she used to sneak out and leave me alone. I never quite got used to the dark and being alone.”
We walk into the shipping container and find Floyd loitering around, looking bored. He holds out a blindfold that Katsu takes and puts on without hesitation. He stands there, regal and so beautiful it hurts.
“All of you, out.”
We walk out, and Floyd puts a hand to his mouth in a gesture for quiet. He looks around quickly, then makes a motion for us to go back in. I step back inside, focused only on my alpha, feeling the rush of adrenaline through the bond, his scent spiking.
He would never admit his fear. The container closes, and I move towards him, only seeing him. He’s always been my rock, my strength, the calm in my storm.
I can hear him breathing hard, rasping. I slam into him, wrapping my arms around him. Sebastian collides with us and rests his forehead on Katsu’s shoulder. Cordie joins us a heartbeat later. The four of us locked in a hug, supporting the alpha who supports all of us.
“Five more minutes,” Floyd says.
We stay like this until the doors open. I snatch off the blindfold and put it in my pocket. They aren’t having it back.
“That was not what you were meant to do, Floyd,” a woman snarls.
“Oh, sorry, Betty. Well, too late now, he faced his fear.” He winks at us and slouches against the container, waving as we walk away.
“Floyd just broke the rules for us,” Sebastian murmurs. “Floyd never breaks the rules.”
The next place we are directed to is a small memorial garden. We find Julia waiting for us, smiling happily. “Sebastian is afraid of spiders,” she announces. “Ever since he saw the huntsman crawling on Devon’s shoulder, he’s never been able to be calm around them.”
“You’ve been talking to my mother,” Sebastian accuses.
She grins. “I have. So, I hope you're ready for this, Seb.”
He gulps and glances at me. I reach out and take his hand.
Julia giggles and pulls out a spider made of pipe cleaners. “The kids wanted to help, and we all know what you did for them. Hold this for a minute, my darling boy, then you can go play.”
Sebastian holds the huge, green fluffy spider for five minutes, then kisses Julia’s cheek.
“Thank you,” he says with deep relief.
“Oh, anytime, sweetheart. You know you’ll always be my favourite.”
Cordie rolls her eyes. “One left. Thanks, Mum.”
“Good luck.”
It’s me. What am I afraid of? Myself, the world, people laughing at me, failing, losing, my dad. I have no idea what they are going to decide for me, but I’m scared.
We arrive at the spot on the beach when food suddenly rains down around us. I whirl around, but I can’t see anything, I can only hear people laughing.
“Hey! No! That is not cool!” Cordie snarls.
Seagulls pour in.
I let out an involuntary gasp as several hiss at me.
“Oh, my god, the seagulls hate you,” Cordie giggles.
I stumble back, panicking as several flap too close, snapping beaks and hissing. The sound is atrocious.
“What is wrong with these birds?” I howl.
Cordelia leans against me, laughing. “Oh, you poor baby. It will be all right.”
I shove a hand up, frightening off a seagull that was about to land on her back.
“Don’t panic. They just want food.”
“I’m not worried. I’m scared. They are aggressive. Look at the way they eat. They are like aliens. What is wrong with them? Oh, my god, it ate that whole, did you see that? Where is it even going?”
“I thought you liked animals,” she teases.
“I do. These aren’t animals; they are demons summoned from a distant dimension. Look at them.”
She laughs harder, and the guilt, the fear that I would lose her, eases away. We can figure it out. I’ve never met anyone more perfect for us than them.
She pulls back as the birds leave. The silence is deafening.
“Hey, Bas, how about we go get some food? I’m not eating any of your revolting pineapple and pepperoni pizza.”
I whip my head around, hearing the words loud and clear. They ring in my head. I know them intimately. That’s what Bastion Sun’s girlfriend says to him in book one, right before he unleashes his ultimate betrayal.
I can’t move, but then Katsu is there, nudging me forward, giving me a look that tells me to pull myself together.
It still takes me until dawn to accept what I think I know.
I don’t understand why she’d do this. Why she wouldn’t just tell us. The thought is inconceivable. I turn away from the window, watching her sleep. She’s lying with her head on Katsu’s chest. She looks so peaceful, so beautiful with her hair fanned out around her.
Why is she lying? Nothing makes sense. I want to wake her up and shake the truth from her, but then I realise Sebastian knows as well. The betrayal cuts deep. Are we a joke to them?
Is this a game?
No, they aren’t like that.
Perhaps she just read it. But, no, it was too casual, without thought. This is an intimate conversation she put in the book because Sebastian and Bastian Sun are the same person.
Why would she lie?
Lynn Marino is my Cordelia? I never, ever would have guessed. Not in a million years. It changes everything.
I get dressed and walk.
I walk for hours and hours, and when I come back, I’ve decided only two things. I’m not prepared to walk away until I know the truth.
And whatever the reason is, it must be a good one, because Cordelia Lake isn’t the kind of person who goes around hurting people.
I’m confused.
So confused.
There are no answers, and when I get back, Cordelia and Sebastian are gone. It’s just Katsu, who looks at me as if he’s been waiting for me to figure this out.
“Are you ready to talk?” he asks gently.
“Yes. Let’s talk about our future.”