Chapter 60
JO
Acker braces his hands on either side of the veranda, and I lean back into his warmth. Winter just refuses to let go of its death grip. “Are you ready to go home?”
Home.
A place I once wasn’t sure I believed in anymore, but now feels a lot like the person against my back.
I nod, head lolling against his chest. “Yes. What about you?” I ask, looking up at him, seeing the reflection from the fireplace dance in his eyes. “Are you ready to live in Maile?”
He nods. “It’s a beautiful city.”
That it is. “We’re going to have to find our own place,” I say.
“We’re not going to live at the palace?”
“With my mother?”
He makes a clicking noise with his tongue. “We’re going to have to find our own place,” he echoes, and it makes me smile.
It’s something I’ve found difficult to do in the weeks since the battle.
Each smile reminds me of all the reasons I should, while also all the reasons I don’t want to.
Guilt is a strange notion. Wanting to find happiness, but not exactly knowing what to do with it when it finds you, even if it’s just a little.
“How are you feeling?” he asks.
He does this every so often, checking in on me. Some days are easier than others. But tonight feels more difficult for some reason. If I try to explain why, the feelings become too much, too big to articulate, and then I’ll just start crying.
I offer him what I can. “I’m okay.”
He kisses me on my cheek. “Let’s get inside before you start shivering.”
I let him pull me into his bedchamber. I mentally correct myself, knowing how much he hates it when I call it that—his—since we’ve been at the palace for weeks now, but I am ready for our own place.
A low fire burns in the hearth with a mound of pillows and blankets before it.
After the battle, I spent days in front of the fire.
It was as if I was unable to get warm, the cold lived in my bones.
The frigid sensation still hits me out of the blue sometimes.
It’s become a routine of ours, to spend nights in front of the fire.
When Acker turns to shut the doors leading to the veranda, I stop him with a hand on his arm. “Leave them open.”
I don’t have to explain why.
We settle onto the blankets. My head on his chest as he plays with my hair. “How long do you think it’ll take before Beau is begging to return to Maile?”
“Oh, about three and a half days,” he says. “You?”
“I don’t know,” I muse. Her insistence that she’s more than capable to run the territory so strong that I’m tempted to believe her. Not that I ever doubted she could, just that I can’t believe she volunteered. She hates Kenta.
“Hallis swore to keep an eye on her.”
I smile, a real one. “Of course he did.”
“You tease him too much,” Acker says. “Beau has never looked at him twice.”
“You never know. A lot can happen with just the two of them, alone in this giant palace.…”
I can hear the grin in his voice. “And keep a new council to acclimate and city to rebuild.”
Placing my chin on his chest, I look up at him. “If we can fall in love in the middle of the ocean and amidst a war, they’ll have plenty of opportunity while helping organize Greta’s new catalog system.”
He laughs, head tilting back.
While Greta has made it known she doesn’t intend to stay forever, she wants to leave the library in the best condition possible before the next librarian and record keeper takes over. Plus, I suspect she wants to stay with Beau. She worries.
Kai and Aurora are staying here as well.
The Alaha have dispersed into the city for the time being, and the couple will act as their liaisons for the council.
At least, for the time being. And while Beau is adamant there’s no deception in either of their auras, I still have my doubts.
We never found Messer. We looked across the city.
The territory and beyond, but there’s too much ground to cover and not enough men to search it all.
I’m just sad I can’t bring his remains home to Alaha where I can give him the sea burial that I know he would have wanted.
After a while, Acker says, “We’re going to need a place big enough for you to have a drawing room,” he says.
I roll my eyes. We’ve been over this time and time again. “I don’t draw anymore.”
“I know,” he says, hands playing with my hair. “But I think it’s a good time to pick it back up.”
My smile is sad. “I was never any good at it.”
His hands still before he flips me onto my back, looking down at me on the pile of blankets we’ve pulled together in a makeshift bed. “You can’t be serious.”
“My sketches were terrible, Acker. Just admit it. I promise it won’t hurt my feelings.”
He stares at me in pure disbelief. “I will never admit that, because it’s not true. I still have the picture you drew of a prized horse.”
“That’s embarrassing for you,” I tell him.
He lifts a brow, smile tilting to one side. “Jokes on you, because Zion and Fredrich spent all afternoon packing your old art supplies in the carriage for departure tomorrow morning.”
Sighing, I can’t even be mad at him. “I suppose we have the extra room since Irina left for home earlier this week.”
I can hear the smile in his voice. “She practically skipped out the palace doors.”
I take his hand in mine, admiring it for all of its perfection. Long digits, strong, veins in all the right places. Not overly calloused, but just enough to give purchase to his grip. A working man’s hands, but capable of minute tasks.
I bring his middle finger to my mouth, biting on the pad. I sigh, finding something so satisfying in being able to finally do what I’ve fantasized about. There’s nothing overtly sexual about it, but heat ignites behind Acker’s stare as I continue to the rest of his fingers, ending with his thumb.
I bite a little too hard and he jerks back on a hiss.
But he smiles, pure mischievousness, and I love how easy it looks on him. “Do you love me, Jovie?”
“What a ridiculous question,” I say.
He shrugs. “Answer it anyway.”
I can’t help my smile. “Yes, I love you.”
“Then say yes to marrying me.” He runs his thumb over my lips, eyes stuck on the motion. “Lie to me if you have to. I just want to hear you say yes.”
Leaning on an elbow, I sit up so we’re at eye level. “Why is it so important to you?”
“Our union could ease any lingering doubts of uncertainty. It would give the people something to look forward to after all they’ve endured under my father’s crown, help unify our two territories under one rule.”
The people have already called for it in the streets, chanting our names as if we’re already betrothed, but … “Are you sure this has nothing to do with finding another way to ensure I’m tied to you forever.” My smile dims as I notice his serious expression.
He continues combing through my hair before meeting my eyes. “It’s what normal people do when they love each other. I want to think … if we weren’t Matched, that’d you still choose me anyway.”
My tender heart breaks a little at his confession, and I try not to cry for the umpteenth time today.
He’s been more insistent the last few weeks and I’ve been avoiding his questioning.
The thought of having a wedding without my best friend by my side is painful. A deep ache like the cold in my bones.
He feels it now, eyes softening. Or maybe he hears it in my thoughts, I can never tell anymore. “Messer would want you to be happy.”
I swallow past the burning knot in my throat, nodding. “Okay,” I say on a whim, knowing how much he needs this. “I will marry you.”
“Thank you,” he whispers against my mouth, laying me back down on the blankets. He pulls my shirt over my head, his voice like a caress over my skin. “Glow for me, Jovie.”
I shake my head. “I’ve never been able to do it. It usually just happens when I feel out of control.”
I hear the smile in his voice as he reaches for the waistband of my pants. “I can make that happen.”