Chapter 23 #3
Lacey shakes her head. "There's really not. I don't know what to say either, except…you're so beautiful!"
Maia laughs tearfully, just like Kelly did. Some traits are learned, clearly. "Thanks. So are you!" She looks at me, then. "God, you're big. Good grief."
I laugh. "I…guess so? Yeah."
She looks me over. "I have your nose. Kind of your chin."
“You have my dad's chin. Not quite the same," I say. "Wanna see?" She nods, and I pull up a screenshot of a photo of Dad on my phone. "That's my dad, your…biological paternal grandfather."
She frowns. "Is he…"
I nod. "Yeah, he's passed. My mother, too. No living grandparents on my side to introduce you to, unfortunately."
She makes a sympathetic face. "I'm sorry…Mr. Mannix? Cole? F…father?" She laughs sarcastically.
"Just call me Cole," I say, chuckling. "Definitely not father. That’s just weird."
She giggles. “Yeah, that was dumb. I don't know why I said that."
"So, we should sit down, huh?" Adam says.
We find a table to seat us all, and there’s an awkward silence.
I decide to break it. "So, Maia. Um… you… Do you have any questions? We're happy to answer whatever we can."
She widens her eyes. "Only a billion." She reaches into her satchel-style purse and produces a thin spiral notebook, flips it open, and finds a page.
She's written down at least fifty questions; they're numbered, and some are starred, others underlined.
She's left several lines under each one so she has space to take notes.
“Number one—and we don't have to go in order, but number one is the question I've wondered about most."
"Why?" Lacey suggests. “Why did I give you away?”
Maia shakes her head. "No, I can sort of understand that.
In your email, you said you were young and not ready to be a mom.
" She shrugs. “That's easy enough to get.
No, what I really want to know is how it felt.
To have me adopted." She looks from me to Lacey and back.
"I know it's probably not a great thing to talk about, but… I've just been so curious."
Lacey smiles at her, gently. "It was very hard. But I think what you're really getting at is if I loved you."
Maia's eyes fill, and she nods; she looks at her mom for reassurance and leans into her as if to provide it, as well. "Yeah," she whispers.
"I loved you instantly," Lacey says, after a moment.
"I…wanted to call it off. To keep you. I held you and I didn't want to—to let…
" she ducks her head, sniffles, starts over.
"I didn't want to let you go. But I…I was…
I was only eighteen. Only four years older than you.
I had dropped out of high school and run away from everyone I knew, including my parents. "
"What?" Maia breathes. "For real?"
Lacey tells Maia her story. I fill in my parts, and together we give Maia the outlines of the whole thing.
Adam and Kelly tell us about their journey to become parents, and how they came so close several times to adopting, and how something came up every time, until finally, Maia came along. Maia shows us photos and videos of her life, the ones not chosen for her more curated IG profile.=
She's a goofy girl, sometimes spazzy, always funny and upbeat. She does theater, and has lots of pictures of her on stage, backstage, in rehearsals, in costume, putting on stage makeup…
We spend half the day in the coffeeshop, talking, laughing, crying, telling stories. Eventually, the meet-up has to end, and I can tell Maia doesn't want it to any more than I do—or Lacey, judging by the way it seems she's fighting back tears.
There are hugs all around, and promises to meet again soon, and then Adam, Kelly, and Maia head for their hotel; they're continuing north, to Petoskey for some shopping before making the loop back downstate.
Later that night, in bed, Lacey rolls toward me and rests her chin on my chest. "So we met our daughter."
I sigh, setting my book aside; we watch TV together, and I do enjoy it, turns out, but we also like reading together. "We did. She's a great kid."
Lacey swallows hard. "I…someday, would you…" she trails off, starts again. "Someday, would you ever consider having a child? Again? With me?"
The question is a punch to the gut, so unexpected. But then, it shouldn't be that unexpected, should it? I search myself, but I know the answer already.
"Absolutely, Sweet Thing."
She dissolves into tears. "Really?"
"The chance to make a person together? To have our own family? God, yes, Lacey."
She shakes in my arms. "I want it so bad, Cole. I've…I've been trying ever since we met her to pretend it's not what I’m feeling, but I can't anymore."
"No pretending, honey."
“I want that with you. I want…I want all of it. I just…I wasn't sure how you—"
I laugh. "You should know me better than that, babe. Of course I want a family with you." I roll her to her back and pin her. "We can start working on that right now, as a matter of fact."
She giggles breathily. "Why, Mr. Mannix. Whatever do you mean?"
I show her what I mean, several times.