Chapter 20
RILEY
Iwake gradually and then all at once—gradually drifting up from a deep, content sleep, and then all at once as I become aware of Cadence's soft, hot, naked body tangled up with mine.
I'm still shaken to the core by how intense that was. It wasn't just sex. It was making love—seems obvious, but to a guy like me, it's a big motherfucking deal.
I feel her eyes, crack mine open and glance down at her. She's smiling up at me, her face radiant with happiness. "Hi," I murmur.
"Hi." Her voice is soft, quiet, shy. "I have never felt so happy in my life. Thank you for giving that to me, Riley Crowe of Three Rivers."
My heart swells to bursting, as if I can contain no more love, no more joy—so full it hurts. And yet, when she passes her palm over my belly and cranes her neck to press a kiss to my cheekbone, I am filled further yet.
"Never been this happy, either," I say. I shift and feel the condom drooping heavily. "Gotta get cleaned up."
Cadence pushes on my chest. "Stay. Please. I would like to do it."
"Um…okay?” I relax against the pillows, pile them higher behind me so I’m reclined rather than lying. "If you really want to."
"I do."
I sure as fuck don't mind the view as she wriggles away and rolls out of bed, her lush curves swaying as she moves.
I feel my cock stirring at the mere sight of her as she wets a washcloth in warm water, wrings it out, and then comes back to me—her tits bounce and jiggle and sway heavily with each step, and her thighs brush around her pussy, and fuck, that pussy is so goddamned tight and wet and I want to be inside her again.
Now.
Cadence crawls onto the bed and kneels beside me, tugs the blankets off of me.
She has a folded length of toilet paper in her hand, and she lays it across her thigh, slowly easing the used condom off of me and wrapping it up in the TP.
And then she has my cock in her soft, small hand and she's wiping me clean with it, her touch so tender and gentle and loving it takes my breath away. She lifts it this way and that, dabbing and wiping until I’m clean.
But she seems to want nothing more than to just play with me, using the washcloth to caress me.
"You do know what's gonna happen if you keep doing that, don't you?" I murmur.
Her answering smile is all the confirmation I need—she knows exactly what she's doing.
"Yes, darling," she whispers. "I am quite well aware.
" She tosses the washcloth underhanded into the bathroom, sets the neatly folded square of toilet paper containing the used condom on the bedside table.
“One might even venture to say that I not only know what will happen, but that that is my aim. "
"You, uh, sore at all?" I ask.
She smiles, shrugs. "A bit, perhaps. Not enough to hinder my need for more."
She gathers my cock in her palm, brushing the tip with her thumb, watching me as I grow in her hand.
"That so?"
"Yes. It is." She looks down at me, meeting my gaze. "There is one thing I feel you should know."
"Okay."
My cock is hard, now, and she caresses my length in her soft little hand.
She gnaws on her lip as she watches her hand slide down my cock, twist up around the head, and then her eyes go to mine again.
"One of the precautions I took, medically, leading up to my departure for Sudan was to go on birth control.
Not…ahhh…not because I had any anticipation of having sex, obviously, but as a means of reducing the frequency, duration, and intensity of my periods.
I took a shot which prevents pregnancy for up to a year. "
I blink as I absorb this information. "Oh. Okay."
Her eyes fix on mine, frank and open and honest. "There were other reasons. In case of…well…in case anything untoward were to happen. I do not wish to think of such things at the moment—and indeed, nothing of the sort happened, please be assured of that. I just…I wanted you to know."
I hiss as she cups my balls in one hand and strokes my length with the other, arching up into her touch. "Fuck, baby. Feels so fuckin’ good, the way you touch me."
This makes her grin. "Your pleasure brings me joy. Feeling you orgasm inside me…" she bites her lip. "It was nearly as powerfully pleasurable as my own orgasm."
I pull out of her grip and flip her to her back, burying my face in the sweet honey of her pussy and devouring her greedily. I have her wailing in seconds, and she crushes her thighs around my ears and grinds against my mouth, arched and bucking into my mouth as she comes.
"Riley," she pants, after her second wave of climax. "Please—please. I need you, my love."
I slide up her body; she wipes her juices off my beard and then kisses me.
"You have me,” I say.
She stops me when I reach for the box of condoms. "I have a question, first."
I pause. "Yeah?"
"Are you…you are…you have only been with me…right? Since, um…?”
My heart flutters in my chest as I realize where she's going with this. “Yeah, honey. I'm clean. After the last time I…um…was with anyone, I got tested. Just to be sure. But I…I've always used protection. Always. But I know I'm clean. I can show you the results.
She shakes her head. “Unnecessary. I trust your word."
"Why…um, why do you ask, honey?"
She swallows hard. "Because I want…" she bites her lip, eyes shining as she looks up at me. "I don't want you to wear a condom."
"Baby, even though you're on the shot, there's still—"
She covers my mouth. "I know." She squirms, restless hands roaming my shoulders. "I know," she repeats. "Do…do you love me?"
"With all that I am."
"Would you abandon me, should…that…happen?"
My heart turns to stone at the mere suggestion. “Fuck no," I snap, angrily. I soften. "No. Never. I'll never, ever abandon you. No matter fucking what." I swallow hard now. “Why, though? Can you tell me why you don't want to use protection?"
"I want to be one with you—totally. I want nothing between us. I…" she frowns. "I think perhaps it is also a sensory issue. I could feel it. The latex, I mean. I didn't…I did not like the way it felt. I want your skin and nothing else."
"It's a risk, honey."
"I accept the risk, if you do."
"I…" I feel rattled. Shaken. Scared. "I've never had sex without one.
I couldn't ever handle the idea of…" I shrug, fighting for the right words—trusting her with the absolute truth.
"I never wanted to risk a pregnancy. I'm not—I'm not a guy who should be a father.
Risk of disease was a distant second for me.
I'm not that guy, babe. I've never been that guy.
No one in their right mind would pick me for that. "
Her eyes shine with tears. "I do."
I convulse at her words, a gutted sob wrenched out of me. "Don't," I whisper, turning away. "Fuck—fuck. You can’t say that shit to me.” I sit on the edge of the bed, facing away from her.
She moves behind me, breasts soft against my back, and her arms slide over my shoulders and cross over my chest, and her cheek is silk against my ear, her words soft whispers. "I do say it to you, Riley Crowe of Three Rivers."
Why am I so gutted by this? I'm fucking wrecked. Crying like a bitch. She wipes at my face. Kisses my tears.
"Stop!” I hiss. "You can't mean that."
"I do. I mean it down to my soul." She wraps herself around me from behind. "I choose you. I choose to love you. I know your secrets, Riley. Do I not?"
"Yes," I breathe.
"Are there any other secrets?"
"No.”
“So I know your secrets. I know your guilt. I know your fears. You fear you are not enough. You fear your own inadequacy. You fear that your parents' toxic relationship ruined you."
"It did."
"Wrong." She presses her mouth to my ear. "Do you love me?"
"Fuck yes," I growl. "I love you so fucking much it scares the shit outta me."
"Will you hit me?"
“Fuck no. I'd murder anyone who hurt you."
"Would you curse at me? Call me names?"
“Never.”
"Would you cheat on me?"
"I'd cut off my own dick first."
She tightens her embrace. "Do you think I would cheat on you? Hit you? Throw things at you?"
"No," I whisper. "Never."
"I love you, Riley. I choose you as you are right now. I love the man that you are—right now. I am not afraid of your past and I am eager to be a part of your future.” She palms my cheek, turns my face to the side so I'm looking at her over my shoulder.
Her lips meet mine at an angle. "I am fully cognizant of the risks involved in making love to you without protection.
I am not ready for a child at this time in my life, either.
I have my own reservations about that, to be honest."
"What reservations?"
"Passing on my autism."
"The world would be a better place if there were more people in it like you," I say.
She exhales shakily. "You truly believe that?"
"Absolutely."
She hugs me so tightly I grunt. "Every time I think I could not possibly love you more, you do something or say something and…somehow, I do."
This melts me. "Ah, god, Cadence. Same."
She leans around me, fingers trailing gently down my cheek, and nuzzles my mouth with hers. "Then show me, darling. Please."
I feel that inexorable swelling of my heart again, and I think, absurdly, of that line from The Grinch about a heart growing three sizes that day, and I sorta get it.
What that story doesn't mention is that it kind of hurts, having your heart grow a few sizes real quick.
It's a good hurt, though, like sore muscles after a killer workout.
She's hungry for me, my Cadie. Her mouth is eager on mine as I twist toward her, and she leans into me, angles across me; I scoop her up by the ass and lift her onto my lap. She whimpers as my erection glides against her seam, the shaft pressing lengthwise into the groove of her pussy.
I grind against her, and she whimpers, leans into me to rub herself on my cock. Fuck, she's eager.
"You didn't sleep when I did, did you?" I ask.