Chapter 16 #2
"Okay, okay, it's okay. I've got you. C'mon.
" I stand up with her and carry her into the bathroom, sit on the toilet lid, and run the hot water.
Once it's running so hot it's steaming, I add some cold water until it’s piping hot but tolerable and then sit with her while the tub fills.
Once it's nearly full, I stand up and set her on her feet.
"I'm not going anywhere," I assure her. "We’re just getting you out of your clothes."
She nods, standing motionless. I unwrap the black scarf-thing from her neck, and she grabs it, clutches it in shaking hands. "Fatima. Duwana." Names, I think.
I let her hold onto it, whatever it is, as I kneel and untie her shoes.
She balances with one hand on my back as I tug her shoes and socks off, one foot at a time.
Tug her scrub bottoms off. Her top. She lets me unknot her hair from the bun, and it collapses in a cascade of kinked waves.
I feel nothing but worry for her as I peel her out of her sports bra and panties—she's lost weight, and she was fairly slender to begin with.
She's not emaciated, but it’s clear she didn't eat properly over there.
I help her step into the water, and she sets the black thing aside onto the toilet lid and slowly sinks down to her butt, drawing her knees up to her chest. Her eyes go to mine, and she grabs my hand. "Riley. Please." She tugs me toward the tub. "Please."
Fuck, she can't even form sentences.
"Okay, I'll get in with you."
I strip and climb in with her. The water overflows with a splash, but I put down towels just in case.
Not that I care right now, anyway. She ducks under, comes up wiping her eyes, hair spreading on the water like ink, then lays back, putting her back to my front, pulls my arms over her chest, and rests her cheek against my arm.
After a while, I use my foot to drain some of the water and then turn the hot water on to refill and warm it up.
We sit like that for a long, long time.
"Can we get out?" she whispers, eventually. "Cold."
"Of course. Let me get towels."
She watches me, never taking her eyes off me, as I climb out and towel myself off, wrap it around my waist, and grab another. Help her to her feet and step out. Scrub her dry, squeeze most of the water out of her hair—it's so thick, though, it'll take hours to dry completely.
She shivers as I help her to the bed. She discards the towel as she climbs under the covers, eyes on me as I circle the foot end and climb in next to her, tossing the towel aside.
As soon as I'm in with her, she surges against me, tangling herself up with me as if she can't get close enough. "Need you."
"You've got me, baby. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. Not for as long as you need."
Her cheek on my chest, she's already fading. "Forever. Need you forever."
"Then that's exactly what you've got."
A minute of silence, then five. "Riley Crowe, Three Rivers."
"Hey," I whisper. "You're home. You're safe. You're with me."
She startles, cranes her neck to look up at me. "Home."
"Yeah," I murmur, kissing her wet hair. "You're home in Three Rivers with me."
"No," she murmurs, tightening her grip on me in a full-body hug. "Home. With you." Again, she squeezes me with her arms and legs. "You are home."
My throat goes hot and tight at this. "Fuck, baby."
She palms my cheek. "Eyes, please?” I look at her, blinking hard as hot salt burns behind my eyes. "Will you say it now, please?" She brushes a thumb under my eyes, one and then the other.
I wonder if she realizes what she's asking, that I've never spoken those words aloud to anyone, ever, except an occasional "love you, bro," to Felix over the years. Never to a woman.
The words feel like hot, thick, hard lumps in my esophagus, like partially-chewed bites of overcooked steak.
The shattered desperation in her eyes and her voice overcome the fear and hesitation. "I love you, Cadence Creswell."
She shudders, a soft sob escaping, and she buries her face in my neck. "Riley."
“I’m here," I whisper. "I've got you. You're okay, now."
I feel her fading back down into sleep. "I love you…Riley Crowe…of Three Rivers…"
The dam breaks, then, and I let the tears fall; there's no one to see them.
She cannot know what that means. How it feels to hear that.
The ferocity of my feelings for this woman in my arms stuns me, then, as if her half-asleep murmured declaration of love lit some kind of pilot light inside me.
I wake up; it's late afternoon. I'm stiff from being in one position for so long, and my right arm is asleep. Cadence is curled up against my side, more on top of me than not. I slither carefully out from beneath her, wait to make sure she stays asleep, and then relieve my screaming bladder.
I return to find her sitting up in bed, bleary-eyed, disoriented. "Hey," I whisper, climbing in beside her. "I'm here."
She clings to me once more. "I am going to need time, Riley."
"You have it. Long as you need."
She shakes her head, craning her neck to look up at me.
"No, I mean…I…I am lucid and present, at the moment, for you.
So I can…explain." A pause, a hard swallow.
"I am going to be out of commission for a while.
I may sleep, I may be awake, but I will not respond to anything.
I will not even know you are there. Just please know that I am okay. You do not need to worry."
"One of those freeze things?"
A shrug of one shoulder. "Sort of. This is…deeper. I call it a healing trance. I just…there is too much inside me. I…it is the only way I know how to cope."
"What can I do?"
"Nothing. Just be there. I will need you when I come out of it." She nuzzles under my chin with her nose. "I meant it, you know." She pulls away to meet my eyes in a rare moment of prolonged eye contact. "When I said that I love you. I meant it."
"Me too."
"Oh, I know. " She goes back to nuzzling me. "You have proven it."
"Cadie, what—?"
She covers my mouth with her palm. "Not yet. Please."
"Okay."
"Just hold me. I will tell you as much as I can when I can, but for this moment, I just need you to hold me some more.
Once I enter the healing trance, I will be unresponsive.
You do not need to be quiet, and you do not need to stay near me.
I will come out of it on my own when my mind and body are ready. "
"Okay."
Slowly, she settles, drowses, and falls asleep again. I won't be able to sleep anytime soon, though.
Eventually, I become restless and ease her off of me. She curls up away from me, sighing softly. I cover her and tiptoe out.
She wasn't exaggerating. Over the next three days, she's in and out of sleep. When she's awake, she stares at nothing, only blinking owlishly once every so often. Even if I enter the room and crouch in front of her, she doesn’t register my presence.
She doesn't leave the bed. Barely stirs when she's asleep, curled up in a tight, protective ball, covers in her fists, which are balled up under her chin.
If she hadn't warned me, I'd be worried. But having seen her in a similar state before prepared me somewhat. It's how she processes things, I guess. I know she told me I don't have to stay, but I couldn't leave her here alone.
I leave a bottle of water on the table beside her, and though I never see her drink from it, the level drops consistently, so at least she's staying hydrated to some degree.
On the morning of the fourth day, I wake up to find her sitting up, sipping water, and looking like herself again, to a degree, at least.
"Hey," I mumble, stretching. "How are you?”
"Ravenous."
I smile. “That’s a good sign. Let me rustle something up. Any requests?"
"A cheese omelet?” She blushes. "Do you have bacon?"
I snicker. “Do I have bacon? Do bears—"
"Shit in the woods," she finishes with me, grinning. "Riley, I—"
I kiss her lips, a soft, quick peck; I'm not trying to start anything. God knows when she'll be ready for anything like that; no time soon, if I had to guess, and that’s okay. "Eat first. Talk second. Yeah?"
Her eyes fix on my mouth when I pull away. "We have much to discuss. I have much to tell you."
"And there's time for all of it. But first, you need food. God knows when the last time you ate was."
She shrugs, frowning. "I…I do not know. Before the attack."
"Attack?" I echo, my heart sinking into my stomach.
Her gaze darkens. "I shall tell all, I promise.”
I gaze at her, but I see that she’s not ready yet.
So I leave the bed reluctantly, step into a pair of jeans and shrug into a clean T-shirt, and start up a pair of omelets and a whole package of bacon, along with some toast and fresh fruit—I started keeping my fridge stocked with stuff she likes at some point—not sure why, or when I started doing it.
Despite her obvious hunger, she forces herself to eat slowly, taking tiny bites which she chews thoroughly, and takes time between bites.
When we're done, I set our plates aside and wait.
She gives me one of those slow, thoughtful, owlish blinks. "Do you have any tea?"
I nod. "Yeah, I have green tea, black tea, and a three-mint kind."
"May I have a mug of mint tea? Please?"
"Of course, sweetheart." I stand, clear our plates into the sink, fill the kettle, and get it going. While the water heats, I find the tea bag and a mug.
I lean against the counter by the stove and wait, watching Cadence. She's lost in thought, or memory, or both, her gaze fixed on the middle distance. After what feels like an hour, the kettle whistles, and I pour the boiling water over the tea bag, bringing the mug to the table.
Cadence wraps her hands around it, and I sit and wait, knowing she'll start talking when she's ready.