14. Facing Truth
14
Facing Truth
A lexa stared at the text she received from Tristan last night. She had taken out her phone and opened his chat to reread the message in every spare time since that morning. Why? Oh, because her heart fluttered each time she read his words.
Tristan: I’m sorry about what happened earlier, Alexa. Can we talk, please? I need to explain. I’m not saying I regret a single word, but you deserve my explanation. Talk to me?
That ‘ I’m not saying I regret a single word’ was doing strange things to her heart.
Why did he have to sound like a freaking male lead from a romance book?
Alexa slipped the phone into her pocket before walking into the café for her shift. He was still on read, as she didn’t know how to respond. She didn’t want to reject him either, because she did want a full explanation, but she didn’t have the courage to face him again.
How could she? He told her he loved her. It was something Alexa couldn’t simply brush aside. It bothered her, stole her sleep, and left her with baggy eyes in the morning that Daphne saw through her makeup, causing her to bombard her with concerned questions. Of course, she didn’t keep her best friend in the dark. She told her about Tristan’s confession and everything else that she could share without tangling with his secret.
Daphne had been in a stupor for a long minute, and then she reacted just like Cassie had, saying he might be her true love after all. Alexa, despite her stomach flipping pleasantly, had rolled her eyes in ignorance.
A part of her was guilty for the accusations she threw at his face, the one who had been her knight in shining armor and saved her life from a terrible fate. Another part of her was uncertain what to feel. In fact, Alexa didn’t know what she felt about his confession other than that she was shaken. Recalling his words made her insides tingle, especially the fire in his eyes, and she’d curl her fingers on whatever she was gripping.
Realizing she was doing it right now, Alexa unflexed her fingers and pasted on a smile before switching on her barista mode.
When her shift was over, Alexa exited the café through the back. Her mind made up an illusion of Tristan leaning against the wall and his face lighting up with a smile as he saw her, like yesterday. But she blinked to dispel it and approached her scooter, unlocking it and pushing it onto the sidewalk. She was about to ride away when her eyes hooked on a certain figure on the opposite sidewalk across the road.
Clad in black, with his enigmatic allure, stood Tristan. His intense gaze was already on her.
Alexa’s breath hitched. Her surroundings blurred as their eyes locked, despite the distance separating them and the people and vehicles passing between.
Even from this far, she could tell his face looked unreadable. And for a long minute, all they did was stare at one another. He didn’t move, neither did she. Until a huge van passed by and blocked her view of him.
Alexa looked away and took in a breath and another. She looked back at him. He was still there, standing as still as a statue, unfailingly a welcome sight.
She looked away again, feeling like she was under some sort of pressure. She couldn’t stand there anymore. Not sparing him another glance, she pushed her scooter into moving.
Surprisingly, the fact that he was stalking her right now didn’t bother her. Then, what did? She didn’t know.
Two days passed after that.
Tristan hadn’t messaged her again, and she hadn’t seen him watching her from far away either. A nasty voice in her head said that she wouldn’t know it if he were with her, standing next to her, but she admonished the thought immediately. No matter what, she trusted his words; he was a gentleman, and that he had never once intruded on her privacy or invaded her personal space.
Alexa leaned back in the passenger seat in Daphne’s car and ran her hands through her hair. She was growing frustrated day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute. Tristan’s face refused to leave her mind’s eye, his words refused to fade from her ears, and he was driving her crazy.
She dropped her hands to her lap and looked out the window. The cheer team meeting was holding up Daphne and she had asked Alexa to wait in the car.
Suddenly, Jude entered the line of her sight across the parking lot. He walked to his red Lamborghini, opened the driver’s door, and as he was about to get in, his eyes latched onto her direction.
Alexa didn’t look away. It would be a coward’s act. Instead, she lifted her chin and stared back defiantly. Jude hesitated, holding the door, almost like he wanted to shut it and come to her. But he gave up, his shoulders slumping slightly, and looked away with pursed lips before getting behind the wheel.
Good. He was the last person she wanted to talk to right now.
As he drove away, Alexa stared out at the sky overhead. Rain clouds were being gathered by the wind, covering most of the clear sky. A tingle of concern tickled her for Tristan. Would there be a thunderstorm tonight? She hoped there wouldn’t.
She fished out her phone and her fingers tapped all the right tabs absently that led her to Tristan’s chat, to reread his message.
His invitation for explanations tempted her. She wanted to know why he said he loved her, and how it happened.
Suddenly, the driver’s door opened and Daphne jumped in, nearly startling Alexa. “Tristan?” she asked, tossing her bag to the back.
“Tristan?” Alexa parroted incredulously, ignoring how her heart made a jump.
Daphne jerked her chin at Alexa’s phone before she started the engine, as if to ask she were texting him.
“No,” Alexa said, a bit too defensively, and pressed the screen to her chest. “We’re not texting.”
“I can’t believe you’re keeping a hot guy on read. ” Daphne rolled her eyes, emphasizing the last word, and drove them out of the parking lot.
“You haven’t seen him yet, Daph.”
“No, but your descriptions have been enough—well, almost.” She shrugged. “How long are you planning on keeping this up?”
Alexa groaned and threw back her head. “Can we not talk about him?”
“You’re acting like a coward, you know that? The Lex I know has never cowered from anyone, especially not from boys. So what has you cowering from Tristan? Because he’s drop dead gorgeous and you can’t handle yourself around him?”
Alexa gaped at her friend. “I’m not cowering from him!”
“Then why haven’t you texted him back yet? Whether your answer to him is a yes or no, why is it taking this long?” Daphne sounded exasperated.
Alexa groped for words, at last sputtering, “I-I don’t know!”
Maybe she was dreading the outcome of his explanation if she said yes, and the fallout of their friendship if she said no.
She was torn, and she had no answer for him, not even the audacity to tell him she needed time.
Was Daphne right about her cowering from him?
It suddenly felt like she was . If it had been Tristan in Jude’s place earlier, would she have stared at him defiantly with her chin raised?
No. She’d have looked away.
If she stared, it would have been a breathless, drooling stare.
Alexa’s cheeks heated. Geez. Was she that taken with him that she was now acting like a coward and a shy girl, both of which she had never been around any other boys before?
Daphne sighed next to her. “Just try to figure something out to smooth things over between the two of you. He sounds like a great guy—he saved your life. Show him some gratitude!”
“He hates it when I thank him,” she mumbled. “He doesn’t want me to act on my gratitude toward him.”
Daphne turned to her from the road with wide eyes. “All more reason to smooth things over between you two! Alexa, that guy’s gold!”
“I know.” Alexa sighed heavily. “He’s wonderful, amazing, and all sorts of a great man. But…”
“But what?”
Alexa refused to voice her fears. She heaved another sigh, hoping Daphne would drop it. “Nothing.”
Daphne sighed as well, as if sensing her dismissal. “I’m suggesting maybe you should ask him to go with you to prom.”
“That’s like still three weeks away, Daph,” Alexa said with a chuckle.
“It’s always good to be prepared. Besides, I want to make sure my best friend isn’t going without a date while I go with one.”
“Aw, aren’t you the best girlfriend ever?”
“Yes, and that’s why I’m telling you to stop cowering.”
Alexa’s smile dropped and she scowled, suddenly motivated. She would prove Daphne wrong even though she was right.
But how was Alexa going to smooth things over between her and Tristan when he had claimed to be in love with her, and real-life romance was the last thing she was enthusiastic about? Would it ever go back to normal between the two of them now that he had revealed her his true intentions?
Unless…
She pondered the matter until a certain thought hit her.
Unless she proved him wrong about his feelings for her and made him admit that whatever he felt was rather an obsession than love. Not that it would smooth things over between them, but she could prove Daphne that she wasn’t a coward.
That night, after dinner and changing into her PJs, Alexa paced the length of her room, fiddling her fingers nervously. She had been certain about calling Tristan over for the second confrontation that entire evening until now. Now, she was feeling uncharacteristically nervous about facing him again, despite the strange thrill that coursed through her body.
She paused and bit the tip of her forefinger, her eyes latching onto the big teddy bear she won at the carnival, sitting on the far end of her bed. She hadn’t named it yet, as her plate had been a little too full since that fateful evening.
An urge filled her being as she recalled that day, and her uncertainty subsided for a moment. Alexa marched back to her bed and grabbed her phone. It was now or never. She opened his chat and typed out her response before she lost the nerve.
Alexa: I need to talk with you.
Not a minute passed before Tristan saw it. A few seconds later, he replied.
Tristan: Sure. Do you prefer chatting or talking in person?
Alexa: In person. If the weather is safe for you.
It hadn’t rained yet, but the rain clouds were still in the skies, hiding the moon and the stars.
Tristan: Be there in a moment.
Alexa’s hands grew clammy. She dropped the phone to the bed and crossed the room to open the balcony door for him. Just as she turned to walk back, a gust of wind bustled past her inside. She paused in her tracks, her shoulders stiffening as she felt his presence behind.
“Alexa.” His voice floated into her room like a gentle whisper, a melody of the wind.
Heart hammering with the same strange thrill, she turned to face him, her breath hitching as her eyes fell on him. He wore a simple black t-shirt unlike the sweater or the hoodie jacket or the button-down she had seen him wear before. Disarmingly handsome as always. And no, the sight of him didn’t do strange things to her heart. It didn’t.
“Tristan,” she greeted him back, schooling her features to keep them from mirroring her heart’s tangled mess of emotions. She reached a hand for the door, gripping it for solace. “Come in.”
Tristan walked in, his eyes not leaving her even as she looked away. He was looking at her that way again: the honey-sweet, feather-soft way, yet intense enough to send fatal blows to her guarded heart.
Alexa closed the door behind him as he moved further into the room. She turned to face him, just as he pivoted to her.
“How… how have you been?” he asked tentatively, his gaze studying her face.
Alexa lifted a shoulder and looked anywhere but him. “I’m not sure.”
Tristan’s shoulders slumped slightly and he planted his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “About the other day—”
“You’re obsessed with me,” she blurted out, bringing her gaze to him. “It’s not love, it can’t be. You said it yourself, that you were obsessed with me.”
“I did,” Tristan said with a nod, his eyes shining with what seemed like sincerity. “And that was before I realized I loved you.”
Alexa shook her head, heart galloping like a wild horse. “No, you’re obsessed with me.” She was determined to make him realize it and then admit it to her.
Tristan’s eyes gentled even more, if it was possible, from the way he was already looking at her. “I love you.”
Alexa felt her frustration flare up. Her body heated and she pushed away from the door, walking past him to her bed’s side, clenching her fists.
“Alexa—”
She whirled toward him. “You’re in love with my face .”
Tristan swayed back a little in surprise, before he composed himself. “I love you , Alexa . ”
She shook her head. “You’re in love with my voice —you said I sing like a siren and it was what lured you to me.”
“I love you, ” he repeated. Patient. Always patient.
Alexa’s defenses began to crack. No, she must make him admit it!
“Admit it, Tristan, you’re obsessed with me!”
“No, Alexa.” His eyes were determined. “I love you.”
Something in her thawed and cracked open. Realization dawned on her.
He wasn’t saying I’m in love with you .
He was saying I love you.
He was insisting that he loved her.
Alexa looked away, shaking her head, unable to accept it. She stole a glance at him and didn’t realize she was crying until he blurred together in her vision. She immediately turned her back to him. He shouldn’t see her tears. He shouldn’t see how his repeated proclamation of love was undoing something in her that she didn’t want to be undone .
Alexa’s hands raked through her hair in frustration and she blinked rapidly to stave off the tears.
“Alexa—”
“Why?” She whirled toward him again, glaring at him through her tears. “Why do you love me, Tristan?” Her lips quivered despite her effort to stay unshaken.
A treacherous tear slipped.
“ Why? ” Tristan’s face turned incredulous for a moment, as though he couldn’t believe what she was asking. Then, his face softened, a sweet gentleness entering his electric-blue eyes. “I love you because you’re the girl who flared my heart to life and pulled me out of my shell. The girl who struck my heart like lightning and made me fall in love with her even though that was never my intention.
“I love you, Alexa, all of you, everything you are with all your flaws and perfections. I don’t know how to say it, how to express it to make you believe me, to make you understand my love for you. Because I’m not a poet from one of your romance books. I can’t recite my love for you. I’m speechless! The love I have for you renders me speechless with this… this greatness in my heart.” He paused, chest heaving, the same fire burning in his eyes.
Only this time, instead of flaring like the last time, they were shining like the stars in the night sky. And she realized, she finally realized, that fire was his love for her.
He gentled his voice and continued. “All I know is that, I love you, and I will love you more and more every day till my last breath, whether or not you love me back.”
Another tear escaped her eye, followed by one more. Only if he knew, she had never read or heard anything half as poetic as what he just said .
They stared at one another for a long, intense moment. Him waiting, and her accepting.
“You do love me,” she marveled at last, breaking the charged silence between them.
Tristan’s face rested into the beginning of a smile. “Yes, I do,” he admitted slowly, almost in caution, dipping his chin slightly and studying her eyes. “I love you,” he said again, as though it wouldn’t tire him to repeat it over and over again.
Alexa hugged her arms around herself and averted her tearful glance from him. The dam of her tears broke. They trickled down her face. She sniffed to take them back and barely composed herself as she turned her gaze to the space between them, unable to meet his eyes.
“I didn’t want to believe it,” she began, hugging herself tight. “I still don’t want to, but… but you’re tearing through my defenses as much as I don’t want to admit it. You are something else entirely, Tristan, you have been since the start, and with you I feel it’s impossible to hide. So, there you have it. I guess I’m finally realizing that you’ve been true in your confession and that I’ve been wrong to accuse you of being obsessed with me. I’m so sorry.”
Her chin wobbled and she clenched her jaw to control it.
“Oh, Alexa.” Tristan sighed softly and took a tentative step toward her.
She lifted her teary gaze to his that was filled with sweet understanding. The warmth in them reached her to the core and bathed her. Goosebumps rose all over her skin. How was it possible that she was feeling this—a feeling she had only read in books and had dreamt of— from a boy in real life?
“I want you to know,” she continued. “I never meant to hurt you with my reaction that day or by leaving you on read. I felt guilty the more I thought about how I reacted toward you and the later I was to respond to your message. But I was also scared. Scared by your confession. I might be a hopeless romantic, but I don’t—I didn’t have hope for it in real life because of the example of my parents’ broken marriage. Moreover, after learning Brandon’s love for Cassie was fake, one I have always thought was true with how he used to dote on her, I gave up. What if the boy I love won’t love me and leave me for another girl? Or, what if we did make it through the dating period and got married and he lost his interest in me, like my mom did with my dad? What if he leaves me for another woman because I’m not enough for him? In the end, I thought it was better if I just keep living in my head with all the romance novels I read and live out my days single. But you—you…”
Overwhelmed by a whirlwind of emotions, she sank to her knees. Before she could stop it, she began sobbing. She clasped a hand over her mouth to muffle the sound; she didn’t want Cassie to know what was going on, at least not yet.
“Alexa!” Tristan was at her side in a blink, crouched in front of her and holding her arms. “Oh, Alexa, look at me.”
“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry…”
“Hey, don’t apologize,” he crooned, bringing up a hand to her face. “Look at me, angel.”
Alexa lifted her gaze to his, taken aback by his choice of endearment. But her thoughts lost track as she saw the pain in his eyes, with a sheen of tears in them.
“ I’m sorry,” he murmured, cupping her face lovingly in both hands. “I didn’t realize how it was for you, I had no idea you were in this much pain, this much hurt by what has happened in your life. If I did, I wouldn’t have…” He closed his eyes for a brief moment and opened them. They shone with more unshed tears. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I pressured you with my selfish confession. As much as it pains me to say this, I will stay away from you if you need me to. I will make sure we no longer see—”
“No!” Alexa grasped his wrists, her eyes wide with alarm. “Please don’t. I want—I want to know you.”
Tristan stared at her in astonishment, searching her eyes desperately as though looking for the confirmation of her words.
Alexa sniffed and closed her eyes to let the warmth of his presence and love wash over her. A pleasant shiver rippled through her and she opened her eyes to meet his sweet, expectant ones. “I want to know if you’re the one I was meant to wait for, the one I’m supposed to feel and have everything with, the one I lost hope of meeting. Just this once, my heart is ready to take the risk of this journey, all because of you, Tristan Knight.” She smiled a little, tearfully. “I want to know more about you.”
Tristan looked at a loss for words, but his smiling eyes said more than words could. His fingers combed her hair back, not breaking his gaze from hers, and moved the stray strands from her face. Then, he leaned down and pressed his lips to her forehead in a long, tender kiss.
Tears leaked through her closed eyes. For the first time in her life, hope against hope and wish against wish, Alexa was basking in a boy’s love. Tristan’s love.
Tristan pulled back to look down at her, a smile beautifying his face. She couldn’t help but smile back. Her heart suddenly felt burden-free.
“You render me speechless.” He shook his head.
Alexa’s smile widened. “I’ve missed you. So much.”
“And I you,” he murmured. “It was torture, staying away from you. I was nearly tempted to give into my desires.”
“Like the first day after my shift, across the road?”
“Yeah.” He looked coy.
“I was surprised, I must admit. I didn’t expect to actually see you.”
Tristan smiled at her softly. “I wanted you to see me, Alexa. I am done playing my invisible role in your life.”
Her heart thawed a little more. “But you could’ve been invisible and I wouldn’t have known you were there, yet you didn’t…”
“I was determined to abide by your request to leave you alone, as much as it killed me to stay away.”
“Ever the gentleman, aren’t you?” She gave him a teasing smile.
“And I promise, I’ll prove myself to be worthy of you.”
“I’m not sure if I’m worthy of you.” Her smile faltered. “You’ve been nothing but wonderful to me and I’ve been so horrible.”
“Oh, Alexa.” Tristan sighed softly. “Don’t—don’t ever say that. You’re my ray of sunshine; horrible is the last thing you’ve been to me. If you’re referring to your grumpy attitudes, I’d like to enlighten you that I’ve found them only entertaining. ”
“So, we’re okay now?”
Tristan chuckled softly. Alexa’s heart fluttered hearing the sound of his laugh. She didn’t realize how much she’d missed hearing it until now. “ I was going to ask you that, actually. So I guess this means we are okay—more than okay.”
Alexa heaved a sigh, surprisingly a contented one. “I was determined to make you admit that you were mistaking love for obsession, when I called you over.”
Tristan’s lips twitched into a teasing smirk. “And I was determined to make you understand my feelings for you, when you said you needed to talk.”
“Seems like you won—this time.” She returned the smirk.
Tristan’s eyes twinkled. “Oh, so there’s going to be a next time?”
“Not a dramatic one—well, hopefully.”
Tristan laughed and settled himself on the floor next to her, his back against the bed, before he pulled her into his embrace. Alexa stiffened at first but snuggled up to him instantly, leaning her head against his chest.
“Will I see you tomorrow?” she mumbled, listening to the rapid rhythm of his heart.
“If the weather won’t be bad, yes.” Tristan sighed. “The reports say a thunderstorm is expected.”
“Oh, no.” Alexa craned her neck to look up at him.
“Don’t worry about me, Alexa, I’ll be fine,” he assured her with a too-content smile for someone who would be experiencing an immense amount of pain if the lightning did strike tomorrow. He touched a hand to her cheek. “It’s no news to me; I’ve been through this more than a dozen times now. It’s a part of my life—of who I am.”
His eyes didn’t dim the slightest.
“Let’s hope it’s just raining and there are no lightning strikes.” Alexa sighed.
“Even if it does strike, the storm won’t last all day. I could still—”
“Don’t even think about—”
“You can’t stop me.” He grinned devilishly. “Not even the lightning could keep me away from you now that you want me like I want you.”
All the protest at the tip of her tongue was forgotten at his last words. She smiled back.
“You want me, right?”
“Of course, I do.”
Alexa laid her head back on his chest. His arms came around her and he rested his head against hers. No more words were exchanged between them. They sat in sweet, comfortable silence, and slowly, her eyes began to droop.
She didn’t realize she had fallen asleep in Tristan’s arms until she felt being lifted off the floor and laid on her bed. Half-conscious, she smiled as he covered her with the blanket, tucking her in.
“Goodnight, Tristan,” she mumbled, peeling her sleepy eyes open to look at him.
Tristan’s radiant smile filled her vision. His hand stroked her hair and his knuckles grazed her temple down to her jaw.
“Goodnight, my angel,” he whispered, his blue eyes adoring. He leaned down and kissed her forehead. “Sweet dreams.”