Chapter 32
Corinne stared at the steaming tea in front of her, placed on the table by her door instead of the nightstand by her window.
There was no need to use the makeshift altar when the ritual was taking place in the sanctuary this morning, led by the visiting Lightguards.
She was still expected to drink the tea, but its bitter smell was especially rancid today.
She got dressed and refreshed her hair before returning to the drink, and still, she couldn’t bring herself to lift it to her lips. It was almost time to leave, anyway.
She left it on the table and stepped outside. Something about leaving it still made her uneasy, but…she’d been perfectly fine last week. She still couldn’t recall its purpose, anyway, so maybe it wasn’t as important as it had always seemed.
Aryel would be escorted to the sanctuary alongside his parents after the Lightguards arrived, so Corinne merely glanced at his door once before heading there herself. She just had to get through this morning, and then the Priestesses and Vera would be gone.
And then dinner this evening. She still had no idea what she was going to say to Aryel when they had that inevitable conversation. Would she reject him like she should? Would she tell him it was too complicated? Would she kiss him again?
I’m going to kiss you again before I leave Helaera’s earth, Corinne Anastos.
Terrifying, yet…exhilarating. She couldn’t bring herself to feel guilty about her desire, either, but then guilt over her lack thereof settled in her gut. It was one of the most basic rules of Lightguards after they’d taken their oath—no romantic relationships. Her heart belonged to Helaera.
Was that what this was, though? All she knew was Aryel wanted her physically, and she wanted him that way too. If that’s all it was, perhaps it wasn’t so bad.
Corinne shook her head as if to clear it. She could worry about that later. For now, she needed to get through this ritual and give the Lightguards no other reason to doubt her while she untangled the conflicted mess that was her soul.
The sanctuary was beautiful in the early morning light, the stained glass casting rainbows on the stone floor and walls.
The Lightguards were already there, the Priestesses in white robes with golden tassels, and Vera was dressed similarly to Corinne in a white shirt with gold laces and matching trousers.
Corinne joined Vera on the front row of the chairs set out while the Priestesses prepared the altar at the front.
“Good morning, Corinne,” Vera said. Her tone was pleasant enough, but Corinne recognized it as the voice she used when she was being forcibly polite.
“Good morning.”
“When I return in two weeks,” she said quietly, “I hope to find you truly recommitted. But if I don’t, I will not protect you or cover for you.”
So Vera was threatening her now. Simmering anger rose out of the chasm of grief within her. No fear, only disappointment that Vera truly wasn’t the person she’d always thought she was. It didn’t make it sting any less, but she kept her face smooth, her body language relaxed.
“May Helaera guide us both, then,” Corinne said coolly.
“Would you two mind lighting the candles?” Priestess Bria asked, turning to Vera and Corinne.
They both silently agreed. Vera headed for the candles up front, so Corinne walked to the back of the sanctuary. With a sigh, she pinched the wick of a tall white candle between her thumb and forefinger and summoned a bit of her magic.
It sparked higher than she’d intended, making her jump. She blinked, glancing at the others, but they hadn’t noticed. Terror crawled its way up her body. Was her magic becoming corrupt? She’d thought Helaera had not turned on her, but now…
Trembling, she turned to the next candle a few feet away, releasing a bit less magic into her fingers this time.
Normal spark. She exhaled, the fear quelling.
She was still in full control. She hadn’t really used her magic much these past weeks, at least not as regularly as she had at the monastery.
As much as she enjoyed training with her friends, she really ought to do some solo work as well so she wouldn’t get rusty with the light.
Nobles began to arrive as she and Vera finished lighting the candles. Corinne returned to her place at the front and kept her eyes forward after taking her seat. The room grew warmer as more and more bodies filled the space, and everyone stood suddenly at the arrival of the king and queen.
Aryel was with them, trailing behind as they made their way to the front row. Of course they would sit up here by Corinne. Of course Aryel would sit in the seat directly to her right. To his credit, at the sight of Vera, he did nothing but nod at Corinne in acknowledgment before taking his seat.
Goddess, he looked unnecessarily handsome in a deep red shirt.
Corinne mastered herself as the ritual began.
They spoke the normal prayers, engaged in a call and response with the gathered crowd, and finally sang.
No one but the Lightguards were expected to know the songs, so Corinne joined her voice to the four others as Mother Creita began.
Careful, dear light, of the darkness that looms
Shadows will take you so swiftly
Keep your eye trained on the sun and the moon,
They’ll guide you onward and with me
Careful, don’t stray into darkness that looms
Shadows can hide you from sunlight
Stay in the glow of midnight and noon
They’ll keep you stronger in my sight
With a final prayer led by Mother Creita, the ritual was finished.
Corinne knew she wouldn’t truly breathe until everyone had dispersed and the Lightguards had departed, but she’d made it through the most challenging part.
Many nobles approached the Priestesses to offer their gratitude and appreciation.
One even pulled Vera aside, an older man who appeared to be asking her a number of questions.
“I could listen to you sing all day.”
Aryel hadn’t turned to her, hadn’t even leaned in, but the chatter in the room drowned out his words for all but Corinne. His eyes were on the Priestesses and nobles up front, soon joined by his parents. Corinne didn’t know what to say, or if she should say anything.
“See you at dinner, Sunshine,” he said, joining his parents when they beckoned.
Her heart felt like it was melting in her chest. Aryel Serra, what have you done to me?
Slowly, excruciatingly slowly, the nobles departed, leaving the Lightguards on their own. Corinne and Vera put out the candles while the Priestesses gathered the items on the altar into a satchel. Vera took the bag once it was full and set off with Bria and Chala. Mother Creita approached Corinne.
“May Helaera guide you, child,” she said. “Danger lurks here, I can feel it. Stay vigilant.”
Corinne crossed her arms over her chest, this time allowing her markings to alight.
“May Helaera guide you,” she said in turn.
Mother Creita placed a hand on Corinne’s shoulder, and she fought to remain still, that instinct to flinch away still alive within her. But the High Priestess merely squeezed her shoulder before dropping her hand again and gliding toward the sanctuary’s exit.
Corinne remained in place for a few more heartbeats before she looked to one of the stained glass windows that depicted Helaera.
The Goddess’s golden hair flowed around her gracefully as she bestowed her healing light upon people below, their hands uplifted.
Corinne stepped forward as if in a trance, pressing her palm to the golden light on the window.
“Forgive me, Mother Goddess,” she whispered. “Guide my heart.”