Chapter 11 #3
Corinne bumped right into Aryel, who’d stopped midway down a short street. Her eyes locked on the silhouette ahead of them that had made Aryel freeze in place.
A figure stood at the end of the street, blocking their way forward with two daggers drawn.
Corinne moved at the same time they did.
She shoved Aryel out of the way as another figure lunged from behind them, blocking that attacker’s sword with her own while flinging a beam of light at the other.
The one with two daggers rolled out of the way while the other reset, circling her and Aryel.
Corinne didn’t give them a moment’s reprieve.
She sent another arc of light slashing toward the first assailant, hitting him squarely in the chest. He crumpled to the ground, and Corinne blocked the other’s attempt to reach Aryel, grabbing his forearm and ramming her knee into his gut.
He dropped the sword to the ground with a clatter, but quickly drew a knife with his other hand.
Corinne shoved him away in time to avoid anything worse than a shallow cut to her side, and then thrust her sword through his heart.
He died with a sickening, bloody wheeze, and Corinne let his body slump to the ground, yanking her blade out of him with a ragged cry.
Her arms still glowed with the markings of her magic as her chest heaved.
Aryel. He was on the ground, propped on his elbows and staring at her and the dead man blankly.
“Are you hurt?” she asked hoarsely, and he didn’t move. “Aryel?”
He blinked several times, the blank shock morphing to confusion, and then lucidity.
“No,” he said. “I’m not hurt.”
Corinne nodded, a strange calm spreading within her. She helped him up, her sword still drawn in her right hand, her magic still steady. “Good. Come on, we need to alert the city guard and Captain Ekhana.”
Every bit of tiredness had vacated Corinne’s body.
She was more alert than a bloodhound, picking up on any sound or shifting shadow in the woods as they hurried back to the castle.
Aryel scaled the castle with the aid of his sheets and blankets first, and she quickly followed.
The deep-seated irritation toward him from mere hours ago felt like it belonged to someone else.
As she vaulted onto his balcony, a voice drifted through her mind.
You wanted him to die.
Icy fear gripped her insides.
You wanted him to die, so you wouldn’t have to deal with him anymore.
No. That wasn’t true. It wasn’t—
Why else would you have let him be so reckless?
Corinne began to tremble.
If he died, you’d get another assignment. It’s what you want.
No. No. No. No. Stay the course. Be the Light. Be the Light be the Light be the Light be the Light be the—
“Are you all right?”
She should tell Aryel to get away from her, that he couldn’t trust her, that she was an evil, wicked person—
“Hey.” A pair of hands gripped her shoulders, and Aryel’s face appeared before her.
When had she ended up on the floor? And—oh, Helaera above, that horrible gasping sound was coming from her.
“Breathe, Sunshine. It’s okay. We’re both okay.”
She shook her head rapidly. “You don’t understand.”
“That two men just tried to kill me in the street and you saved my life by killing them? I think I understand that part.”
“No,” Corinne whispered, the guilt gnawing at her insides as the voice echoed in her ears. “No, no, no.”
“Okay, okay,” he said. “Just breathe. What can I do to help?”
Corinne gasped again, a bit of clarity breaking through at the sound of his voice.
“Keep talking,” she said. “Please.”
“Talking, all right. Did you have fun tonight? You know, prior to the, uh, near-death experience?”
Corinne choked on a laugh. It felt hollow, like she was still half in reality, half stuck in the abyssal spiral of her thoughts. “Between climbing down the side of a castle and nearly breaking a noblewoman’s wrist, I would say no, I did not have fun.”
“Whose wrist did you—?” He paused. “Lana. What did you do to her?”
“I…” Corinne gulped down air, and suddenly she could feel how hard the stone floor was beneath her palms. “I grabbed her arm before she could go after you again and told her I’d break her hand.”
Aryel huffed a humorless laugh, his eyebrows pinching in incredulity. “That might be the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.”
“That’s a little depressing,” Corinne said.
More of that all-consuming dread and guilt subsided. She was in Aryel’s room, just inside the balcony doors, her bloodied sword on the ground beside her.
“You seem to be better,” he said. He gave her a thorough once-over, and Corinne didn’t even have the energy to be self-conscious. “Do you want to tell me what happened? You looked like you might faint or collapse from terror.”
Corinne took a deep breath as she looked into his eyes. She couldn’t admit it to him.
Then again, she was already on the floor in front of him, on the verge of a meltdown, and he’d hardly flinched.
“You’ll think I’m completely mad,” she said. He’ll think you’re evil.
Aryel raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t think you cared what I thought.”
“I don’t,” she said, sharper than she’d intended.
“Then try me.”
Corinne stared at him for another moment, something within her aching to reveal this torment she’d endured in solitude for years now. Perhaps he would think her mad…but perhaps he wouldn’t. If she didn’t care what he thought, what did it matter anyway?
It was enough to bring the words forth.
“Sometimes,” she said, her voice small. “Sometimes I have these…thoughts.”
Aryel nodded slowly, still kneeling on the floor in front of her. “Thoughts?”
“Terrible thoughts,” she said. “Like this voice that’s me, but not really me. It terrifies me. It makes me feel like I’m a fraud, like I don’t deserve to be a Lightguard, or deserve kindness, or friendship, or anything, really.”
Aryel grew pensive for a moment. “And what thoughts were you having just now?”
Corinne swallowed hard. “I can’t.”
“Tell me,” he said softly. It wasn’t an order, but an invitation. “No judgment. I promise.”
She could barely get the words out. “That it was my fault, that I let you go tonight because I wanted you to be in danger. That I…wanted you to die.”
Aryel stared at her, eyes widening. Corinne’s throat constricted. He was going to think she was a wretched human being.
His laughter shocked the despair right out of her. That encroaching darkness disappeared as if someone had lit a candle in the night of her heart. She could breathe again, its shadowy hand no longer clamped around her neck.
“How can that possibly be funny to you?” Corinne asked, bewildered.
“Because if you actually wanted me to get hurt or die, you wouldn’t have followed my foolish ass over a balcony and then saved my life tonight,” he said.
“Just because a thought enters your mind doesn’t mean it’s true or real.
Hells, sometimes I imagine pitching myself off the top of the castle, but that doesn’t mean I actually want to do it. They’re just thoughts.”
A weight that she hadn’t noticed was there lifted from her heart, leaving an ache in its absence that was both raw and a relief. They’re just thoughts. Was it really that simple?
“Near-death experience and having to kill two would-be murderers aside,” Aryel said slowly, “are you all right? We really need to go find Captain Ekhana.”
Corinne exhaled sharply. “We do. I’m well enough for that.”
Aryel stood, offering a hand to help her up, and she lifted her sword from the floor, grimacing at the drying blood on the blade. That would be a challenge to clean.
But no—this was a Lightguard’s blade. Corinne wiped what she could onto her trousers, then channeled a bit of her magic into it. The blade lit up, burning the remaining blood off. It looked freshly cleaned, as if she hadn’t just rammed it into someone’s chest cavity.
“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that,” Aryel muttered, shaking his head. “Let’s go, Sunshine.”