Chapter 41
JO
I wake to the sound of footsteps in my room.
It takes a long moment for my mind to clear of dreams of a fishing vessel and endless thirst. When I peel my eyes open, I find Acker rummaging through the dresser beside my bed.
Early morning light filters through the frost covering the window, bathing the room in a soft warm glow.
“What’s going on?” I ask, sitting up, scrubbing the sleep from my eyes with my fingertips.
Acker pulls out a handful of garments, shoving them into the open pack atop the dresser. “We need to move while the weather permits,” he says.
I’m confused.
After Kai and Aurora’s departure last night, we all agreed to take the night to rest, to wait and have discussions in the morning.
But as my mind clears from the fog of sleep, I watch Acker as he continues to shove socks and underwear into the steadily growing pack, and surmise he’s already decided on a plan of action.
He’s wearing the same clothes from last night; hair rumpled from running his hands through it.
I swing my legs over the side of the bed. “And where are we moving to?”
“It’s about a two-day’s ride to the nearest port. From there, we’ll catch a ferry north to a port town called Claudine.”
I reach for the pants I draped over the foot of the bed, sliding them on one foot at a time before standing, buttoning them at the waist. “What’s in Claudine?” I ask, realizing he’s yet to look at me.
“Wells’s parents,” he says, tying the pack closed. “I sent a message to them when we arrived, so they’re expecting our arrival. They’re good people. They’ll take care of you and Irina.”
They’ll take care of you and Irina.
“You plan on returning to the palace by yourself,” I say, putting the pieces together.
He drops the pack on the bed behind me. My pack, allegedly. His eyes finally meet mine as he stands before me. We’re close enough that I have to tilt my head back to hold his stare and I can’t help but think he’s trying to distract me with his proximity, making me feel small on purpose.
“Fredrich will accompany me,” he says.
“Even if you’re able to kill your father on your own, there’s still an army bearing down on Kenta’s capital.” Whether it’ll be Wren’s or Chryse’s is yet to be determined.
He nods, just barely. “And that’s not accounting for the army your mother is undoubtedly mobilizing to attack from the west.”
I’m in disbelief at his cavalier attitude. “Why did you ask me to choose between you and Kai if you never intended on me fighting alongside you?” I ask, anger beginning to simmer inside my chest. “Why did you take me from Maile?”
His attention strays to the mess of hair I’ve yet to tame as he reaches up to tuck the unruly hairs behind my ear. “I took you because you were determined on getting yourself killed.”
I jerk my head from his reach. “What are you talking about?”
“I saw you that day, when you and Fredrich ambushed the Strou in the cave,” he says, losing the tight grip he has on his calm demeanor, expression pinching in frustration.
“You were just going through the motions of battle, not because you wanted the victory, but because you couldn’t have cared less if you lived or died. ”
“I was fighting for my people while you had another woman in your bed!” I’m immediately ashamed of the outburst of my admission as soon as it’s out of my mouth. “You don’t get to judge me.”
Scrubbing a hand across his mouth, he turns his back to me, pacing before he stops in the middle of the room. “I mean, what was the fucking point, Jovie?” he asks, turning to face me once again.
“Point of what?”
“Of wrecking me,” he all but shouts, the outrage flashing across his face.
“What was the point of wrecking me, only to turn around and do it to yourself as well?” Then, as quick as his anger surfaced, it leaves him all at once.
“Sometimes I think you didn’t believe you deserved the love we had.
Going through with whatever deal you made with Kai was just an easy excuse to leave me. ”
I stare at him for a long moment, letting the hurt of his words settle in. “I thought I was doing the right thing,” I tell him, voice cracking.
It takes three strides for him to reach me, hands framing my face once he does. “You were,” he says, regret in the depth of his eyes. “I’m sorry it took me so long to see it.”
When he presses his lips to mine, it hurts. Not physically, but in a place I’ve been determined to keep buried, a wound I’ve refused to acknowledge until now. And as I pull Acker closer by the back of his neck with tears escaping down my cheeks, I feel it start to mend.
He breaks the kiss, pulling my hands between his against the flat of his chest. “I need you to do something very important, Jovie, and that is to stay alive.”
Already knowing where this is going, I sigh. “Acker…”
“I need you alive, because I sent Messer to tell Kai that I accept his condition late last night.”
My heart stops altogether. “Why would you ever agree to that? Your throne, Acker?”
“We have no chance without him, and it’s the only thing I have to offer other than you.”
“You can’t forfeit your title.”
His brows meet in the middle. “Why not? It’s not like I earned it,” he says, unashamed by his admission. “I’ve done a terrible job of navigating this war. It seems I’m better suited on the battlefield, to killing men. Hell, I’m asking him to attack my own soldiers.”
“To protect me,” I interject.
“Exactly, Jovie. My priority lies elsewhere.” He grins, the smile half-defeated, but his gaze is filled with acceptance. “It’s always been you.” The kiss he places on my lips is tender before he says, “Help me end this war and I will happily serve at your feet.”
I’m not sure why his offer makes me even more infuriated, but it does. I rip my hands from his hold. “I don’t want that from you.”
“Is there someone else you’d prefer?” he asks, teasing.
And I’m astonished at his ability to make light of the situation. All I can do is repeat myself: “I don’t want it.”
He takes a step closer. “There’s no other place I’d rather be,” he says. “In Maile, with you, serving as your right hand.”
“And if I refuse?” I challenge.
“If you deny me, the only mercy you could offer would be death.”
There’re too many emotions for me articulate, so I kiss him instead, knowing he can feel everything without my having to voice it. But it doesn’t take long for anger to win out over the others, and I break the kiss, shoving him away from me. “You’re such an asshole.”